Bobby Green

by Amy Lane

  “Right after I thought he slept with you and Lance on Christmas Eve,” Bobby snapped back. Then he held up his hand. “Look—I get it. He didn’t. You didn’t. My brain just doesn’t go from Dogpatch to Pornpatch on a dime, okay? I wish it would. I wish I just got the difference between sex and caring and what we do in front of the camera, but it fucking takes a while.”

  “So you’re going to tear him up while you embrace the learning curve?” Trey’s voice lost some bitterness, so Bobby gained some faith that he could make this right.

  “I was hoping we could find it together,” Bobby told him. “Has he left already?”

  Trey let out a breath. “I was going to go outside and follow him home.” He glared. “And this time, yes—we were gonna do it, ’cause you’re not the only one who didn’t want to be alone.”

  Oh thank God. “Well, if this goes wrong, be my guest. I obviously fucked it up beyond repair. But right now, give me a chance to go make this shit right.”

  He hurried outside into the chill air, noting that the fog had come out in a thick blanket. He saw Reg getting into his car, looking around for Trey probably, and called out, “Reg! Wait!”

  Reg paused for a moment, a look of such agony on his face that Bobby almost stopped.

  “We can’t be friends anymore,” Reg said, his throat thick. “I can’t do it.”

  Bobby’s heart stuttered. “Reg, I—”

  “They spent the night on the couch. They did. And I ain’t had sex in two months because you didn’t like it, and you just went and hit up Ethan, right in front of me, and that wasn’t—”

  Oh fuck.

  Bobby swallowed. “That was shitty,” he said, feeling regret in his bones. “Sorry, Reg. That was… that was a shitty thing to do to you.” He took a deep breath. “I was hurt. I… I shouldn’t have been, but I was. I—”

  “What kind of friend does that?” Reg demanded, and Bobby realized he was crying, faint tear tracks gleaming in the porch light from the house.

  “A bad one,” Bobby told him back. He held his palms up to Reg’s chilled face gently and wiped the tears with his thumbs. “A really crappy friend. But I think that’s the problem. That’s why everything’s felt so awful and wonderful these last two months.”

  “Being my friend is awful?” Reg asked, the sob in his chest making his voice shrill.

  “No, no,” Bobby soothed, pulling him close and kissing his forehead. Reg was small but built powerfully. Bobby had a heartbeat to give thanks that Reg wanted to be kissed. “Being your friend is wonderful. I’m so glad—every day I’m glad—that you were in the office that first day. That you got to see me, that you ran your hands through my hair. I’m so grateful. You made me feel so special.”

  Reg rested his head against Bobby’s shoulder. “I want to be mad at you,” he said, voice muffled. “But I missed how you used to hold me like this. I don’t know why you stopped. I mean, I know it was because I hooked up with Trey, but I don’t know why this had to stop.”

  Bobby held him tighter, and his own eyes burned—and to his mortification, spilled over.

  “I didn’t understand at first, myself,” he said, shaking, he was so glad to be holding Reg again. “But then tonight, I was talking to Ethan, and… and he said no. And I was glad. I was glad he said no. Because I didn’t really want to be with him. I just… I couldn’t watch you be with someone else either.”

  “But you got a girlfriend!” Reg snapped—and God, this was justified. Bobby knew it was, but he was going to follow through anyway.

  “Not for long,” he said with feeling. “I shouldn’t have let it go on this long. I don’t want a girlfriend. And I don’t want Ethan. And I don’t want you to hook up with anyone else.”

  “But….” Reg jerked back, looking confused as hell. “What in the fuck, Bobby. What do you want?”

  Oh, he couldn’t have asked for a better line.

  “This,” Bobby said, grasping his chin and tilting his head up. Reg’s mouth was open and vulnerable and ripe for the taking, and Bobby took. Bobby lowered his head and drank from Reg’s mouth like a man dying of thirst, and Reg kissed back, eagerly, hard, giving for every kiss Bobby stole, and Bobby kept taking. Ah! Gods! He tasted so good!

  And again, and again, until Reg raised his hands to Bobby’s hair and yanked tight, urging him closer. Bobby wrapped his hands around Reg’s bottom and hauled him up, until Reg wrapped his legs around Bobby’s waist and clenched him tight, and still the kiss went on. Reg moaned, grinding against Bobby in frustration, and Bobby pressed him tight, tighter. Reg pulled away and shuddered before burying his face against Bobby’s throat and letting out a long groan.

  He was jerking against Bobby, hips twitching, and with one last heave, he bit Bobby’s neck hard, and Bobby realized Reg’d just come, right there, in his pants.

  Bobby groaned and kissed him again, only moving away when Reg’s legs started to shake. Gently, Bobby lowered him until his feet touched the ground and then wrapped him tight against his chest.

  “I came in my shorts,” Reg moaned, sounding dazed.

  “Yeah, well, lucky you,” Bobby muttered. “’Cause I’m spending the night on Dex and Kane’s couch and I didn’t. That’s gonna be fun.”

  “Why you spending the night there?” Reg demanded. “Why not with me?”

  Bobby stroked his hair, hands still shaking. Reg had let it grow out a little this last month, cutting off the dyed blond part. What was left was a rich, dark brown. “Because I haven’t broken up with Jessica,” Bobby told him, still catching his breath. “I’m not sleeping with you as a hookup or a part of work. When we do this again, it’s because I want to be with you, like this. I want to kiss you and touch you and be the only one you do this with—”

  “Outside of work?” Reg clarified, and Bobby had to sigh.

  “Course. We gotta eat. But I’m moving out of the big stupid apartment and moving into Ethan’s tiny crappy one so he can move in with Dex and Kane. I can save more money that way for me and my mom and spend more of it fixing up your house.”

  “You can stay with me,” Reg demanded, sounding bad-tempered, and Bobby had to laugh. Reg’s body aligned so perfectly with his, so warm, so immediate, somebody might have to pry him out of Bobby’s arms before he forgot his original plan.

  “I might,” Bobby said, nuzzling his temple. “Soon. But for now, I’m going to break up with my girlfriend and fix my life. And then I’ll impose on your life.”

  “Sex, Bobby,” Reg all but wailed. “Jesus God, I get you’re all smart and shit, but seriously. I’ve got a little brain. I want sex. With you. And nobody else. When’s that gonna happen? I’m dyin’ here. Dex had to make those guys stay at my place ’cause I kept dropping shit, because I couldn’t concentrate, because sex.”

  Bobby laughed and whispered in his ear. “Soon, Reg. Soon, I promise. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. And I’ll bring dinner. And I’ll spend the night. And I’ll make it special. I promise.”

  “It’s already special,” Reg grumbled. “I haven’t gone this long without since I was in high school.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” Bobby said gravely. And he would. Because he wasn’t going to scare Reg with the big L word. Yet. “Just….” He grimaced. “Just tell Trey you’ll be by yourself tonight. I promise I will be too.”

  Reg grunted. “Fine.” Then he rolled his eyes and laughed. “I would have felt like shit in the morning anyway. You know—I don’t know what’s so great about you. You’re the first person in the world who made me feel shitty about sex.”

  Bobby closed his eyes and kissed him briefly, one more time. “Well, you’re the first person in the world who made me look forward to it. So hang on. I promise. We’ll have it. It’ll mean something. Be ready.”

  Reg nodded and wrapped his arms around Bobby’s waist for a hug so tight Bobby almost couldn’t breathe. But that was fine. It was. Because the L word was coming—Bobby could see it on the horizon already. He figured the hug helped make them
ready.

  THE NIGHT on Dex and Kane’s couch was weird. He could hear the two of them, quietly making love in their bedroom, and it didn’t sound dirty. Just sounded intimate. He bet Ethan could ignore them in the same way kids pretended they didn’t hear parents doing it. It was just not meant for anybody outside those walls.

  First thing in the morning, he and Ethan went to Ethan’s apartment to gather up Ethan’s stuff. It wasn’t much, all told—a garishly colored comforter, ugly-ass yarn dolls that were surprisingly soft, and boxes full of high-end clothing that looked amazing on Ethan but would probably look as pretentious as hell on Bobby’s country-boy ass. Bobby helped Ethan unpack and let him show off the reptile cages that belonged to his new roommates. Bobby could still smell the calking and new plaster that had gone into securing the king snake and the iguana in their clear glass habitats, and he assessed the job with a practiced eye.

  “This is good stuff,” he judged, running his finger down the line between the glass and the wall. “Whoever your contractor is, he knows his shit.” The snake batted the glass softly with his head, and Bobby refused to jump back and gasp. “Which is good, because if this guy got loose last night, I’d be the fuck out of here.”

  “He’s got a total hard-on for Dex,” Ethan confided, staring at the snake with suspicion. “I mean seriously. I’ve heard of dogs and cats liking one person more than another, but whenever Dex comes in the room, the snake presses himself up against the glass and drools.”

  Bobby eyed the animal with a little more compassion. “Well, not that I haven’t been there, buddy, but don’t ever make a play for my balls, okay?”

  The snake flickered his tongue out and eyed Bobby up and down. Bobby figured the vote was still out and decided it was time to leave the room.

  “No offense,” he said as he entered the dining room, “but I’m sort of more about the mice. I had a pet rat in high school. He was my friend.”

  Kane was in the dining room, making waffles in his underwear. Apparently not giving a shit who saw you in your boxers was something that hallmarked guys living under the same roof. Bobby had to admit, now that he’d lived through Skylar and Rick and spent time snuggling with Reg, he was starting to approve.

  It hit him then, the knowledge that he liked the view.

  He’d always liked the view. He’d liked looking at Keith without his shirt—and even Keith without his pants, until things got ugly.

  The guys at Johnnies were all good-looking and all built—and the best thing about living in the apartment had been getting to see them all, muscular calves, thick thighs, flat tummies, tapered waists.

  The best part about kissing Reg the night before—besides the fact that he was Reg, and Bobby had never kissed a man before without a camera rolling or heart breaking, and it had been intimate and warm—had been that Reg was male.

  All the small things he’d been denying about himself for so long, from this twisted relationship with Keith Gilmore to his willingness to give up girls at Johnnies—even his teeny-tiny sweetheart crush on Dex after their scene—all of it.

  He knew.

  He’d always known.

  Kissing Reg the night before, promising him… promising him a relationship—but here, in this house, with these guys in their underwear, he had the words.

  “What?” Ethan asked, tousling his hair.

  “I’m gay,” Bobby said in wonder.

  Dex leaned against the counter—also in his boxers—and took his first hit of coffee. “You expect us to be shocked?” he asked after he swallowed.

  Bobby shook his head. “Just… just… never said it to myself before.” He shrugged and took a deep breath. Yeah—now was the time to do it. “Guys, I’ll be out in a bit for breakfast. Thanks for making it—it was real thoughtful.”

  “Thanks for moving Ethan in,” Kane said, flipping a waffle like an artisan. “We didn’t want him living alone like that.”

  Dex frowned. “Speaking of which—are you going to be okay alone?”

  Bobby didn’t know why he didn’t tell them about Reg right then. Maybe it was because he’d just figured out the gay thing, and it was still a giant Technicolor explosion behind his eyes. And maybe it was because Reg had belonged to everybody at some point in time. Bobby wanted a little bit of Reg that was just his.

  “I’ll be fine,” he said with a shrug and a smile. “Ethan let me keep the reading lamp—I’m so there.” He took two steps down the hall and paused. “Uh….” He was going to ask if he could use Dex and Kane’s bedroom, but then he’d heard their night noises and now he couldn’t. “Please tell me the snake can’t get out.”

  Dex rolled his eyes. “If he can, I’m suing the contractor. Knock yourself out.”

  Bobby suppressed a shudder and walked into Ethan’s room to plop down on his messy bed. With a sigh he dialed Jessica’s number.

  “But why?” she wailed after he told her. He looked at the iguana for sympathy and didn’t see a lot forthcoming.

  “Because, hon. Because when I’m not up the hill, I don’t think about you, and that sounds shitty and it is. It’s not right. You’re a nice girl, and you deserve to be thought of all the damned time, and I don’t. I need to make it right.”

  “But, Vern! How am I going to get out of this damned town without you?” She sniffled, and a small bit of anger flashed in his breast.

  “I don’t know—but why aren’t you down here with me if you wanted to get out so bad?” he asked, knowing it was unjustified but saying it anyway. God—all the damned worry about money and how much it would be easier if he’d had a helpmate in the process. He didn’t want her, but she hadn’t known that.

  “But… but you were supposed to pave the way!” she accused. “You’re the provider!”

  “Well, I’d rather be an equal,” he said, and while he knew he was thinking of Reg, maybe it would give Jessica another way to think about a partnership. “Jessica, look. The breakup is all me, but I’m just saying—it’s hard to be a knight in shining armor. Maybe you need to look for a man you can work next to instead.”

  “Thanks a lot for the tip, Vern,” she snapped. “That’s really fuckin’ wise of you.” But he could hear the tears in her voice. However she felt about him, he’d hurt her—and badly.

  “I’m sorry,” he said into the silence. “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But I think you’ll be able to grow a lot without me.”

  “What about you? You got any growing to do, champ?” she snarled.

  “Yeah,” he said, and he heard her surprised gasp on the other end of the line. “Jessica, you got no idea how much I’m learning about myself.”

  He looked at the snake and rolled his eyes, because he wasn’t about to tell the girl he was gay. For one thing, his mom still had to live in that town, and for another? The stuff between him and Reg, or him and any of the guys, that all felt private. He realized that for the last two and a half months he’d been having a crash course on how hard the world got, how weird it got, when you were showing one face to the sun and keeping another for just a few people to look at.

  He couldn’t help not telling her he was gay—he hadn’t even told his mother, and his mother was really the only one he owed the truth to. But he could take her out of a position of power in his life, because if he didn’t trust her with that, there wasn’t much he could trust her with.

  He managed to end the conversation five minutes later and finished it up with a text to his mother. Broke up with Jess—she or her brother may be by to get her stuff.

  His mother answered, Good. Long time coming, hon. Maybe next time you’ll stay home longer, you think?

  Oh jeez—Mom.

  Yeah, sure. Love you, Mom. Happy New Year.

  You damned well better call me by then!

  It wasn’t until he laughed that he realized his eyes had overflowed. Apparently burning bridges and making your life square didn’t come without consequences.

  Ever.

  BY THE end of the day, he and E
than had moved his pitiful stash of possessions into Ethan’s pitiful by-the-month apartment. Standing in the middle of the place, and yeah, it wasn’t awesome, but still—he felt like he could breathe for the first time in months.

  He kept his sleeping bag on the bed, making plans to buy a comforter and a new pillow, and folded his clothes up in drawers. Ethan let him keep the weird animation posters so it didn’t look like a barren hellish wasteland.

  Bobby looked around the room after he got settled and smiled a little.

  Had his own couch, his own bed, a minifridge, and a television.

  Not that the quality couldn’t use some upgrading, and the neighborhood was a shithole, but this was as close to comfortable in his own surroundings as he’d been since he’d left home in August.

  Well, if you didn’t count Reg’s living room, it was.

  Speaking of…

  Guess where I am?

  Not here.

  He laughed a little to himself. Well, Reg was nothing if not direct.

  Sorry about that. I was going to open presents with you this morning.

  You texted.

  Yeah, but I didn’t tell you why I couldn’t make it.

  I’ll bite. Why couldn’t you make it?

  ’Cause I broke up with Jessica.

  There was a long pause after that.

  Because of me? Bobby could hear the cautiousness there, but he wasn’t going to have the “We’re gay!” discussion on text or even the “I’m gay and you’re bi” discussion.

  No. Because of me. Because I’d rather be with you.

  Really? Why?

  Lots of reasons.

  Then why AREN’T YOU?

  ’Cause I just moved into Ethan’s old apartment and Ethan’s living in Dex and Kane’s guest room.

  He waited a moment for the response, and it didn’t disappoint.

  That is a surprise. Why did we do that?

  Bobby thought about it for a moment. Important question.

  Because I needed a place in the world. Mine. Before I could come over and invade yours, I needed my own.