A Gift of Grace

by Amy Clipston

  “Jessica?” her godmother said. “Jessica, listen to me. Are you there?”

  “Yeah,” Jessica whispered. “I’m here.”

  “You have to make the best of this, honey. Two years from today you’ll be eighteen, and you can do whatever you please. You just have to hang on for two years.”

  “That’s impossible,” Jessica said. “I can’t stand another week working in that stupid furniture store. The days are long and boring, and one customer even yelled at me earlier this week. It’s a nightmare.” Jessica leaned on the railing, watching the rain pound down on the dirt driveway. “I just want to go home and finish high school. Then I can go to college.”

  “You can go to college in two years. You can get your GED and go to any school you want.”

  “I can’t do it, Aunt Trisha. I have to get out of here before I go insane,” she said. “I don’t belong here.”

  “You’re going to have to make the best of it. I’ve done all I can. I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.” Trisha sighed. “Look, Frank and I will get caught up at work and then we’ll visit. Rebecca said we can come back any time to see you.”

  “I don’t want you to visit,” Jessica said, wiping her eyes again. “I want you to come get me and take me back to live with you. Nobody wants me here—especially Daniel.”

  The roar of an engine startled Jessica. Looking up, she spotted Jake’s pickup rumbling down the dirt driveway toward the main road, and her stomach clenched.

  “Oh no,” she whispered. “Jake.”

  “What’s wrong?” Trisha asked.

  “Nothing.” She shook her head as more regret bubbled through her. She’d hurt him. He’d been the one person who’d reached out to her and not judged what she said or did, and she managed to mess that up like everything else she’d done since she’d come here.

  “Jessica, I tried the best I could,” her godmother said. “I called three lawyers, and I got the same answer from each one. You just have to make the best of it and go out on your own when you’re eighteen.”

  “I can’t stand another two years here,” Jessica said through gritted teeth despite the tears spilling from her eyes. “I’m sixteen. I’ll have myself declared emancipated or whatever you call it.”

  “I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Trisha said. “You can’t touch your parents’ money for a few more years.”

  “I don’t need money.” She wiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hands. “I’m going to tell Aunt Rebecca that I want to leave. I’ve had enough.”

  “Jessica, you might not want to do that.”

  “I’ll talk to you later.” Jessica snapped the phone shut and stared out across the dark pasture while the large raindrops soaked her jeans and her blouse. She was ready to go. Nothing was keeping her in Lancaster County.

  Except Jake.

  But nothing could ever happen between them. They were just good friends. He was happy with his simple life of working in grandfather’s furniture store, and Jessica wanted more. She wanted to go to college and get her degree. She wanted to see the world. She wasn’t like these Plain People.

  Glancing up at the sky, she thought of Jake’s words. He’d said her being there was God’s plan. But somehow it didn’t seem right. She didn’t know why her parents had died, but she didn’t think God intended for her to be here. It didn’t feel right.

  No, this wasn’t what He’d planned for her at all.

  She fingered her mother’s wedding ring dangling from the chain around her neck. Jessica was like her mother, and it was time she started acting like her. She was a Bedford, not a Kauffman.

  2 cups sifted cake flour

  2 cups granulated sugar

  3/4 tsp salt

  1–1/4 tsp baking soda

  1/2 cup soft shortening

  3 squares unsweetened chocolate, melted

  3/4 cup milk

  1 tsp vanilla

  1/2 tsp double-acting baking powder

  1/2 cup milk

  3 eggs

  Grease, then line with waxed paper, the bottoms of three 1–1/4-inch deep 8-inch layer pans.

  Sift together first four ingredients into large mixing bowl. Drop in shortening; pour in chocolate, 3/4 cup milk, and vanilla. With electric mixer, mix for 2 minutes at medium speed. Stir in baking powder. Add 1/2 cup milk and eggs; beat 2 minutes longer.

  Turn into pans, bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes or until done. Cool in pans on wire racks about 15 minutes. Remove from pans, peel off paper, cool on racks.

  [Return to Table of Contents]

  Daniel’s harsh words echoed in her mind while Rebecca glanced around the crowded kitchen, scanning the sea of faces for Jessica. Lindsay emerged from the throng, and Rebecca pulled her over.

  “Have you seen Jessica?” Rebecca asked.

  “No.” Lindsay shook her head. “I thought maybe she was with you. I wanted to give her the present I got her. I’ll look upstairs. Maybe she got a call and went up to her room for privacy.”

  Rebecca glanced around the room. “I’ll check outside.” She weaved through the crowd of relatives and headed toward the front door. A rumble of thunder sounded in the distance, and the rain beat on the roof as she opened the door.

  Jessica stood on the other side of the porch, leaning on the railing, her hair and blouse soaked as if she’d been standing in the falling rain.

  “There you are,” Rebecca said. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

  Frowning, Jessica faced her. “I wanted to talk to you too.”

  Rebecca took a deep breath. “What’s on your mind?”

  “I want to leave,” Jessica said. “I’m sixteen now, and I’m mature enough to be on my own.” She stood up straight, her face exuding newfound confidence.

  “Jessica, you’re still a child.” She took a step toward her. “Your parents wanted you and your sister to stay with me until you were eighteen, and we have to respect their wishes.”

  “I can’t stand another day here, much less two more years.” Jessica’s pretty face transformed into a scowl. “I want to go now. Thanks for all you’ve done, but I don’t belong here.”

  She gestured wildly. “I wasn’t meant to live on a farm and work in a furniture store. I want to finish school with my friends. I want to be with my boyfriend. I want to go to college. This isn’t my home.”

  “Honey, you’re just upset.” Rebecca reached for her niece, but Jessica yanked her hand away before she could touch it. “This is your first birthday without your parents.”

  “Just upset?” Jessica shook her head. “Well, I’ve been just upset for two months now. It’s more than just upset.” A gust of wind blew her hair back from her shoulders, and her mother’s ring glittered in the dim light of the kerosene lamp on the little table by the swing. “I’m not like you or the Kauffmans. I’m like my mother. It’s time for me to go and live my own life.”

  “Don’t make a hasty decision. Let’s talk about this.” Rebecca rubbed her shoulder. “After everyone leaves, we’ll sit down and talk about this calmly.”

  Jessica’s brown eyes narrowed. “Don’t you ever get upset? Don’t you ever scream and yell? Don’t you show any emotion at all?” A sour smile formed on her lips. “No, it’s not your way, right?”

  A cool mist of rain kissed Rebecca’s face. “You need to calm down. We’ll talk about this when everyone is gone.”

  “You’re not listening!” Jessica said. “I want to leave. I want to go home.”

  “Jessica, please.” Rebecca sighed, disappointment raining down on her like the drops hitting the roof above them. No matter what she did, she seemed to upset Daniel and Jessica. She was at a loss for what to say.

  “I heard what you and Daniel were saying in your bedroom earlier,” her niece said, her voice thick. “I know he wants us to leave.”

  “Don’t worry about Daniel.” Rebecca pushed a wet wisp of hair back from Jessica’s face. “I’ll get him to understand.”

  “You’ve said that befor
e, but nothing has gotten better. I think it would be best for everyone if we left. Then you guys could get back to your normal life, and Lindsay and I could get back to ours.”

  The screen door slammed, and Lindsay sidled up to Rebecca. “You found her,” she said. Her smile faded while she studied Jessica. “What’s wrong? Did you have another fight with Brian?”

  “No.” Jessica glared at her. “Brian still hasn’t called me. Neither has Morgan.”

  “So then what is it?” Lindsay asked. “Why aren’t you enjoying the party Aunt Rebecca planned for you?”

  Jessica folded her arms and moved away from Rebecca. “I was just telling Aunt Rebecca that I’m sixteen now and I want to leave.”

  Lindsay blinked her eyes, hurt radiating in them. “So, she planned this nice party and you decide to tell her that you want to leave? Do you have any feelings at all?”

  “Why don’t you just stay out of it?” Jessica took a step toward her sister. “You don’t understand.”

  “Oh really?” Lindsay stood before her. “Why don’t you explain it to me?”

  “You’re just a kid,” Jessica said. “I’m a grown woman, and I’m going to make my own decisions.”

  “A grown woman?” Lindsay scoffed. “You’re only eighteen months older than me. You’re not legally an adult for two years.” She held up two fingers for emphasis. “And your problem is your attitude. You don’t see how much Aunt Rebecca has done for us. You’re ungrateful!”

  “Oh, and you’re perfect, huh?” Jessica snapped. “I guess that’s why you were always Mom’s favorite.”

  While the steady rain beat on the porch steps, Rebecca looked back and forth between the girls. She placed a hand on each of their shoulders and gently nudged them away from each other.

  “Girls, that’s enough.” Rebecca shook her head. “I don’t think your parents would want you arguing like this. You’re the only family you have left.”

  “That’s right.” Jessica glared at Rebecca. “Lindsay’s my family, not you.”

  Rebecca gasped as if she’d just been shot in the heart. She stared at her niece, wondering how she could be so cold, so unfeeling. Was it simply the death of her parents or was it something more?

  “I’ve only tried to be the best parent I can be,” Rebecca said, lowering her voice. “I’ve never been a mother. I could never have children of my own. I’m only doing this because of your mother.”

  Jessica’s eyes widened. “So, you’re glad you finally got the opportunity to be a mother? You’re glad she’s dead?”

  Rebecca sighed and shook her head. Talking to Jessica was even more frustrating than talking to Daniel. “That’s not what I meant, and you know that, Jessica.”

  “But you just said that if my mother hadn’t died then you never could’ve become a mother,” Jessica said.

  Rebecca folded her arms over her apron. For a brief moment she wondered if she should’ve let Trisha have custody of the girls. Maybe if Trisha had taken them, they would’ve been happy. However, it was God’s plan for them to come to her and Daniel.

  “I don’t think there’s anything I can say to show you how much I love you and Lindsay,” Rebecca said. “I’m just doing my best.”

  “Well, I don’t think your best is good enough,” Jessica seethed.

  “Jessica, how could you talk to our aunt that way?” Lindsay grabbed her sister’s arm and shook it. “What’s wrong with you?”

  Rebecca closed her eyes and blew out a ragged breath. She couldn’t take any more cruel words. The hurt was a deep ache in her soul. She turned to Lindsay. “I’m going to go inside and let you two talk this out.” She headed back into the house before Lindsay could protest.

  Rebecca walked in the house, and the door slammed behind her.

  Lindsay glared at her sister. “I just don’t get you. Aunt Rebecca and Uncle Daniel have welcomed us into their home and into their lives, and you’ve done nothing but complain and upset Aunt Rebecca.”

  “They welcomed us?” Jessica shook her head. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I overheard Daniel telling Rebecca to send us back to Virginia. They haven’t welcomed me. Daniel has seen me as nothing but a problem since I got here. That doesn’t give me warm fuzzies about staying here.”

  “But Aunt Rebecca loves us,” her sister said. “She wants us here, no matter what he says.”

  “She doesn’t deserve the title aunt. She’s a stranger to me,” Jessica said. “And why are you taking her side anyway? You’re my sister.”

  “She’s our mother’s sister.” Lindsay blew out a frustrated sigh. “You really need to think about how you treat people. You only think of yourself. You’re the most selfish person I know. We can learn from them.”

  “What are you saying?” Jessica shook her head in disbelief. “We’re not Amish! Did you forget that?”

  “Don’t you get it?” Lindsay gestured wildly with her arms. “Rebecca is just like Mom. She’s warm, she’s sweet, and she’s giving. We belong here, Jess. That’s why Mom wanted us to come here.”

  Jessica stared at her younger sister. Dressed in the Plain clothing she looked just like the rest of the Kauffman clan. Jessica was officially alone.

  Shaking her head, Jessica backed away from her. The cool rain splattered on the back of her shirt and soaked her hair.

  “You don’t mean that,” Jessica said. “We belong in Virginia Beach. We were supposed to finish out the school year with our friends.”

  “With our friends?” Lindsay gave a sarcastic laugh. “Don’t tell me you mean Brian and Morgan. When was the last time they called you?”

  Jessica bit her quivering bottom lip. “Last week.”

  “So, they didn’t call you and sing happy birthday to you today, huh?” Lindsay folded her arms. “Did they at least send you a card?”

  Jessica shook her head.

  “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe they aren’t your friends?”

  Jessica wiped the rain from her face. “You sound like Jake.”

  “Do I?” Lindsay gave a smug smile. “Maybe that’s because Jake is your friend and Brian and Morgan aren’t.”

  “How do you know?” Jessica yelled. “You have no idea how much Brian loves me. You never liked him, and you never gave him a chance.”

  “Oh really? Kinda like how you haven’t given Aunt Rebecca a chance?”

  “Don’t throw that back in my face!” Jessica stepped toward her sister, wagging a finger at her. “You don’t know anything about Brian.”

  “Ha.” Lindsay shook her head. “That’s a good one. I know more than you think I do. I know things you don’t want to know.”

  Jessica froze. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Forget it.” Her younger sister waved off the thought and started toward the house.

  “Oh no.” Grabbing her sister’s arm, she yanked her back, causing her to stumble. “Not so fast. What did that comment mean?”

  “Nothing.” Lindsay shook her head, the ties to her prayer Kapp swinging back and forth. “It meant nothing.”

  “Tell me, Lindsay.” She squeezed her sister’s arm. “Tell me now.”

  Lindsay sighed. “Forget I said anything. You’ve already managed to ruin your own birthday party. I don’t want to make it worse.”

  “Just tell me.” She let go of her sister’s arm. “Please, Linds.”

  Her younger sister frowned. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

  “Lindsay …”

  “Brian’s been cheating on you.”

  Jessica’s gut twisted. “What?”

  “I caught him with Morgan a week before Mom and Dad died.” Lindsay touched Jessica’s arm. “I’m sorry.”

  “Wait.” Jessica held her hands up. “What do you mean you caught them?”

  “You invited them over one night to watch a movie, and you’d gone to the kitchen to get drinks or something. I came into the den to ask you a question and caught them kissing.”

  “Oh no.” Jessica clasped h
er hands and her body shook. “I was right all along.”

  “You knew?” Lindsay’s eyes rounded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I hoped I was wrong.” Jessica shook her head. “I can’t believe this.”

  “Jessica, just forget them.” Lindsay grabbed her arm, her eyes apologetic. “Forget Virginia and concentrate on building a life here.”

  Jessica ran her hand down her hot cheeks. Anger pulsated through her veins while she contemplated her sister’s words. She refused to let Brian and Morgan make a fool of her.

  “Come inside and enjoy the party,” Lindsay said, tugging her toward the door. “You can apologize to Aunt Rebecca later.”

  Jessica followed Lindsay back into the house, where the crowd of Kauffman relatives were still talking, laughing, and eating snacks. Pennsylvania Dutch whirled through the air, making Jessica feel as if she’d stepped into another country.

  “You’re soaked,” Sarah said, sidling up to Jessica. “I guess it’s still raining.”

  “Yeah.” Jessica plastered a smile on her face. “It’s pouring.”

  “You should go get changed before you catch a cold,” Sarah said, absently rubbing her small belly.

  “Right.” Jessica weaved through the crowd and up to her room. She stripped off her wet clothes and pulled on dry jeans and a dry blouse. While standing in front of her closet and closing her eyes, the conversations with Jake, Trisha, Aunt Rebecca, and Lindsay swirled in her head.

  Jessica was trapped in a life she didn’t want. No one understood her. They accused her of being a bad influence. Her only friends, Brian and Morgan, were lying and cheating behind her back.

  But her sister could be wrong. There was a chance that they weren’t betraying her. She had to know the truth. She just had to.

  Jessica glanced across the room, her eyes focusing on a small duffel bag by the dresser. She could pack up a few things and leave. Maybe she could ask Jake to drive her to the bus station. She could trust Jake to keep her leaving a secret. That was if he could forgive her for giving him the cold shoulder earlier. But Jake was just a friend, so why would he care if she wanted to go?