Sea of Suspicion

by Toni Anderson

  “All you need to tempt your husband is a slot for his dick.”

  Blinking rapidly, she chewed her knuckle and looked away. Finally she was showing some real emotion. “Stupid man.” Tears flooded her eyes.

  “Did he come home from shagging Tracy last Saturday night and climb into your bed?”

  “No.” Judy sobbed, her voice catching. “No, he wasn’t with me.”

  Nick felt a spurt of anticipation because maybe Sizemore had fooled him during the interview and maybe he had committed murder. The guy had motive and opportunity. And body language wasn’t infallible.

  “But he didn’t kill her.” She raised her chin, met his eyes with a fierce glare. “He was at home, drunk as usual, asleep in the study. I killed her.”

  Shock shot through his body and he and Ewan exchanged a look. This was too easy.

  She waited a beat and then gave him exactly what he’d been waiting for, for twelve long years. “I killed your miserable bitch of a wife too.”

  He stared into her triumphant face but felt nothing. No elation for finally catching Chrissie and Tracy’s murderer, no shame from being wrong about Jake, no pain from his damaged toe. Just a big wad of nothing that might turn into agony if he let it.

  Nick limped out of the room as Ewan finished up.

  The supe came through the office door and patted his shoulder in congratulations. He shook her off, but she didn’t seem to notice.

  “Thank God that’s over. I’ll get in touch with the Procurator Fiscal and organize a press release.” She’d been watching the monitors upstairs and had gotten exactly what she wanted. Another case cleared. Citizens of St. Andrews safe. Life back to normal in their cozy little town.

  And wasn’t that what he wanted?

  Nick nodded but his tongue felt as if it was coated in lye. He couldn’t utter a single word. He checked his watch, saw it was already after six and he hadn’t phoned Susie. He ignored the other emotions that swirled around his head, concentrated on Susie. She’d been asleep when he’d left this morning and he’d wanted to wake her slowly and thoroughly. She’d looked so sweet and soft. But the way he’d come apart in her arms last night had scared the crap out of him and he’d run.

  He picked up the phone in the booking room and dialed Susie’s number. He wasn’t used to considering other people, but he knew Susie deserved more than wham bam, thank you ma’am.

  The phone just rang. He let go of the cord, dropped the receiver into its cradle. He’d call her later. Ewan needed to get home to his sick wife. No way he could wrap everything up, even though all Nick wanted to do was crawl into Susie’s bed and let the world carry on spinning.

  Finally.

  Finally he’d found Chrissie’s justice. Finally he’d earned his release from that weighty vow and he couldn’t understand why he didn’t feel like jumping the moon. He turned to go back into the interview room and tried to channel the man he used to be. Not the abused kid or cuckold husband, but the coldhearted undercover detective who’d sacrificed emotion long ago, in exchange for results.

  A screech pierced the night and Susie shot off the couch, woken from a deep sleep. It was dark, only the light of the television flickering through the cottage.

  “How do you turn this thing off?” Nick stood inside her front door as if he had a right to be there and glared at the control panel for the alarm.

  The phone rang and Susie blinked, wondering if she was dreaming. But she wasn’t. She grabbed the receiver and marched over to the doorway, punched a six digit code into the box and pushed the reset button. The alarm stopped squawking and her ears stopped throbbing.

  “Sorry,” she spoke into the phone. “I forgot about the alarm and opened the door without thinking.”

  Idiot, she mouthed to Nick who pulled a face at her. Lines fanned deep around his eyes. Damn, he looked tired.

  “Yes, I’m sure. Thanks.” She hung up on the security firm and toed the front door wider for Nick to just turn around and leave. She glanced at her watch and tapped the dial. Ten o’clock. Too late for a date, just in time for a sleepover. “See ya.”

  He closed the door, locked it. “I don’t think so.” His eyes burned into hers.

  Susie backed away, adrenaline making her take deep breaths, her mouth dry, her voice cracking. “I thought we were through.”

  “Through?” His eyes widened, dark energy rushing through their depths. He took a step toward her and she couldn’t swallow. Raising a palm to cup her cheek, his eyes softened. “Susie, we haven’t even started yet.”

  A moment later his mouth was on hers, cold lips contrasting with the heat of his tongue. And at first the kiss was gentle, but then he increased the pressure, his fingers working the belt of her robe.

  Outrage bloomed only to be washed away by a rush of excitement. It swarmed inside her with frenzied heat. She kissed him back, tasting coffee and mint. He pinned her to a wall, hands bunching her robe, as he drew his unshaven jaw over the fragile curve of her breasts. Electricity sizzled along her skin leaving flash burns. Scorching power zipped through her nerves and destroyed rational thought. He stripped her and she leaned against the wall, disorientated, nightclothes at her feet. His bright green eyes held hers as he leaned closer, the roughness of his clothes brushing her naked skin. “We are definitely not done.”

  The television flickered like an electrical storm, coating the angles of Nick’s face, part angel, part demon.

  Susie swallowed. The safe reliable part of her nature wanted to push away from him and throw him out so she could move on to a better life. But the defective part of her brain was inexorably drawn to the wildness, the heat, the passion inside him. It matched an echo deep inside her she’d tried to smother for as long as she could remember. For most of her life, safe sex had had nothing to do with condoms.

  He kissed her, slowly, gently, and the sudden change in tempo threw her off balance again. Her heart hammered against her ribs and she could feel it, feeding the inferno inside her as if she was possessed. His lips found her breast as he sank to his knees, fully clothed, the leather of his jacket creaking like a worn-out saddle as he eased forward. The grip on her hips sent primitive heat through her. Her hips started to rock but he held her still, his tongue stroking her ribs, her stomach and lower, just skirting along the edge of her soft curls. Sensation swelled inside her, but she stifled the sounds that wanted to escape. Held them back as a sign of weakness. She’d screamed so loud last night she was still mortified.

  His arm pressed across her stomach, her back finding the cool smoothness of the wall, his tongue tracing a mesmerizing line across her skin. She knew what he was going to do, knew what to expect and still the feel of his soft hair brushing her thighs came as a shock. He eased her legs wider and dizziness whirled through her mind. A soft sound escaped the back of her throat as she dug her fingers into his hair and she felt him smile.

  She began to shake, sensation banishing thought, replacing it with longing. Nick controlled her arousal with absolute concentration. Pleasuring her like a sex slave, driving her up with such determined focus, she couldn’t contain the explosion.

  His expression was one of warm male satisfaction and the glint in his eyes told her he wasn’t finished. She trembled as he unbuckled his belt. But humiliation was still fresh in her mind all these years later.

  “Don’t lose me now, Susie.” His eyes narrowed as the cold made her shiver.

  She knew what he was saying, she wanted to let go, but the thought of being taken against a wall reminded her too much of the time she’d made the biggest mistake of her life.

  “Can we go into the bedroom?” Her voice was small. The wildness Nick had released was slowly being pushed back into its nice little box.

  He hesitated, his mouth twitching as if disappointed, but he shrugged, caught her up in his arms, strode into the bedroom and dropped her onto the bed. His eyes darkened as they traveled over her body. He was still fully dressed and she was completely naked.

  She re
ared up and started pushing his jacket off his shoulders but Nick stopped her with a softly uttered, “Please.”

  He crawled up the length of her body, scraping his beard every inch of the way and shooting her back into the over-sensitized sex-starved nymphomaniac he’d unleashed. He pulled out a condom and covered himself.

  Susie clamped her lips shut, disconcerted at being so out of control, annoyed at how his zipper scraped her skin and his buttons pressed into her flesh. Then she felt him hot and heavy against her soft flesh, and her inner slut welcomed him with spread legs and urgent hips. Greedy for more. Desperate for more. And then he filled her, big enough to be uncomfortable for those first few seconds, big enough to satisfy her as she tilted her hips and he drove deep.

  Her fingers scored his neck, her teeth bit him, small punishment for reducing her to this quivering mass of lust. She rolled him until he was beneath her, fully clothed, and she rode him hard. She made him cry out as he pulsed into her. But then she came again, betrayed by her own nature and her own Achilles’ heel.

  She pressed her face to his chest, unwilling to talk and terrified by what he might say. But he’d already fallen asleep, still inside her, still joined. Tears formed in her eyes because she just couldn’t stop herself making the same mistakes over and over.

  Nick woke and didn’t know where he was. There was a snuffle and then he recognized the unmistakable sound of a woman’s tears. Bloody hell. He stuffed the pillow beneath his head, glared at the slit of light that crept inside the door. Chrissie had cried a lot before she’d left him and he’d never been able to say the right thing to make her stop. Maybe if he had, she wouldn’t have died carrying another man’s baby.

  But this wasn’t Chrissie, it was Susie, so he stayed where he was.

  The iron band that had been wrapped around his heart for the last twelve years was finally eroding. He didn’t feel good yet, but he didn’t feel awful either.

  Suddenly it was silent. Not even the distant crash of the sea invaded the darkness. Throwing back the covers, he grimaced as he removed the condom he’d worn earlier. And he was still wearing his clothes and boots. Hell.

  He dragged his hand through his hair and closed his eyes. He’d been an animal. No wonder she was crying. She deserved more than him trying to nail her against a wall. And stealing her keycard. Bloody hell.

  If only Susie Cooper worked anywhere in town except at the marine lab.

  Glancing at the dull red glow of the clock-radio he debated with himself, then stripped. It was harder to throw out a naked man than one fully dressed and he wasn’t done with Susie yet. He wanted to be. She was a complication he didn’t need in his life. But somehow he could not bring himself to walk away.

  He limped to the door. His toe still throbbed, which served him right for being stupid and kicking a brick wall. Susie was curled up on the couch, her face hidden in a cushion in the semi-darkness. God, he hated tears.

  He sat on the couch and felt her freeze. He ignored the rigid tension of her body and pulled her onto his lap, cradling her against his chest. Her hair tickled his nose. She wore a long T-shirt and nothing else and he started to sweat. Damn, he hated being obsessed with sex after years of indifference.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, even though he didn’t want to know. Didn’t need the grief. There were plenty of women in the world. Susie wasn’t anything special.

  She didn’t answer, instead tried to pull away from him.

  He held her tighter. “Did I hurt you?”

  She laughed, but it sounded harsh. “I’d probably enjoy it if you did.”

  He frowned at the revulsion in her voice. Why was sex such a big deal?

  “It isn’t illegal. Plenty of people get off on it.” He pushed her away a little so he could see her face, but her cheeks flamed with embarrassment even in the dim light and she wouldn’t meet his eyes.

  “I can’t believe I acted like such a—”

  “Susie,” he interrupted, “we didn’t do anything nasty. It was good honest sex.” Honest as a heart attack. He tried to keep it light, kissing the top of her head. “I’m not complaining.”

  He should be apologizing for the way he’d treated her because there was something about Susie Cooper that made him want to be a better man. She fascinated him. Maybe it was her cool poise, now shattered, or her intelligent eyes now cloudy with self-reproach. He didn’t get it. She was miserable after a bout of mind-blowing sex. So what made her tick? He needed to know.

  “I take it you usually have sex in the dark, lying flat on your back with your eyes closed, visualizing the stars-and-stripes while reciting ‘God Bless America’?”

  She shoved his shoulders, but at least she laughed. “Maybe. Heck, I don’t know.” She wiped her eyes on her nightshirt, flashing bare thighs which did nothing to help his situation. “It’s just I always choose men who never stay.” Her eyes grew wide and stricken.

  God, what was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say? How could he convince her that this wasn’t her fault? There was nothing wrong with her—she was a bloody miracle—he was the screw-up.

  “It isn’t your fault, Susie.”

  She struggled in his grip, but he jammed her against his chest and held on tight.

  “The fact I don’t do long term has nothing to do with you.”

  “But it’s me here with you now. I’m the flesh and blood person you’ll leave behind.” Her fingers kneaded his chest. “Men like you—”

  Men like him? “Don’t lump me in with the other men in your life.” He grabbed her fingers. “I’m sorry men are too stupid to see what a great person you are but there are things in my past…” He stopped, appalled when tears welled up in his eyes and his voice cracked.

  Susie grew still and he could feel her eyes on him even though he looked away.

  “I don’t play happy families. I told you. I told you that from the start.”

  And she’d told him to stay away from her…Why hadn’t he listened? Why hadn’t he had the strength to just walk away?

  “Is it because of your wife?” she ventured.

  He closed his eyes. Felt a hole growing in his chest like an anesthetic kicking in. What difference did the past make anyway?

  “Even with her…” It took a moment for him to squeeze the words past the memories blocking his throat. “We were having problems. Chrissie thought I was emotionally closed off.” Inside, his bones felt brittle.

  “She was having an affair,” Susie said.

  “Yes.” God, it still hurt. He squeezed his eyes closed, reliving the moment Chrissie had confessed. “I threw her out.”

  Susie ran a soothing hand up and down his arm. “I would have thrown her out too.”

  His words felt like sandpaper in his throat. “But you don’t understand. She knew I was holding back. She knew I had secrets that I wasn’t telling her.”

  Susie swallowed and looked away. He knew she understood secrets. She had her own and that was okay. He’d made his life about discovering other people’s secrets but never revealing his own.

  He’d told his grandmother’s priest about his abuse so he could stay with him rather than being dumped on Social Services, but he’d never told anyone else.

  Not even Chrissie, especially not Chrissie.

  He’d needed her to believe he was perfect. And because of his silence he’d driven her away and she’d been murdered.

  “My granny died when I was eight and I went to live with my mother.”

  Susie was about to speak but he placed a finger on her lips.

  “It was the first time I saw drugs. The first time I understood evil walked in the world.”

  Susie’s mouth dropped open in shock, but she kept silent.

  Falling in love with Chrissie had seemed like proof he’d gotten over his past, except he hadn’t been able to share it with her. He’d been scared that being abused made him less of a man.

  “I was in that hellhole for two months.” Sixty days and several lifetimes. />
  “So I don’t do long-term relationships because I was abused and raped and I’m screwed up.” His past was violent and ugly. “But I like sex and I’m damned if I’m going to let those bastards steal anything else from me.” There were tears in her eyes which he brushed away. “But I don’t want you thinking you’re not good enough, or that there’s something wrong with you just because I won’t stick around.”

  She ducked her head, her breath hot compared to the chill of his skin. “I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.”

  “Susie—” tilting her head, he kissed her gently, barely touching her lips, “—you have nothing to be sorry for.”

  She didn’t respond, just sat passive in his lap, this enigma of a woman who was so bloody smart and so bloody stupid. She was more fragile than he’d realized, vulnerable beneath the polished surface.

  He didn’t want a wife or kids. But the suffocating weight of the strain of trying to catch Chrissie’s killer had finally lifted, and perhaps it was time to deal with the guilt he felt over her death. And while he was dealing with that, maybe he could linger long enough to help Susie over her little problem. Claim a little redemption.

  “It seems a little ironic that you’re the one with esteem issues.” His lips coaxed hers until the barest flutter of interest stirred in her breath. “But maybe I can help you with that.”

  His hands wandered up her thighs, cupped the soft weight of her bottom. Finally she kissed him back, her fingers gently stroking his skin.

  Nick trembled and pretended to smile. It was as though he’d never had sex before, never sated himself, never experienced this raw intensity of emotion. He settled her over him with shaking fingers, intending to pull her down over him and smother the hunger, except…

  “We need a condom.” Breathing heavily, she pulled back, resting her head against his shoulder.

  Shit. His mouth went dry. His hands turned to fists as he strained against the urge to bury himself inside her anyway. What would one time matter? She wanted a baby anyway, didn’t she?

  She could have easily taken what she wanted from him at that moment—he was powerless, mindless. But she was a better person than he was. He didn’t want a child and she knew it.