The First Touch of Sunlight

by Len Webster

Made worse by his tongue spearing into her mouth.

  She tasted the bitterness of the beer he had been drinking.

  It was a struggle to breathe.

  His hands gripped her face in a hold that made it difficult to pull away.

  She felt forced.

  She felt hopeless.

  She had to inhale through her nostrils.

  “Please stop,” she’d managed to say when he’d inch off just enough to take a breath of air.

  “You want this,” he whispered.

  “I don’t.” She had dug her nails into his arms. “Please … I don’t … I don’t want this.” Her lips no longer acted. They stayed still against his. But he took no notice.

  Her heart no longer felt like her own.

  The air that filtered into her lungs felt thin and fake.

  The moisture that ran down her cheeks, she knew were her tears.

  She needed help.

  She needed to get him off her.

  But then he forced her onto her back and pinned her down with his heavy body. Her body felt as if it was sinking. Her mind felt incoherent like her voice. But she felt what he did to her.

  Felt his hands push up her dress.

  Felt his lips on her thighs.

  Felt her sobs in her chest.

  “Please, stop,” she begged. “Please, stop. No. I don’t want this.”

  His hand dug into her panties touching her with his forceful fingers.

  It wasn’t pleasurable.

  He was rough.

  Merciless.

  Unforgivingly taking from her.

  “You want this. I know you do. I can feel you want this,” he now rasped by her ear.

  His fingers entered her with such force that she had screamed.

  “You’re perfect, Meredith,” he whispered. His body caged hers against the bed. Then his fingers left where he had invaded her and began to unbuckle his belt with one hand. He struggled for a moment, but he managed to get it undone. “So perfect.”

  Perfect.

  She wanted to throw up at that word.

  He was about to ruin her if she didn’t do something to stop him.

  Meredith squirmed, thrashing her legs to get him off her.

  She screamed for help.

  She tried to fight, but he just laughed as he pushed down his jeans and underwear, revealing himself to her.

  Hard and ready to take advantage of her.

  Meredith became desperate.

  Not like this.

  Please not like this.

  Shaun collected her wrists with his hand and pinned them above her head. Then he moved her panties aside.

  “Please, Shaun. Please, no. I don’t want this with you. Please, stop!”

  His eyes gleamed over in animalistic lust and want.

  The sweet Shaun Yeller she had met downstairs was a fake.

  This was Shaun Yeller.

  Rapist.

  Meredith fought even as the tip of him pressed against her. Her heart felt as if it were about to burst out of her chest.

  She wished it did.

  She wished she’d die right now.

  She wished she’d die so she wouldn’t endure and suffer through what she was fighting against.

  Her breathing was laboured as she fought.

  The hand that pinned hers tightened.

  And then he thrust into her.

  Taking her virginity by force.

  Without consent.

  At that moment, she was being raped.

  And she couldn’t stop it.

  The searing pain she felt overwhelmed her.

  Her mind went blank.

  Her vision became a blur.

  Meredith counted in her head, praying that someone would save her.

  chapter twenty-four

  MEREDITH

  Present

  Meredith waited patiently.

  Sam’s eyes roamed hers.

  Were they finished?

  She hoped he’d say no. That they could have a second chance and make it last.

  Make it worth the troubles and scars they’d developed and kept through the last seven years. She’d known years without him. Now, the thought of not having him in her life killed her inside.

  Meredith knew pain.

  Meredith knew weakness.

  Sam made her weak.

  Sam caused her pain.

  But Sam had saved her.

  He didn’t know it, but one night, when Meredith was sixteen, he had saved her. She doubted that he even remembered. But she did. Every detail of that night she had.

  Every thrust.

  Every cry.

  Every beg and attempt to end it.

  That Meredith had died that night.

  It took a long time before she could smile.

  But it still held her back. She never brought him to justice.

  To face the crime he had committed against her.

  Shaun Yeller.

  Meredith shook her head.

  No.

  She couldn’t go there again. She had gone so long without thinking of him and that night. She had promised herself that she would never think of him. Thinking of him meant he got away with it. Thinking of him meant that he still invaded her in some way.

  Her mind.

  And she would not let him have her mind.

  That was hers.

  Her heart … that belonged to Sam.

  But her mind was hers.

  No matter how damaged it was.

  “Dad?” a little boy’s voice said, pulling Meredith from her thoughts.

  Sam’s eyes widened. Then he turned around. “Hey, buddy, thought you were asleep.”

  “I heard a knock.”

  Meredith could hear Josh, but she couldn’t see him. Sam’s back impeded her vision.

  “Is it Mum? Tell her I don’t want to go home. She’s not supposed to pick me up until the morning!”

  Sam’s deep chuckle had her heart melting. It was so free and natural. She loved this Sam. She watched him take a few steps and then he bent down. Arms were around his neck before he stood up and then spun around to face her. Sam tilted his head and then whispered something in Josh’s ear. The six-year-old pulled a confused expression but then nodded.

  Sam made several steps until he was within close distance of her. “Miss Driessen, sorry you have to see my son in his pjs.”

  Meredith laughed as she glanced down to see the Hulk faces that littered Josh’s pjs. “That’s all right.”

  “Hi, Miss D. How did you know where I was?” His curious brown eyes made her breathless. He was so much like Sam. It was incredible to see.

  “I’m here to see your dad,” she said and then quickly shut her mouth. She shouldn’t have said that. She had no idea what that kind of knowledge would do to Sam, let alone his son.

  Josh tilted his head at her. “You know my dad?”

  Sam smiled at her. One of those unnerving smiles of his that made her so unsure of herself. He appeared okay with Josh knowing that she knew his father.

  Meredith nodded.

  “We went to school together,” Sam said.

  We went to school together.

  Not ‘Miss D used to be in love with me.’

  Not ‘I was the first person who Miss D touched intimately.’

  But Sam didn’t know that.

  Just Meredith.

  She gave them both a tight smile. “We did. Your dad and I had the same class. You have a great dad, Josh. He loves you more than anything.”

  Sam’s lips parted as if her response bewildered him.

  “I’d better get going. Dutch is waiting for me. Good night, Sam. And I’ll see you on Monday, Josh.”

  Th
e little boy smiled at her.

  The first picture she’d ever seen of him was his sonogram.

  It was amazing to see how much he had grown since then.

  Meredith gave them a wave and then spun around. When she had run out on Tony, she hadn’t thought her plan through. After speaking to Beth, she knew she had to go to Sam. To see if they still had a chance. In her rush, she’d taken a taxi straight to his house. Not to hers to get her own car. And because of her haste, she would now have to walk.

  As she headed down the drive, she decided that once she made it to the next street, she’d slip off her high heels and walk barefoot for a while. Relieve the aches her heels had caused.

  “We’re not finished,” Josh said, causing Meredith to freeze. “I can’t say her first name, Dad. She’s my teacher.”

  Sam’s laugh had her chest radiating with warmth.

  Meredith spun around to see that Sam had put Josh down to stand next to him.

  Then he cleared his throat. “We’re not done, Meredith. I don’t think we would ever really be finished. How about Josh and I drive you home? If that’s okay with you?”

  Butterflies soared.

  So many of them reached heights she’d never thought possible.

  All because of him.

  They weren’t finished.

  She’d known it all this time.

  Meredith glanced down at Sam’s son. He was the cutest little boy she had ever seen. And she knew he had the most devoted father. “But it’s late for Josh. You guys have a good night.”

  Josh’s brows knitted. “Miss D, we are taking you home. It’s dark outside!”

  Sam burst out laughing.

  “Did I just get scolded by a six-year-old?” she asked Sam.

  He nodded. “I’ll just grab my car keys. I gotta get a jacket on him. Come in for a second. It’s cold out.”

  “Okay,” she said as she quickly walked up the driveway. Sam and Josh moved away from the front entry and let her in. Then Sam closed the door behind her.

  “Josh, go get your Captain America jacket and then we can go,” Sam instructed as he headed towards the hallway table and picked up a set of keys. For living on his own, Sam had quite a nice house. It wasn’t too flashy. It was homey. She could just see a lounge room at the end of the hall that Josh had run down. “Give me a second and I’ll grab you a jacket. You’re welcome to take a seat, Meredith.”

  She shook her head. “I’m fine. I’ll just wait here.”

  “Sure. Won’t be long.”

  Several minutes later, Josh came running down the hall with his shoes on and his jacket in one hand and an Iron Man action figure in the other. It was as if a Marvel merchandise shop had thrown up all over him. He came to a stop in front of her.

  Meredith bent her knees and took his jacket from him. He smiled at her. This little boy grinned just like his father. Meredith held out the jacket, and Josh spun around. “You love Marvel, huh?”

  Josh fed one arm through and then shifted his action figure to his other hand. “Yeah. My favourite’s Iron Man. Who is yours?”

  Meredith let out a hum as Josh fed through his other arm and then faced her. She reached over and began to button him up. One button at a time as he stared down at her.

  “Ant Man,” she revealed. “He’s my favourite.”

  “He’s all right,” Josh said once she had done the last button.

  Meredith let out a laugh, as she stood straight. “Yeah, I guess he was all right.”

  Better than all right. Paul Rudd was amazing in that movie. She was surprised at how much she had loved it.

  “Ready?” Sam had asked, interrupting them.

  Meredith noticed him standing in the hall with his year twelve bomber jacket in his hands. She was speechless. And her heart, it had clenched. Sam made his way over to them and smiled at his son.

  “Thanks for helping him with his jacket,” he said to her.

  “You should help Miss D with hers,” Josh urged.

  Both adults looked down at the six-year-old staring up at them. The innocence swirled in his brown eyes.

  Meredith peeked up to see the blush on Sam’s cheeks. And that gave her the courage to spin around and take the initiative. She held her breath as she heard him step forward. Then, ever so softly, the material enveloped her body.

  Just like it had when she was eighteen and he’d let her wear his bomber jacket.

  “Still suits you,” he whispered. Then she heard him step back. “All right, Josh, ready for a late-night drive?”

  Meredith felt hot all over. Not from the jacket but from the way his whispers took her back to their past. Then she peeked at the stitched ‘M’ and let her thumb brush over it.

  “Yeah!” Josh shouted, slicing through the memories that began to resurface.

  Meredith had fought Sam once he’d parked his Mercedes in her driveway. She had told them that she at least owed them a cuppa for going out of their way for her. He no longer had his Jeep. He’d sold it after he went to university and entered politics. He intended to get another one soon, though—one that had more room for when Josh started football—but for now, he drove around in his government car. The journey to her house hadn’t taken too long, but she and Sam didn’t really speak. Instead, Josh talked throughout the entire ride.

  She didn’t mind.

  She was so fascinated to hear what he had to say.

  He was a lot more open outside school.

  Normally, it was the opposite.

  Meredith unlocked the door and welcomed them into her family’s home. She watched Josh’s eyes light up as he stepped inside. The house was big—far bigger than what her parents needed—but it was her mother and father’s dream home. Before they had immigrated to Australia, they were making do with what they had. They had promised each other that when they had the money, they’d build their own home. And they had.

  A bark caught her attention. “Is Josh okay with dogs? I’ll leave Dutch up there if he’s scared.”

  Josh’s eyes widened. “Miss D, you have a dog?” Then he glanced at his father and gave him a look. She wasn’t sure what that look entailed, but it seemed as if he were pleading.

  Sam chuckled. “He’s not afraid. His mother won’t let him have one.”

  Meredith let out a laugh. She found it strange that she didn’t freeze or slip into her fears at the mention of Beth. Maybe it was meeting Beth for the first time that changed her. Meredith knew who she was to Sam. She could never change that. Meeting Beth removed many of the doubts Meredith had lived with.

  A lot of the guilt she’d immersed herself in.

  “Make yourself at home. I’ll just let Dutch out, and then I’ll make us something to drink. Josh, do you like hot chocolate?”

  Sam bent down and began to unbutton his son’s jacket.

  Josh glanced up at her and nodded. “I do.”

  “Well, you haven’t had hot chocolate from the Netherlands before. Trust me, it’s the best kind there is.” She left the father and son in the hallway as she made her way up the stairs and to her room. She took a deep breath and peeked down at the gold ‘M’ stitched on the sleeve.

  Her heart swelled at that little letter.

  It had been a sweet memory.

  One of the good ones before everything had collapsed between them.

  A bark had her shaking her head. She grasped the door handle and then twisted it. When she had opened the door, Dutch was sitting there, wagging his tail.

  She bent her knees so that they were eye level. “Sam’s here, but you already figured that out, didn’t you? He brought his son with him. You’re gonna like him. Be nice, okay, Dutch?”

  He licked his nose, and she took that as a yes.

  Meredith spun around and went downstairs with Dutch by her side. When they had made it down, Josh was waiting
with a big smile on his face. He handed Sam his Iron Man action figure and took a step forward. Dutch stared at the little boy and waited patiently. He had to be given the command. He had to be introduced to Josh, exactly the way her father had taught him.

  She took a step forward and pointed at the ground. Dutch sat as she had signalled.

  “Josh, this is Dutch,” she introduced. “Dutch, dit is uw vriend, Josh.”

  Dutch, this is your friend, Josh.

  Dutch understood his okay command then went up to Josh and licked his hand. The border collie’s way of saying hello. Her father had taught him all sorts of commands and actions.

  “He likes you.” Meredith looked up at Sam as he watched his son with Dutch. His eyes shone, and she wondered what he was thinking. What he was feeling. “Why don’t you guys go into the lounge with Dutch? He has this duck plush that he loves to play fetch with.”

  “Okay!” Josh said eagerly.

  “I’ll help you in the kitchen,” Sam said. “Josh, not too rough with Dutch.”

  “I won’t, Dad.” The smile on his small face was priceless. It reminded her of the photos her parents had emailed to her of her and Dutch. The happy smile she had because of her pet.

  “Oh, Josh.”

  “Yes, Miss D?”

  Dutch had sat by his side. Already in love with him.

  “He only really does tricks in Dutch. If you want him to fetch, say—”

  “Apport,” Sam said.

  Meredith blinked at him. “You remembered?”

  He nodded. “Say ah-port, okay?”

  Josh nodded. “Ah-port,” he mimicked his father. He had a spark of attitude in him that she’d never seen in the classroom. Then Josh took off his jacket that his father had already unbuttoned and handed it to him.

  Sam bent down and kissed the top Josh’s head. “And if you want Dutch to come to you, say hier. He-er.”

  As if time hadn’t come between them, Dutch listened to the command and went to Sam. He dipped his head, and just like that, Sam petted him. Meredith remembered the good times when Sam had come over and tested out his commands with her dog. They were sweet memories she had looked back on during her time in Rotterdam. She thought of him with Dutch. The carefree smile on his face.

  Sam kissed the top of Dutch’s head. “It’s good to see you, boy. I’m sorry if my son’s a little rough.”