by Ruby Rowe
The veins in his neck are pronounced, his biceps are flexing, and his pectorals repeatedly twitch. Every muscle is tense, and God, he looks magnificent. To think I could look at this man every day, possibly forever, seems too good to be true.
Once he pulls out and removes the condom, he unties me from the bed and lies next to me. Like the rest of my body, my arms are tired.
“That was … incredible and exciting,” I say as I curl up against his scorching body.
“You’re incredible and exciting.” He flips over on top of me and presses his lips against my neck. “I have so many plans for this body of yours.”
“Like what? I’m curious.”
“Maybe I should enlighten you as we go. I don’t want to scare you off.”
“I might have to look away from embarrassment, but I want to hear some of them.”
“OK… I plan on blindfolding and gagging you.” He kisses my lips. “I imagine tying your wrists to the shower nozzle and fucking you against the wall.” His mouth skims down my neck. “I’ll bind your hands behind your back, grip your hair and fuck your mouth with my cock.”
I swallow against his lips before I feel them on my chest. “I’ll swat your ass with a riding crop before I bend you over and have you hold your ankles while I fuck you from behind.”
“Oh.”
“That’s not all,” he murmurs before he bites down on my nipple, “but I’ll save some surprises for later.” Lifting his body, he gives me a peck on the lips. “Right now, I’m going to feed you and hold you in front of the fireplace like I promised.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, my Sailor Girl.”
Elliott
Peace. The only time I feel it is when Sailor’s near me … in my arms or beneath me. Jazz is playing in the living room, and I have my eyes closed as I rest my head back in a comfy chair with my feet resting on the ottoman.
Sailor’s curled up in my arms with her head on my chest and her hand pressed to my heart. She’s who I want to come home to every day.
The front door unlocks … fuck, Jake. Sailor sits right up, but I tighten my hold on her, hoping she won’t move.
“Jake, hi,” she says.
“I thought you moved out so that this wouldn’t happen.”
I lift my head and glare at him. “Don’t fucking talk to her like that. You usually stay at your sister’s Sunday night and take Maddie to school on Monday.”
“Yeah, and I thought you were working all this weekend.”
“Change of plans.”
“Same.” As he walks past us, he stops and looks at Sailor, and I kind of feel shitty when I eye the pathetic, sad look on his face. Only kind of…
“Sailor, I’m sorry. I had no right to say that.”
She scrambles out of my lap, and realizing she’s only wearing one of my sweatshirts, she yanks it down over her thighs.
“I should leave.”
“Don’t go,” I say. She turns every direction while biting her lip.
“No, I’m going to go change.” She runs up the stairs, and I stand and glare at Jake again.
“Way to go, motherfucker. Sailor doesn’t even feel welcome now. You had her the whole fucking last week, and I want one evening, and you manage to screw it up.”
“When I saw her car out front, I thought she was here getting more of her things, so I’m sorry if I was eager to see her.”
“You didn’t have to be rude to her. What happened to sharing?”
“Sharing? You’re the one who said you wanted no part of it, so seeing you with Sailor, knowing you’re to trying to make her choose you, is going to piss me off.”
“Both of you stop it. I won’t let you fight over me.” Sailor’s running down the stairs with her boots and purse in her arms.
“Don’t leave on my account,” Jake says. “I was headed to my room.”
She shakes her head. “No, this is uncomfortable and wrong, so I’m going.” Reaching the door, she pulls her boots on. I walk over and grasp her shoulders.
“Come upstairs with me.”
“I’m sorry, but if you want to see me, you’re going to have to come to the hotel.” She peeks around me. “Bye, Jake. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“I’ll be right behind you,” I say to her before I kiss her cheek. Jake’s not ruining the rest of my night with Sailor. I’m going to go stay with her at the hotel, and there’s not a damn thing he can do about it.
I have to admit, though … the way he walked in tonight and saw us together made me realize how complicated this situation is. Could the guilt she feels cause both Jake and me to lose her like he warned?
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Sailor
“Ms. Lockwood, Uncle Jake and I made this card for you.” After handing me the folded paper, Madeline pushes her auburn hair out of her face and smiles.
I open it, and inside are impressive drawings of Jake, Maddie and me, holding hands and walking in a park. At least, I’m guessing it’s Washington Park since there are trees and benches.
I notice how Maddie put herself between us in the drawing, and it warms my heart that she feels safe with me, too. ‘We’re thankful for you’ is written in Maddie’s cute crooked handwriting, which is neat for her age.
She colored the picture, too, making it bright and cheerful, and it reminds me of my date with Jake at the pottery shop. I also recall how upset he seemed last night when he walked in on Elliott and me.
My eyes become watery, so I blink the tears away as I reach over to squeeze Maddie’s little hand.
“Madeline, I love it. Maybe one day soon we can all go to the park together.”
She grins, her happiness twinkling in her round eyes.
“That’s what Uncle Jake said. I’d like that.”
“Thank you for my card.” I prop it at the front of my desk. “I’ll keep it right here so I can see it every day.”
Beaming again, she skips back to her chair before class is about to begin. I turn away from my students and wipe my teary eyes.
Unlike Elliott, Jake has never once hurt me, so seeing the pain in his eyes last night broke my heart. It also made me realize this can’t continue much longer. The breakup will already be hard for all of us.
Opening my desk drawer, I find my phone in my purse.
Me: Jake, hi. I’m sorry about last night. Can you come over this evening so we can talk? I need to know if you can handle this situation any longer.
Jake: I can’t come over until eight.
Me: That works. Maddie gave me my card. Thank you…
Jake: Welcome.
My chest constricts, and as I shove my phone inside my bag, I find it hard to breathe. It’s obvious from Jake’s lack of flirting, and short responses, that he’s still hurt, and I’m unsure how to fix it.
Jake
“Why the hell are we being called to a car crash?” I ask my partner, Rudy.
“Damn, your ass is cranky,” he says as he grips the steering wheel tighter.
I slide my hands down my face. “I have some shit going on.”
“Well, I prefer the partner who was shitting rainbows and unicorns for the last month.” He slings his head back and chuckles, and I notice his walnut-brown hair is due for a cut. I also notice the crow’s feet wrinkles showing around his eyes.
Since I was promoted to detective at a young age, it’s beneficial to have Rudy as a teacher. He’s twelve years older than me, with a wealth of knowledge to pass on, but it’s hard for us to relate on a personal level.
He’s been married for almost twenty years, so talking to him about my situation with Sailor and Elliott would be pointless. He wouldn’t understand, and I don’t know if he could keep it a secret.
“Again … why were we called to this accident?” I ask as we park outside a wreck on Charles and 4th at ten in the morning.
“A Chevy Malibu crashed head-on against a street post, and foul play is suspected. The supposed driver, who died, might not have bee
n driving.”
Walking up to the crime scene, we step around the yellow marker tape to speak to the officers on duty.
“What do we got?” Rudy asks Officer Sparks. She looks up at us, and her dark eyes remind me of Sailor’s.
“Victim is a thirty-eight-year-old female. Eye witness claims the male driver, our victim’s husband, dragged her from the front passenger seat into the driver’s side after the accident.”
She shakes her head. “The driver would have to be drunk to think he could pull that off in broad daylight on a busy Monday morning, and guess what–he was drunk. Blew a .18.”
I plant my hands on my hips. “So, you’re saying you think he wanted it to look like the passenger was driving.”
“I’m not the detective, Detective, but that’s my guess.” She smiles, her gaze lingering, and damn, is Sparks finally flirting with me? She’s never given me the time of day, always refusing to mix business with pleasure.
I’m no longer interested in her, but for the first time since meeting Sailor, I’m wondering if my old life was better. Games of cat and mouse with attractive women were fun, challenging and usually came with happy endings.
Yeah, my life was missing something–a sweet, raven-haired woman. I won’t deny it, but at least my heart was protected, and my temper was in check.
I huff out a breath, feeling like a dick for even imagining a life without Sailor. I don’t want that. I love her, but I also don’t know if I can take losing her. I guess I’m trying to prepare myself.
“Jakey.”
“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?”
“Then get with the program. I’m trying to show you something here.” The driver’s door is open as he bends down and points to the seat where our dead victim’s still resting, her body slumped over on its side.
“Look how short her legs are and how far back this seat is positioned. There’s no damn way she was driving.” Standing, he shakes his head. “It’s obvious her husband panicked. I think this will be an easy case unless she was dead before they even got in the car.”
Once Rudy steps back, I move closer to get a better look at the seat and our victim. He’s right; there’s no way the short blonde could’ve reached the pedals.
I look at her body, which is petite like Sailor’s. God, I can’t get the teacher out of my fucking head. I think about what it must’ve been like for her when she realized Rebecca died in the accident.
Sailor had no business driving that night. She was fourteen, driving Elliott’s car home late at night all because he and Rebecca were too drunk to drive. It was a recipe for disaster. Elliott was drunk…
No way.
No. Fucking. Way.
“You don’t know shit about the accident.” The words Elliott has said to me more than once repeat in my head.
“She hates me.”
“Sailor doesn’t hate you. She’s remembering the accident.”
“You don’t know shit. I’m going to my room.”
He said that the night he saw her in the condo for the first time. Why would he say that when he didn’t know about the baby yet?
I think about a conversation I had with Sailor, too.
“You were trying to help that night. At some point, you have to forgive yourself.”
“Demons, Jake. You don’t know everything, and it needs to stay that way.”
Fuck. Was Elliott the one driving the night Rebecca died?
Sailor
Hearing the knock on my hotel door, I glance at my phone next to me. Seven… Jake’s early. I move my planner and papers off my lap and hop up to answer the door.
“Elliott.”
“Hi,” he says. Shit, he can’t stay long. He smiles broadly, and it’s such a contrast from when we first started speaking again. Ugh, I feel guilty already. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I step back, and he strolls inside my hotel suite, carrying a wrapped present. “Um, Jake’s supposed to be over in an hour.”
He turns, and there’s no more smile greeting me.
“I guess I should’ve called first, but I got excited about your gift. When I got home this morning, it’d been delivered, so I wanted to give it to you.”
“That’s sweet.” As I take it from him, I lean up and kiss him. “I managed to miss you in only hours, so I’m glad you’re back.”
He smiles and tries to pull me closer by the waist, but the large box is in the way.
“I missed you, too … obviously. Open it.” He follows me to the sofa where I sit and untie the white bow on the rectangular package. I pull off the lid and fold back the tissue paper.
“Elliott, this is amazing.” I begin pulling out all the Harvard gear. There’s a sweatshirt, two t-shirts, a hoodie and a pair of sweats, along with some small items tucked to the side like ink pens and a keychain.
Setting the box on the glass coffee table in front of us, I fling my arms around his neck.
“Thank you. I hated losing my Harvard stuff in the fire.”
“I know it’s not the same, but I was hoping it might make you feel a little better.”
“I love everything. Thank you again.”
He pulls me onto his lap and crashes his lips to mine. I slide my hand in his hair and deepen our kiss, spilling all my thank yous in the form of needy whimpers.
I’m surprised when he jerks his mouth away and takes hold of my head. After staring at me a few seconds, his eyelids snap shut, and he heaves for breath.
“Elliott, what’s wrong?”
Clearing his throat, like he’s forcing his emotions to stay at bay, he opens his eyes.
“I can’t lose you again. After I leave, Jake’s going to come through that door and want to do the same things as I’ve done with you the last couple of days.
“He’ll hold you here and have sex with you in your bed. He’s going to tell you he loves you more, but I’ve loved and missed you for a decade. He hasn’t even had months to feel that way.”
“Elliott.” Unsure of how to reply to his profound and loving words, I look down, but he lifts my chin.
“You can’t tell me you have the same connection with him.”
“It’s a different connection. So different that I don’t feel they can be compared.”
“What are you getting from him that you’re not getting from me?”
“It’s not like that. You’re both unique. He feels safer, like a shelter, whereas you’re alarming, but in a good, captivating way.
“Jake’s warm, and you’re smoldering. He’s sexy, and you’re heady. He’s funny, and you’re remarkably intelligent.” I press my hand against his heart.
“You’re undeniable, Elliott, but if I have to say one thing that he’s willing to give me that you’re not is a family. I’m not only looking for a place to live. I long to make a home and have children. All the money and luxury in the world can’t give me that.”
“I’ll have kids. If that’s what’s holding you back from choosing me, I’ll do it.”
“But is that what you want?”
“With you, yes. I never thought I wanted kids, but once I knew about Samuel, all that changed. I missed him when I never even knew him.”
I swallow the pain from hearing our son’s name and what he means to Elliott. There’s a knock on the door, and I murmur, “Shit.”
“Don’t answer it.”
“I have to.”
He blows out an arduous breath and leans his head back as I climb off him. Reluctantly, I pad to the door and crack it open. Jake’s forehead is creased, his lips pursed.
“Elliott’s here,” I say. “He didn’t know you were coming over.”
“Where is he?” Jake palms the door above my head, pushing it open farther, so I step back, and he barrels inside, straight toward Elliott on the sofa. Elliott stands about the time Jake reaches him.
“Tell me you weren’t driving the night Rebecca died.”
Elliott’s eyes flit to mine for only a second before h
e swallows and looks Jake in the eye.
“I can’t do that.”
“Elliott!” I shout.
Jake whips his head my way. “Are you seriously protecting him?”
“You don’t understand.”
Jake shoves him in the chest, but it barely moves Elliott’s body.
“How could you ask her to do something like that? How could you expect her to carry that blame her whole fucking life?”
“He didn’t ask me to do it. I chose to, and he only found out afterward. Our parents knew the truth, as well, and they were more than fine with letting me take the blame.”
Jake shoves a finger out at Elliott. “You don’t deserve one second with her, not after something like this.”
“I know, but I’ll spend my whole life making it up to her if she gives me the chance.”
“Why did you say you were driving that night?” Jake looks at me again, and the desperation, anger and confusion is hard to face.
“I thought Elliott’s dad would kill him.” Wringing my fingers, I stare at the floor.
“Sailor stop,” Elliott commands.
“No, he needs to understand. Jake, I wasn’t worried Mr. Roberts would yell at him. That’s not what I mean. I feared he would really kill him.
“He used to beat him all the time, and he even beat him up after the accident. Everyone thought Elliott’s injuries at the funeral were from the wreck, but they were from his father.
“And as hard as it is for you to hear, I loved Elliott. I didn’t want his life ruined over one stupid mistake. He only left the party angry because of what you did with Rebecca.”
Jake grips the back of his neck. “So, are you saying this is my fault?”
“No. What I’m saying is we all did things wrong that night. You and Rebecca cheated, Elliott drove drunk, and I told a huge lie.
“We’re not immune to stupidity, and I’m reminding you of this because Elliott shouldn’t be punished another day for what he did, and neither of you deserve what is happening right now.”
