A Snake's Life

by Kenneth Arant

  I stared down at her for a few seconds. "If you do anything other than bond with me, and your status plate doesn't appear within twenty seconds, then I'll not only kill you, I'll turn you into my new puppet... Understand?"

  She gulped and slowly nodded. Then she pulled a black dagger off her belt and nicked my scales with it. But it didn't do anything. She stared at my scales, then at the dagger and gave me a weak chuckle. "Um... would you mind?"

  I rolled my eyes at her, then bit down on my tongue with my non-venomous teeth. Some blood pooled in my mouth and I slowly let it leak out onto the dagger she held.

  She brought the dagger up to her mouth, then licked the blood off. A few seconds later, a pop-up appeared.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  Siofs

  Race: Hobgoblin

  Classification: Tier 4

  Class: Warrior: Rank 3

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  The other goblins all repeated her actions, and each of their pop-ups appeared in turn. The first was Holstig. He was tall, with a wide build and cropped black hair. He wore a loincloth to cover his groin and wielded a club and shield combo that he kept strapped to his back via a strip of leather.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  Holstig

  Race: Metal Hobgoblin

  Classification: Tier 4

  Class: Defender: Rank 2

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  Then Findral bounded forward. She was tiny and stood at about half the size of Siofs and Holstig, at three feet tall. She wore a small tunic that went down to her stomach and a loincloth that reached down below her knees and she was unarmed. I asked her how she wore leather without it bursting into flames. "Oh! The inside is lined with metal that absorbs the heat. And I don't carry weapons because I make my own!" She finished with a smile as she rotated her hand and multiple flame daggers appeared and began rotating around her.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  Findral

  Race: Flame Goblin

  Classification: Tier 3

  Class: Spy: Rank 4

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  She stepped back and the final one stepped forward. Hogunn was widely built and was the same height as Findral. He wore a loincloth and nothing else, and he carried around a stone hammer that was larger than he was. He kept it strapped to his back via a leather cable that wrapped around his chest.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  Hogunn

  Race: Stone Goblin

  Classification: Tier 3

  Class: Berserker: Rank 6

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  I nodded to them. "Good, then it's settled. In exchange for your service, I will help you evolve and you'll have my protection for as long as you serve me faithfully."

  Siofs, who I assumed was the de facto leader of the group, then stepped forward and asked, "So, what's first boss?"

  "I have a meeting to get to, so we'll be leaving this planet after I go back to the tortoise for a while...Climb on my back and we'll get moving."

  Though they appeared confused that I would let them ride on my back, they didn't question my orders and quickly complied. The puppet also climbed on after I gave it the order, and then we set off to find the tortoise.

  Chapter 28

  I TRAVELED FOR DAYS to the last spot I'd seen the tortoise, but unfortunately, it was already long gone. The tracks it left behind had been filled in by something, and since there was no way for me to track it without those tracks I gave up. Turned my back on it and headed for the branch.

  However, the trip wasn't a complete waste, as I'd used the travel time to practice controlling the puppet, and what better way to learn fine control than to have it fight against its peers? One at a time the goblins fought against the puppet and each battle helped me learn the various ways it was different from them.

  For instance, because the puppet doesn't feel pain, it can endure a tremendous amount of punishment. And I can heal any damage it does receive by simply transferring more energy into it. Though there is a limit to this, as I can only completely heal it two or three times before I completely exhaust my supply of energy. So, keeping the puppet out of long, drawn-out fights, would probably be in my best interest. But, having it serve as an intermediary for everyday use would most likely be the best role for it. Especially after I discovered that I could make it share its vision with me, and I could make it speak as if it were still alive.

  A neat trick that I may have, and I was definitely abusing it. I actually refused to speak for three whole days and would only respond if someone addressed the puppet directly. Though this did annoy the goblins, they kept their mouths shut and allowed me to have my fun.

  And eventually, I returned to the branch, but before I entered, I stopped and addressed my new “companions.”

  The puppet had everyone sit down and began to speak in my place. "Alright everyone, the meeting I need to get to is on the druid home world of Uathea, so we have some ground rules to go over first."

  Through the puppet's eyes, I watched as Holstig, Findral, and Hogunn adopted a bored look and began to ignore my words. However, Siofs, who was the only one paying attention, slapped the three of them around until they focused. Then she apologized for their behavior and sat down herself.

  The puppet rolled its eyes, then continued speaking. "Rule number one: Don't attack the inhabitants of the worlds we travel to unless I give the order, or they attack you first.

  “Rule number two: Under no circumstances are you to give away my existence to the populace of any planet we travel to. The only exception to this is if I give you direct orders to do so.

  “Rule number three: Should you find yourself in a fight with the inhabitants, do not, under any circumstances, allow survivors. I don't care if you die in the process, but you must ensure that all enemy combatants are eliminated... with extreme prejudice."

  The puppet looked around at them to ensure they were still paying attention. Once I was satisfied that they were, it continued.

  "Any questions?"

  Siofs raised her hand, so the puppet motioned for her to speak.

  "What if we get separated from you?"

  The puppet assumed a thinking pose, then said, "If we are separated without a place to rendezvous, then make your way to the branch and wait there for me to arrive. Any more questions?" Because none of the others raised their hands or spoke up, I assumed they had nothing else to ask, so I entered the branch with the goblins and the puppet still riding on my back.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  Welcome to the Bifrost

  Please select your next destination from the available branches.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  Before it could show the destinations, I said, "I would like to travel to Uathea. Is there any way for me to go there directly?"

  A few seconds went by with nothing happening. Then a pop-up appeared.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  It is impossible to travel to Uathea from this location. However, you can travel to the connected branch from here.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  "Alright, take me there." I was shot off towards my destination at high speed.

  I was deposited on a relatively normal looking planet. Blue skies, green trees, and no abnormal animals to be seen. Honestly, this planet made me more nervous than Thaater ever did, simply because of how “normal” it seemed. And if I've learned anything since this journey started, it's that nothing is ever “normal” in this place.

  But despite my reservations about whether this planet was safe, I still needed to get to Uathea. So, I would just have to deal with it.

  I turned around to access the branch when a pop-up appeared.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  Welcome to the intersected world of Neonia. Your destination is only accessible from the branch on the other side of the planet.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  I let out a soft sigh and said, "Damn it..." Then I started moving in a random direction. I didn’t decide on a direction before
hand because, at the moment, it didn't matter. I couldn't wait by the branch, as Neonia was a populated world, so It was impossible to know when someone would come by and discover me. That meant I needed to leave as soon as possible and regroup after I was sufficiently far away.

  During my time on Rualea, I spent the majority of my time in the dark because of the trees blocking out the sun. However, with my current size, I no longer needed to worry about that. Even while lying down on my stomach, I was taller than the trees by several feet... which made me more nervous than anything, as I could no longer use the darkness to hide from pursuers or anything else I happened to be hiding from at the time. But... That's what the goblins were here for.

  The whole reason I brought them along was because of my inability to hide. I needed something to scout the area so I could avoid any unnecessary conflicts. They were also going to help me enter places that I normally could not, like towns.

  We arrived at the outskirts of a small town and I burrowed my way into the ground, so I would not be discovered. I dug out a cave just large enough for me to hide in, then I sent the goblins to scout the town, while the puppet went out hunting for me.

  Controlling the puppet while looking through its eyes wasn't as difficult as I'd originally thought it would be, though it was a weird experience. The puppet moved very smoothly, and as I had access to both its eyes and ears, exploring wasn't too difficult. However, I couldn't “smell” the forest. I'd grown so used to using my tongue to “smell” the areas I was exploring, that when I suddenly lacked that ability, it was disorienting.

  However, the sense I lost was replaced by another. Stone goblins have a unique trait that allows them to sense vibrations through the ground. Because of this, even though I could no longer “smell” the area around me, I could find any moving creature that traveled along the ground. So, when I managed to find a lone boar walking through the forest, I was ecstatic. Granted, one boar wouldn't do much to fill me up, but it was a start.

  I crouched down behind a tree and watched the boar for a few minutes. During this time, I noticed it walked with a slight limp that favored its left front leg—a weakness that I could very easily exploit if I did this right.

  I pulled the metal dagger out of my belt, then I waited until the boar began to limp away before I struck. I dashed out from behind the tree and jumped as high as I could over the boar's back, then, just before I landed, I rotated in the air and slammed the pommel into the top of the boar's head.

  The strike threw the boar off balance enough that it had to press down on its hurt leg, causing it to fall over in pain. I used the opportunity to jump on its side and stab my blade into its neck.

  Unfortunately, the boar still had some fight left in it, as it swung its head up and pierced my puppet with its tusks. Though the strike didn't do much damage, it did knock me back far enough for the boar to climb up to its feet and attempt to run.

  I jumped on its back and pulled the dagger out, then plunged it into the neck three more times in quick succession. Each strike caused it to wobble on its feet until it finally collapsed on its side. I plunged the dagger deep into its chest, piercing the heart and putting the creature out of its misery.

  After climbing off and wiping my dagger off on the grass, I sheathed the blade and hoisted the boar onto my shoulders, then retraced my steps back to my real body. Upon arriving at the cave, I threw the boar inside, then turned around to go hunt down some more creatures, while my real body made short work of the boar.

  I used the puppet to hunt down an additional five boars, three deer, and two rabbits with long horns on their forehead, and I read each pop-up in turn.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  You have eaten the following race for the first time.

  Boar: Tier 1

  You have eaten the following race for the first time.

  White-tail deer: Tier 1

  You have eaten the following race for the first time.

  Rabbicorn: Tier 2

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  Then I went to sleep to await the return of the goblins.

  The goblins returned just before sunset, and while the others were preparing their dinner, Siofs went over the events of the day with me.

  "The town is mostly populated by humans, though we also saw beast-kin and elves walking around. Starting from the edge closest to us there are twenty-seven buildings positioned in three rows, with nine buildings per row," Siofs said while reading from a piece of paper she’d “borrowed.”

  As I was still using the puppet as an intermediary, it nodded its head, then asked. "Are there any specialty shops?"

  "Yes: one blacksmith, one tailor, one bakery, and one butcher. However, this town also has a guild building, so there is a fairly high chance of adventurers being present." she said with a slight grimace.

  "What's a Guild?"

  She reached behind her and pulled out another sheet of paper. This one had a large red emblem in the shape of a sleeping dragon on the top-right corner. The puppet reached out and took the paper from her, then allowed me to read it.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  Neonia Adventurers Guild

  Are you looking for a grand adventure?

  How about wealth beyond your wildest dreams?

  Do you desire to be known throughout Yggdrasil as a Legendary Hero?

  Then come inside and sign up for your guild card and jump on the fast track to achieving all of your dreams...

  *Note: you must be 18 years old or older to sign up.

  *Note: The Neonia Adventurers Guild is not responsible for any of the following: sickness, corruption, injury, loss of personal property, loss of life and or limb, rape, being kidnapped, being vaporized, being eaten, being touched inappropriately, STDs you may contract while in our employ, being cheated, being cheated on, your stupidity, your 5th grade math teacher being a bitch, the fact that you are still reading this sheet when you could have signed up already, or the evil in the world.

  ꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏꝏ

  I stared at the paper with a blank expression on my face, then I looked up at Siofs. "Okay... Who the fuck wrote this?" I asked while balling it up and throwing it over my shoulder into the fire the goblins had just started.

  Siofs shrugged her shoulders. "Who knows. Humans are a weird race."

  I desperately tried to forget what I'd just read, while Siofs and I went over the rest of the details. Apparently, there weren't very many guards patrolling during the day, and we guessed that after dark that number would drop further.

  The first thing we needed to do was “acquire” some better gear. That meant we needed armor, weapons, first aid equipment, and possibly a new puppet for me to use. Not that there was anything wrong with my current puppet, but if I wanted to get a closer look at the civilized areas, then I would need a better guise than a goblin.

  I called over Findral and had her stand beside Siofs, then I told them what I needed. "I want the two of you to explore the surrounding area tomorrow. Look for any humans, elves, or beast-kin walking through the forest. If you find anyone, follow them around for a few days and see if they have anyone that would miss them: a spouse, a child... hell, even a pet would be too much. If, after three days, you haven't seen them speak or interact with anyone, then I want you to abduct them and bring them to me... Understand?"

  "Yes, Master," Siofs said, while Findral just quickly nodded, then bounded away to eat her fill. The two of them joined up with the male goblins and I ordered the puppet to bring me more food, so it went hunting again.

  The next day, after the females had left, I ordered the males to help me with my puppet control, so we fought again. But this time, I assumed direct control instead of just giving it orders.

  Hogunn and I threw our weapons to the side, then we rushed at each other. Because I was slightly faster than him, I reached the middle of the campsite first and I jumped into the air. I pulled my knee up and impacted with his nose, slinging his head back as his feet continued moving forward. He fell
and landed on his back, while I landed on the other side of him.

  I spun around and swung my fist in a downward arc aimed at his face, but he rolled to the left before I could make contact, and my fist slammed into the ground. He jumped to his feet, then swung his left arm backward, hitting me in the temple and knocking me over. I fell onto my side, then rolled onto my back just in time to see his next move. He attempted to follow up his strike by stomping on my chest with his left foot, which I caught. Then I kicked his right leg, which buckled out from under him and dropped him to a knee.

  I drew back my leg and tried to kick him again, but he caught it, then pulled me closer to him and commenced beating my face in. I raised my arms up to block most of the punches, but a strong strike to my left forearm rendered it useless and knocked it to the side. Hogunn then threw a left haymaker into my ribs, followed by an uppercut that snapped my head back, immobilizing the puppet and ending the fight in Hogunn’s favor.

  After the fight had been called, Hogunn fell to the ground holding his knee, prompting Holstig to walk over and check on him. Holstig grabbed Hogunn's leg and straightened it out as best he could, then he started prodding it around the knee that had already begun to swell. A few minutes went by without any sign of Holstig or Hogunn saying anything, so I healed the puppet and ordered it to set up the campfire again.

  Ten minutes later, Holstig stood up and walked over to the puppet. "Master, his knee appears to be dislocated. When Siofs returns she should have a look at it, as she may be able to fix it."

  The puppet gave him a nod, prompting him to walk back over to Hogunn.

  After a few more minutes of getting the campfire ready, I sent the puppet out hunting, while Holstig, Hogunn, and I settled in to wait for the females to return.

  Later that night, after a rather disappointing day, Siofs had Findral and Holstig hold down Hogunn, while she snapped his knee back into position, then, after allowing Hogunn to settle down, we all went to sleep in preparation for the next day.

  Interlude: The serpent and the highwayman