A Snake's Life

by Kenneth Arant

  Surprisingly, it started yelling at me.

  "Unhand me, foul serpent!" It struggled against my hold. I started in surprise at the thing’s accent. It sounded cockney.

  "You can speak?" I asked curiously.

  Its struggling increased. "Of course I can speak! What, did you think I was some mindless fish!?"

  "Honestly... yeah, that’s pretty much exactly what I thought."

  It stopped struggling momentarily, before fiercely attacking the water in front of it. "Well, I never! How could you, a mere serpent, ever believe that I, the great and magnificent Jagno, was but a simple fish! The nerve of you, sir! The nerve!"

  I didn't hear what else it had to say because I started tuning it out after it called me a “mere serpent.” I bit into its back and injected what I believed to be a small amount of venom.

  "Ouch! What are you doing!? I say, unhand me foul beast! The nerve of you serpents these days. Why, I remember a time when sharks ruled the seas, and you serpents were but an inch long—" It continued to ramble on, and on, and on.

  "Do you ever shut up?" I asked. The damn thing’s incessant blather was giving me a headache.

  "Oh, so you think to intimidate me, do you? Well, it won't happen today. Nay, it shall never happen! I am Jagno, a shark king, and I refused to be bullied by a neanderthalic snake with an Oedipus complex!"

  "Neanderthalic? Is that even a word? And Oedipus complex? Great, out of every shark in the ocean. I grabbed the one that likes to memorize a thesaurus in his downtime." I bit the shark again. This time I injected a lot more venom into it.

  "Oh sure, trying to silence me for speaking out, are you? Well, it... won't... work... I shall... never... surrender... " The shark finally stopped talking after I’d pumped what I believed to be about thirty percent of my venom into it.

  "I'd like to thank the god that brought me here for allowing me to rid the ocean of this annoying creature. And to the being that made it: Fuck you." I swallowed the shark and made my way back to the reef, praying that I could sleep off the headache Jagno had given me.

  I woke up the next day, and I was headache free, though I had a few pop-ups to go through. Most of them were normal animals. It was the last one that had me curious.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  You have eaten the following race for the first time.

  Charming Shark: Tier 4

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  "Someone, somewhere, has a truly sick sense of humor."

  Chapter 15

  I SPENT THE REMAINDER of my day searching the coral reef for anything that could be useful. Sadly, I didn't find anything besides food. Wait, why am I complaining about finding food?

  I decided to leave the reef in search of civilization while I still had my sanity. I spent the night planning my trip and watching the stars. Unlike Rualea, this planet wasn't always shrouded in darkness, so I could enjoy the sights as often as I wanted.

  And Iorus was a gorgeous planet indeed. Despite my feelings on the island, and the encounter with my “cousin,” I was thoroughly enjoying myself here. The ocean was crystal clear without a sign of pollution, and the silver moonlight bouncing off the waves was incredibly beautiful.

  That was another difference between Rualea and Iorus—the nighttime sky was completely different. Iorus, having only one moon, was a stark contrast to Rualea's dual moons.

  The moon was gigantic, and easily occupied most of the night sky. And its light, while not being as bright as the sun, still enabled me to see for miles in every direction.

  "I should get some sleep before sunrise. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day."

  Early the next morning, I set out on my journey, after stopping for a quick bite to eat, of course. A shark was only too happy to provide me with a decent meal, though I'm sure they would have been adamant that they tasted better than “decent.” But I don't like talking with my mouth full, so it was difficult to ask them without coming off as rude.

  I traveled from sunrise to sunset. After the long, long day of swimming, I sank to the bottom and buried myself in the sand to better hide from anything that might like a midnight snack.

  I’d set out again tomorrow.

  I had discovered something on this trip. Namely, that I don’t get hungry nearly as often if I eat a lot of meat. Random things like sand, coral, or stone don’t have much in the way of nutritional value, so eating them doesn’t do much for me. However, there also seemed to be a correlation between the tier of the creature and how long they satisfied my hunger. Tier 1 creatures were little more than tic tacs at this point, whereas a Tier 3 creature of the same size lasted several times longer.

  I’d need to experiment more to be certain, but that experiment would have to wait.

  I journeyed this way for several weeks without seeing any sign of civilization. The only thing I did find, or rather, that found me, was my "cousin,” and she wasn't happy to see me.

  "Get back here you worm!" she yelled upon seeing me quickly swimming away.

  "No thanks! You seem to be in a bad mood, so I'll just go!" I swam into a cave that she was too large to fit inside and ate my way out of the back while she continued to scream at me.

  "I swear it. One day, I'll have you inside me again!"

  Yeah, not something most people would want to hear their "cousin” screaming. "Can you please not phrase it that way!"

  She didn't seem to get it because her response was to loudly yell out, "Why!? Does it make you uncomfortable that I want you inside me!?"

  "Incredibly so!" I returned.

  Of course, then she decided to be very vocal about her desires. It even included a song about wanting me in her mouth. Luckily, I had long ago mastered the "ignore everything” skill. So, I focused on eating my way through the stone wall and escaped as soon as I was able.

  After making my escape, I didn't stop swimming for several days, as I was desperately trying to put as much distance between us as possible.

  Another week passed by without much excitement until I eventually came across something interesting. While chasing down a fleeing shark, I discovered the remains of a sunken city. What this city was before its fall, or how long it'd been down here, I had no idea. But it was a medium sized city with stone walls and gardens scattered throughout.

  "Actually, this looks a lot like the city on the island. Are the two related?" I wondered. I guessed they probably were related somehow, but I had no idea what the connection was aside from the way the buildings were built and the stone carvings that littered the area. However, I’d learned my lesson on the island and didn't stick around to investigate. I swam around the sunken city and continued on my way.

  After god only knows how long I’d been swimming without seeing any sign of sentient life, I'd almost given up hope. I did end up changing my goal from “finding civilization” to “finding the island-carrying giant,” as I was ready to leave this place and continue on my journey. This planet was beautiful, but even paradise got boring after a while.

  Just when I'd given up all hope of finding other people, I actually found someone... Well, they found me.

  I was sleeping on the ocean floor when I felt something poke me. Thinking it an attack, my eyes snapped open and I prepared to fight back. Then I realized what it was: a child. Or, more specifically, it was a pair of children. A boy and a girl. Both appeared to be between the ages of ten and thirteen. The boy had been the one to poke me.

  "What?” I hissed with more force than I meant.

  They seemed surprised that I could talk, but the girl resolutely pointed to the surface and motioned for me to follow her.

  Deciding to humor the child, I lifted off the ocean floor and followed them up. Upon breaking the surface of the water, the two climbed aboard a ship that was about half my length and twice as wide.

  I poked my head out of the water and observed the ship for a few seconds before raising myself onto it. After I’d cleared the side and coiled into a more manageable ball, a woman walke
d up to greet me. "Greetings, great serpent. My name is Lena, and I request your aid." She bowed her head. The two children quickly copied her, though the boy seemed reluctant to do so.

  I watched them for a minute while glancing around the ship. But, aside from a large black object at the back of the ship, it was completely bare. I returned my attention to the three of them, and though the two females were still bowed, the boy was staring at me. Looking at the top of his head, I noticed a small pair of dog ears poking out of his wild dark hair.

  "Dog ears?" I wondered aloud.

  It was the woman who responded. "My son, Solon. He and his father are of the Warg race."

  I glanced to the daughter, then returned my gaze to the mom. “And yet, neither of you are the same?" I was honestly confused. The two of them appeared to be elves of some kind.

  "No, we are of the High Elf race."

  "I see. You can stop bowing, by the way." I muttered the last bit. The bowing was making me uncomfortable.

  The two raised their heads at my words and smiled at me. "Thank you, great serpent." Lena replied. An open, friendly smile was on her beautiful face.

  "Torga."

  "Pardon?" She tilted her head in confusion.

  "My name, it's Torga. If you want to talk with me, at least use my name. Not this ‘great serpent’ bull you keep mentioning."

  "Understood." She nodded.

  "So, I take it the two of you are druids?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.

  She nodded again. "Yes. My daughter and I are druids."

  I glanced back to the boy. I'd been watching him out of the corner of my eye since the conversation began, but he didn't appear to be following along.

  "But, not the boy?"

  "No, Solon is following in his father's footsteps and becoming a warrior," the little girl answered. “He can understand a little bit of what you’re saying, but he cannot speak the language himself.” She finished by patting him on the shoulder and giving him a smile.

  Which I noticed he didn’t return.

  "I see. So, what’s your name?"

  The little girl pointed to herself and tilted her head in confusion.

  "Yes girl, you. I know your mother’s and brother’s names, but not yours." I sighed.

  She blushed in embarrassment and the mother stared at me. The boy, Solon, switched his gaze from me to the girl several times before taking a step forward and putting half his body between me and her.

  I rolled my eyes at him.

  "I'm Hali," she finally said a few seconds later.

  I nodded and was returning my attention to the mother when a large shadow passed over me. I looked up and saw a giant wolf-like creature standing just behind Lena. The beast was easily twenty feet tall and probably thirty feet long. It had bright yellow eyes and pitch-black fur that seemed to absorb the light. And if that wasn't surprising enough, it could talk.

  "I'm Fenris, and I'm the one in need of help." It sat down on its haunches and stared at me.

  Shaking off my surprise, I responded. "Not sure how I can help you, but alright. I’ll listen to your request. What’s in it for me?”

  The beast seemed to consider the question for a minute. "I'll help you evolve one time, and in exchange, you’ll help us get to the portal, so we can go home."

  I tilted my head to one side and thought over the offer. Then a question struck me. "Wait... don't you live here?"

  It quickly shook its shaggy head. "Do I look like a fish to you, snake? We were betrayed and ended up stuck here as a result."

  "Of course, you were," I sighed.

  "Alright, I'll help you." I didn't tell them I was heading there anyway because I didn't want Fenris to retract his offer to help me evolve.

  I climbed off of the ship after talking with the family for a few minutes more, then swam alongside it as we headed for our destination.

  Chapter 16

  I’D BEEN TRAVELING with Fenris, Lena, and her children for about a week when I could no longer contain my curiosity. But I didn't want to ask in front of the children, that would be impolite. So, I waited until nightfall, after they had fallen asleep.

  "Hey, Lena?" I quietly called out to her.

  She looked over the edge of the ship. "Hmm?" She tilted her head in confusion. I noticed the bags under her eyes and assumed I’d woken her up.

  "Mind if I ask you a personal question?"

  "Uh... Sure?” She covered a yawn with her hand. “I guess that would be fine." She shrugged and motioned for me to come aboard.

  I rose my head out of the water and sat it on the edge of the ship. My weight caused it to temporarily tilt onto its side, but it stabilized shortly after. Lena made her way over to Fenris and sat down beside him. She leaned against him, pulled a blanket over her legs, and started watching me with an expectant look on her face. Fenris also opened one eye to watch me, as he'd done anytime I was around Lena or the kids.

  "Ask your question, snake." Fenris said after a few seconds. I nodded my head and began speaking.

  "I was curious—"

  Fenris interrupted me. "Get on with it."

  I glared at the beast. "Well, if you’d give me a moment to speak, I would, you sorry sack of fleas,” I hissed in return.

  Lena smacked Fenris on the leg. He shot her a hurt look, which she ignored. “Don’t mind him. He gets like that when he hasn’t gotten enough sleep,” she explained. “What is your question?”

  “Where is your husband?" I asked after a moment.

  "I'm sorry?" Lena asked with a tilt of her head.

  "What're you asking, snake!" Fenris growled.

  I looked between them for a few seconds, noting the anger on the wolfish face of Fenris and the confusion on Lena’s beautiful face. I repeated my question. “You mentioned a husband before... Where is he?”

  Fenris pushed Lena off his side and stood up. He advanced on me, a snarl twisting his face into an ugly facsimile of the wolf I’d come to know. "I'm right here, you ignorant worm!" His voice sounded gravelly, as if someone had torn his throat open with sandpaper. He advanced until he was nose to nose with me, but I didn't pay him any mind and chose to focus on what he’d said, instead.

  "Wait... you’re the husband?” I looked around Fenris to Lena for confirmation.

  She shyly nodded her head in return.

  "Of course, I am! Who else would be the father of a half-Warg, but a Warg?" he snarled.

  “Well, for starters, someone... I don’t know... humanoid?” I gave Fenris a once over. “No offense meant for Miss Lena, but how did that even work?” I asked.

  Fenris gave me a wolfish grin. "Well, when a mommy Warg and a daddy Warg love each other very much..."

  “I’m aware of how children are made, thanks. My question was how a creature your size, produced said children with a creature Lena’s size. Unless you hit the crap jackpot in dick sizes, the body size difference doesn’t make much sense. You would have killed her,” I explained slowly, as if speaking to a child. I never took my eyes off the hot-blooded mutt. I didn’t put it past him to smack me while I wasn’t paying attention.

  "As a druid, I am... unique," Lena began. She stepped between the two of us, as if her tiny body could hope to stop either of us. At this distance, if we actually wanted to fight, she’d be little more than a stain on the deck before she could cast a single spell and she knew it. Her putting herself between us was meant to convey her trust in us, but the angry snarl on Fenris’ face told me he saw it slightly differently than I did.

  "How so?" I asked. My eyes still hadn’t left Fenris’ face.

  "What do you know of druid bonds?" she asked.

  "Not much," I admitted. “I know, or rather, I’ve been told, it’s the way druids bond with their animal companion—the specifics of which were slightly vague.”

  She nodded. "When a druid forms a bond with an animal, they take on some of the animal's traits, and the animal gains some of theirs in return."

  “Like a form of symbiosis?” I gue
ssed aloud, to which Lena nodded and Fenris’ eyes widened.

  "That's surprising," he muttered, which earned him a smack on the side from Lena.

  "Anyway, the longer a bond lasts, the stronger it becomes. Eventually no separation exists-by which I mean they can share the other’s form... for a brief period, anyway."

  I slowly nodded to show my understanding. "So, you can turn into a Warg and he turns into an elf?"

  She gave me a half shrug. "Yes. Though a difference does remain."

  “What kind of difference?”

  "I can't get rid of my ears and tail, and she can't get any larger than a Warg pup," Fenris said.

  Lena covered her face for a few seconds. I noticed her ears turning a bright pink, and through my heat sense I could tell that her face had grown noticeably warmer. "Yes, that," she admitted.

  "I... see," I nodded. "I'll just let you get some sleep now. Thanks for answering my questions." I slightly bowed my head and retreated from the ship.

  "Annoying worm," I heard Fenris mutter.

  I felt my temper flare at the casual insult, and came up with a fun idea. I moved to the other edge of the ship and slowly climbed back on. I waited until Lena was clear of Fenris, then I shot forward and slammed my head into his side. The impact sent him flying through the air and into the water.

  The loud yelp and splashing sounds of Fenris floundering in the water woke the kids up, which earned me a glare from Lena.

  "Hey, he deserved that one," I protested.

  She shook her head and slightly smiled at me.

  "Yes, I suppose he did. Though I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do it again. It's cold and he's no good to me wet."

  "I don’t think he would share that sentiment if your roles were reversed,” I muttered before I could stop myself. I heard the wood of the ship creaking, and glanced down at Lena. She was glaring at me.

  "Perverted snake!" she yelled. A plank of wood shot up and hit me on the nose. It didn’t do much, but it was the sentiment that counted. I retreated off the ship, swam to the other side, and threw Fenris back onto the ship, laughing all the while.