Not as Expected

by T. T. Kove

  They ran around, bumped into each other, ran into each other, wrestled each other and even seemed to bite each other. It was likely more of a nip though since neither of them even so much as made a sound when that happened. And I reckoned if those teeth actually wanted to bite, it wouldn’t take much for them to pierce the thin skin with the short fur.

  The first dog Leo and Thomas got, back when they were on holiday in Spain last summer, was almost all white. Or cream, as Leo described her. That was Bella. She’d been a scared dog when they first brought her home, so I hadn’t had much to do with her. But she’d changed a lot in the months since and now she was a lot more confident. And extremely lazy inside, as she tended to lounge on the sofa whenever she wasn’t being fed or taken out for walks.

  The other dog was darker and had more colours on him. Light brown or beige, almost, along with grey and some white. A brindle, Leo told me it was called. He’d had a very Spanish name before he came to Leo and Thomas and since he hadn’t listened to his old name at all, they’d given him a new, Norse one: Hugin. They’d only had him since Christmas, but he was already used to his new name. He was also a lot more curious than Bella had ever been. And he had a lot of energy he was currently running off. He was a pretty lazy dog inside as well, though, which Leo told me was pretty typical for most sighthounds.

  ‘Here you go.’ Leo handed me a steaming mug and sat down next to me.

  ‘Thanks.’ I wrapped both my hands around the mug, letting it warm me. It was filled with hot chocolate since I didn’t drink coffee like him. ‘They’re really enjoying themselves.’ I nodded to the dogs who didn’t even bother to acknowledge Leo’s arrival.

  ‘Yeah. They do this every day. They love it and it’s good for them to use their whole bodies.’

  ‘What do you do when Bella’s in heat? Do you have to keep them separated so you won’t get any puppies?’

  Leo gave a wry look. ‘Bella’s sterilised so she’s never in heat. And even if she were, Hugin’s neutered, so there’d be no puppies anyway.’

  ‘Oh, right.’ Maybe he’d already told me this. I hadn’t really shown any interest in their dogs before. Maybe it had been because Andreas was finally home from the military last summer and I couldn’t be arsed getting to know a dog that was scared of me anyway. Maybe it had been my depression. That was probably it for Hugin since he’d arrived in December and I’d lost half of that month to brain fog and sleep.

  ‘It’s standard procedure down in the shelters,’ Leo continued, maybe sensing my confusion. ‘When they get a dog in, they sterilise them so there won’t be any more puppies around. They’ve got enough dogs living on the streets, after all. And if you adopt a puppy, you usually have to sign a contract that you’ll get them sterilised as soon as they’re old enough. Most shelters don’t want dogs used in breeding. And we’re not interested in breeding them either. They’re our pets. We’re giving them a good life. If we want a puppy, we’ll adopt one.’

  ‘That’s nice.’ I took a tentative sip of my hot chocolate. It almost scolded my lip, so I refrained from drinking anymore for the time being. I put the mug down beside me and took my phone out to check the time. No new messages.

  ‘Impatient?’ Leo asked with a laugh.

  ‘Yeah. I haven’t seen Andreas since before Christmas.’ That was almost two months ago. Except for his year in the military, I’d never spent so much time away from him.

  ‘Is Glenn coming home too?’ Leo’s voice was light like this topic wasn’t a big deal. We hadn’t spoken much about my dual relationship status since I first mentioned it to them.

  ‘No, he’s got to work.’ Nik wasn’t coming home either. Maybe they were spending some quality time together before Glenn and I went on our trip after the winter holidays.

  I was out of the psychiatric centre now and they’d referred me to the day centre in Oslo, since that was where I was living, after all. I hadn’t heard back yet, so I’d opted for staying here while I waited. If I went back to Oslo with nothing to do, I’d end up in the same bad, downward spiral I’d been in before Christmas. I didn’t want that when I’d finally managed to crawl out of that place.

  ‘How do you make it work? Having two boyfriends sounds like... well, work.’ He shrugged, smiling slightly.

  ‘I don’t know, really. We only got together in November, and then when we went home for Christmas, I was too sick to be social with anyone. When I got better, it was only Glenn left here, so I spent a lot of time with him.’

  ‘What about when they’re both in the same place?’

  It was my turn to shrug. ‘I live with Andreas. Glenn lives with Nik. We find time together when they’re at school or otherwise occupied. It’s a little more complicated to juggle two boyfriends, I guess, but we make it work.’

  ‘Since you’re both living with other people, I’m guessing sleepovers aren’t happening?’

  I shook my head. ‘I don’t know how we’re going to do it when I’m back in Oslo and not a depressed wreck anymore. Andreas once joked that he could always sleep on the sofa, but... no. I don’t know. We’re just making it up as we go, really. This is all new to us.’

  ‘I got to admit, it sounds a little strange. Isn't Andreas jealous when you’re with Glenn?’

  ‘Andreas is strangely not jealous at all.’ I couldn’t quite wrap my head around just how chill he was about it all. ‘He never has been, with anyone. He only asked for no intimate details, which is a stark contrast to Nik who wants every detail from Glenn.’ I felt my neck and cheeks flush at that. ‘Nik says he’s always been polyamorous, but he’s never actually been in a relationship before he got with Glenn. He didn’t think Glenn would be the one to end up in a polyamorous relationship before him though.’ He’d complained about that. Loudly. ‘But he’s right when he says there’s more than enough love to go around. I like that saying.’

  I stared at the dogs again, who had stopped close to the fence lining the whole yard and were sniffing something on the ground.

  ‘I had feelings for Glenn. And instead of choosing, as you would in a monogamous relationship, I get to be in love with both of them, openly. And everyone’s okay with that. It’s been strangely easy, considering. But Nik’s already identifying as polyamorous, so for him, this is likely expected. And Andreas is so chill about it all, I kind of wonder if he’s been secretly into polyamory as well.’ I knew he hadn’t been. He hadn’t known what it was before I told him about what Nik had told me. But he was all in for it now.

  ‘But what if they fall in love with someone else? What happens then?’ Leo was trying to understand, to be understanding, but I could tell he didn’t really get it.

  ‘Then we talk about it. All of us. We did that with me and Glenn too. It started out as sex. Like, just, getting it out of my system, kind of thing. But I really love Glenn and just having sex with him wasn’t enough. So now he’s my boyfriend too. And we talked about it over pizza and it was all good in the end. Everyone was okay with the situation.’

  ‘Strange.’ Leo shook his head. ‘I can’t even imagine. But it does sound good, I got to admit that.’ He smiled again now. ‘I can’t imagine finding time for two boyfriends though. Work takes up most of my day, and there are the dogs who need walks and food, and then if we’re lucky Thomas and I get a few hours to ourselves before it’s bedtime.’

  ‘You two work too much,’ I commented dryly.

  ‘Not really. We both work full-time, but while I have my set hours from eight to four, Thomas works shifts. So some days we meet in the doorway on our way in or out of the house. Other days we hardly see each other at all. But we’re good. It’s not like we have this compulsive need to be together twenty-four seven.’

  Was that a compulsive need? To want to spend all your time with your boyfriend? Or boyfriends, as it were. I missed Andreas and Glenn like crazy and I wanted to spend all my time with them instead of being here all alone. But at the same time I knew being here was good for me, that going back to Oslo with nothing to
do, nothing to get out of bed for, would drag me back down.

  I tried my hot chocolate again now and it was cooled just enough so it was possible to drink it.

  ‘I don’t know what’s going to happen later.’ I leant back and stared up at the grey-clouded, dreary sky. ‘And I’m trying not to worry about it. Everyone tells me I worry too much. So I’m just really trying to live in the moment. To enjoy what I have right now. Maybe Glenn and I don’t work out long-term. Hell, maybe Andreas and I won’t. And all that scares me, but... I’m trying not to ruminate on it too much. I’ve got a pretty awesome love-life, and if I could just get the rest of my life sorted, I’d be good.’

  ‘You have decided to apply for library sciences,’ he pointed out, bumping his shoulder gently against mine. ‘That’s a start.’

  ‘Yeah. It is.’ I still felt good about that decision. The application was in, with library sciences in Oslo on the top spot. I could still change the order of all my choices since the deadline for that wasn’t past yet, but I had a list of ten possible studies. Library sciences—whether starting directly on the bachelor degree or doing a one-year course over the internet—was the only one I truly felt good about. So that must mean it was right... right?

  ‘It’s not easy knowing what you want to do for the rest of your life.’ Leo finished his coffee and set the mug down behind him.

  ‘How’d you know what you wanted to study?’

  ‘I didn’t, not at first. But I started thinking about how shit our childhood was and how no one did anything. No neighbours called social services and no one at school ever picked up on anything. So I figured, lots of kids must have a shit life like ours, and I want to be there and try and make life easier for them. To help them.’

  ‘Doesn’t child protective services have a horrible reputation?’

  Leo shrugged. ‘You mostly hear the bad stories. And yes, there are many horror stories out there. But there’s also a lot of good ones, but people don’t talk too much about those. I want to help children like us. I want to help them live a better life growing up than we did.’

  Yeah, our home life hadn’t exactly been great with two abusive parents. They’d mostly been abusive towards each other, but our mother wasn’t known for discriminating. If we got in her way, we’d feel her wrath too.

  The last time I’d been close to her, she’d slapped me and her long, sharp nails had scratched my cheek up pretty good. Ever since then, I’d stayed with Andreas, right here. With people who welcomed me and even liked me. People who grew to love me as part of their family.

  And thanks to me dragging Leo here for Christmas, he was now part of this amazing family too.

  ‘Are you and Thomas going to take in foster kids?’

  ‘We’ve talked about it,’ Leo said. ‘And we’re pretty much in agreement that we want to continue as we are now for a bit. Work a lot. Then maybe go down a few hours a week, maybe to eighty per cent work so we can have a day off each. And then we can take in troubled teenagers who need a home.’

  ‘Not kids?’

  ‘Nah, kids always find homes. Lots of people want to foster kids. It’s teenagers that are more difficult to find a place for, those are the ones usually bounced between homes or who ends up in group homes. So teenagers are the ones we feel need our help most when we’re ready for it.’

  I nodded my understanding. It made sense.

  ‘Thomas knows all about traumatised teens, after all.’ He’d taken in Andreas and his sisters after their father hung himself in their garage.

  That couldn’t have been easy to deal with; three children who were suddenly orphans and one of them who had actually found the body. But all three of them were doing well. Andreas and Maria were set on their academic course, and Kristina was working and in a happy relationship. A lot of that must’ve been because of Thomas. He was such a kind, calm, gentle, selfless man.

  ‘And I know what it’s like to have a shitty childhood with shitty parents.’ Leo bumped my shoulder again, but it was an accident this time as he straightened up. ‘Although, he does too. He didn’t have it easy growing up either.’

  I didn’t know Thomas’s story and I didn’t ask. It wasn’t my place to ask about something personal like that. That he’d shared it with Leo was good though. They were partners, after all. They were equals, even with their age difference. Thomas was in his mid-thirties while Leo was in his mid-twenties. They made it work, despite that. And even though I never saw them affectionate with each other, I could tell they loved each other and were happy with the life they’d built together since Leo moved in last summer.

  ‘I’m happy for you,’ I told him, unsure if I’d already told him this. I must have, but it didn’t hurt to repeat it. ‘We had the same crappy childhood, but you’re settled in a relationship and with a job now, and you’ve got two dogs together and talking about foster kids. You’ve got your shit together, Leo, and I’m happy for you. Also envious, but then I am younger than you, so maybe I'll have figured out my shit when I’m your age too. I can only hope.’

  ‘There’s no hurry, Alex. It’s not a race.’ He clapped me on the shoulder. ‘Some people take longer to decide what to do than others.’

  Yeah, I was one of them. But Glenn was too. He wasn’t as hopelessly pathetic as I was, considering he was writing and earning money and working part-time, but he freely admitted he had no clue what the future would bring for him.

  ‘Hello?’ someone called, the deep voice carrying through the veranda door that was slightly open.

  I stiffened where I sat, for a moment unsure if I was hearing things or not.

  But the dogs came running, big ears up as they stared at the door too.

  And then someone filled the doorway as they pushed the door open. I saw loose-fitting jeans, a woollen jumper, scruffy face that hadn’t been shaved in a couple of days, warm, brown eyes and blond, spiky hair.

  The breath seemed like it was knocked out of me.

  ‘Hey, babe.’ He smiled down at me, lips grinning wryly, eyes almost twinkling.

  Andreas was home.

  Chapter 20

  It didn’t take long for the clothes to come off and for him to have me pinned to the bed the minute we were down in the bedroom.

  I was on my back, thighs spread wide, and he was thrusting inside with long, slow strokes.

  It was driving me crazy.

  ‘Andreas.’ I clawed at his arse, trying to make him go faster. I needed to be pounded into the bed after not seeing him for so long.

  ‘Alex,’ he only said, in a calm tone as opposed to my whine. And then he grabbed both of my hands and forced them up over my head. ‘I want to draw this out,’ he whispered against my lips. ‘I want to feel you for more than a few minutes. Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you?’

  I arched my neck up so I could kiss him. I tried to pull my wrists out of his tight grip, but I was helpless there. I was scrawny and weak and he was fit and strong. It was kind of a turn-on—but I also wanted to make him fucking move. So yeah, I was conflicted right now.

  ‘Not as much as I’ve missed you,’ I finally replied to what he’d told me.

  ‘Want to bet?’ He grinned against my lips, teeth nipping gently on my bottom one. ‘The last one to fuck you was Glenn. He’s been inside you most recently. I haven’t.’

  ‘Jealous?’ It was hard to think with his dick filling me up so wonderfully. But I still wanted him to get a move on. I wanted to feel the burn as he pounded ruthlessly into me. I wanted to turn around and have his weight on me as he fucked me properly into the mattress. Missionary had its uses, but being on my stomach was my all-time favourite position.

  ‘Envious.’ He sucked on my lower lip now, then licked it with his tongue.

  I struggled against his grip again, wanting to hold onto his neck, to force him into a proper kiss. But I was still too weak. I really should start working out. Maybe I could actually get my way if I was strong enough.

  ‘I was so fucking envious of h
im earlier this year. He got to be here with you, to kiss you, to see you naked, to fuck you. And I had to go to school every fucking day and just hope you were doing better.’

  ‘You’ve been imagining me with Glenn?’ I moaned at a particularly deep thrust. ‘I thought you didn’t want any details.’

  ‘I can’t help it. I was nine fucking hours away from you and you were in a psych centre.’ He finally released my arms now as he used one elbow to prop himself up, and the other hand circled my neck, thumb stroking my jaw. ‘Also, I think it would be really hot to see you get fucked by him.’

  He was frying my brain. Seriously.

  ‘You’re not attracted to Glenn.’

  ‘No, but I’m attracted to you, and seeing you get fucked by your other boyfriend... well, I’ve had an active imagination for the past two months and I’ve become really good friends with my right hand. We’re besties now.’

  I laughed. I couldn’t help it.

  ‘I bet you’ve missed having my willing body around so you wouldn’t have to get so up and personal with your right hand,’ I teased. It was my turn to lean up and nip at his bottom lip now.

  ‘I can’t deny that.’ He thrust deep inside me again, gaze intense on my face as my lips parted on a moan. ‘You’re always up for a good shag.’

  ‘You saying I’m needy?’ I was needy. So very needy for cock. His and Glenn’s. Maybe even at the same time. Now there was my fantasy of the past month that had made me very friendly with my right hand. I knew it would never happen, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t fantasise about it.

  ‘I’m saying you’re exactly how I like you.’ And he quickened his pace a little. Not to the point where he was pounding into me so hard I couldn’t think straight, but I was rocking against the bed now and I couldn’t stop the low, needy moans that left me.