by Bree Dahlia
Someday….
The woman issues me a hello as she removes her child from the seat, and I watch them go up to the school, ponytails bobbing behind them. I ignore the cattle prodding I receive from my ovaries, hoping to shock me into submission. We’re on the Pill, damn it, I silently hiss. You’re supposed to be fooled that we’re already pregnant.
I wait a few more minutes, squeegeeing the sweat off my forehead. I want to shake my fist and scream at the sun, “Leave me alone, I’m not a damn coffee bean” when Rowan comes out.
Chill out, Maddie. Maybe I’m not as low-keyed as I thought.
“Mads?” She wipes her eyes as if I’m a heat-induced mirage. “What in the world?”
“I had to come check out what kind of school you worked for, since you swore a lot at me when we talked.”
“Bullshit,” she whispers, staring through slits.
“Impressionable young minds and all. Or is vulgar slang part of the curriculum now? I had to wait until high school to hear teachers use the bad words.”
“Damn it, Mads. I was in my car when you called.”
“In this heat? Are you insane? No air conditioning is that good.”
“Mine is.” She grabs my arm and drags me to her car. “Get in.”
I’m in the process of prying her fingers out of my skin when her grip relaxes. She morphs from a hellcat into an angel bunny. Which reminds me of my sketch. Which reminds me of Jake.
She waves at the woman I saw earlier, but now the child is swinging between her and an attractive man. Extremely attractive.
Whew, it just got more humid out here.
“Let me guess. Hot teacher?” I whisper, and she elbows me in the side.
When they’re packed away in their car, Rowan’s smile turns sharp. “Hot married teacher. I know you have a thing for married men and all, but don’t bother. This one is very happy and not looking for a little something on the side.”
“That was a low blow.”
She sighs. “You’re right. Just get in the car, okay?”
I plop into the sweatbox, my upper back sticking to the seat. She gets in and cranks on the air. Wow, she wasn’t kidding. I angle myself in front of the blast, airing out my pits.
“At least now I know why you’ve been avoiding me.” I turn and get the back of my neck while she continues. “You weren’t too busy. You just didn’t want me to be your voice of reason.”
I look at her. “Partially, but I also needed to figure things out on my own first.”
“And now you did? What, you’re going to up and leave a man who made you believe in love again for the guy who destroyed it for you?”
“Whoa. I never said anything about leaving Cain.” Not yet.
“Then what the fuck are you doing? Just having a good ole time?”
“Rowan, it’s not like that.”
“Have you slept with him yet?” I nod. “More than once?” I nod again, and she hisses, dragging her hands down her face. “Do you recall that day you ran into your ex at the park and you called me all freaking out? Hell, you were a mess just hearing that he might be in town. You kept telling me how guilty you felt, and I kept saying you did nothing wrong. Remember that?”
“Of course.”
“Well, guess what? Now you can feel guilty.”
I fling back my head and rest it on the seat, turning until my cheek squashes against the leather. I stare at her, pleading. “As someone who loves me, can’t you just hear me out?”
She lets out a frustrated groan. “All right. Tell me everything. And you’d better not leave a single thing out, no matter how small. Or big.”
And I do. Beginning with the stuff she already knows, like our first accidental meeting, and ending with the stuff she doesn’t. Like my dire need for a whole weekend together and her role in helping it happen. She listens patiently with no interruptions, and I’m confident she’s starting to come around to my side.
“Absolutely not.” My bubble shrivels. “I’m sorry, Mads. I can’t stop you from cheating, but I’m not going to make it easier for you to do it.”
“It’s not just sex. It’s not some sordid affair. We both still love each other.”
“So what, he’s just shunning his religion now? You both loved each other before and that wasn’t enough. What makes you think it is now?”
“I told you his mom passed away, and his father’s more open. Jake’s done with listening to his head. He’s ready to follow his heart.”
“And his heart is telling him to be unfaithful? To make you do the same?”
“He’s not making me do anything.” This is not going well. At all. I rub all the goose bumps popping up on my arms. “Can you turn the air down, please?”
“You need to make up your mind.”
“I can’t help that your A/C really is that good.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.” She adjusts the temperature, and without the blowing air, it’s way too quiet. “You can’t have a husband and a boyfriend. It’s not right.”
I know I’m straddling two worlds, and if I don’t choose one soon, I’m liable to split right down the middle. And it won’t be a clean cut. Just the thought alone is enough to paralyze me into inaction.
“You know how I feel about cheating. Do you think I want to be in this situation?”
“Then don’t. It’s pretty simple.”
I slap my hands hard to my thighs, leaving red splotches. “Nothing about this is simple! I love Jake, who’s a better version of himself now and getting better. But I also still love Cain, who’s a worse version of himself and getting much worse. And I just fucking want to be happy.”
She places her hand on mine. “You mentioned Cain’s breakdown. Whether exhaustion caused it or not, it shows you something’s wrong. He needs your support.”
“He doesn’t want my support. He doesn’t need my help.”
“I hate to say this, but I have to. If you continue what you’re doing, sneaking around with Jake, you’re no better than your father. Do you want that hanging over your head?”
She might as well have just whacked me with a hot iron, right between the eyes. “Oh. My. God.”
Rowan grips tighter. “I’m just trying to find a way to get through to you.”
“Oh my God.” I push her hand away. “I am nothing like my father, and I never will be. How can you even say that?”
“Mads—”
“Don’t. Just don’t.” I push open the door and hop out. “I don’t need your damn insults. I get enough of that from Cain.”
“Mads, wait—”
“Sorry to waste your time.” I slam the door. There’s only one person I want to be around right now. And nothing’s going to stop me.
It’s time for Plan B.
Twenty
OhGodOhGodOhGod.
I bury my hands in his hair. It’s just like a day at the beach but better. Holy fuck, it’s so much better. His mouth is between my thighs, and his tongue is working its magic. If I were at the beach, they would never allow us into the water with waves this strong.
I grip him harder, not risking the slightest movement away from me. Not when I’m about to explode for the umpteenth time today. I lost count, but it’s a lot. If he’s trying to make a point, it’s sharp enough to puncture.
My belly begins to tremble, causing the muscles in my legs to quake. He knows my every inch, every cue. He’s an expert on determining when I’m right at the peak and what it takes to spiral me higher.
“Give it to me, Maddie.”
He hooks a finger inside, drawing forcefully on my clit, and I jolt forward, pulsing against his mouth. He digs into my skin, not allowing me to move until I’ve finishing coming all over his tongue.
Perfection.
Every. Fucking. Time.
He strokes my upper thighs as I liquefy into the bed. Pretty soon I’ll be so relaxed I’ll need to be sucked up through a straw. “You must’ve added gingko biloba to your regimen.”
; “What?” he asks, laughing.
“Your memory is spot-on. It’s like I gave you a road map of my body, and years later you ace the course with no refresher.” He draws circles over my stomach and it tickles. “Seriously, since the first morning I came here, you knew exactly what to do to me.”
“You know why that is?”
“Because you’re good in bed?”
He laughs again. I like that. No, I love that. We’re always making each other laugh, and isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be?
“Because it’s you. We were created for each other.”
“You truly believe that?”
“I do.” He slides up and cradles my face in his palms. His kiss is a mixture of both of us. He moves from my lips and places soft touches to my chin, my cheeks, my forehead. “And I’m incredibly lucky to get you for the night. Thank you.”
“Possibly two,” I whisper. His mouth is distracting, not because it’s sexual but because it’s not. It’s sweet and tender, marking me with love.
“One can only hope.”
I want to be sure I don’t run into any issues after staying one night before trying a second. I ended up using Rowan as a reason for getting away because I couldn’t come up with a better plausible explanation. I decided I didn’t need her to cover for me after all. She only calls my phone, and it’s not like Cain would ever contact her. There’s little chance he’ll find out that I’m not staying with her. But if the unlikely happens, I’ll go home early and figure something out then. It’ll all work out.
“Are you hungry?” he asks.
On cue, my stomach rumbles. “I guess I am.” The last time I ate was right before I came over. Because once Jake opened his door and I landed in his arms, food became the least of my needs.
“Do you want to go out somewhere?”
“Yes, but….” I’m not ready for that. It’s Saturday night, and who knows who we’ll see. Cain could be hanging at Blue’s with some buddies. We could run into someone on the street. I’m supposed to be in Milwaukee, not in Madison with my ex-boyfriend.
Current boyfriend.
“No worries. I’ll go pick something up.”
“You sure?”
“As long as you’ll still be here when I get back.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
He lingers on my mouth for several beats. “That’s what I like to hear.”
I watch from the bed as he throws on clothes. What a shame to cover up that body, but at least the bottom half of our dragon is still visible. My eyes roam down his chest, the black cotton straining over his chiseled strength. If I ever need to draw the ideal male specimen, I’d have no trouble at all.
He notices me gawking and his dimple appears. “Thai Palace okay?”
“Sounds perfect.”
“What would you like?”
“Surprise me.”
“I can do that.” He comes over and kisses me goodbye. “I have beer and wine in the fridge. Help yourself.”
I lounge in bed after he leaves, burying my face in his pillow, wrapping myself in his sheets. It thrills me to have both our scents mixed together, as if they were never apart.
It’s not the same bed where we first joined as one. It’s better. A whole new beginning.
I swing off the side and hop down. Might as well take this opportunity to look around since it’s my first time alone in the tiny apartment. I slip on my tank top and shorts and exit the bedroom. I’m not snooping, just getting closer to the man I’ve been reunited with.
There’s not much to see. I imagine he didn’t take much from the house, if anything. That pleases me. Some of his photos hang on the wall in a collage: lights over Lake Monona, a forest of autumn maples, the waterfall from The Gardens. I spot a standalone picture in the main room that I never noticed before. Our sunny yellow bench scattered with crabapple blossoms. I hug it to my chest.
I go into the kitchen and pull a bottle of rosé from the fridge. I’m not used to my wine chilled, but it sounds better than beer. I set it on the counter and open the cabinet. As expected, there’s a lot of empty space. I spot what appears to be a wineglass on the top shelf, pushed far toward the back, and I reach for it.
The moment my fingers clasp around the stem, it clicks. The silver base, the pastel floral design circling the cup, the embedded crystals. I bring it down, never having touched it before. It’s a wineglass all right, but not one I’ll be using.
Seven years earlier
I hate Fridays.
Specifically, Friday evenings. That’s sacred family time for Jake. Unbreakable. Unfortunately, I’m not part of that family. At least not yet.
“I wish I didn’t have to leave,” I whisper. Mrs. Adams gives me one of those looks, and I quickly dart my eyes away. Whenever she takes down her fancy wineglass from the shelf, it’s my unspoken cue to make myself scarce. Jake calls it a Kiddush cup. I call it my eviction notice.
“I wish that too.” He grabs my hand and pulls me into the foyer. We’re alone, and I can breathe freely again. “Not much longer,” he promises. “Pretty soon we’ll be married, and we’ll get to spend every day and night together.”
His familiar words soothe like nothing else, and his reassuring kisses are my own slice of heaven. Two more months and I’ll graduate. We’re not officially engaged with a ring and everything, but in our hearts where it matters most. Why did I ever worry about Jake starting college before me? He’s been devoted as ever this whole year. We’ve been stronger than ever.
I’m the one to break away from his mouth first, from his hands roaming down my body. It takes a Herculean effort on my part, but the last thing I want is for Momzilla to find us. I continually remind myself that he won’t be under their roof for much longer, following their rules and traditions. He’s only living at home for his first year in order to save up enough money. When I join him at UW in the fall, we’ll get our own place off campus.
I think of our future every moment of every day. It keeps me going. Sometimes I wonder if it’s normal to be seventeen—soon to be eighteen—and so deeply in love with your soul mate. Maybe not normal, but definitely lucky.
He groans at our physical separation. I understand the frustration. Sometimes it feels like torture to keep our hands off each other. And why wouldn’t it? Sex is so good, and I should know. We’ve already done it thirty-one times. I’ve gone from virgin to nympho in six months.
“See you tomorrow?” he mutters in my ear, and I tingle.
I nod. “Can’t wait.”
He gives me a final kiss, and then I’m out the door. I pick up my bike that’s lying on the grass, turning back for a final wave goodbye.
I’m pedaling away when a car pulls up. I slow my speed when I notice the unfamiliar people getting out of it are carrying trays. I stop with the guise of needing to tie my shoes. I sneak a glance at the couple heading up Jake’s path, the girl following behind.
I’m confused. Who are these strangers crashing sacred family time? I’d know for a fact if I saw them before. Especially the girl. I’ve never seen her around school. She looks about my age and is very pretty. Much prettier than what makes me comfortable. I’m suspicious of her hair; it must be extensions. I can never get mine to look that thick and silky. I don’t like her curves either. They make me feel like I’m twelve again.
My gut twists as if snakes were nesting in it.
Yes, I’m positive this is my first time seeing the girl, and I pray it’s my last.
It wasn’t the last.
I jump at the touch, nearly tossing the cup in the air. “Oh my God, don’t surprise me like that. I almost broke this.” I set it on the counter.
“But you didn’t.” He wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin in the crook of my neck. I lean back into him, the scent of lemongrass filling the air.
“I was looking for a wineglass. I know it’s tradition and all. I wasn’t going to use it.”
“It’s okay, Maddie.” He kisses the skin below my
ear. “I don’t use it either. Mom passed it down to me on my wedding day. It’s the only thing I took when I moved out.”
“Oh.” My muscles are rigid, locked into place since “wedding day.”
“I’m sorry.” He squeezes tighter, then puts the cup back on the top shelf. “If my having it bothers you, I can return it to my dad.”
Just him offering to put my feelings first makes me loosen up. And it makes me realize how petty I’m being. “No, of course not. It’s from your mom. You need to keep it.” I never wanted him to abandon his beliefs; I only wanted to be accepted and included in them. “But maybe now you won’t be off-limits to me on Friday nights.”
He spins me around so we’re facing. “Maddie, you’re never off-limits to me. If you’d let me, I’d see you every night.” I taste that fantasy world until my stomach gets jealous, voicing its concerns loudly. “Come on, let’s eat before it gets cold.”
I pull cardboard containers out of the bag. “What’d you get me?”
“Spicy noodles with broccoli and cashews. Coconut chicken on the side.”
Wow. I shake my head and mutter, “Gingko,” under my breath.
“You,” he says, giving me a quick peck on the cheek.
He grabs a couple blue cups and the wine bottle, and I follow him to the front room with the food. We sit on the floor by the low table and dig into our food.
I watch as he pops a rubbery cube into his mouth. “Tofu?”
He thrusts the container in my face. “Want some?”
“Ah, no thanks.” I push it aside with a lopsided grin. Some things will never change. I look down into my lap, still in a state of disbelief over the direction my life is heading.
And some things change whether you’re ready for them or not.
The unwelcome ring sets my teeth on edge. The phone might as well be inside my gut, forcing the noodles in the opposite direction. I gulp several times, but the feeling doesn’t subside.
Please don’t be Cain.
“Are you going to check that?”
