She made some sort of gurgling sound and coughed. “Touché. Have fun roaming around.” She turned away without saying goodbye and walked toward the bar.
The music from the DJ grew louder, or maybe it was just the song he played. The techno dance beat vibrated in my head, pushing me to leave and search for someplace quieter. The odds of finding that were against me since there were wall-to-wall people. I navigated through the bodies, glancing at where Benny had been, but now he was gone. I would have liked to talk to him, if only for a few minutes, but he was too popular tonight. I would have to find another way to enjoy myself at least for an hour.
I strolled around the complex, checking out the rooms and the exercise equipment. Everything was state of the art, from the treadmills to the weight machines. It was weird to see people dressed in club clothes testing the equipment in the weight room. If tonight was any indication, the gym would be a huge success.
The throng slimmed out toward the back of the building where I found the swimming pool. I slipped inside the room, which wasn’t in use. The air was clear and didn’t smell of chlorine. The pool was your typical one with swimming lanes and two diving boards, one short and one long. There were lounge chairs off to the side. But the one thing that was out of the ordinary was the ceiling. It was made of glass and gave a great view of the sky and let the moonlight shine through.
I slid my hands in my pockets and rocked in my loafers, the water calling to me. I had muted its song, numbing it like most things I once enjoyed. The light from above hitting the water hypnotized me, and I moved to the edge to stare, a sense of calm sweeping over me. I welcomed it and sighed.
“I was skeptical about the glass ceiling in here, but it’s a nice touch,” Benny announced behind me.
I smiled and relaxed more. “How’d you find me?”
“I was looking for you and assumed you be in here.” He moved to my side. “Glad you came.”
Up close, he looked even better in his professional suit. He was more reserved in what he wore, unlike a lot of the people here. Maybe he was going for the respected businessman vibe. I wished I could pull off his air of confidence, something I wouldn’t have connected to him if not for here and now.
“Nice suit. I feel underdressed.” I tugged on the bottom of my shirt. At least I’d left it untucked from my pants.
“You look fine. Black and gray works on you.” He spoke in a more reserved tone, which sounded strange. He ran his palm down his chin and under his neck. “Today, when I went for a haircut, I almost told my barber to shave my beard off.”
“Why? It looks good on you.” My voice bounced off the walls, making me wince because I didn’t mean to speak so loudly.
He faced me then and grinned. “You have a thing for bearded men?”
If I knew where I stood in his mind, I would have responded in a way that would have caused him to lean in closer to me. I wanted to ask him outright what was going on with us, but now was not the right time. We still needed to have the uncomfortable conversation about the shooting and my role in it.
“Hey, Ben. Gio wants a picture of us. The photographer is waiting.” The same guy I noticed sitting at the bar with Benny the night of my birthday came up to him. He clapped Benny on the back and lifted his chin at me. “Hey, bro, I’m Zyrell, one of the owners of this fine establishment.”
He was definitely flashier in his purple suit. The diamond studs in his ears matched the watch on his left wrist. It was so bulky I was surprised he could lift his arm, but he did so to shake my hand.
“I’m Marshall, a customer of Benny’s.”
“And a friend. Don’t want to leave that out.” Benny sat his hand on Zyrell’s back. “Marshall’s father is the mayor of Albee.”
Zyrell’s eyes widened, and he pointed at me. “You’re the hero of NCU!”
It was bound to happen. I expected someone to recognize me. It wouldn’t feel as awkward if it was just me and Zyrell. But with Benny there, I would now have to confront the issue with him like I should have done yesterday. I couldn’t run out on him a second time.
But he didn’t press me for answers like Zyrell was ready to do. Instead he checked his cell phone and squeezed his friend’s shoulder. “Hey, man, Gio is texting me. He wants to get the picture with us now. You know how impatient he gets.”
“He’ll probably make us pose like we’re members of his band.” He shook my hand. “I can’t believe I’m shaking hands with an honest to God real-life hero. Come with us while we take our picture. Gio would love to meet you.”
Benny shifted to my side and dropped his hand on my shoulder with just enough pressure that it felt more comforting than restricting. “It will only take a few minutes. Then we can get a drink and finish our discussion.”
“The one from yesterday?” I flinched when one of the doors opened and a loud group of people entered. There was no way now to get out of any discussion, mainly about my time at NCU and the shooting.
“What do you think?” He directed me to the exit and shot Zyrell a glance. “Hey, Z, you have to tell Marshall how you convinced Gio to invest with us. It’s a great story.”
Zyrell flanked my other side. “We’ll walk slow so I can get the whole story in. Plus, it will annoy the shit out of Gio because we didn’t rush on his command.”
I chuckled and relaxed, which was easy because Benny kept his hand on my back the entire time we walked.
Chapter Nine
THE ONLY photo shoots I’d been to were for my class pictures and when Dad ran for mayor. The photo shoot with Gio, Zyrell, and Benny was completely different from those experiences. Along with the loud music, a ton of people cheered the three men, who ended up posing like models with Gio in the middle.
All three were having a blast, laughing and goofing around like kids. At one point Gem joined, and she and her brother took a few pictures together. They seemed to really enjoy each other’s company and acted more like friends than siblings. It made me wonder if I had a sister, would I have been as close with her as Gem and Gio were?
I stayed on the edge of the crowd, but every so often Benny would seek me out and smile. I waved at him and he mouthed, “five more minutes” and then went back to taking pictures. The wait gave me more time to watch him unnoticed and get into the right frame of mind to tell him about the shooting.
The room seemed to shrink as more people entered. I moved farther away, near the entrance, and almost jumped when an arm came around my shoulder.
“What are the odds you’d be here also?” I moved out from under Theo’s arm and into the hallway where it wasn’t as stuffy.
“I’m writing an article for a newspaper about the party tonight because of the Grove siblings. I’ve been with them all day.” He was dressed in black with the exception of his navy sports coat. “Good to see you out and looking sharp.” He nodded in approval. “How did you score an invite to the party?”
“Ah, one of the owners invited me.” I glanced behind me to point Benny out, but I couldn’t see him because of the people blocking my way. “You know Bernard Hayes who owns Astral Body Tattoo? He’s one of the investors. He told me about the party yesterday when I stopped in his shop.”
“You’re still set on getting a tattoo?” He frowned, showing deep lines around his mouth that I’d never noticed before. “You must have made quite the impression on the guy for him to invite you to this hot ticket.”
“I have a way with people. I make an impression wherever I go.” I tapped my chest proudly.
“You sure do.” He dropped his hand on my shoulder and spoke in my ear. “I didn’t want to bring it up here but since the article is coming out tomorrow, I should warn you. The thing about you making an impression on people is going to get a lot of notice because the NCU shooter gave an interview to the New York Times and mentioned you.”
“Oh.” My mind went blank, and suddenly the walls around me bent like rubber. I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly to stop from passing out.
The
o wrapped his arm around my waist. “Marshall, shit, I didn’t mean to—”
“Give me a second.” I fisted the front of his shirt as I tried to ignore the dizziness. “Maybe I should sit down.”
“Good idea. Let’s go out to the basketball and tennis courts. There are chairs there, and it’s not as crowded.”
I let him lead me toward the back. He kept his arm around my waist while I held on to him for support. I did open my eyes because I didn’t want to walk blindly into people, but my vision was blurred. He guided me and held me upright while I kept dragging my feet. Great. My loafers would get scuffed up. But it was my fault for having a bad reaction to what he told me.
It didn’t take long for us to exit the building. I was able to breathe better outside. He deposited me in a chair, and I lowered my head onto my folded arms on a table. He laid his palm on the back of my neck and squeezed.
“I’ll get you water. Wait here.”
“Not going anywhere.” I chuckled, even if I didn’t find any humor in the current situation. Lifting my head, I blinked a few times to help me focus. Theo came back then with two bottles of water.
He unscrewed the top of one, gave it to me, then set the other bottle next to me and rested his hand on the back of my neck again. I drank half the bottle, still blinking at nothing. When my heart had calmed and the dizziness left me, I viewed the area, impressed by how large it was with a basketball court and tennis courts next to it. Lights were strung on the fence, and near the entrance was a small bar with tables with chairs scattered around. People sat at them like Theo and me, but not as many as there were inside.
“I’m better now.” I lifted my bottle in a salute.
He lowered his hand but kept his arm behind me for support. “You scared me back there. I should be more careful of what I say to you.”
“You mean about the article?”
“It was that or saying the shooter’s name.”
“John Cannon?” I sipped from my water. “Hearing his name doesn’t give me a panic attack.” His name whispered in my head daily, a constant reminder of how we were connected and would continue to be for a long time.
“You had a bad reaction because of what he might say about you in the article.” He rubbed my shoulder.
“I guess. I don’t know if that’s the reason why.”
“Marsh, your reaction inside wasn’t good. I really think you need to talk to someone.” His voice tightened with strain. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or upset.
“I’m thinking about taking some art therapy classes with the gift certificate you gave me for my birthday.” I hoped it satisfied him.
He sighed something under his breath I didn’t understand. It sounded like a curse, but it wasn’t in English.
“You’re cursing at me in Spanish?” I tapped his knee with my empty bottle.
“Have you always been this stubborn?” He poked the side of my neck and settled in his chair. His arm remained behind me.
“Being stubborn keeps me going.” I shrugged and dropped the bottle on the table. “It helped keep me alive when I… talked John out of killing more people and himself.”
“And you.” He gave me a one-armed hug and then bent forward, placing his forearms on his knees. “If not for you, it would have been a lot worse.”
“John would have killed himself. But it still didn’t stop… Jo-Jordan from dying.” I went to take the other bottle, but my hand shook. I dropped it to my side, glad Theo hadn’t noticed because he stared ahead.
“You can say the shooter’s name without any problems, but when it comes to Jordan, you stumble over your words.” He clasped my thigh. “Why, Marsh?”
“More guilt over Jordan.” I dug my fingers into the side of my leg, wanting the discussion to be over. If Theo continued to pry, I might reveal the real reason why I was comfortable saying John’s name.
“He’s is also mentioned in the article, but not by the shooter.” He squeezed my knee.
“You know I’ll end up reading the interview. The Times is my dad’s favorite paper,” I said, suddenly exhausted. We could continue talking like this all night, which I had a feeling was Theo’s plan regardless of where we were. He was pushing me to reveal more secrets I might be hiding when it came to John. But I didn’t know if it was because he cared as my friend or for a scoop he would use to help his career.
“Mom likes the Times also. Another thing they have in common.” He sipped his water and stretched out his legs. “Maybe one day I’ll work there, and I can interview you when you run for president.”
“Sure. You’ll have the first exclusive.” I rolled my head across my shoulders, relieving some of the tension there based on the cracking.
The double doors to the exit opened, and Gio, bouncing a basketball, walked out with a bunch of guys who only wore dress shirts hanging out of their pants.
“The game is starting. You should go join them,” I suggested in the hopes Theo would go.
“I should take you home since you’re still shaky.”
I raised my arm to show it wasn’t trembling. “I’m better now. You don’t have to cut your evening short because of me. Actually, I’m going to head out. I’ve had enough excitement for one night.”
“I feel responsible. It was a shitty thing for me to mention the interview.” He tapped the side of his hand on his chin.
“Did you do it to get a response out of me? To be mean?”
“No!” He sat up and shook his head. “I’m not like that. I did it to warn you.”
He might be a little selfish, but he wasn’t cruel. Maybe he just wasn’t thinking, or maybe he wanted to be the one to console me when I found out about the interview? I was at the point where my capability to reason was shot to hell. A sign I should go home to bed.
When I stood, Theo followed and braced my back with his hand. “I’m okay. I can make it home on my own. I’ll call an Uber.” I took out my cell and brought up the Uber app to show him.
“Text me when you get home.” He shifted to the side. One of the guys near Gio waved him over. Theo waved in acknowledgment.
“I will. Go play basketball. Maybe you’ll get the scoop with Gio the Times will publish.” I clapped him on the back and walked toward the building. I would find Benny and say good night. I wanted to see him before I left.
Theo joined the men on the court and high-fived and shook hands with them. Gio and he embraced like old friends. If I had the energy, I could have been a part of that fun, but I wasn’t concerned with joining a celebrity’s entourage. I still needed to figure out things on my end so I was whole emotionally and mentally.
People still lined the hallways, and the music from the front had traveled to the back, making me wonder if they pumped music through hidden speakers in the walls. I made my way through the crowd until I reached the room where Benny had taken the pictures. He was still there but surrounded by a bunch of people who were laughing. Someone in the crowd cheered him by name. Everyone drank, including Benny, who finished off a bottle of beer. He then accepted another one, and a guy next to him clamped his arm around Benny’s shoulder and slapped his mouth to Benny’s. Everyone cheered, and Benny broke off the kiss by cupping the older man’s head and kissing his cheek.
“Dammit.” I backed away as that familiar dizzy feeling came to my head, and nausea slammed my stomach. He was having the time of his life. I didn’t want to take him away from that even if it meant he might go home with someone else and continue his celebration in his apartment over his shop. I was fine with the friendship we currently had. I would accept it and take it for what it was. Expecting anything else would lead to disappointment, much like the years I spent crushing on Theo.
I scheduled my Uber and continued walking until I got outside and made my way to the corner to wait. The night had been a mixed bag of emotions for me, but I survived it. Go me.
But why did I still feel so hollow?
Chapter Ten
THE RAGE bubbling inside of me was
like bad heartburn. Fuck this shit. I blamed the love I had for my father, who manipulated me into seeing my mother for lunch at noon on Monday. All because of the interview Theo had warned me about in the New York Times. Dad had woken me up to talk to me about the article, and then Mom called him about it. He was worried how I would react, while Mom was concerned how she would handle it because she was getting calls from all over and had to answer them. He also received a few calls, one from the reporter who had written the article. It seemed he wanted to interview me for my side of the story.
I didn’t want to read the article right away. I wanted to wait a few days until the drama around it died down, but I didn’t have much of a choice when Dad mentioned the highlights in it, such as John saying he was grateful I saved his life, and he agreed I was a hero. Worried he would reveal the secret we shared, I read the article, pretending I was just some everyday reader who didn’t have a connection to the subject. My name ran throughout because John constantly mentioned me, but he made no reference to his victims, especially Jordan.
My Sunday was pretty shot after that. Not even baking in the sun while I lay on a float in the middle of the pool helped. And when Dad practically ordered me to see Mom for lunch on Monday, my attitude took a nosedive, so much so, I cursed him in my head, a first for me. I would have cursed him outright, but later in the afternoon I spotted him through the window in his study. He held his head in his hands and then looked up, hopelessness clear on his face.
Seeing him broken and in tears made me swallow my anger and accept my punishment. Spending time with Mom was exactly that because our mother-and-son lunch wouldn’t end well. But I would suck it up just so Dad wouldn’t be disappointed in me, and he could be proud of me once again like he used to be.
I would entertain my mother, maybe even be polite, but I would still rebel. It would be a minor thing unnoticed by the untrained eye. It seemed to work considering her secretary’s expression of disdain when I walked into her office wearing the one ratty tank top I owned, mesh shorts, and flip-flops. I also hadn’t showered. But her secretary was like Mom—professional and fake polite, so while she called Mom to tell her I had arrived, I sat in the waiting room and played Candy Crush on my cell, acting as if I didn’t have a care in the world.
Let Me Live Page 10
