Lament

by Maggie Stiefvater

  "He would have done it, Kad," Obi-Wan said. "I am certain of it."

  "Who cares what you think!" Kad suddenly leaped onto the Senator's table. In his hand he held the heavy wood and metal staff that Vivendi Allum had used. It was a formidable weapon. With Kad's strength, he could knock Obi-Wan out cold.

  Obi-Wan knew he could neatly slice it into pieces with his lightsaber. It would only take moments. Kad was strong, but he was not trained. Obi-Wan could disarm him in a moment. But he would not take up his lightsaber against Bruck's brother.

  Kad ran toward him, his face taut with fury.

  Obi-Wan watched him run at him with a strange detachment. It was as though he were in a dream. He made no move to dodge. He saw Kad's arm muscles bunch as he lifted the staff, gathering himself for the blow.

  Obi-Wan still did not move. He saw the staff whistle down toward his skull. ...

  At the last second, Kad twisted his wrist. The staff hit the table, splitting it in two. Kad dropped the staff. He stared down at the floor, panting. Then he raised his gaze to Obi-Wan.

  "I will never forgive you, Obi-Wan Kenobi," he rasped. "In my eyes, you will always be a killer." He kicked aside the staff and walked up the aisle toward the door.

  Obi-Wan stood frozen, Kad's words echoing in his brain. You will always be a killer.

  No matter how many meditations he had done, no matter how many talks with Qui-Gon he had had, nothing had done him any good. He could not wipe the guilt and shame from deep within himself. He knew that Kad had seen into his heart.

  In his own eyes, he was a killer, too.

  Twelve Years Later

  CHAPTER 11

  Obi-Wan moved quickly along the path that ran beside the lake. A fresh breeze moved across his skin and whispered through the branches overhead. Even after all these years, he had to remind himself that the breeze was caused by hidden cooling fans, the dappled shadow on the forest floor created by a series of illumination banks that mimicked the rise and decline of the sun.

  His footsteps slowed as he heard the calls and laughter of the Jedi students at the beach along the lake. Although he had received a message that he and Anakin were to report to Yoda, he wanted a few seconds of delay. Anakin had so few opportunities for play. He hated to interrupt him.

  They had been heading back from an intense physical workout when Obi-Wan had spied the students from Anakin's year heading to the lake. He had seen the longing in Anakin's eyes as the students dived into the cool water.

  "Go ahead," Obi-Wan had told him. "Take some time off."

  Anakin had looked at him uncertainly, but Obi-Wan shooed him off.

  It puzzled and worried Obi-Wan how much time his Padawan spent alone.

  Anakin had told him that he'd had good friends on Tatooine, especially a human boy named Kitster. He'd been at theTemplefor three years now, but he hadn't made one close friend, although he was well liked and certainly got along with the other kids.

  Obi-Wan had tried to talk to him about it, but the boy would just shut down. His eyes would turn opaque and the corners of his mouth would straighten into a thin line. He would seem very far away. Obi-Wan did not know how to reach him at such times, but they were infrequent and passed as quickly as a rain shower. When they'd met, Anakin had been a warm-hearted nine-year-old boy with an open nature. He was twelve and a half now, and the years had changed him. He had grown to be a boy who hid his heart.

  Obi-Wan had tried to show Anakin that friends he would make at theTemplewould be his for life. Obi-Wan's friends from his classes--

  Garen, Reeft, and Bant--were now roaming the galaxy. He didn't see them very often. But that deep tie was still there. He wanted the same for Anakin.

  Qui-Gon had been dead for three and a half years. Sometimes it seemed like an age, but most of the time it seemed like it had happened yesterday. Especially when he needed his Master's advice. He would always think of Qui-Gon as his Master. Qui-Gon had been torn from him too soon, and Obi-Wan still felt his presence at his shoulder. He even knew what Qui-Gon would say right now.

  You cannot make friends for your Padawan, Obi-Wan. You can only show him through your own actions how important connections are to you.

  Qui-Gon had done that. Obi-Wanwas still running into beings throughout the galaxy who came up to him and spoke reverently or glowingly or humorously of their deep friendship with his Master. Obi-Wan hadn't realized how many connections Qui-Gon had forged with the most unlikely sorts.

  Smiling, Obi-Wan paused behind a screen of trees. He couldn't resist a moment to see if Anakin was enjoying himself with the others. He scanned the happy, splashing group with the smile still on his face. It slowly faded as he realized that Anakin wasn't there. With a sigh, Obi-Wan turned away. He hurried to the nearest turbolift. He knew where Anakin was. The boy sometimes retreated to his own quarters.

  Obi-Wan exited at Anakin's floor and quickly made his way to the boy's quarters. As he reached them, the lower half of a protocol droid rotated out the door on its own. It was followed a moment later by a battered astromech droid, which tottered and then smashed into the wall.

  Obi-Wan paused. As expected, a split second later Anakin raced out the door and crashed right into Obi-Wan.

  "By the suns, I thought I had it this time," he cried, rebounding off Obi-Wan and crouching by the droid.

  "I thought you wanted to swim," Obi-Wan said.

  That shuttered look came over Anakin's face. "I hadwork to do," he muttered.

  Obi-Wan crouched by him. "This isn't work, Anakin. It's a hobby.

  And if you are using it to keep distance between you and your fellow students, it's not a helpful one."

  Anakin looked up, his bright eyes keen again. "But I'm making things, Master! Look, I've almost got this astromech ready for service."

  "Mechanical ability is a valuable skill," Obi-Wan said. "That is not what I meant, and you know it."

  "They don't want me," Anakin said flatly. He walked over and slung the legs of the protocol droid under one arm. "I'm not like them."

  Obi-Wan couldn't argue. Anakin was unique. There was no question about that. He was an exceptional student, much more in tune with the Force than others his age. He had come late to theTemple. It wasn't that the other students dislikedhim, they just didn't know what to make of him.

  When did it happen? Obi-Wan wondered again. Why did it happen? Was it the loss of his mother, followed so closely by the death of Qui-Gon?

  Obi-Wan could not replace those people in Anakin's heart, nor did he wish to. He had hoped that with Jedi training andtheir own relationship, Anakin would come to find peace. He had not.

  "Yoda has requested our presence," he told Anakin, rolling the astromech droid back into Anakin's quarters.

  Anakin looked up, excited."A mission?"

  "I don't think so," Obi-Wan said carefully.

  Barely two weeks ago, Yoda and Mace Windu had expressed doubts that Anakin was ready for a mission. Anakin lacked discipline, they said. Obi-Wan disagreed. It wasn't so much a lack of discipline that caused Anakin to break rules and send his droids scurrying over theTemplecorridors. It was partially boredom, he thought. No matter what he threw at Anakin, the boy mastered it. He needed more challenges. Where Yoda and Mace Windu saw a lack of discipline, Obi-Wan saw an emotional restlessness that could not be cured by hard study or physical trials.

  "Straighten your tunic," he admonished. "And wash the grease off your hands."

  Anakin scurried to comply, runningto the sink in the corner. His quarters were crammed with tools and droid parts. Pieces of a probe droid were scattered over his sleep-couch. A pair of legs for a bipedal droid sat in a corner. Obi-Wan knew that Anakin had found these things by sneaking out of theTempleand dealing in the thriving black market of Coruscant. He preferred to turn a blind eye. So far, Yoda and Mace Windu did as well. But it did not help Anakin's reputation with the Council.

  Anakin cleaned up and hurried to keep step with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan could tell that he was bu
rsting with questions, but uncharacteristically, he did not ask them. Obi-Wan could not have answered them if he had.

  Yoda awaited them in a meditation room, the place he favored now for conferences. Obi-Wan knew that Yoda had often met Qui-Gon at his favorite bench in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. Yoda never sat there now. It was the only visible sign that Yoda still was in deep mourning for his friend.

  "A request the Council has for you both," Yoda announced without preliminaries.

  Anakin could not contain his excitement."A mission?"

  Yoda blinked his gray-blue eyes and did not answer. He studied Anakin for a moment. Obi-Wanwas often charmed by Anakin's enthusiasm, but it seemed to worry Yoda.

  "A mission it is not," Yoda said. "But a voyage you must take.

  Request we do that you travel to a starship called the BioCruiser, a permanent home for a group of people gathered from many worlds in the galaxy. Those on the ship have come from damaged worlds--planets that have become toxic or ravaged by disease or torn apart by criminal gangs or civil war. Land on other worlds they do not. Roam the galaxy they do."

  "You mean they live on board a ship?" Anakin's gaze grew wider.

  "Lucky."

  "How do they manage it?" Obi-Wan asked. "What about food and supplies?"

  "Grow their own food they do," Yoda answered. "Self-sustaining, they are. But stop they must for fuel and for occasional supplies. Meet them you will at the next docking point. Complaints the Senate has received from the families of those aboard." Yoda drew his robes around him. "Fear they do that their loved ones have been coerced or brainwashed."

  "Who leads this group?" Obi-Wan asked.

  "Uni is the name he goes by," Yoda answered. "No text doc information can we find about him. Agreed Uni has to a Jedi inspection to calm the worries of the Senate. Danger for you we do not anticipate. Only a few days should this require."

  Obi-Wan nodded and kept his skepticism to himself. He had heard these words before, and had been plunged into danger and disarray.

  "So we are to travel far away to a ship where people might be held hostage," Anakin said shrewdly. "It sure sounds like a mission to me."

  "A request only," Yoda corrected. Telling them that he would provide further details of the rendezvous soon, Yoda dismissed them.

  Anakin was silent as they left.

  As soon as they rounded the corner, he turned to Obi-Wan, a delighted grin on his face."My first mission!"

  "Request," Obi-Wan said sternly. But he saw Anakin shake his head and silently mouth the word "mission" with a smile.

  CHAPTER 12

  The next scheduled fuel stop for the BioCruiser was on the planetHilo. Yoda arranged for a transport to pick up Obi-Wan and Anakin at the landing platform.

  Obi-Wan stood, looking up last-minute information aboutHiloon his datapad. Anakin's gaze remained fixed on the skies of Coruscant; every so often he exclaimed about a ship that zoomed by in the crowded space lanes.

  "Master, look at that starship!" he called suddenly. "Have you ever seen such a beauty?"

  Obi-Wan looked up. A sleek starship was negotiating the tight traffic lanes, jockeying for position. "A diplomat or Senator's transport, most likely," he said, noting the chromium trim on the sleek black ship. He watched as the skillful pilot found space to slide into the teeming lane, then made a sharp turn to come toward them. To Obi-Wan's surprise, the beautiful ship landed on the Jedi platform.

  "Maybe that's our transport!" Anakin cried.

  The ramp lowered and a familiar figure strode down toward them.

  "Garen!"Obi-Wanwas overjoyed to see his friend. It had been several years since Garen had been to theTemple. He hurried toward him, and the two friends clapped their arms around each other in a fierce hug. "This is a surprise," Obi-Wan said, quickly taking in his friend's appearance.

  He was relieved to see that Garen looked as fit and healthy as ever. His hair was still worn long and loose, waving past hiscollar, and his gaze was as open and warm as Obi-Wan remembered. He knew that Garen had been on a difficult mission in the Outer Rim, though he didn't know the details.

  "You look older," Garen said. "But wiser? I'll have to hope for that." His eyes danced.

  Obi-Wan grinned. "You haven't changed at all."

  "I was sorry to hear about Qui-Gon," Garen said, his mood abruptly changing. "I would have come, but ..."

  "It is all right, my friend. It was a great loss for the Jedi."

  "And for you."

  "Yes. He was my friend as well as my Master," Obi-Wan said. He did not speak of Qui-Gon to many people. He still found it too painful, even after all this time. "But let me introduce you to my Padawan."

  "How strange it is to hear you say that," Garen said, smiling. "Now we are old enough to have our own Padawans. Who would have thought it?"

  Anakin had been hanging back, studying the ship with avid eyes.

  When he saw Obi-Wan's welcoming glance, he hurried forward.

  "Is this your ship?"

  "Anakin," Obi-Wan said reprovingly. "This is my good friend, Jedi Knight Garen Muln. Garen, this is Anakin Skywalker."

  "I am honored to meet you at last," Garen said. "No, this isn't my ship. It's a royal starship from the Bimin Three system, on extended loan for the Jedi."

  "I knew you'd end up with a starship somehow," Obi-Wan said.

  Garen nodded ruefully. Obi-Wan knew he had been bitterly disappointed when the Jedi decided to end the starfighter program. But Garen had gone on to become Clee Rhara's Padawan and had distinguished himself on missions throughout the galaxy.

  "It turned out for the best," Garen said. "I think in the end the Council was right to oppose the starfighter pilot program. A fleet of starfighters would have brought us trouble."

  "Do you mean the Jedi once had a program for starfighter pilots?"

  Anakin asked, stunned at this news.

  "Yes, Anakin, long ages ago, back when Obi-Wan and I were only a little older than you," Garen said, laughing.

  "And they cancelled it?" Anakin's face showed clearly what he thought of that decision.

  "It was for the best," Garen said. "But I must admit it was fun while it lasted."

  Anakin gazed at the ship. "How fast does she go?"

  "As fast as you want," Garen answered. He looked at Anakin curiously. "Why do you like to go fast, Anakin?"

  The dreamy, shuttered look came over Anakin's face. "Because I can leave myself behind," hesaid, his eyes on the ship.

  Garen glanced at Obi-Wan. He raised one eyebrow. It was not a Jedi answer. Obi-Wan frowned, troubled by it. There were still places in Anakin he could not reach.

  No. You will reach them. Yoda and Mace Windu are wrong. Qui-Gon was right. Anakin is not too old to learn.

  Garen put his hand on Anakin's shoulder. "Let me show you the ship."

  "We're waiting for our transport toHilo," Anakin said, disappointed. "I don't think my Master will allow it."

  "Oh, I think he will," Garen said. "I'm your transport toHilo."

  Anakin seemed stunned at his good fortune. A delighted grin lit up his face, and he ran ahead to race up the ramp.

  Garen picked up Obi-Wan's survival pack. "He seems very young," he observed.

  Obi-Wan sighed. "He is getting older every day."

  They came out of hyperspace to a rush of stars. It was Anakin's favorite moment, Obi-Wan knew. He watched the boy's face, alert with interest as Garen piloted the ship toward the atmosphere ofHilo.