Treading Water
Page 10
She stopped him with a finger to his lips. “That’s all I need.”
Resting on top of her, he leaned down to kiss her. “Do we need protection?”
She shook her head. “I’m on the pill.”
He made her crazy with hot kisses to her neck and breasts, but he surprised her when he suddenly stopped and rested his forehead on her chest.
“Jack? What is it?”
Breathing heavily, he said, “I just…I need a minute, honey.”
Putting her arms around him, she brought him up with her.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She caressed his back with gentle strokes.
“I was so sure I could do this.”
The pain she heard in his voice made her ache for him. “You’re just not ready. I understand.”
“Maybe I could’ve figured that out before we were naked and desperate.”
She smiled and brushed her lips over his hair. “It’s all right.”
He brought her closer to him, and they were quiet for a long time. “Do you think maybe we could try again?”
“We don’t have to. I’m happy just to be here with you.”
“I know we don’t have to, but I really, really want to make love with you. Give me another chance?”
She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him, a gentle undemanding kiss. Finally, she sat up, took his hand, and led him inside. “Which one’s yours?” she asked of the two closed doors.
He pointed to the one on the left.
In the small cabin, they lay down together on the bed. Their lips met in another soft kiss.
Without breaking the kiss, Andi stretched out on top of him.
His hands coasted over her back, making her tremble with desire.
She slid down, dragging her lips along his chest and belly.
He sighed and tangled his fingers in her hair.
When she took him into her mouth, he gasped. “Andi…”
With her hand, lips, and tongue, she loved him until he was panting and sweating. Then she moved over him, and without giving him time to think or prepare, she sank down onto his hard length. With her hands resting on his chest, she let her head fall back in surrender. The feeling of completion overwhelmed her. Here was what she’d always wanted—right here, right now, this man, this love. For a long moment, she didn’t move, she just held still and reveled in the intense pleasure of having him deep inside her.
He laced his fingers through hers.
She raised their joined hands and brought them down on either side of his head as she lifted and lowered her hips in small, delicate movements. Sliding her lips over his, she gazed down at him. His eyes were closed, and she watched the tension drain from his face.
“It’s okay, Jack,” she whispered. “I love you.”
His eyes flew open to meet her gaze. He squeezed her hands and let himself go.
Chapter 10
They lay facing each other, listening to the symphony of crickets on the nearby shore and the soft music. He twirled one of her curls around his finger as he whispered along with Sinatra singing “The Way You Look Tonight.”
She closed her eyes to hold back tears that threatened to ruin the loveliest moment of her life. He was everything—everything she had ever wanted and so much more.
“Are you sad, Andi?”
“How could I be? It was so… I’ve never…”
He leaned over to quiet her with a kiss. “I know.”
She ran her fingers up and down his back, wanting to savor every minute with him.
“I’m starving,” he said, his voice muffled against her breasts.
She laughed and hugged him for another minute before she let him go.
He pulled on a pair of shorts he unearthed from a drawer below the bed. “Don’t move.”
They stayed in bed and devoured the dinner he’d brought. He fed her crackers loaded with brie and thin slices of prosciutto ham.
“Mmmm,” she said. “That’s heavenly.”
The CD player flipped to the next disk, and Andi giggled when Sammy Davis Jr.’s “Candy Man” came on. “I’m sensing a theme.”
“Jamie loves all things Rat Pack. He’s even got a stash of Cuban cigars around here somewhere. Want one for dessert?”
“I think I’ll pass.” She leaned over to kiss him and refilled the wineglass they were sharing. Taking another handful of grapes, she fed him several and kissed the juice off his lips. “Speaking of Jamie, I meant to ask, how’re things with him and Frannie?”
“Apparently, he’s planning to propose.”
“Wow, how do you feel about that?”
“I’m thrilled. I love them both, and it’s funny how what would’ve seemed crazy a couple of weeks ago suddenly makes perfect sense.”
“I know what you mean,” she said with a coy smile.
He grinned. “I guess you do, don’t you?”
“The girls will be excited about Frannie and Jamie getting married, won’t they?”
“For sure, but you know who would’ve really loved it?”
“Clare.”
He looked up at the ceiling. “She was always fixing them up with friends of hers, trying to get them settled. She would’ve found this very ironic, to say the least.”
Andi rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m glad it’s worked out for them. It’s such a sweet story, how it’s taken them decades to find something that was always there.”
“It’s amazing.”
She reached up to play with his hair. “What’re you thinking?”
“It’s important that you know I was never unfaithful to Clare. I never even thought about it.”
Caressing his face, she said, “You’ve been so faithful to her, Jack.”
“Everyone’s been urging me to get back to living, and I thought I was doing that by reconnecting with the girls and going back to work.” He ran his fingers through her silky curls. “But it took meeting you to make me feel truly alive again.”
“You’ve been through an awful thing, but it hasn’t destroyed you.”
“I never would’ve gone looking for this, even though I’m so glad I found you.” He kissed her softly. “But I worry I’m dragging you into a no-win situation.”
“I’ve stepped into your life with my eyes wide open. We’ve asked nothing more from each other than what we have right now. You’ve got so many things to worry about. Don’t add me to the list.”
“Thank you for what you did…before. Somehow you knew just what I needed. I don’t think I could’ve done this with anyone but you.”
She hugged him close to her.
He trailed kisses up her neck. “Had it been a long time for you, too?”
“Since Alec.”
“Then why are you still on the pill, or is that none of my business?”
“To keep my periods regular. I get all out of whack without it.”
“Mmm,” he said, “we can’t have that. You taste so good, like wine and…” Taking another taste, he added, “Sweetness. I could very easily get addicted to you.” He flicked his tongue in a teasing stroke over her lips before traveling to her neck and breasts.
The feel of her fingers combing through his hair seemed to fuel his desire as he pressed his lips to her belly. Parting her legs with his shoulders, he trailed a finger through her dampness.
“Jack,” she whispered, arching her back.
He dipped his head and added his tongue.
She cried out.
Dropping soft, openmouthed kisses on her inner thigh, he kissed his way to her core and took her right over.
“Oh, God,” she said, gasping for air and looking up at him with wide eyes.
He kissed his way to her mouth. “I love you,” he whispered as he entered her. “I love you so much.”
She brushed the hair back from his forehead and kissed him. “I love you, too.”
Jack awoke next to Andi on Monday morning after a desperate last night of lovemaking.
The weekend had been one of the best of his life. They’d sailed and fished and gone swimming and exhausted themselves making love into the wee hours of each morning. But with her departure time creeping closer, Jack had sensed her withdrawal, as if she was preparing herself to leave him. Her quiet introspection had begun to worry him as the sun rose on their final morning together.
He hugged her tight against him, and she stirred.
She pushed her hair back and turned to face him. “Are you all right? What is it?”
He stroked her cheek. “No, I’m not all right. I don’t want you to go.”
“I have to go. You know that.”
“What happens now?” he asked.
She studied him for a long time. “I don’t know,” she finally said. “Maybe we go about our lives with a lovely memory of a once-in-a-lifetime weekend.”
His stomach dropped. “You can’t be serious. You expect me to pretend this never happened?”
“We have to be realistic, Jack.” As she said the words, her lips quivered and her eyes filled. “We live more than a thousand miles apart. We have established lives and children who can’t be uprooted. How can we put ourselves through a long-distance relationship that can’t go anywhere? It’ll just get more difficult every time we see each other.”
“Isn’t an occasional weekend or vacation better than nothing?”
“You can’t do that to your girls, Jack. How will you ever explain me to them?”
Frustrated and panic-stricken, he stared at her. “If you felt this way, why did you come this weekend?”
“I almost didn’t, but I needed to see you. I needed to know—”
He sat up and moved away from her. “What? What did you need to know? That you’re walking away from what could be the love of your life?”
A sob hiccupped through her. “I have no doubt that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m so sorry, Jack. I wish things could be different, but I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest after one weekend with you. How can I keep putting myself through this when I know we can never really be together?”
Jack rubbed his eyes as despair crept back in. He hadn’t missed that feeling this weekend. “There has to be a way. I can’t lose you now that I’ve found you—now that we’ve found each other. I love you, Andi. I’ve loved only one other woman in my life, and I knew it just as quickly then as I do now. This is right between us. I can’t tell you how I know. I just do.”
“I love you, too.” Her voice caught with emotion as she cradled his face in her hands and turned him to her. “I love you so much. I’d like nothing more than to have the rest of my life to show you just how much. I’ve never admired anyone more than I do you, the way you’ve survived in spite of everything. I wish things were different, that we’d met at a different time in our lives.”
He held her close enough to drink in the scent that was so uniquely hers, knowing she was right. But he couldn’t imagine going back to the bleakness he’d been living with before. When everything in his world turned to black and white, she’d brought back the color.
“I’m not sorry,” she whispered. “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”
“Me either.” He kissed her gently at first and then with more passion as her enthusiastic response fed his desire. Knowing they were short on time, he entered her with a quick thrust of his hips and then gave her a moment to adjust. He gazed down at the lovely face that would haunt him forever.
She reached for him and fused her mouth to his.
“How can we let go of this?” he asked, filling her and then withdrawing, leaving her bereft.
When he went deep again, she wrapped her legs around him to keep him there and rocked against him.
The end, when it came, was more powerful and consuming than any other time.
“How am I supposed to let you go?”
“Please, Jack,” she whispered. “Please.”
He shifted off her but kept his eyes fixed on her when she got up to take a shower.
Two hours later, they drove over the bridge on the way out of town, and Andi took a last look back at the harbor.
When they reached the airport, Jack parked to walk her in. At security, he took her hands. “Thank you,” he said, his voice heavy with emotion.
Her long lashes sparkled with tears. “I had the best time, Jack. I’ll never forget it—or you.”
He hugged her and whispered, “This is not the end, Andi. It’s not over.”
They held each other for a long time before she backed away. “Bye.”
He said nothing as he watched her go.
Those who knew Jack best agreed that the recent healing they’d witnessed had suffered a serious setback in the aftermath of Andi’s departure.
“I’m so worried about him,” Frannie said to Jamie late one night when they were in his bed. “It’s almost worse this time because he had a second chance at happiness, and now that’s gone, too. He looks devastated again.”
“He’s been trying to hide it, but he’s a mess. Do you think he’s in love with her?”
“I’m sure of it.”
“Maybe he could convince her to move here.”
“She won’t do that. He told me she has a hearing-impaired son, and she won’t want to move him away from his school. She’s got a great job and a life in Chicago. Besides, it’s not like he can marry her.”
“It’s not fair. He’s already been through enough.” Jamie kissed her hand and then her lips. “It makes me appreciate how very lucky we are.”
“I still want to pinch myself sometimes to make sure I’m not dreaming.”
“I guarantee you’re not dreaming. As a matter of fact, stay right there and don’t look.” He jumped up, left the room, and came back a minute later holding something behind his back. “I was waiting for the right moment, and it just occurred to me that this is it.”
She gasped when he knelt beside the bed and reached for her hand.
“Frannie, I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I always will. So will you do me the great honor of being my wife?” From behind his back, he produced a diamond ring and slipped it on her finger.
She threw her arms around his neck. “Yes, yes, yes!”
Jamie and Frannie’s engagement was the talk of the town, or so it seemed to Jack. He was thrilled for them and tried to share in their excitement as they planned a New Year’s Eve wedding. Jack teased Frannie about “the rock,” but no amount of teasing could detract from her happiness in finally getting what she now admitted she’d always wanted.
Jack struggled to hide his inner turmoil and was determined not to let it affect his girls this time. He’d respected Andi’s wishes by not calling her since she left, but he missed everything about her. And while he yearned for her soft skin and alluring scent, he especially missed their late-night phone calls.
Somehow he managed to get through the workweek, not that he accomplished a damned thing. The weekend stretched out before him desolate and empty after the one he’d spent with Andi.
A knock on his office door startled him out of his thoughts. “Come in.”
“Hello, darling.”
Surprised to see his mother, Jack got up to greet her with a hug and kiss. “What’re you doing here?”
Madeline smiled at him. She had white hair and the same gray eyes as her son. “Does a mother need a reason to visit her children and grandchildren?”
“Of course not. The girls will be thrilled to see you.”
“Gorgeous day out there. Got time for a walk on the beach?”
Since the day was a wash anyway, he said, “Sure.” He told Quinn he was leaving and escorted his mother down the path to the shore.
They walked along the wate
r’s edge for a long while in silence.
“So how about your sister and Jamie?” Madeline said. “I’m still trying to decide if I saw this one coming or not.”
Jack laughed. “I’m with them both all the time, and even I didn’t see it coming. But I’m thrilled for them. I hope you are, too.”
“Oh, I am, Jack. You know I’ve always adored Jamie. He’s not exactly tough on the eyes, either.”
“Mother!”
“Well, there may be snow on the roof—”
“All right already,” he said with a grin.
“So what’s new with you?”
Suspicious, Jack glanced at her. “What do you already know?”
“A mother never reveals her secrets.”
“Frannie told you about Andi.”
“She said you seemed happy again for a while, but she’s been worried about you this week.”
A rush of emotion caught him off guard. Afraid of the secrets he might be revealing, he looked down at the wet sand.
His mother squeezed his arm. “Sweetheart? You want to talk about it?”
“There’s not much to say.” His heart ached when he thought of Andi and how hopeless she’d made their situation seem. “It’s not going to work out.”
“Why’s that?”
“We’ve decided it’s too complicated. She lives a thousand miles away where she has a son, a job, a life. With the girls in high school and Clare, there’s no way I can relocate. So what’s the point?”
“I’m sorry you’ve learned nothing from all you’ve been through.”
Startled, he stopped to look at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Jack, my darling boy, life is so short, and when you have a chance to be happy, you have to take hold of it with both hands and never let go. It doesn’t come along every day.”
“She has a great job in Chicago. Her mother is there, her son’s school. How do I ask her to give all that up to come here when I can’t promise her a damned thing? That’s too much to ask of anyone.”
“It’s more than either of you has now. The older girls will be in college soon, and Maggie won’t be far behind them. What’s left for you, then? You’ve got a lot of years still to live, and I hate the idea of you spending them alone.”