Physis (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story #4)

by Michelle Irwin

  “Beau, talk to me,” I murmured.

  “You’re doin’ great, Dawson.” He’d clearly read my panic correctly. “Really good. You’ve shaved a second off your lap time.”

  I absorbed all his words, drew in his calm.

  “Do ya reckon you’ve got a little more? ’Cause I think ya do.”

  I grunted as I wrestled the car around the last corner before nailing it down the straight. “I’m giving it everything.”

  “Take corner three a li’l faster and sharper, let the tail slide out and drift her straight round corner four.”

  With the track set-up I was using for the test laps, his suggestion made sense. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it.

  “I’m useless,” I said. “I should’ve read the track and worked that out.”

  “Ya ain’t useless. Your daddy says you’re doin’ pack leadin’ times. I’m just tryin’ ta help ya find that edge.”

  I flew down the straight, passed the stop/start line, and prepared for the sweeping turn of corner one.

  Once I hit the apex, I was already preparing for corner two, tapping the brake lightly before the second corner and accelerating out of it. When corner three came up, I resisted the urge to shave off too much more speed and drove in earlier. Although it felt like the car had oversteered, it put me in the perfect position to whip around corner four. The tail started to slide, but a well-timed tap of the accelerator righted it as the weight of the car shot me forward. It was a good angle.

  “Fuck, you’re good,” I said into the comms. When no one responded, I called out Beau’s name to check he was still there.

  “Yeah, darlin’?”

  “I said you’re good.”

  “Oh, heh, I thought you were talkin’ to yourself.”

  Heat rose in my cheeks, but I didn’t have time to acknowledge it because I was running out of room on the short straight and I had a sharp right-hand turn at the end. Knowing the corner was much the same shape as three/four, I rushed in a little harder than I had been and followed the same technique. It would be a risky manoeuvre if there had been other cars on the track, but I had free rein.

  “Stunnin’.” I didn’t think Beau intended me to hear the word, but it warmed me anyway. It wasn’t a compliment like those Xavier had layered on me; it wasn’t about my looks, but about my ability to get the car around the track.

  I felt unbeatable. I thought of the previous time I’d gotten behind the wheel of a car at this track—that was when Beau had stepped back into my life. It was only a few months earlier, and yet so much had changed in that time.

  “I’m coming in,” I said, not caring that I’d asked for five laps and had only used two of them.

  “Are ya—”

  “I’m coming in,” I repeated, cutting him off. I didn’t care about the rest of the laps. I’d done what I wanted to in the car. I’d found my confidence. It might only last as long as I was in the car, but that was enough.

  As soon as I stopped the car, everyone rushed around to greet me. Angel shouted at them though, telling them to back the fuck up and give me space. I could’ve kissed her for her demand, but I only had eyes for one person. Throwing open the door, I rushed straight for Beau—still wearing his comms headset—and leapt into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist. The instant we connected, my lips were on his and my arms found his neck. My tongue pressed forward as I offered him a kiss that probably wasn’t entirely appropriate given the number of people around, but that I needed more than I needed to be in the car.

  When I trailed my hands into his hair as he deepened the kiss, I knocked the headset off his head. I didn’t bother to check if it landed with a crash or if someone caught it. It might’ve been an expensive piece of equipment, but it was worth every cent it would cost to replace it to continue my post-race high. The endorphins racing through my system were like nothing I’d felt for the longest time.

  After kissing Beau until I was completely breathless, I pulled away. As I did, embarrassment set in. It burned through my body until I shook. Slowly spinning, I saw the curious gazes on us. All the happiness I’d felt leached into the ground, taking my confidence with it.

  “I—I—” I backed away.

  Without another word, I spun around and ran from the covered area, seeking anything I could hide in.

  I needed the darkness to hide from prying eyes. When it was dark, I could be alone.

  The lead I had when taking off meant no one was right behind me as I sprinted away.

  When I finally stopped, I had no idea how far I’d run or in what direction. I doubled over and struggled to catch my breath.

  “Can I help you?” One of the track staff approached me. His blond hair and blue eyes were so like Xavier’s it stole my breath completely.

  I couldn’t look away.

  Couldn’t fight through my body’s natural desire to freeze.

  “Miss?” he asked when I didn’t respond.

  I clamped my eyes closed. “Go away. Go away. Go away.”

  “Are you—” As he spoke, his hand reached for my arm and a piercing scream left my lips—stealing every bit of oxygen in my lungs.

  Yanking away from his touch, I dropped to the floor and cowered away.

  “You fucking idiot! Did anyone give you permission to touch her?” Angel’s voice filled the space.

  “I—I didn’t mean anything. I was just trying to see if she was okay.”

  “Does she fucking look okay?”

  As she continued to lash out at the guy, telling him to look but don’t touch next time, Angel found her way to the ground beside me.

  “What’s the damage?” she asked, reaching her hand in front of my eyes so I could choose whether or not to take her comfort.

  I took her hand and wrapped mine around it. “H-he reminded me of Xavier.”

  “I figured. Why’d you run off?”

  “Everyone was staring at me.”

  She scoffed and wrapped her other hand over the top of our entwined fingers. “They were happy you were so carefree for once. That’s all.”

  I shifted closer to her, feeling strong enough to get comforted by her. She opened her arms and let me curl into her. “It’s always going to be like this, isn’t it?”

  After our first—near disastrous—friend date, we’d found a new equilibrium of sorts. She was less touchy-feely, at least without waiting for permission or for me to make the first move, and I warned her when something she said was pushing my bitch button. It was hard to know when to pull myself up sometimes, but what we had was working—mostly—and had been for almost three weeks. Every Tuesday, I was hers. Every Wednesday, I was left alone for my appointments with Dr Bradshaw. And the rest of the days were for Beau, and Angel too when she joined us. Evenings were spent with my family, sometimes alone, sometimes with Beau or Angel at my side.

  Nothing was like it had been before, but things had mostly settled down. It’d only taken five months of intense therapy to return to somewhat normal. At least when it came to my home life. I still couldn’t face the public. Still couldn’t be around any strangers without a security blanket—usually Beau, Angel, or one of my parents—at my side. It was moments like this, in a heap because a stranger dared to talk to me, or someone in my family dared compliment me, that I worried I’d be broken forever.

  “Who knows,” Angel whispered against the top of my head, answering my question. “But even if it is, we’re here for you. Always.”

  “Do you think I should give up on the hope of getting back in the car? I mean, look at me. There isn’t even a crowd here, and I’m a mess.”

  “Let us worry about that,” Dad said. I glanced up to find him and Beau standing a few metres away watching Angel comfort me.

  Gathering myself up, I stood and gave Dad a small embrace. “Are you sure?”

  “Are you kidding? You did some of your best racing out there. Although, I still have to figure out how to get someone in the pits you respond to as well as Beau.” He clea
red his throat. “At least in the car.”

  I bit my lip and ducked my head as his words reminded me of the careless way I’d thrown myself at Beau.

  “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s nice to see you happy with someone—although a little less pawing around me wouldn’t be unappreciated. You’re still my little girl, after all.”

  “Thanks, Daddy. You really still want me in the car for Sandown?”

  “Baby, if it wouldn’t steal Steve’s thunder in his last few races, I’d make you the lead driver. You’re that good.” He paused for a moment, before adding, “And I’m not just saying that because you’re my daughter. You and Beau make a good team.”

  My eyes found Beau, who was lingering just behind Dad with a small, goofy grin on his lips. “We do,” I said.

  “Do you want to come back to the pits?” Dad asked, before I could leave his side to greet Beau again. “We’re getting the car back on the track for another couple of laps.”

  “I don’t know if I can take the wheel again just yet,” I admitted.

  “I’m not expecting you to. Someone else is getting a few minutes behind the wheel to keep him sharp.”

  “Is Steve here?” I hadn’t seen him, and even with everything that I’d gone through, I didn’t think he’d have completely ignored me without at least trying to say hello.

  “No.”

  Before Dad could add anything else, Beau said, “He’s talkin’ ’bout me.”

  My jaw dropped. “You’re going to let Beau drive the ProV8?”

  “Should I be insulted that ya think so li’l of me, darlin’?”

  “No,” I backtracked quickly. “It’s not that I don’t think you can drive it. It’s just, you don’t know Dad. No one goes near one of the ProV8s until they’ve logged a certain number of hours in one of the production cars. You’re talking hundreds of thousands of dollars in panels and engine that can easily be destroyed.”

  Beau raised a brow.

  “I mean, not that I think you’re going to do that, but Dad doesn’t—”

  “Pheebs, take a breath.” Dad laughed. “I’ve seen enough to trust him with the car.”

  “How?”

  A muscle ticked in Dad’s face, and it hit me. I might’ve been stolen and locked up away from the world for three months while Dad and Beau searched for me, but the world didn’t stop turning in that time. Beau must have still been working—still racing.

  “You saw him over in the States when you were there, didn’t you?” I muttered.

  “I did. And between that and the advice he dished out over the comms, I’m pretty confident he can handle the car. At least, once he gets used to the controls.”

  “They’re back-to-front, ya see.” Beau winked at me.

  I giggled at his desire to remind me of the way things had been before with us. “No, cowboy, yours are the back-to-front ones.” It was only the second time I’d used the nickname for him since he’d come to Australia, and just like last time, it made him light up. I made a mental note to try to use it more. “Let’s see what you’ve got, shall we?”

  The four of us made our way back to the pits, where the crew were busying themselves making a few changes to the car. I sat apart from everyone and held Angel’s hand while Beau got suited up.

  When he strode out with the suit half-undone and tied around his waist, my mind travelled away from the pits and into the bedroom. I could imagine using the sleeves to tug him closer to me and then unwrapping him inch by inch.

  “What are you thinking?” Angel asked. “You’re getting flushed.”

  “Nothing,” I squeaked. Apparently whatever had sparked my libido back into life had flipped a switch to send it into overdrive. Beau caught my eye and gave me one of his slow grins. I crooked a finger to indicate he should come over before getting in the car.

  “A kiss for luck?” I offered.

  His grin grew and he leant over me to claim his lucky charm.

  Despite initiating the request and wanting the kiss, the height he had standing over me intimidated me and I flinched away. He knelt down in front of me and tried again, drawing my lips to his with a gentle caress of my cheek.

  “Stay safe out there,” Angel said, eyeing off the knot at his waist when he stood.

  He tapped his fingers to her chin. “Always, sweetness.”

  “There’s something about those race suits, isn’t there?” she asked after he was out of earshot. “I mean, they make your boobs look fantastic and everyone’s arse look pert and perfect. I need to invest in one. Maybe then I’ll find someone who’ll put up with me.”

  Although my hackles had risen during the start of her statement, by the end I was laughing along with her. “For your fantastic boobs and pert arse?” I tried to clarify. “Wouldn’t you rather they like you for your loyalty and sweetness.”

  “Well, yeah, but I’ve got to lure them in before I can flash those assets.”

  I doubted Angel had any drama luring anyone in—or if she did it was because they were already intimidated by her looks. Since I’d come home though, she’d changed. She wasn’t skipping through partners like they were going out of fashion. She hadn’t spoken about a single significant person in her life. I hoped it was just because she was being pickier after what I’d been through, and not anything more serious. She wouldn’t talk to me about it though, at least no more than saying she needed a few months away from dating.

  Our conversation ceased when Beau took to the track. He took off hard and wrestled the car into submission pretty quickly. I knew from experience it wasn’t easy to jump between the different styles of cars, and yet he made it seem almost effortless.

  After he’d finished two laps, I moved to Dad’s side and asked, “How’re his times?”

  “Pretty damn good.” Dad showed me the clipboard.

  “But I’m faster?” I asked.

  Dad laughed. “I should’ve known it was the competition you were worried about.”

  “Well, it’s not just that, but a girl needs her pride.”

  “So far, he’s about three seconds off your pace. But he’s closing that each lap.”

  “Can you do me a favour?”

  Dad hummed as he studied various readouts on the screens in front of him.

  “Pull him out before he beats me. Let me have one victory today.”

  Dad’s gaze found mine. “You’ve had a lot of victories today.” Then he smiled and laughed. “But I’ll see what I can do.”

  WHEN THE CAR was packed away and everything on its way back to the Emmanuel Racing headquarters, Dad announced that he’d like to take everyone out for dinner to celebrate a successful test. It was something he did from time to time to thank his employees for giving up their time to help with a test—as if paying them the hours wasn’t enough. As always, the invitation extended to our little family. Mum was going to meet him at the restaurant with Brock, Beth, Parker, and Nikki.

  He pulled me aside. “I understand if you’d rather go home, but it’d mean the world to the guys if you came too. They’ve all been asking about you. They miss having you around the office.”

  The way his eyes pleaded made it clear it wouldn’t only mean the world to the guys in the office. He wanted me to go too. Perhaps to show that things could go back to the way they were, or maybe just to celebrate a successful test day, but either way it was important to him.

  I inclined my head just a tiny bit and the smile I was rewarded confirmed my suspicion. “I can’t guarantee I’ll stay for long, though,” I added.

  “If Beau and Angel come with you, they can take you home if it gets to be too much.”

  After agreeing, I headed back to Angel and Beau, who were locked in conversation with smiles and easy chatter.

  “So, Dad’s invited us all to dinner.” I thumbed behind me, in the vague direction of Dad loading up his car. “If you guys want to go?”

  They shared a loaded glance.

  “Are you going?” Angel asked.

  “I’m going
to try.”

  Angel nodded and Beau gave me a dimpled smile.

  “Sweetness, can I have a moment alone with Phoebe?” he asked.

  Angel made herself scarce, but I didn’t follow her path out to the cars. My entire focus was on Beau. The grin on his lips hadn’t faltered since he was on the track, but we hadn’t had a chance to talk about it yet because as soon as he’d climbed from the car, he’d helped get everything prepped for the trip back to headquarters.

  “Can I hold ya?”

  I nodded and smiled in response to his question. As soon as I could after his arms surrounded me, I relaxed into his hold. “You had a good time out there, didn’t you?”

  “Good? It was great. There’s somethin’ ’bout bein’ out on the track that can’t be beat.”

  “Even if you were beaten,” I teased. Dad hadn’t needed to yank Beau from the car early despite our joking, because Beau’s times levelled out to a consistent speed—that was a little over a tenth of a second slower than mine.

  “It’s all right when you’re beaten by the best,” he murmured as his lips sought mine.

  Even though I could’ve debated the best title, I accepted his compliment and his kiss.

  “You’ve missed it, haven’t you?” I asked when we broke apart.

  “Course. Just like you have.”

  “I have. I . . . almost felt like me again. Thank you for being on the comms for me, I can’t even tell you how much it helped.”

  He brushed my hair off my face. “Ya don’t have to tell me.”

  “If only you could be there for every race.”

  “Well, your daddy mentioned to me that he’d be happy for me to do it for Sandown.”

  My heart fluttered at the thought. “Really?”

  “Not officially, course. I ain’t allowed to work on the visa I’ve got, but I’ll be there with a headset on to support ya.”

  I wrapped my arms around him as a thank you. “Are you ready for dinner?”

  “Are you?” The genuine concern printed over his features as he drew back to look at me caused my heart to clench in the best way.

  “I think I am. At least as ready as I’ll ever be under the circumstances.”