A Reason to Leave

by Melissa Ellen

  Today was my last day of work at Sweet Beans. It was a bittersweet departure. I would be leaving tomorrow to head for New York. I was offered the part in the small budget Indie film. I took it without a thought.

  I worked the register one last time while Ethan and I chatted and playfully insulted each other. He snapped a bar towel towards my leg in retaliation for my last quip. I dodged it, laughing, just before it made contact on my hip.

  “You’ve got a customer, smart ass,” he laughed, pointing his head towards the front of the register.

  I turned around giggling, but my laughter came to an abrupt halt as my eyes landed on the person in front of me. The pulse in my body increased as I tried to calm my shaky nerves. I cleared my throat, forcing myself to speak.

  “What can I get you?”

  I watched her as her eyes scanned the menu. She was just as pretty as I remembered. Her frame was petite and delicate. I felt like I could break her with just my touch, but there was also a hardness about her. She momentarily studied the list of espressos before looking back at me. “I guess, I’ll take just a plain decaf coffee.”

  I nodded, deftly ringing up her order before turning to pour her coffee in a to-go cup. I didn’t even bother asking if she wanted it for here. I didn’t want her here. I wanted her to leave.

  I gave her the cup and started to turn and walk away.

  “Valerie.” The sound of Tessa’s desperate plea stopped me in my tracks.

  I took a deep breath, turning back to face her. I stared at her, waiting for her to speak again. When she didn’t, I raised my eyebrow, crossing my arms across my chest. My stern stance outwardly appeared strong. But inside I was weakening. Crumbling into a pile of rubble. What the hell did she want? What was she doing here? Of all the coffee houses why had she chose to come to this one?

  “I…,” she stuttered her eyes looking from side to side, avoiding my harsh stare. “I’m not sure what I’m doing here.”

  That makes two of us.

  “I don’t even like coffee,” she smiled weakly, looking down at the cup in her hands. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

  I waited a second before nodding my head. I walked back towards the register, standing directly across from her again. Luckily for her, we were slow at the moment and there wasn’t a line forming behind her.

  She took a deep inhale before she started to speak. “I’m sorry. For the night at the party. I didn’t mean to come between you and Liam… I honestly was in complete shock to see him there. I never thought I would see him again….I came here to ask you not to give up on him. He needs you. I could see that in the moment he saw you in that hallway. I know Liam, and I know he is probably trying to shut you out right now. Push you away. It’s what he does…”

  “Why?”

  She shook her head, unsure. “I think he comes by it naturally…I think it’s his way of protecting himself and the person he is pushing away.” She looked away from me towards the front windows of the coffee shop. She shifted nervously before turning her eyes back towards me. “I know you don’t owe me anything. But promise me you’ll fight for him. He needs someone in his corner.”

  “Who are you to him?”

  I could see she cared about him. But for some reason she was no longer part of his life. I wondered if he had pushed her away the same way he had me.

  “I’m nobody. Nobody that matters anymore.” The pain in her words broke me.

  She gave me one last pleading look before turning and rushing out of the coffee shop. She was gone as quickly as she had appeared. I stared after her…where she had been. My mind wandering uncontrollable, not knowing what to focus on or which way to go.

  I needed more answers. All I had was bunch of puzzle pieces that were slowly going together. But there was still some missing that would complete the mystery of Liam’s past.

  “You okay?” Ethan’s voice interrupted my internal struggle.

  “Huh? Yeah…sorry.” I shook the thoughts from my head.

  “Who was that?”

  “I wish I could tell you….”

  He gave me a confused look before turning back to wipe around the fancy espresso machines.

  “Well, your final minutes of working here are approaching…do you mind cleaning off the tables before you go? I know you’re going to miss that…I wouldn’t want to deprive you of living your glory days one last time.” He gave me a wicked grin.

  I shook my head, laughing at him. “Sure. Only because I’m seriously going to miss you Ethan…not because I will miss cleaning up people’s dirty dishes.”

  I finished clearing the tables and then went around to start saying my goodbyes to the regulars and staff at Sweet Beans. I removed my apron for the last time, folding it up and putting it under the counter. I gave Ethan one last hug before walking out the front door.

  I sat behind the steering wheel of my car, gripping it so tight my knuckles were turning white. When I got into my car and started driving away from work, I had no intention of coming here. But somehow I still ended up here.

  I had already put my car in park and shut off my ignition, but I couldn’t manage to remove myself from the vehicle. I stared up at the sign of Frankie’s shop, wondering if I had seriously lost my mind. What the hell was I doing here?

  I took a deep breath through my nose, closing my eyes, releasing it through my mouth. I opened the door of my car before I changed my mind. My body floated across the parking lot to the customer entrance of Frankie’s.

  I opened the door. The bell rang above my head. I felt my pulse racing, but I still couldn’t even be sure I was breathing. I expected to find the customer area devoid of personnel, but Danny had come walking in just as I crossed the threshold.

  “Hey there, darlin’. Didn’t expect to see you back here so soon,” he grinned. “Did ya get in another accident?”

  “Um…no,” I said caught a little off-guard by his presence and still unsure of what I was doing here. Normally, his jab at my driving ability would have gotten a rise out of me. But right now, I was too preoccupied forming some kind of plan in my head. “Is Liam here?”

  “Yep. I think he just returned from lunch. I’ll get him. You wait here,” he added unnecessarily. Or maybe it was necessary. Part of me did want to turn and run.

  “Wait!” I panicked as he started to leave me alone. “Don’t tell him it’s me…please.” Confusion took a hold of his face. “It’s a surprise,” I tried to smile widely.

  He nodded, returning my smile before he walked out. I paced in the small room while I waited for Liam to appear. As the minutes passed, I started to think he wasn’t going to come. That he figured out I was here and refused to see me.

  My back was to the opening of the shop bays when I felt a familiar electric current course through me. I slowly turned to stare at the man who held my heart in his hands.

  “What are you doing here, Val?”

  He stood tall with his mask firmly in place - his hands crossed over his broad chest. But I knew him now, and I knew how to see through that mask. His eyes gave him away. He was happy to see me, despite his rigid body and the harsh firmness of his words, attempting to portray otherwise.

  “I came to tell you goodbye,” I lied.

  I wasn’t here to tell him goodbye. I was here to beg him to come with me or at least give us another chance. His brow pinched together.

  “I got the part. I leave for New York tomorrow.”

  His arms dropped to his sides and his body softened slightly, “Congratulations, princess.” His words were soft and genuine.

  I nodded my thank you. The words were caught in my throat by the deceptive hope that he may actually still want to be with me.

  “Come with me.”

  His head lowered in a shake, forcing his eyes to the ground. I slowly stepped closer to him.

  “Why not?” I asked as I continued my progression.

  “Val.” His warning was a plea for me to stop.

  “Is it because of the girl f
rom the party? Tessa?”

  “No.”

  “She came to see me….”

  His head snapped up. His eyes widened with fear and worry. I pressed for answers.

  “Did you love her?” I choked on the words as they came out of my mouth. They felt like knives slicing through me.

  He nodded once. I felt the air around me disappear as I began to suffocate. My arms twisted around my stomach in pain. Liam moved instinctively to comfort me but stopped, holding himself back.

  “Do you love her still?”

  “Val… It’s not what you think. I love her but not the way you think.”

  “Then explain it to me!” I demanded. “Quit leaving me in the dark to imagine what could possibly be keeping you away from me.”

  “I warned you from the beginning…I told you I have shit in my past. You made me believe it didn’t matter. And the moment I thought maybe it didn’t, it came right back to fuck with me again. And now…now I have to fucking deal with it. And worse, I have to deal with the fact that I hurt you. I should have never let things happen between us.”

  “You don’t mean that…let me help you. Tell me what happened… I don’t believe that you could hurt someone like that.”

  “I did. I was guilty. And I did my time.”

  “No.”

  “You need to leave, Val.”

  “I know there has to be more. Don’t push me away.”

  “It’s for your own good. I don’t want you anywhere near this fucked up mess that’s forcing its way back into my life. I need to take care of some things. You can’t be around for that. I don’t want to be worrying about you.”

  “Don’t do that. Don’t try to make this out like you are protecting me. This is about you. You’re walking away for you. Not me.” I glared at him.

  “Leave, Val,” he demanded once again. But I could see he was struggling with his own words.

  I put an end to the last few inches of physical separation between us. I cupped my hands on his face. Making him remember the feel of my touch. I locked my eyes with his.

  “Make sure you really mean that, Liam…Because if I

  leave, I’m not coming back. I’m done. I’m done fighting for us. I can’t do it anymore.”

  I’m not sure how I found the strength to form the words I spoke. But I meant them. Maybe it was the self-preservation I had instilled inside me. I couldn’t keep doing this. I had bared my heart and soul to him. Given him everything I had. If he was going to choose to let me leave, I would have to find the strength to heal, no matter how impossible the task seemed.

  His hands came to my hips and his forehead pressed against mine as the air around us became toxic with anguish. We closed our eyes, reliving a familiar crossroads. I just hoped he would make the right decision this time. If he didn’t….I would have to figure out how to live without him.

  His hands glided up the sides of my body, sending a shiver up my spine. They landed on my face as he lifted both of our heads. His eyes scanned over ever feature of my face as if he was memorizing it for an eternity. My breath hitched, realizing this was the end. A tear fell out of the corner of my eye. He swiped it from my cheek and then ran his thumb over my parting lips.

  The tip of his nose skimmed along my cheek. My eyes fluttered closed, wanting to feel every sensation of his touch. His lips pressed soft and firmly against my mouth. His tongue pushed inside, rolling with mine. Our kiss became our last ditched effort to convince each other. He fought to tell me goodbye, while I fought for him to stay.

  Our kiss broke apart. Our labored breathing making it hard to speak. He pressed one firm kiss on my cheek before whispering in my ear, “Goodbye, princess.”

  His hands instantly fell as he turned and walked away. My eyes shot open to watch him turn his back on me for the last time.

  I’m not sure how I managed to carry myself out of Frankie’s. I’m not sure how I managed to drive home. I’m not sure how I managed to finish packing that night. I’m not even sure how I managed to make it to the airport to get on my brother’s private jet the next day. But I was here.

  I checked my phone one last time, expecting to find a message from Liam begging me not to leave. It was an unrealistic expectation. But I had it none the less. I turned it off just as Sarah came to tell me we were getting ready to depart.

  I leaned my head back against the seat, closing my eyes, knowing that when I opened them, I would be in New York. I would be starting the next chapter of my life, hoping once again to heal from the previous.

  EPILOGUE

  LIAM STONE…

  I knocked on the door frame as I walked into Frankie’s office. He’d been pouring over the books for the shop the last three hours. I was pretending my reason for interrupting him was to let him know we just got a new car in the shop. The truth - I worried about him. Every fucking day I worried I would walk in his office or come home to find him dead.

  The old, stubborn bastard didn’t know how to take it easy. Especially when it came to the shop. It was his life. After his wife passed, he threw every waking hour into running the place.

  “Come on in, son…” He barely glanced up, looking over the top of his reading glasses that sat low on his nose to briefly acknowledge my presence before looking back down at the paperwork on his desk.

  “We got a new car in,” I said, taking a seat in the old, orange, plastic bucket chair across from his desk.

  He’d had them for so long that I’m pretty sure the ugly things were actually back in style. I smiled inwardly at the thought. Nothing every changed around Frankie’s. Not at the shop and not at his house. It was the one constant I could depend on.

  He nodded, mumbling something incoherent, not looking up from his accounting book.

  “You know they have computers and programs that will help with that shit.”

  “I’m fine doin’ it this way. It’s how I’ve always done it.” He continued to scribble in the book after adding some numbers together with his calculator.

  “Maybe so…but it would make things easier for you. Take you less time…so you’re not stuck workin’ all the time.”

  He lifted his head, eyeing me over his glasses before dropping it back down again.

  “I don’t see how learnin’ a new way of doin’ it would take me less time. Don’t you know that sayin’ about old dogs and new tricks? I’m too old for that shit…”

  I chuckled, shaking my head. Stubborn bastard. “Maybe we should hire someone then. Someone who could do the books, greet customers, that kind of thing…”

  Frankie laid his pencil down, finally looking up to focus on me as he leaned back in his cracked, brown, leather chair. He crossed his broad arms across his belly that had grown over the years I’d known him. He studied me for a moment, making me drop my gaze.

  “Why don’t you tell me what’s really on your mind, son… Stop pussyfootin’ around it.”

  I looked up, focusing my eyes on him, leaning forward to rest my forearms on my legs as I clasped my hands between them.

  “I leave in a week, Frankie. You’re gonna need the help... I’d feel better about goin’ on the road, if I knew you had additional help around here.”

  He removed his glasses, letting out a deep sigh as he leaned forward, resting his arms and glasses on the desk in front of him.

  “Kid, you gotta stop worryin’ about me. Live your life. I’ve lived mine. I’m gonna die someday. It’s part of the circle of life…like they say in that Lion King bullshit.”

  “You quoting Disney movies now?” I smirked.

  He chuckled, shaking his head at me. “My point is whether it be tomorrow from a heart attack or ten years from some other cause…I’m gonna die.”

  I turned my head to stare at the wall in his office. I knew everything he was fucking saying was reality. It didn’t mean I fucking liked it. I’d lost everyone that I’d ever called family in my life. He was all I had left. I wasn’t ready to lose him, too.

  “If anyone should worry
, it should be me,” he added, interrupting my thoughts. My brow furrowed as I looked back at him in confusion.

  “What’s that mean?”

  He raised an eyebrow at me. When I didn’t catch on to whatever it was he was implying he continued.

  “Do you want to know what made this life worth livin’ for me?” He paused, waiting for me to answer what I thought was a rhetorical question. “…Evelyn. I loved that woman more than anything in this world. More than that motorcycle. More than this shop. And I would give anything to have her back in my arms…You don’t have a love like that come around more than once….unless you’re lucky. But we both know I don’t believe in luck….”

  I knew what he was getting at now….Valerie. He hadn’t brought her up since the day I’d told him things had ended.

  “Frankie,” I shook my head in warning. “You know we can’t be together.”

  “Honestly, son, I don’t. And it pisses me right off watching you act like a stubborn fuckin’ bastard.”

  Ditto old man.

  “Tell me how ya really feel,” I scoffed.

  “I’ve always thought you were a smart kid until the day you let her leave.”

  My pulse thrummed through my veins. His words triggering a suppressed rage to rise within me. How could he not know why we couldn’t be together? My life was too fucked up. I was not drawing her into that shit. I should have never allowed things to go on the way they did. I should have told her the first day. Laid it all out there for her, so she would go running and never look back. But I didn’t. Because I wanted her. I wanted her in my life, even if only for a short time. Because I’m a selfish asshole. Another reason we shouldn’t be together.

  I stood from my chair, running a hand through my hair as I struggled to calm my breathing and anger. I didn’t want to go off on Frankie. He had been the closest thing I had to a father, since mine died. I was leaving in a week to go on tour with Derailed, and I didn’t want any bad blood between us before I left. I didn’t want to say anything I would regret.