The Rebel

by J. R. Ward

His chest was speared again and his eyes shot over to the children at the counter. He thought of Celia, the woman he’d almost made his wife because he’d gotten her pregnant. The woman who’d taken his child away from him by going to a clinic and terminating the pregnancy.

  Their pregnancy.

  “You need any dessert?” he asked, not interested in food anymore.

  “Don’t you want a family someday?”

  “Nope.” He’d already tried that and had gotten burned so badly he couldn’t stand to be around kids anymore.

  “Have you ever been in love?”

  “I thought we weren’t going to be friends,” he said gruffly. “So what’s with the personal questions?”

  “I’m just curious. Most people want to get married eventually, settle down, have—”

  “Not me.” There was a pause as she seemed to digest the brush-off. “You want a doggie bag for all that?”

  She looked down at her full plate.

  “George would like this,” she allowed.

  He called the waitress over and managed to pay for dinner before Frankie could. When they stood up to go, she looked over at David and his daughters. Gave them a little wave on the way out the door.

  Thanks to the surfacing of both his past and hers, the air was thick between them as they walked over to the Honda. Parked next to it was a massive, shiny Mercedes Benz.

  “I should drive,” he said.

  She tossed him the keys and then eyed the luxury sedan. “David always did like a big car. Fortunately for him, he could afford them.”

  When they were on the road, she looked over at him. “I don’t want to go home yet.”

  “Fine with me. Where to?”

  “Let’s just drive. I don’t care where we end up.”

  FRANKIE ROLLED DOWN THE window. She hadn’t eaten much and the wine was doing its job, making her body lethargic and her head fuzzy. Because she was looking for a diversion and also because she really wanted to know more, she was tempted to press Nate about his past. But he was right. There was no need for her to be asking questions about his love life.

  Although she had to wonder about the bitterness in his voice when he’d spoken about marriage… Had some woman done a number on him? If so, she couldn’t blame him for not wanting to go into his ex-files. David was a hot button for her, too.

  She looked at Nate. “I hate running into him.”

  His eyebrows rose. “David?”

  “Every time I see him, he’s wearing the same hangdog expression he had on the day I called off the engagement. It’s like he knows he was a coward. And maybe I should get some perverse pleasure out of the fact that ten years later he still feels badly, but I don’t. I see him and his children and that fancy car and I want to remind him that he has it all. What the hell is he moping about? He’s enjoying the big life in the city while I’m stuck here scraping out a living.” She expelled a breath, anger surging as she imagined confronting him. “So don’t come up to me looking like you’re mourning something you’re no doubt tickled freakin’ pink that I let you bow out of gracefully! And grow up while you’re at it! Be a man!”

  She let her head fall back against the seat rest. “Sorry. I guess he’s not in this car, is he?”

  Nate laughed softly. “Not unless he snuck in the trunk.”

  “Then again, maybe he heard me back at the diner.” She took a deep breath. “Sorry I yelled.”

  “I’d tell you to do it some more but I know that would shut you up faster than a strip of duct tape over that mouth of yours. So I’m just going to keep driving and hope you don’t come to your senses.”

  “Why?” she whispered. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

  He frowned, his eyes narrowing on the road. “Because you deserve it.”

  She fought against a tide of foolish gratitude. “Even after what I said when you cleaned out the walk-in? Even after that day on the mountain?”

  “Yeah. Even so. You can be a real pain in the ass, but I think that’s because you’ve had to be strong for so long. I don’t mind cutting you some slack.”

  Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. “Well. How about that.”

  They drove along in silence for a while and then she said, “Take a left up here. There’s a great view of the lake at the top of this mountain.”

  He downshifted and took them to the summit. There were a few other cars in a small parking lot, well-spaced. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on inside of them.

  Nate pulled into a slot at the far end and turned off the ignition.

  She looked across the seat at his profile. “Tell me more about your family.”

  “Don’t have much to tell.”

  “Which means there’s probably too much to talk about, right?”

  He smiled, his teeth flashing white in the darkness. “No. It means exactly what I said. They’re not part of my day-to-day life.”

  “Where did you grow up?”

  “Outside of Boston.”

  She waited for him to continue. When he didn’t, she asked, “What about your brother? What does he do for a living?”

  “He’s a business guy. He’s also into public service.”

  “That’s admirable.”

  “Yeah. I respect the hell out of him.” Nate shifted in the driver’s seat, turning so he was facing her with one arm draped over the steering wheel. “So about us working together. Some things have to change.”

  She let her head fall back against the rest again.

  Maybe it was the wine, but she suddenly didn’t want to talk anymore. What she wanted was for him to lean over and kiss her on the mouth. Hard.

  “What are your terms?” she murmured. “And you might as well know you have me over a barrel. I have to come up with $150,000 by the end of October.”

  He whistled softly and rubbed his jaw. “Will you be able to cover the debt?”

  “If we do six more weeks of good summer business, I think I can make it because the leaf peepers come in the early fall. But it’s going to be really tight. Especially if you leave. I’ve already put some feelers out for someone to replace you, but everyone’s committed through Labor Day.”

  She stretched her legs out, until her feet got squeezed under the glove compartment. She hated anyone having power over her, but she wasn’t stupid. She really needed Nate to stay.

  “So what do you want?” she asked, not bothering to hide the acrimony in her voice.

  “First of all, tell the guests to keep their children out of my kitchen. Twice this past week, I’ve been at the stove and some kid’s come running in, looking for something to eat. They stay out of my space, got it?”

  There was some serious tension in his voice and she wondered what it was all about. She could fully understand the safety issue, but she sensed there was something more.

  “You don’t like kids, do you?”

  “Second, if business continues to be strong for another week, I want to hire a line cook. Nothing fancy and we could probably just find one through the want ads. George has come a long way, but he needs supervision and I don’t want him hurt.”

  Nice avoidance of the question, she thought. Though the tone in his voice answered it well enough.

  The man didn’t want a wife. Didn’t want children.

  No wonder he was so comfortable with casual sex. It was either that or the life of a monk. And given the strength of his sex drive, she couldn’t imagine he’d spend a single moment considering a life of celibacy.

  “I have one more demand.” Nate drummed his fingers on the dashboard. “If I stay, I want to spend some time with you. Alone.”

  Her head whipped around so fast, she pulled a neck muscle. “What?”

  Nate watched her jerk to attention. “I think you heard me.”

  In the silence that ensued, she stared at him as if he’d lost his mind. Hell, maybe he had.

  But that just meant he was a crazy man with some serious leverage. She needed him. And he k
new what he wanted in return. He’d tried the direct route with her and been shut down. He’d tried ignoring the attraction. Yeah, right, that had worked. So maybe he could strike a deal.

  “I am not going to sleep with you to keep my house,” she told him flat out.

  Ouch. That wasn’t what he meant.

  “Damn, woman, you really know how to throw an insult, don’t you,” he muttered. “Do you have a piss-poor opinion of all men or is it just me in particular?”

  “Come on, what am I supposed to think? You remind me that we’re not supposed to be friends and then want to spend time with me. What are we going to do? Play Scrabble?”

  Well, jeez, he wasn’t an animal, for God’s sake.

  Nate measured the curve of her lips.

  He wasn’t a total animal.

  And the reason he’d brought up the friends-only rule was to get her off the subject of his past. It was just a conversational obstacle he’d put up.

  “All I want to do is go out with you a couple of times. No big deal. I’m talking dinner. And a movie, maybe. I’m not asking you to do the horizontal foxtrot.”

  Although if there was even a shot of that—

  “But I want to know what for.”

  “Doesn’t matter. It’s what I want. Or do we need to review the balance of power between us again? Who needs who more?”

  Her eyes narrowed on his. “I don’t like you very much right now.”

  “Duly noted. Now what’s it going to be?”

  She paused. Looked at her hands. Pushed down a cuticle. “How many times?”

  “Every Tuesday night.”

  Frankie started to shake her head. “I just don’t understand you. Why would you—”

  He reached across the seats, took her into her arms, and put his mouth on hers.

  God, her lips were soft.

  And when she didn’t fight him, Nate groaned and deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding up against hers. His body had gone from sitting quietly to straining against his clothes and the change happened in the blink of an eye.

  But Frankie Moorehouse could do that to him.

  When he finally pulled back so they could both get some air, his voice was hoarse. “That is why. And I’m not saying we have to have sex. But if I can’t touch you, I’m going to lose my friggin’ mind.”

  Her hand lifted up and he wondered if she was going to slap him. But then he felt her touch on the back of his neck and she drew him down to her lips again.

  Oh, sweet heaven, he thought.

  He complied with her demand in a hungry rush, capturing her in a kiss that went on and on. When he felt her push against his chest, he kept his disappointment to himself.

  “Take me home, Nate,” she said in a shaky voice.

  Ah, hell. He’d done it again. Too far, too fast. He wasn’t surprised that she’d pulled back, but frankly he didn’t know where she found the strength.

  He started the car while trying to remember how to drive and the trip to White Caps was silent and mercifully short. When they walked into the kitchen, Frankie headed directly for the stairs and he figured he’d let her go. He was in no hurry to be across the hall from her while she was undressing.

  “Nate?”

  He looked over his shoulder.

  “Aren’t you coming upstairs?” she said with one foot on the first step.

  He shook his head. “I think it’s better for us if I stay on the first floor for a while.”

  Hell, maybe he should take up sleeping on the counter.

  Frankie flushed. “Oh. Because that’s not what I’m thinking.”

  Nate stopped breathing. Was she telling him what he was dying to hear?

  “I, ah, I thought we’d go up together.”

  Without hesitating for a nanosecond, he bolted for the stairs, grabbing her hand and towing her along with him.

  After she shut the door to her bedroom, he took her face in his hands and kissed her softly on the lips. He pulled back, thinking that he wanted to ask her why now, why tonight? But he kept his questions to himself because he had a feeling he wouldn’t like the answers. She’d seen her ex-fiancé. With his children. She’d had a little more wine than usual. The change of heart made sense, but curiously, made him feel like hell. He would have preferred to be chosen, not used as a refuge or a distraction.

  But he would take her anyway.

  As if his doubts showed in his face, Frankie looked him straight in the eye. “You’re the only man in this room tonight, Nate. This isn’t about seeing David. I’ve been thinking about making love with you since the moment you walked through my back door. I’m just tired of fighting it, I really am.”

  Nate crushed her to him. He told himself to take it slowly, but he was so hungry that his hands were shaking as he stroked her back. He kissed her deep and long as he maneuvered her backward towards the bed and he almost shouted with joy as she grabbed the bottom of his shirt and yanked it free from his khakis. Desperate to be naked with her, he pulled back and whipped that polo off so fast, he was back at her mouth before the thing hit the floor.

  And then they were on the bed. She was hot and restless under him as he slipped his hand under her skirt and dragged the fragile fabric up to her knees and then past her smooth thighs. Her hands were doing crazy things to his body, running over his back and slipping onto his ribs. He found the soft skin of her throat with his lips while parting her legs with his knee. As she cradled his hips with her own, he growled deep in his throat and concentrated on getting her naked.

  However good he’d thought it would be between them, the reality blew the doors off his fantasies.

  FRANKIE REACHED BETWEEN THEM and fumbled with the fly of his pants as Nate undid the buttons down the front of her blouse. He lifted himself from her and kicked off the khakis while stripping off her shirt. She reached for the clasp of her bra, thinking she loved a man who could multitask.

  “Oh, no, you don’t,” he said, stilling her hands. “I want to do that.”

  He kissed her again as he traced the lace edges of the bra with his fingertips, and his touch was gentle considering how frantic they both were. Her eyes met his. He was so hungry, she thought. The skin on his face was tight, as if he were in pain.

  No man had ever looked at her like that. And she’d never imagined one would.

  Cool air hit her breasts as he did away with the lace, and then the warmth of his palms was on her tender skin. She felt no modesty at all as his gaze fell upon her body. How could she? She saw herself reflected in his eyes, through the prism of his reverence and awe. In his arms, she was beautiful and she felt an absurd desire to thank him, but kissed him instead.

  He nuzzled his way down her neck and over her collarbone, and then his lips brushed against the side of her breast. She arched up off the mattress as he took her nipple into his mouth, the warm, wet feel of his tongue making her cry out. He answered her with a groan of his own and reached underneath her, undoing the skirt. She pushed it off and entwined her legs with his, feeling the length of him pressing into her, all hard demand. God, he was deliciously heavy.

  Her panties disappeared and his boxers were gone, and then it was skin on skin, mouth on mouth, hands seeking and finding pleasure.

  “Condom,” he mumbled against her neck. “We need a—oh, God! Touch me again like that.”

  “Here?”

  He let out a crazy moan. “Yeah. There.”

  Condom? Did she even have one?

  “I don’t—” She didn’t finish because he kissed her, tongue deep in her mouth.

  “Have one?” he said, when he pulled back to catch his breath.

  “Yeah, I haven’t done this in a while.” If she had kept any around from her time with David, they would have turned to dust by now.

  Nate leaped off her and jogged across the hall. “Let me see if I do.”

  The curse word that floated out of his room didn’t inspire confidence.

  He came back. “There a pharmacy around here?”

>   “Not open this late.”

  “Grocery store?”

  She shook her head. “It’s after ten.”

  “Damn.”

  He had a wild look on his face as he hesitated. Then he kicked the door closed and stalked over to the bed. She welcomed him with open arms.

  “I’m totally into safe sex,” she said, anticipation roaring through her. “But we don’t have to—”

  And then he suddenly stiffened against her. The lack of movement was a complete shock.

  As she looked up, his eyes went dark, haunted. His face assumed a tortured expression, one that had nothing to do with the wanting.

  What she’d been about to say was there were other ways for them to finish the evening off. Except now, all the heat appeared to have been sucked out of him. Out of the whole room.

  “Nate?”

  He seemed to shake himself from whatever had captured him.

  “No buts,” he said hoarsely. “About safe sex.”

  He kissed her again, but it wasn’t the same. Something had taken him away.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  He rolled over onto his back, tucking her into his side. His hand stroked her shoulder, but it was a restless movement.

  “Nate?”

  His eyes were focused somewhere across the room.

  “It’s all right. Whatever it is,” she said.

  He finally looked at her. And she realized he was measuring her, although against what she wasn’t sure.

  “I’m really sorry,” he said. “But I need to go.”

  Even though she’d been undressed for the last half hour, she suddenly felt naked and pulled her top sheet around her body. “Okay.”

  He got off the bed, picked up his clothes and left.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  NATE DROPPED HIS SHIRT AND pants on the floor and paced around his room naked. It was no big surprise that he’d come unglued.

  Seeing that little girl with her daddy. Having Frankie suggest they could have sex without protection. And boom!…he was right back in the nightmare.

  He sat down on the bed, put his head in his hands, and tried to breathe.

  How old would his child have been now? Three. He or she would have been three.