Love With a Scandalous Lord

by Lorraine Heath

  “What color are his eyes? she asked quietly.

  “The shade of pewter.

  She shifted her gaze to Rhys and smiled softly. “Like yours?

  “They hold much more wisdom.

  “You admire him.

  “Of course. Hes accomplished a good deal in his lifetime.

  “Youre close, then?

  “Hardly.

  She was taken aback by the bitterness she heard reflected in his voice. “But you were raised here

  “You were correct this afternoon when you stated that within English law a bastard has no rights, no claims, and no family except the mother who bore him. But within this household, my fathers legitimate sons had little hold on him. He thought Grayson walked on water. My mother believed Quentin did.

  “And you? she prodded gently.

  She watched his throat work as he swallowed, his jaw tightening.

  “I oftentimes floundered.

  Reaching out, she wrapped her hand around his. “Im sorry.

  “I dont want your pity. I long ago accepted my place within their hearts. I have settled for scraps for so long, I fear a feast would no doubt make me ill.

  She tried to make sense of his words, to decipher his meaning. Was he referring to love? That he neither wanted nor needed it?

  “I cant imagine how difficult it would be to feel like you were less favored than one of your brothers. My parents have always loved us all equally.

  “You do not think Grayson loves Colton, a child he sired, a child who carries his blood within his veins, more than he loves you?

  “I know he doesnt.

  “You are nave. He averted his gaze to the bed. She fought her urge to punch him in the shoulder.

  “Youre cynical, she tossed at him before removing her hand from his.

  “I am a student of life. Love is overrated.

  “Spoken by one who has obviously never experienced it fully.

  He jerked his head around, his gaze as hard as flint. This conversation wasnt going at all as shed imagined. Shed hoped to console and comfort him. Instead she had a strong inclination to shake some sense into him and self-pity out of him.

  He leaned casually back in his chair and studied her insolently. “You know of the love between a parent and a child. What of the love between a man and a woman?

  “What about it?

  “Have you ever experienced it?

  She shrugged, trying to keep her temper in place. “There have been boys Ive liked , men whose company Ive enjoyed . But no, theres never been anyone I couldnt live without.

  “In my world, it is better to settle for someone you can live with .

  “Like your mother and father did, she shot back. “Settling for each other when the love of his life was someone else.

  “Exactly, he answered smugly.

  All her irritation vanished, and sadness swept over her. “It must have been a lonely existence for them both, dont you think?

  “That is the nature of a marriage of convenience.

  “And thats what theirs was.

  “Most marriages among the aristocracy are such.

  She hadnt taken into consideration that unflattering aspect to marrying a peer. As much as shed thought she wanted to marry a man with a title, shed always assumed shed meet a man who had the power to sweep her off her feet and entice her into falling head over heels in love with himand having him feel the same way about her.

  “There are some who marry for love, though, arent there? she asked.

  “None I know of, although I must confess to my acquaintances being few.

  “Laurens stepfather is an earl. He married her mother, because he loved her, she said, pointing out what she hoped wasnt the only exception to his rule.

  “A rare occurrence, I assure you.

  “How sad, she murmured.

  Shed always thought it unfair that her stepfather hadnt been considered part of the aristocracy, but now she had to wonder if perhaps the Duke had done him a great service by not marrying the actress. The Duke had left his illegitimate son free to marry a woman based on his love for her and hers for him.

  “Dont distress yourself over it, Rhys said. “Those of the aristocracy know well their roles in society.

  “Im not distressed. I justhellip; She was incredibly tempted to raise her feet to the chair, tuck her legs beneath her, and settle in to tell him all the things she truly wanted in a husband. Love, of course, but respectability as well.

  “Believe marriage should be based on love, he finished for her.

  “Yes, well, no. I mean, based on love, yes, but not only on love.

  “How like a woman not to be content with the jewel but to insist it be surrounded by gold as well.

  She scowled at him. “I dont think respectability in addition to love is too much to ask.

  He quirked a brow. “Respectability?

  She hesitated. Shed never shared this secret with anyone, not even Lauren. It resided in her heart, a part of her that she didnt particularly relish revealing. Yet surely a man such as he was, a man who understood honor, who would place the welfare of his dynasty over the comfort of his heart, would understand.

  “If I confide something to you, will you promise never to tell a soul?

  “Who would I tell?

  She darted a glance toward the man lying on the bed. His even breathing was still shallow; his eyes were closed. She looked back at Rhys.

  “I love my stepfather.

  “That is quite apparent.

  She took a deep breath. “Do you know the story of his marriage to my mother?

  “He never shared specifics with me, but it doesnt take a wise man to know a child born so soon after his parents have wed seldom survives unless he was conceived long before the vows were exchanged.

  She nodded. Her guilt at revealing the situation was eased by the knowledge hed already suspected the truth. Besides, he was family, in a manner of speaking.

  “When my father realized my mother was with child, he became ugly, hideous. I remember he yelled, called my mother a whore

  “Your father? You mean Grayson?

  She shook her head, her stomach roiling with the memories shed fought for so long to suppress. But they refused to be cast aside as worthless. They were like a toothache, worsened by the constant attention paid to it.

  “My real father, she rasped. “John Westland.

  Although to say he was her real father didnt accurately describe him, either. She had no memories of him before the war. His return had brought only sadness and tears.

  Confusion filled his eyes. “Perhaps youd better start at the beginning.

  “We thought my father died during the war. Soldiers were returning home. When my Uncle James came back, everyone was happy. It wasnt that way with my father. One day he simply showed up in the fields. I didnt know who he was at first. I simply thought he looked lost. Someone trying to find his home, but he couldnt remember where he left it.

  “Grayson had been living in our barn. He moved into town once Mama told us the man in the field was her husband, our father. A few days later Father was yelling at Mama. Calling her a whore. Calling Grayson a bastard. Calling the baby she was carrying a bastard.

  “Most of what he said didnt make any sense to me at the time. I was young. Mostly I remember the way his rage contorted his face. It was frightening. And the loud voices when Grayson confronted him. The way people in town looked at Mama. Even after my father died, after Mama married Grayson, some women still stared at her like she was beneath them, something to be scraped off their shoe.

  “Ive always tried to be above reproach. To be a good daughter. A woman to be admired for her principles. I never want people to look at me the way they did my mother. As though they could carve my sins into my forehead.

  Rhys studied her. The determination in the set of her jaw. The plea for understanding in her eyes. She loved all three of those people, and yet theyd managed to betray her with circumstances beyond her contr
ol. Perhaps even beyond theirs.

  “Then you place respectability above love, he murmured.

  Even in the firelight dancing around the room, he could see her blush, could see the discomfiture in her eyes. For all her musings about love and her apparent disregard for strictures that applied to marriage between those of rank, she was hardly any different.

  “I suppose I do, she said softly. “I mean Id never marry an outlaw or a criminal, even if I loved him. Although I cant imagine placing myself in a situation where Id even have the opportunity to fall in love with someone I couldnt respect.

  She angled her chin with resolve. “Im certain Id never have to choose between respectability and love.

  “In his youth, I imagine my father thought much the same thing, he said quietly.

  She snapped her gaze to the bed. “Would it have been so awful for him to have married an actress?

  “Scandalous at the time. Perhaps more acceptable now. Who is to say? I, for one, believe we should not judge the past by the present.

  She turned her attention back to him. “But the past is what leads us to the present. How can you separate them? My life would be completely different if your father had married his actress lover. Your life would be different.

  “I would not exist.

  “Exactly, she said, as though she found philosophical discussions in the middle of the night fascinating. She brought her legs up to the chair and tucked them beneath her. “So how can you discount the importance of the past?

  “I did not say I discount it. Rather I do not judge past actions by todays acceptance of what is correct.

  “So you dont look harshly upon those who waited to begin eating until everyone was servedwhen it was in vogue to do so. But you do look down on someone who waits now.

  “Exactly.

  She leaned toward him, bringing her sweet fragrance with her. He wondered if shed applied a bit more perfume to her throat before her foray into the hallway.

  “Why do you suppose there are so damned many rules?

  God help him. He laughed, a soft chuckle that was as inappropriate at this time and place as the young woman perched in the chair beside him. She smiled softly, somehow shifting the mood in the room, and he found himself incredibly grateful she was here.

  “As your tutor, I should instruct you that a lady does not use profanity.

  “But it caught your attention, didnt it?

  “Indeed. She caught his attention, caught it and held it until he almost forgot that anyone else existed in the world.

  Chapter 9

  R hys meticulously calculated the sum of the numbers written on the paper resting on his desk. He cleared his throat. “Youve made a mistake on this one.

  “What difference does it make?

  He brought his head up sharply and glared at William as he stood in front of the window, staring out at only God knew what. Did the majority of those who resided in this household spend their time gazing out and wishing they were somewhere else?

  “The difference, William, is that one way is correct, and all the other ways are distressingly wrong.

  William spun around, his black hair falling into his eyes. He brushed it back with obvious impatience. “I only need to understand how one and two work. One cravat. Two gloves. Or one pair of gloves. Which is really two gloves. A pair of trousers. Why is it called a pair when theres really only one?

  With a sigh, Rhys leaned back in his chair. Of late, hed been trying to engage William in philosophical discussions in order to expand his mind. Deciphering the absurd particulars of garments was not what he had envisioned.

  “Whats bothering you, lad? Are you not content being within my employ?

  “Aye, Im content.

  He hardly sounded it. William turned back to the window.

  “You mustnt take my correcting you as a poor reflection upon you, Rhys said. “We must view our mistakes as an opportunity to learn.

  “Im learning, all right, William mumbled.

  “Did someone take you to task?

  “Nope. She walloped me upside the head.

  “Who? Rhys asked, his voice sounding dangerously close to a snarl.

  A corner of Williams mouth quirked up. “Not literally. Metavically.

  “Metaphorically?

  “Aye, Guv. Thats it. What you taught me the other day.

  “So that lesson wasnt totally wasted. And here Id thought you hadnt been paying attention.

  Numbers gave William a fit, but words were another matter entirely. Unfortunately, the lad refused to infuse his speech with what his mind could comprehend. A sort of rebelliousness. But what was one to expect of a fourteen-year-old?

  “Mr. Rhodess daughter. Is she a commoner? William asked.

  “Quite so.

  “So she wont be expected to marry no lord?

  Nor, he suspected, would she be in favor of William. His sympathies went out to the lad. Hed tried to instill in him that nothing was beyond his grasp. Yet, in truth, many things would be. Especially when it came to women.

  “She isnt the one who walloped you upside the head, is she? Even from where he sat, even though William stood in profile to him, he could see Williams cheek turning red.

  “I think shes bout the loveliest thing Ive had pass my way, William admitted.

  Ah. Hence the reason for his melancholy, no doubt. Rhys stood and walked to the window. Gazing out on the garden, he realized immediately what had captured Williams attention.

  Lydia. Lovely Lydia. Her hair, caught up in a chignon, looked thick and heavy, and he expected at any moment the delicate threads holding it captive would break from the weight and send the strands cascading along her back.

  She held a croquet mallet and appeared to be listening to her sister, whose mouth was once again moving at incredible speed. A little chatterbox. He shifted his gaze back to Lydia. She wore an indulgent smile.

  “She is indeed lovely, Rhys said quietly. “But a good five years older than you.

  “Caw! Blimey, Guv! She cant be! She aint even got breasts yet.

  “What are you on about? Of course she does. Ill grant you that they arent as large as some, but Ive no doubt theyd fit quite nicely within a mans palm. And her waist. My hands can span its width. Her hips have yet to expand from childbirth, and yethellip; His voice trailed away, as he realized where his thoughts were leading, and how quickly his body wished to follow.

  He cleared his throat. “That lesson was an example of what a gentleman should not discuss. Even with another gentleman.

  He shifted his gaze to William. When the lad put his mind to it, he was sharper than most.

  “Youve set your eye on the older one, then? he asked.

  “Dont be absurd. Then he realized what William had revealed with what he hadnt said. “Is she not the one you were inquiring about?

  William grinned. “No, Guv. Its the younger one thats caught me fancy.

  “Good Lord, lad. Youre twice her age.

  William wrinkled his brow. “So then when shes fifty, Ill be a hundred?

  He shook his head. “No, as you get older the disparity between your ages will become less.

  “Makes no sense.

  “It would if youd work to master your numbers. But conquering mathematics suddenly seemed less important. “William, shes a child.

  “Ive got no plans to take advantage of her, he responded hotly.

  “I didnt think you did, but any sort of courtship at this time is entirely out of the question.

  “Wasnt even plannin on any courtship. She just smells so bloody clean, and when she looks at me, she makes me feel like a king instead of what I am.

  “Which would be what?

  “A bastard, like her father.

  Rhys gave a brusque nod and turned his attention back to the window. He often wondered if bringing the lad here had been poor judgment. His mother made no secret of her intolerance for the illegitimate.

  “That boy, her brother, he showed me the watch his uncle
give him.

  Rhys stiffened. “What of it? he finally managed in a neutral voice.

  “It bore the Dukes coat of arms.

  He shifted his eyes toward the lad, whose head was now even with Rhyss shoulder. Soon he would be a man to be reckoned with. “Yes.

  “You gave it to him.

  “Yes.

  “How come he has the right to call you uncle when his father is a bastard? A bastard has no family, belongs to nobody. With a look, William challenged him to deny the charges.

  “According to the law, yes. But what a man feels in his heart goes beyond the law.

  He wondered when hed come to believe that statement. In his youth, hed often pretended he was illegitimate, that his parents had never married. Hed wanted to have something in common with Grayson. Grayson, whom the Duke adored. Grayson, whod always had a ready smile for Rhys, always acknowledged him, always listened to him when no one else seemed to. Hed have been content to spend his life standing in Graysons shadowrather than Quentins.

  Crossing his arms over his chest, Rhys pressed his shoulder against the window casing. “Did you wish to address me as uncle?

  He could see William mulling over the possibilities.

  William squinted up at him. “Nah, you aint no relation, at all. Its just sometimes I wish I belonged to somebody.

  “You mean a great deal to me, William.

  The boy shrugged. “If you say so.

  “I do say so.

  As though uncomfortable with the sentiment hed been seeking, William glanced back at the garden. “Theyre not very good at that game.

  “It seems a lesson is in order. Shall we take a break from your studies and join them?

  Standing on the croquet lawn, Lydia was well aware that Rhys had been watching her long before he stepped through the glass doors of his study to join her. His gaze had settled on her as though it was a physical caress. She tried not to stare at him, while he strode across the lawn with William in tow, but she could not help but be pleased he would soon be close enough that she could gaze into his eyes, hear his voice, and bask in his attention.

  She had a feeling hed decided to teach her how to play croquet, but she was well versed in the rules. Shed been purposefully awkward so Sabrina could take delight in feeling more skillful.