Beyond Chance

by Karice Bolton

  “This is reality. This is our reality,” Aaron said. His eyes steadied on mine, and I felt that energized current run between us.

  I understood what he was saying, but I honestly felt like recently I’d been living in a fog. The only moments of clarity seemed to happen in Aaron’s arms.

  I shook my head. “I feel horrible about how things are turning out. I’m over here sitting in a park, eating macaroons, while the press is harassing my family. That should be my reality. I feel like a complete coward.”

  Aaron rested his hand on mine, but he didn’t say anything for a few seconds. He didn’t need to. I saw it in his eyes. He recognized something I hadn’t wanted to admit. I was broken, and I wasn’t sure if I could be fixed. Everything I held dear and worked for my entire life had been stripped away from me. The drive and determination I’d always cherished vanished the moment I awoke in the hospital bed. I had always been enamored with law. Rather than play house with my friends, I wanted to play courtroom. My entire life had been built around getting into law school and finishing law school. Now I didn’t care if I ever stepped into the law library again.

  “You’re not a coward, but I know me telling you that won’t change your mind. Nothing will change your mind except your own will.”

  The gloom hummed between us as I thought about the empty shell of a person I’d become. I’d hid it from my friends as best I could, but Aaron knew better. He saw my frustration when my leg gave out, or when I got tired of trying to convince myself that everything I thought I wanted, no longer seemed important.

  “I’m tired of pretending that everything is going to be okay.” I leaned back in the chair and went silent as a couple walked behind us, waiting until they were out of earshot before I continued. “What if it’s not? What if Derek’s not found guilty? What if he gets off? What if what I’ve worked toward my entire life doesn’t interest me any longer? What if I just don’t care?”

  “I don’t believe that you don’t care.”

  “What if I don’t want to go back?” My shoulders slumped at my admission.

  Aaron shook his head and leaned forward, balancing his elbows on his knees, as he chose his words carefully. “Sometimes life’s choices and unknowns seem endless, don’t they?”

  I nodded, wishing I wasn’t in this chair. The entire park was dotted with chairs. There wasn’t one bench that I could spot, and all I wanted was to be curled next to Aaron. I needed the comfort he offered.

  “Your mind is rattling around all kinds of scenarios, and it’s distracting you from what is important. I know. I’ve been there. You manage to spin every possibility into a worst-case scenario. It’s exhausting. The clutter is absolutely overwhelming.”

  “It is wearing. It makes life draining,” I hesitated.

  “There’s something else you’re not sharing…” he prodded.

  I chewed on my lip for a second before answering. How did I bring this up without sounding like a crazy, jealous girlfriend?

  Aaron’s gaze was sprinkled with hesitation as he continued to silently watch me. I heard the cheerful laughter echo through the air, and sounds of the carnival behind us as I tried to center myself in this moment.

  “It’s so easy to get lost in the emotion of everything,” I sighed.

  “It is.” His voice was uncertain of the direction I was heading, and that only made me more nervous about bringing up my concerns. Aaron was several years older than me, and I never wanted to seem petty, but I’d been unsettled ever since seeing Aaron with Elizabeth.

  “Why did you meet with Elizabeth?” I held in my breath as I waited for his answer.

  “I wasn’t happy finding out she’d snuck behind my back and talked to my girlfriend.”

  I let out the air I’d been holding in, but I didn’t feel any better after hearing his answer.

  “Couldn’t you have called her on the phone?”

  “I did, but she wanted to meet in person, and I didn’t feel like going back to the apartment.” His gaze stayed fixed on mine as I debated whether or not to press for more information surrounding their relationship.

  I found myself nervously sucking my lip, but I didn’t proceed. I simply sat there stewing.

  “What else is bothering you? I can tell there’s more.” His brow arched slightly, and he folded his arms on his chest.

  “Is there a reason other than business that you talk with her almost daily?” I questioned, watching his jaw tense slightly. “I mean that seems kind of excessive. What is it that she needs that much help with, and why have I never stumbled in on you speaking with her?”

  Aaron sat silent and stone-faced as the words tumbled out of my mouth. Between the trial and this development, it was hard to even figure out what was actually bothering me in a typical day. An hour ago, I was plagued by the looming trial, but at this particular second, I’d say the Elizabeth matter was most unnerving, particularly because she was here in Paris.

  “The whole secrecy thing isn’t sitting well with me. I thought I was fine with your explanations, but sometimes I’m slower on the uptake than I realize. Sometimes I need a day or two for things to soak in before I tackle them, but I’ll get there.”

  Aaron sniffed in and scratched his face without saying a word.

  “Something seems off. And she’s in Paris of all places?” I studied his expression as I waited for his reply. He looked disappointed in something. I wasn’t sure if it was my assessment or how the afternoon was turning out. So far I’d been striking out in Paris.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say. I feel like it’s a trap. Anything I say will be wrong.” He shifted in the seat and crossed his leg.

  “I’m insulted at the implication. I’ve never been someone who’s paranoid or sets traps for you to fall in. I have a legitimate concern. I don’t think you’d be thrilled if all of a sudden you ran into an ex-boyfriend of mine who you found out I spoke with on a daily basis. It wouldn’t matter if I called him a study partner or a business partner, I’m sure it wouldn’t fly.”

  “I wouldn’t have a problem with it.”

  “That is complete baloney.”

  A flicker of amusement pulsed through his expression and I didn’t let it get to me. This was a serious discussion, and I wasn’t going to be swayed with his ridiculously charming ability to distract me. After all, I was the one who ran into Elizabeth ogling at Aaron through the window. That was just another memory I tried to sidestep.

  “Baloney?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “Don’t try to change the subject. You wouldn’t be fine with it, but this discussion isn’t about me, it’s about you. What’s with the daily phone calls?”

  The knowledge that Aaron was chatting away daily with another woman was a painful revelation. One I hoped he would clear up, but his silence only added to the heaviness in my heart as he looked on. Seeing that we were getting nowhere, I tried again.

  “Do you two only discuss business?” I hated that I was doing this, but there was an unease driving me forward.

  “No, of course not. I’m sure personal facts enter into our discussions as well.”

  I steadied my breathing and tried not to explode. I didn’t like the clipped responses I was receiving from Aaron. This wasn’t like him. No, that wasn’t true. This was like the old Aaron. I thought we’d moved past this.

  “What is her business? What is it in life that makes her so unsure that she needs to have her hand held?”

  “It’s not like that.”

  Wrong answer.

  “Then why don’t you tell me what it is like?” My brows furrowed and the macaroons churned in my stomach. How did I manage to get an absolutely lovely afternoon so twisted into something like this? Was it nerves? Was I overreacting because of all the stress?

  “She has low self-esteem. She made some bad choices in the beginning that cost us both quite a bit of money, and since then, she likes to run things by me.”

  Not good enough.

  “I hate to be the bear
er of bad news, but maybe she’s not cut out to run a business. Shit happens. There’s always risk and if her personality is too sensitive to bounce back then maybe it’s too much.”

  Aaron grinned and shook his head. “Is that so?”

  “It is so.”

  “Well, not everyone has been as fortunate as you to know what they’ve wanted to do since they were in kindergarten.” He was still grinning, and I got the distinct feeling that he enjoyed this discussion a little too much.

  “You’ll be happy to know that I have no idea what I want to do with my life.”

  “That doesn’t make me happy at all,” he countered.

  “All I’m saying is that my intuition tells me that there’s more to Elizabeth’s calls than you realize.”

  “I doubt that very much.”

  I snickered and threw my head back. He was being so dense. He was one of the most attractive men I’d ever laid eyes on, and somehow he seemed to think that women wouldn’t think up reasons to stay in his periphery? I needed to try a new technique.

  I leaned forward and began my assault.

  “Did she know about me before my accident?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Did you talk to her while I was in the hospital?”

  “I did.”

  “Did she know I moved in with you during my recovery?”

  “Of course.”

  “Did she know you were leaving for China?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did she know you’d be leaving me behind?”

  “She did.”

  “Did she try to talk you out of it?”

  “No.”

  “Did she try to talk you into it?”

  “I don’t know. I never really thought about it.”

  “I think it would be a mighty good idea if you thought about it now.”

  I sat back in the chair and smiled as the realization slowly came to him, but I also saw the stubborn side of Aaron emerge.

  “That doesn’t necessarily mean what you think it does,” he replied.

  “I won’t argue that.” I smiled and looked across the lawn before turning my attention back to him. “But we both know I’m right. So what’s her business?”

  He let out a deep sigh, and I knew this was about to get good.

  “She has a patent on an eyelash curler.”

  “And has it taken the beauty industry by storm?” I quirked a brow.

  “It’s done quite well.”

  “And you’re the expert on curling eyelashes because…”

  “Business is business.”

  “I’ll give you that, but going with that principle, I’d say that business is not for her if you’re holding her hand every step of the way. There’ll come a point when having a good product won’t be enough. Competitors who know how they want to run their business will run her over.”

  “I don’t disagree.”

  “You don’t?”

  “I don’t. I’ve tried to explain that to her many times. My belief is that she should sell the company while it’s profitable.”

  “That makes two of us. So what on earth would make her want to keep a business she isn’t capable of running on her own?” I put my finger to my mouth and looked toward the sky.

  “I hear your message loud and clear, Brandy.” He couldn’t help but smile as I brought my gaze back to his. “But it’s not that simple.”

  “I’m going to be straight with you. What is simple is that I don’t feel comfortable with the fact that you speak to a woman on an almost daily basis who has known things before even I did, like your move to China, and shares a pretty intense history with you.”

  He stretched out his legs and linked his hands behind his head. “I see where you’re coming from.”

  “I wish you saw it before I had to explain it to you.”

  He nodded and furrowed his brow. “I’m still trying to get this relationship thing down. I wouldn’t do something to intentionally hurt you. That’s the last thing I’d ever want to do.”

  “I’m not saying these things because I don’t trust you. I trust you with my life.”

  “I know.”

  “But I’ve got to ask. What on earth is she doing in Paris?”

  He shook his head and groaned. “She’s launching the product in several boutiques throughout the region.”

  “How fitting. I’m just glad the irony isn’t lost on you.” I smiled.

  “You said something that bothered me.”

  “Only one thing?”

  Aaron laughed and nodded. “Yes. Only one thing, but it’s a pretty big thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Your uncertainty for going after the things you used to want…”

  I craned my neck and remained quiet.

  Aaron stood up and helped me to my feet. “So how about we walk along the promenade, and we work through each of those thoughts that are shaking you up. We can get to the bottom of things.”

  I snatched the bag of macaroons from the ground and slipped my arm around his waist. Aaron kissed the top of my head, and we began walking along the statue-lined promenade.

  “I think that sounds like a lovely idea.”

  “So the way I see it, there aren’t that many possibilities for your life choices to go up in smoke. The odds are in your favor, really. They always are.” Aaron smiled as we stopped to look at the beautiful statue of Bathild. The dress wrapped gracefully around the woman’s figure as she stared straight ahead, daring the future to unveil itself, and I wondered if I’d ever get that look of determination back again.

  “You’re probably right,” I confessed.

  “I know I am. Let’s break it down. What concerns you about your future?”

  “You’re using my tricks against me?”

  His laughter echoed through the air, and I couldn’t help but love Aaron even more for caring. “So let’s have it.”

  “Not knowing what I want out of life…Always being scared…Fearful of what the future holds or doesn’t hold.”

  “Fair enough. Let’s strip away some of the things you have no control over.”

  “Like what in particular?” I asked, turning to face Aaron.

  “The trial. It’s out of your hands. The press. You have no control over their spin on the story. So let’s imagine your life before the accident. Before all of these things that were out of your control began to warp your view of reality.”

  I twisted my lips and stared into his dark eyes, but I wasn’t able to imagine what he was asking of me.

  “Okay. This isn’t working. Will you do me a favor?” he asked.

  I nodded and smiled as he moved me forward. His hands didn’t leave my arms as he gave me the first of many instructions. “Okay. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in.”

  The warm air filled my lungs as I listened to Aaron. Just the tenor of his voice made me want to melt in his arms, but I remained focused on what he was telling me.

  “Do you remember that very first time we were alone?” His voice lowered, and my body reacted unexpectedly to his tone. I didn’t know how this was relevant, but I also didn’t care as my mind took me to another time, one that was charged with the unknown and filled with excitement for the unfamiliar.

  “The elevator?” I asked, my voice hoarse. “Back at the office.”

  He moved closer, and I felt the heat from his body, but the space between us allowed for something more to develop.

  “Yes. It was the morning after I met you at Carla’s gala. I stepped into the elevator, and the woman who I’d been dreaming about all night was right in front of me. All I wanted to do was slam you up against the wall, and well, I guess you can imagine the rest. But then you opened your mouth.”

  I chuckled at his admission.

  “And pretended not to remember my name,” he continued. “Do you know what that does to a guy like me?”

  “Who said I was pretending?” The feelings of pure electricity ravaged my body as I thought back to t
hat first time Aaron and I ran into each other. “And can I open my eyes?”

  Bringing his lips close to my ear, he whispered, “Keep them shut.”

  My body trembled as his breath rolled off my skin and he continued. “Do you remember our coffee together that morning?”

  “How could I forget? You were arrogant and assumed I’d fall at your feet.” My mind flashed back to that morning and the intensity in his eyes, knowing full well what he did to me.

  What he still does to me.

  “And was I right?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Do you remember how determined you were to fight the feelings that we had for each other?”

  I nodded.

  “But we couldn’t control what we felt for each other, could we?”

  Unable to speak, I shook my head and waited for him to continue.

  “The highest high I’d ever had was holding you in my arms, and the lowest low I’d felt was when I let you slip away. But those emotions were unlike any other I’d ever felt because I knew I had to have you. I knew I was making the wrong choice, yet I still made it. I left for China. But at least I allowed myself to feel. I allowed myself to be guided by emotion. Remember being at your brothers’ lake house?”

  I smiled as warmth spread through my body. “How could I forget?”

  “When you held me while we were on the Jet Ski, I almost lost my mind. No woman had ever sent me over the edge like you did.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Very much so.”

  “It was so exhilarating. I can still feel that rush. Being with you is like being on the Jet Ski,” I confessed.

  Aaron laughed and his fingers slid into my hair. Before I had a chance to open my eyes, his lips touched down to mine, and my mind began to spin as all the emotions that had carried me forward were working their way back into my life. Aaron’s kisses deepened as our memories moved me in the right direction, allowing me to remember what it was like before the accident. Before uncertainty became my best friend.

  Aaron’s lips slowly drew away from mine, but his hand continued to cup my chin as I opened my eyes.