Chapter Six
Friend, that night I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned in my cold bed, struggling with violent thoughts. My head begun to hurt and I found myself weeping uncontrollably on my pillow. For the first time in my life, I contemplated ending my life, but I had to stay alive. So I breathed, no matter how hard it felt, I forced myself to breath. I still don’t know how I managed to live through the next couple of days. The days soon became weeks and weeks became months and still, I never heard from him.
I’d never wanted anything more than to have him beside me. Often I hoped he’d throw a rock by my window, but as time went by, even this faded into a forlorn dream. When the day came for me to return to school, mother took me aside,
‘Leila darling, I know you’re hurting.’
‘Mother I’m perfectly okay,' I replied feigning a smile, 'I’m just nervous about school that’s all.’
‘Honie,' she replied in a calm yet firm voice, 'I know you. I’m your mother. I know he meant the world to you but you do not have to hurt or cry because he left, rather be grateful that he gave you an opportunity to find out the real you.’
If there was any one in this world who knew how to break my defenses, it was mother. She saw right through me with such ease and precision. I hated her sometimes for this.
‘Thank you.' I answered.
'When will you visit me?’ I inquired, feigning excitement.
‘Sweetie, I will pay you a visit in a month’s time.’
‘Please don’t forget to carry along your handy bag Amy.’ I joked.
‘Child!' she shot back her pitch raised, 'don’t you call your sister that, she will be upset.’
‘I’m sorry Amy,' I replied feeling her tiny soft hands in mine, 'You know I love you and I will miss you terribly. Please give my love to Abby when she returns from school today, goodbye to you all and goodbye Miss Sweeney.’
And just like that, I was on my way back to the Lansing institution, a two hours’ drive from home.
Back at MSB, I dived back into the routine of lessons, austere supervision and the authoritarian rules. My classroom was on the third floor of the main school building which I thought was ideal. Our floor had the library; an abandoned recreation room, a bowling alley and, off by itself, the science classroom. The best part was it was far away from the first-floor office of the principal. I joined the scouting program and I loved every bit of that. I must admit dear reader, Lansing was a strict atmosphere but I loved it because it took my thoughts away from Adam and so I was able to live each day.
A few balls were organized occasionally in the auditorium by our principle Miss Florence Rivers, especially when welcoming new students and we the older students often got invited too. It was at one of these dances that Lisa my roommate introduced me to Scott O’Conner.
‘Leila,' she said, 'this is Scott, he is one of our Schoolmates.’
‘Hello,’ he greeted me. His was a deep but dry voice.
‘Hello Scott,' I replied loudly, trying to stay audible above the blaring music in the crowded auditorium.
'Have we met?' I asked, 'in the science class, right?' not sure where I’d first heard that voice.
‘At the boys scout guild maybe’ he replied.
‘Scott here,’ Lisa chipped in before I could correct my mistake, ‘also happens to be the president of the boy scouts guild at MSB.’
‘Oh, now I get it, you addressed us only last week.’ I said, ‘it’s an honor to finally meet you, pardon my impoliteness. I simply mistook you for someone else.’
‘That’s alright.’ he said in reply.
His scent was opulent and bright, a fragrance with an orange blossom, no doubt feminine. He’d probably worn it for this particular occasion, possibly to impress a girl in the crowds.
‘So, what brings you to this rowdy vigil?' I asked. ‘I guess to meet new friends.’ I added trying to make a conversation.
‘No, actually am here to find new volunteers for the boy scouts club.’ He replied. 'It's my mission and goal to train youth even us the blind to be responsible citizens. The boy scouts club inculcates character development, trustworthiness and self-reliance through participation in outdoor activities, partnering with the community and through educational programs.’
‘Wow, okay, that’s great.’ I replied. I was a member of the scout club which meant I knew about the rules in the manual. I therefore found it rather odd that Scott was reciting them to me like I was about to join the scout movement that very moment. In fact, he’d used those very words a week earlier when he addressed us at the gild.
‘So what’s your other name?’ He asked me abruptly.
‘You mean my Surname?’
‘Yeah, what’s your surname?’
‘Cook’ I replied.
‘Oh, English is it?’ He asked.
‘Yeah, but I’m American, through and through.’
‘What about you,' I asked, 'what’s your surname?’
‘O’Conner.’
‘I guess this is the part where I get to ask, English is it?’
‘Wrong, it’s Irish. Actually the irony is that my first name Scott is Scottish and my last name O’Conner is Irish, I’m rather inclined to believe that one of my ancestors was Scottish and the other Irish. I did some research on the origins of both my names and I found out that…’
Dear reader, I had to get away from Scott O’Conner as fast as possible, but first, I had to find an excuse.
‘Excuse me Scott,' I said politely, 'I’ve got to go to the Ladies if you don’t mind?’
‘That’s alright.’ he answered. Mightily relieved, I took my cane and felt my way in the opposite direction through sweaty dancing bodies. I now understood why Lisa had chosen to introduce him to me rather than have him all to herself.
On my way back from the ladies, I squeezed past an engaged Scott, I in turn intent on heading straight for the exit, caught his deep dry voice patronizing another unsuspecting listener in some kind of weird conversation in which I overheard his dry voice saying something like 'It’s the same reason a three year old doesn’t think about retirement, it’s so far away and unimaginable…’ I increased my paces heading for the exit of the auditorium.
Michigan Fall Page 7
