by T. T. Kove
Wait, what?
I clicked out of Andreas’s text conversation and into Glenn’s. His message was the most recent.
Glenn: Guess it’s just you and me here now. Text me when you feel up for it and I can come to visit.
Glenn was still here?
I exited my messages and went to my recently called list. He was second on there, right after Andreas, who I’d just called.
‘Alex?’ Glenn answered on the second ring.
‘Hey.’ I hadn’t even known how anxious I felt until I heard his voice. It washed over me, relaxing me instantly. ‘Everyone left, but you stayed back?’
‘Yeah.’ There was some rustling on his side. ‘I’m the only one not going to school and my hours are more flexible. I asked my boss if I could stay home for another week and she was okay with that.’
He’d stayed back for me. I didn’t know what to say to that. I had no words.
‘You’re okay with that, right?’ He sounded a little unsure now.
‘Yes. Yeah. Of course I am. I’m just surprised.’ I clenched my phone tight. ‘I thought everyone had left and I didn’t get to say goodbye to any of them.’
‘They understand,’ he said. ‘They’re not holding it against you. I saw them off at the airport yesterday.’
‘You did?’ I curled up on my bed, bunching my pillow behind my back. ‘How was Andreas?’
‘Worried about you. He didn’t want to leave.’
‘I’m glad you all made him.’ I sniffled. ‘I don’t want to mess up his dream. He’s always wanted to be a police officer. He shouldn’t miss any classes because of me.’
‘He loves you, Alex,’ Glenn reminded me. As if I didn’t know that. ‘You’re more important than a few classes. But he left and I stayed, and I hope you’re good with that. I’ll understand if you’d rather be with him right now, though.’
‘No.’ I shook my head, even knowing he couldn’t see it. ‘I’m just happy one of you is here.’ One of my two boyfriends. It was still weird to think about the two of them as that. Well, not Andreas, obviously, he’d been my boyfriend for over two years... but that Glenn now fit that term too. Not many people could say they had two boyfriends and that they both knew about the other and were okay with it. No one I knew, anyway.
‘Good.’ I could practically hear his anxiety fading over the phone.
‘Are you busy right now?’ I fiddled nervously with the drawstrings on my joggers. I didn’t even know why I was nervous. He’d stayed back for me. Clearly, he wanted to spend time with me.
‘Can I come to visit?’ he asked, almost eagerly.
‘Actually, if you want, you can come to get me? We could... do something.’ That was just lame. My mind jumped straight to sex during that pause as well.
‘You’re allowed out, huh?’
Right, he’d been sectioned after a suicide attempt. He hadn’t had it as freely as I clearly had. He’d been in an actual psychiatric hospital, while this was a centre. What the actual difference was, I had no idea. Maybe this place was smaller and cosier. Hospitals in general never tended to be cosy in any shape or form.
‘I have nothing else going on today, so yeah, I’m free.’
‘Great.’ He sounded cheerful. Happy. It was such a stark difference to how I’d known him two years ago. ‘Mum’s started cycling to work—something about getting fitter and it being better for the environment—so I’ve got the car. I can be there in fifteen minutes.’
‘I’ll be waiting.’ And I should change. I couldn’t go out in baggy joggers and an even baggier T-shirt that was Andreas’s. Wearing his clothes made me acutely aware of just how scrawny I was compared to him. And to Glenn, though Glenn wasn’t quite as ripped as Andreas was after the army.
‘See you soon!’ And with that, Glenn hung up.
Chapter 6
I hadn’t seen Glenn properly in over two weeks.
He stopped the car practically right outside the door, and I left the warmth of the centre to the freezing wind outside, and then was enveloped by the warmth inside the car.
‘Hey, you.’ He grinned at me, turning slightly in the driver’s seat to look at me. He had one hand on the steering wheel and the other reached out to tug me close.
‘Hey.’ I leant willingly into the kiss. His lips were soft and warm and I didn’t want to stop kissing him. This was the most normal I’d felt in ages, and it was good.
He looked damn good too. His hair was slightly damp, which meant he must’ve showered not too long ago seeing as it wasn’t raining outside. He wore a thick woollen jumper that was nicely form-fitting and dark jeans.
‘You’re looking a lot better,’ he said when we finally pulled apart. He put the car in reverse and managed to turn it around neatly in the small space. Then we were off, leaving the psychiatric centre behind for now.
‘Only today. I woke up and the fog was just... gone.’ The car was an automatic, so he didn’t need to keep his hand on the gearbox. I inched my hand over to his, hesitantly hooking our fingers.
He glanced down briefly, surprised maybe, then focused on the road again with a small smile. His fingers squeezed mine, so I took that as an okay to keep hold of his hand.
‘That’s good. How’re you feeling though?’
‘Much the same.’ I stared out the passenger-side window. ‘I hate my life and I don’t know how to fix it.’
‘Maybe you shouldn’t try to think so hard about it right now,’ he suggested lightly. ‘Just get the help you need for your depression and get used to your new meds.’
‘But it all makes my depression worse. If I was doing something I liked or could see myself continue doing in the future, maybe I wouldn’t be so fucking depressed.’ Or maybe I would be. I had no idea. It wasn’t like I could decide when to be depressed and not. It just happened. It was my fucked up brain that figured out it’d had enough and now everything was shit.
‘Yeah, I know.’ Glenn sighed. ‘I know exactly how it is.’
‘I’m kind of glad that you do,’ I admitted in a low voice. ‘It’s sucks, obviously, being fucked up like this. But at least I’m not alone.’
‘I’m not a very pleasant person when I’m depressed,’ Glenn said, glancing briefly my way. ‘As you well know. So don’t wish me back there, I’ll just drag you further down.’
‘And I am a pleasant person like this?’ I scoffed. ‘Hardly. I’ve been out of it for over two weeks. That’s just fucking scary.’
‘Yeah.’ Glenn’s fingers tightened around mine. ‘And it is nice to be two. We understand each other in a way someone who’s not depressed can’t.’
I nodded. ‘Yeah, Andreas doesn’t really understand it. He’s never been depressed, so I can’t blame him. And it’s good he can’t.’ I wouldn’t wish this on him ever.
‘He’s worried about you though. You should’ve seen him. He was set on missing school completely.’ Glenn turned the blinkers on at the roundabout and we headed towards home. Or his home. I had no idea where we were going. Both houses were in the same direction.
‘I’m glad he didn’t. He needs to be in school. And I need to figure out what I want to do without messing up his dream in the process.’ The last thing I wanted was to ruin Andreas’s dream. He’d known what he wanted long before he ever met me. He should never let that go because I was a mess.
‘You might not, you know,’ he said, voice low.
‘Hmm?’ I looked at him, distracted by my own thoughts. ‘I might not figure out what I want to do? I know. I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t, though.’ I swallowed hard and looked out the window again.
‘I never knew I wanted to do what I’m doing now. Writing. Working in a sex shop. I can’t see myself doing that for the rest of my life. But I like it for now, and if I find something else I want to do, then I’ll do that.’
‘You make it sound so easy.’ I laughed bitterly. ‘It’s not. It’s bloody hard. I’m constantly thinking about it and nothing whatsoever comes to mind.’
‘Maybe you’re thinking too hard,’ he pointed out. ‘Let it rest for a while. Stop thinking about it.’
‘But I have to go back to Oslo soon.’ I didn’t look forward to that. ‘Nothing has changed.’
‘Stop thinking about it.’ He swung the car into the parking spot at the supermarket.
‘What’re we doing at Right Price?’
‘We’re getting snacks. And soft drinks.’ He got out of the car with a grin.
‘For what?’ I got out too, more slowly.
‘For the two of us, of course,’ he said like it was obvious.
‘And what are the two of us doing? Where are we going to eat all the snacks you’re buying?’ I had no idea what we were doing together, but if I had to guess, I’d say sex. Snacks and soft drinks didn’t really go with that.
‘My room.’ He grinned wryly at me now. ‘You’ve never been to my room.’
‘I haven’t.’ Glenn and I hadn’t really been friends when he still lived with his mum. He’d grudgingly put up with me in the end. In the beginning, he couldn’t stand me. And now here we were. About to eat snacks and, presumably, shag in his bedroom. ‘What’s your room like?’
‘Not as big as Andreas’s, but it’s big enough. And I tend to go in and out my window if I don’t want to meet anyone, which gives me complete privacy.’ He walked right past the carts and handheld baskets, so he might not be planning on buying much.
‘Are we sneaking in your window now?’ I followed right behind him.
‘No,’ he chuckled. ‘It’s just me and mum in that house now. There’s no one to hide from, not really. Snuck Nik in through my window when we first hooked up though.’
And just like that, I realised that Marcus must’ve lived in that house. But he didn’t anymore. Glenn wouldn’t have brought me to his house if Marcus lived there. That thought calmed my sudden spike of anxiety. I would not run into Marcus at Glenn’s house.
‘You did? How’d Nik feel about that? He’s not big on hiding.’ Nik couldn’t hide for anything. He was a walking gay billboard.
‘He had other things on his mind at the time.’ He raised his eyebrows suggestively.
I chuckled. ‘How does he feel about you staying back here?’
‘He’s cool.’ Glenn picked up a bottle of Cola as we swept through the soft drinks section, heading towards the crisps shelves. ‘He might be a bit pissy I’ll get laid while he won’t, but he wants what’s best for you too. So no worries. All’s good.’
A smile spread on my lips at that. ‘You’ll get laid while he won’t, huh? Who says you’re getting laid?’
‘Who says I’m getting laid? Oh, I don’t know. There’s just this guy I really like, who likes me too, and when two people like each other, they bang.’
‘Oh, I don’t know about that.’ We were flirting. In public. There were people around us. And I strangely didn’t care. ‘I have a strict no-shag policy this year.’
‘Since when?’ he chuckled, turning around so quickly I almost walked into his chest. He put a hand on the small of my back and leant in close. ‘You couldn’t have a no-shag policy even if you tried. You like dick too much.’
This was very true. I couldn’t abstain from sex. Having abstained from it for the past two weeks, it was about time I got back to it. Not that I’d missed it when I was stuck in that walking-dead brain fog, but I missed it now.
‘Can we just get whatever snacks you want and leave?’ I should be sick and tired of beds, but I wanted one right now. Not for sleeping, but for fucking. I wanted to fuck him. Or for him to fuck me, more accurately.
He drew back, a wide grin on his face. ‘See? Told you you couldn’t abstain at all.’
I rolled my eyes and gently pushed him away, towards the snack shelf behind us. ‘You’re too slow. I'll have to go back before we finish here at this rate.’
‘Alex.’ He looked at me with intense eyes swirling with what I hoped was lust. ‘You’re not going back until late. Very fucking late. We’ve got shit to do, man.’
Yeah, have lots and lots of sex. I was down for that.
Chapter 7
I lay back on Glenn’s queen-sized bed and he came with me, lips pressed to mine, tongue in my mouth, and hands running over my bare skin. I was so hot, so hard and so ready. All I wanted was his dick in me.
My legs were hooked around his waist and our hard cocks were rubbing together as he bucked his hips down against me. But rutting together was never enough for me. I needed more.
‘Do you have condoms?’ I asked against his lips when we drew apart for air.
‘Mmm, yeah. I’ve got yours, thankfully.’
‘What? Mine?’ Why did he have my condoms? They’d been in my suitcase at home.
He trailed kisses down my neck. ‘Yeah, Andreas gave them to me before he left.’
I pushed him away so I could fully look at him. He blinked at me as if he didn’t understand why I was doing this. It should be obvious, shouldn’t it?
‘Andreas gave you my condoms? Just like that? And you don’t think that’s awkward at all?’ My eyes flitted between his.
‘No.’ He hiked one shoulder up in a shrug. ‘Not really.’
‘Your best friend gives you the condoms he got his boyfriend to shag his best friend. You seriously don’t think that’s a little bit awkward?’ I did.
I never knew how to act when I was around them both. It felt like I was more Andreas’s boyfriend then, it felt like because he was the one I’d been with the longest. He was the one people knew I was with. I never knew if I could touch Glenn, or even think about him when both of them were around. It was only easy when I was with only one of them at a time. I was new to having two relationships. I’d never even had a passing thought about it before. I wasn’t Nik, who apparently identified as poly or whatever he called it.
‘We’ve worked everything out, Alex, it’s all good.’
‘You cannot mean that.’ I stared at him, still keeping my palms braced against his chest so he was kept at a distance. ’It has to be awkward. I think it’s really fucking awkward, and here you two are, texting about me, figuring out who should babysit me at what time, and now you’re casually exchanging condoms?’
‘We’re casual guys.’ He braced himself on his elbow now, looking at me with a wry grin. ‘You’re the one overthinking things.’
‘I think most people would overthink if they were in our situation.’
‘That’s your problem, Alex.’ He poked his index finger at my chest. ‘You think too much. Can’t you just stop thinking for a bit? We’re gonna shag. And then you’re going to be all sated and happy afterwards and forgetting all the shit for a bit. It’s good for you.’
‘Sex is good for me?’
‘Sex is good, period.’
I sighed. ‘Get my condoms then.’ I fell down flat on the bed, watching as he rolled over and stretched for something under the bed.
‘Condoms? Plural?’ he teased as he drew several of those small, blue packages up, splaying them in his hand like they were a deck of cards.
‘Only one will do.’ I plucked one from his hand. ‘You’re being too smug about all this to get laid more than once today.’
He laughed and dropped the rest to the floor.
I liked hearing him laugh. I never had before. He’d been where I was right now, and he’d come out of it stronger. He’d come out of it happier. He was doing well now. He wasn’t depressed. He was happy and content with his life. He’d managed to get out of the big, black hole I felt like I was at the bottom of. If he could do it, certainly I could as well?
‘Come here.’ I ripped the condom packet open with my teeth and took the rolled up latex out of it.
Glenn did as asked, scooting in close in-between my legs.
I braced myself on my left elbow as my right hand fitted the condom over the head of his hard dick, slowly rolling it down. I looked up at him, saw his heavy eyes watching my hand work. He clutched a bottle of lube in one hand, I also noticed which
was good because we couldn’t continue this without the slick.
With the condom on, I lay down on my back and watched as Glenn flicked the cap of the lube open. He squirted some out on the top of his dick, spreading it over the entire length of it before he squirted out some more and finally touched me.
I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his slick fingers inside me. I hadn’t missed sex at all for two whole weeks—probably a few days before that as well seeing as I hadn’t exactly been up to much—but now... now my body was on fire. My toes actually curled as he located my prostate and my back arched off the bed.
‘Fuck, Alex, you’re gorgeous.’ Glenn fitted himself above me, lips on mine again.
I clutched at his face, not wanting him to stop. His fingers were still inside of me, fucking me gently. I wanted his dick though. A dick was so much better than fingers. The two couldn’t compare.
Maybe he understood just how impatient I was, or maybe he was impatient as well because he withdrew his fingers. For one brief moment I was empty and then his cock was there, breaching me, filling me.
I spread my legs wider, hands sliding from his face and down his back to grip his arse, holding him right there as he was buried inside me.
‘Ah, so good.’ My neck tilted back a little and Glenn kissed my Adam’s apple. The only times I felt good was when I was stuffed full of dick. Then I actually could stop thinking and nothing else mattered but that dick fucking me, making me feel good, making me come.
‘You feel really good.’ He kissed the spot where my neck met my shoulder now, back bowing a little as he struggled with not moving. I was gripping his arse so tight he got the silent command to stay put, but it was costing him. ‘Fuck, Alex. I’ve got to move. Need to fuck you properly.’
My body was accustomed to him now. It’d been tight going in, but that slight burn was fading.
‘Yeah. Yeah, do it.’ I finally slid my hands up to grip his waist instead.
