I hadn’t been in a pool since February. I’d love to lose myself in swimming laps. I could bulk up again, but that meant eating like I used to before the shooting destroyed whatever appetite I had.
“Only a one-month membership? Don’t gyms have deals with six months or year ones?” Maybe Dad would float me a loan if he knew what I needed the money for. He’d probably think it was great I was interested in something again and not just staying at home doing nothing with my life.
“There are, but you won’t be here by September. You’ll be back to college,” he said with such certainty, like it was a given I was a college student.
“I never told you I was in college. How do you know?” I rubbed my thighs and rolled my shoulders, hoping it would stop my shirt from sticking to my back.
He paused in drinking his coffee, which had to be his third by now, and lifted his eyebrow in question. “I assumed you were in college because of who you are.”
“Who am I? So you know.” I nodded, not at all relieved he now had the facts about me. “You must have spent hours researching the ‘National Hero.’” I made quotations with my fingers.
“National Hero? What the hell are you talking about?”
“You have to know by now what happened to me in February and why I’m not returning to NCU.” I dug my fingers in my thighs as an annoying whooshing filled my ears.
“We’re not on the same page here. You think I’ve googled you or some shit like that? Why?” He tapped his thumb on the side of his cell. He would now be tempted to google me. When he did, he would finally know everything wrong with me.
“You would know I’m more than just the son of the mayor of some Podunk town in Pennsylvania and why I’m taking an indefinite break from college.” I slid out of the booth. “It might be best if you understood the full deal with me before you give me a tattoo.”
I threw some bills on the table to cover my lunch and hurried out of the building, hoping he didn’t follow me. If he did, I couldn’t trust myself not to break down and admit how scared I was, and how desperately I needed help.
Chapter Eight
“ALMOST EVERY night from when you were four to ten, I would find you with your mother watching The Muppet Movie.” Dad, with his hand in his pants pockets, leaned against the side of my bedroom door.
I lay on my bed in a T-shirt and boxer shorts, not minding his interruption. I kept my door open on purpose this time because for once I didn’t want to be enclosed alone in my bedroom watching a movie I’d seen thousands of times before. The Muppet Movie was my go-to when I was in a shitty mood, even if it brought back memories of Mom before I ruined everything with my honesty.
“She always sang ‘Movin’ Right Along’ when she put me to bed.” I paused the scene right before the song began. “Remember when you bought two copies on DVD because the first copy we had got scratched from watching it too many times?”
He jiggled whatever change was in his pocket and sat in the chair in front of my desk next to my bed. “Whenever you weren’t swimming or in some after-school activity, you were watching this movie. Nine times out of ten, she would be watching it with you.”
“I miss those times with… her.” I usually didn’t admit it when it came to her, but the connection we had because of this movie was something I did treasure. It gave me a small glimmer of hope she was still human and cared for me, even though I was deficient in her eyes.
“I can’t remember the last time I saw you watching the Muppets.”
“I started watching it again. I stopped when I was ten after I told you guys I was gay. She stopped watching it with me.” I gripped my pillow hard. “But then she was too busy with work and screwing around with Duke.”
“Marshall.” He patted my shoulder. “I’ve given it some more thought, and I think it would be beneficial if the three of us went to therapy together.”
I shut off the TV and sat up. “We tried family therapy once and it didn’t work.”
“I get along with your mother for the most part now. We would go with you to help you get better.” He unbuttoned his suit jacket and leaned toward me.
I should have just kept my mouth shut about Mom. Then he wouldn’t have to talk about our feelings and constantly bring up the fact I wasn’t fully recovered from my trauma.
“Dad, having her in the same room with me while I spill my guts to some stranger with a psych degree isn’t going to help me.” I tapped his hand. “I know you’re pushing me to talk to someone because you care about me, and I appreciate it, but I’ll go when I feel I’m ready to.”
“I care because I love you.” He cleared his throat and squeezed my hand back.
The sudden stinging behind my eyes made me blink. I rubbed under my dripping nose with my arm, like I used to do when I was a kid. I had better manners than that, but I had been lazy all day, still dressed in what I slept in, and I hadn’t brushed my hair or my teeth. Great way to spend my Saturday. So pathetic.
“You have a hot date with Ms. Barnet?” He had on his power suit, which he wore for special occasions.
“It’s our two-month anniversary of sorts.” He fiddled with initial-engraved cufflinks. “We’re going for sushi at Kansai. It’s where we had our first date, the second time around.”
“Since I’m not invited, I take it Theo isn’t?” I hadn’t heard from him since my birthday dinner. He hadn’t reached out, and I hadn’t either. Based on his Twitter and Instagram he had been busy all week hanging out with the G.G. twins for an article he was writing for tomorrow’s Arts and Leisure section of the local newspaper.
“Just Liana and me, unless you want to join us? I can call her and explain—”
“I don’t mind staying in tonight.” I was fine having the house to myself. If I did find the energy, I might even go for a dip in the pool later.
“Okay. But if for any reason you need to get in touch with me, call or text me. Liana will understand.” He nodded and stood. “If you do decide to go out with Jo or Charlie or some of your friends from your old swim team, let me know.”
I had a better chance of meeting Benny’s vice president aunt than hanging with my old swim crew. Other than some texts or messages on social media, they had been MIA since I came back to Albee. Most had moved forward with their lives. With the exception of Jo and Charlie, most of my friends weren’t home for the summer, not even my former favorite hookup, Nigel, who was most likely Broadway bound based on the emails he sent me about the theater workshop he was doing this summer in upstate New York. If he was in town, I could have convinced him to hang out in my bedroom, but we wouldn’t spend the night watching movies. He had always been up for anything.
I was thinking about texting him since it had been months, way before the shooting, when Dad stopped outside my room. “Would you do me a favor? Call your mother to thank her for your birthday card and the donation in your name.”
“She called you to complain about me because I didn’t thank her for the reminder I’m her biggest disappointment?” I didn’t bother to hide the acid in my tone.
He glanced up at the ceiling and rapped the side of the door with his fist. “Do it for me.” He left without waiting for my answer.
I waited until the garage door closed and Dad drove away before I went downstairs. The check with the charity donation from Mom sat in the middle of the dining room table. The rectangular paper would stalk me like some serial killer in a horror movie. To make Dad happy, I shot off Mom a text—Thanks for the birthday card and not bothering to be at my birthday dinner. I went to toss the check in the garbage, but then my cell pinged with a text. Expecting it to be the Faithless Bitch, I started to type without reading the text but then stopped. It was from a number I didn’t recognize.
Hey, dude, when are you coming?
“Dude?” I shook my head, really hating the word. I thought I blocked any anonymous numbers that attacked my phone. I was ready to block it, but then another text came through.
It’s Benny.
<
br /> The tension left my body. Even though I had run off for no reason, I was glad he got in touch.
How’d you get my number? I would play it cool.
You wrote your number on the application you filled out when you came to the shop. Remember the party for the opening of the fitness center is tonight? You’re on the guest list. You have to come. I need to show off my jumbo-sized pool *wink emoji*.
The wink made me laugh. I really did like this playful side of Benny. But the way I ended things with him yesterday left me cautious. He might be able to ignore the elephant in the room between us, but I couldn’t. It was better to get it out in the open.
Did you google me?
The three dots at the bottom left of my screen blinked, showing he was typing or trying to. The suspense of what his response would be was killing me. I paced the room, something I never did, anxious to say screw it and just call him.
But then he put me out of my misery—Yeah. So how soon can you get here?
Yeah? That’s all he’s going to say? I reread his text, expecting more from him. He really didn’t care?
Don’t you have questions for me?
A few but they can wait. Tonight is to celebrate. I would like you to be there…. Please.
Please. That one simple word from Benny was all I needed.
I’ll be there in an hour.
He sent me a thumbs-up emoji back.
THE FLASHING purple lights made is easy to find Cutting Fitness. It would have been easy to find anyway because it was in the old renovated warehouse that had been vacant for over a decade.
A car dropped me off two blocks away, not that it could have gone much farther. The street was cordoned off with security and police, and a makeshift parking lot with valets. People walking in the direction of the gym were dressed to impress. I’d almost asked Jo or Charlie to come with me, but this was not their scene. It really wasn’t mine. At least I would fit in, or I hoped I would. I wore a black button-down shirt and gray slacks. I even spent more time with my hair and blew it dry. I’d shaved for the first time in a month.
I was cemented in my spot on the corner, just watching the comings and goings, listening to the sounds of the nightlife. I had come this far, so it was too late to go back. I just had to find the nerve to move forward. The push came in the form of a Benny text—It’s been over an hour. Where are you??
“It better be worth it.” I started walking while I texted him to say I was in line. It would probably take him a while to get outside, especially with the crowd. I hoped I kept cool and didn’t have an embarrassing panic attack.
The night wasn’t as hot and sticky as it had been, which was positive. It kept my sweating to a minimum. I made a quick check that my underarms were dry just as a limo drove up in front of the building. The majority of people around me stared, and lights exploded from photographers once the driver of a black SUV opened the back door. Out popped a guy a little older than me who helped a girl near his age out of the car. They stood and posed, identical based on their faces, although the guy had jet-black hair and the girl blond hair with cherry-red highlights. Their outfits were tight and bright, as if they wanted to be the center of attention. These two must be the Grove sister and brother duo. I went to take a picture of them with my cell to send Jo, but couldn’t get a good shot because of the flashing lights and people encircling them. With security and others dressed to party around them, the twins walked and waved as they entered the gym.
I viewed the scene around me. The atmosphere was ramped up with excitement, reminding me of one of my swim meets or the one or two football games I attended at NCU. Not even Dad’s rallies when he ran for mayor compared to this party that had the feel of a Hollywood awards show à la walking the red carpet.
The people in front of me didn’t move, making me antsy. I was ready to leave the line and check to see why there was a wait, when there was a tap on my shoulder. Addison lifted her hand in hello.
“Hey, Addison, you look great.” I meant the compliment as I took in her skimpy silver dress with a plunging neckline and her professionally styled hair. If I were in high school and had brought her to prom, the guys in my class would have been panting over her.
“You should wear more shirts like the one you have on. You can almost pass for dark and mysterious,” she said with more snarkiness than friendly teasing. I couldn’t tell if her attitude was for my benefit or she was like this with everyone. But since she was Benny’s family and close with him, I would play nice.
I smiled with more ease than I felt and thanked her. “This must be a big night for you also. Are you one of the investors like Benny?”
“Oh God no.” She shook her head, causing her silver hoop earrings to knock her cheeks. “Too much testosterone for me. I’d rather invest elsewhere. I’m here as Benny’s plus-one. He asked me to come get you since he’s busy mingling with the guests. Follow me.”
She walked to the front without waiting for me to join her. I caught up with her, but we didn’t talk, which was fine by me. I let her lead since she knew where to go. She said my name to the bouncer holding an iPad at the door, and he waved us inside. The foyer was large and airy, with room to spare. Off to one side was a bar that most of the people crowded around, and on the lit-up balcony overhead, a DJ played music. Servers with trays of finger foods waited nearby.
“You sure this is a gym and not a club?” I asked.
She gave me a dimpled smile in acknowledgment. “It’s more of a health club.”
“Addie!” a woman yelled and came up to us. For the first time since I met Benny’s cousin, she showed authentic enthusiasm and embraced her petite Asian friend, who wore sparkling red cat-eye glasses that brought attention to her violet eyes, her right one drooping lower than her left.
“I’m so glad you came.” She tilted her chin at me. “Reiko, this is Marshall. Benny invited him tonight.”
“Hi, I’m Reiko.” She repeated her name, acting as if Addison never said it.
“It’s nice to meet you.” I shook her hand. Even with the retro glasses and a layered bob falling right under her ears, she dressed in a plain sleeveless white shirt, a jean skirt, and basic black flats. Also she stared at the ground, and her hand was almost limp in mine. I didn’t want to make assumptions early on, but it was obvious she was shy.
“You too,” she mumbled and took back her hand, then did something I wasn’t sure if I should be offended by—she wiped her palm on her hip.
Addison noticed the move and hugged her friend close. “Reiko is a graphic artist. She comes from a very artistic family. Her mother is the CEO of Imperial Dynasty.”
“Isn’t your sister Aya the face of Imperial Dynasty?” I asked, impressed. The girls in my freshman class wore her family’s clothing line and had constantly gossiped about Aya and her wonderful life.
Her cautious expression left, and she frowned. “Yes, she is currently the It Girl in the modeling world. If you want to meet her tonight, you’re out of luck because she is in Paris for a fashion show.”
Addison shook her head at me and mouthed “stop.” She appeared very protective of her timid friend.
I tried to catch Reiko’s eye, and smiled. “How do you know Addison?”
“Dude!” Gio held out his arms as he yelled. He stood in the middle of the room, on display, not caring how everyone around him stared and laughed.
“Gio!” Benny materialized at the top of the staircase and then hurried to meet the superstar. Both men hugged and kissed each other on the cheeks.
They continued to embrace, and at one point Benny clasped Gio’s face in his hands as they talked. While everyone went on with their business of talking and drinking, I watched, mainly Benny who, compared to Gio, wasn’t as polished and screaming money, but was just as enticing. He had this rugged side to him despite his black suit, recent haircut, and beard trim. Not many worked a room just by being in it, but Benny did.
If I had the balls, like I once did, I would have gone up
to him and introduced myself to his pop star friend. But I held back, hesitant because I was out of my element and not anywhere near the level of the party crowd here.
“Gio loves to be the center of attention,” Addison said with more humor than snark.
“Benny and Gio are close?” I turned my attention to the two women instead of gawking.
“Benny met him through Zyrell. They hit it off pretty well if you know what I mean.” Her smile held a secret, not that it was much of one because it was obvious what she meant.
“If Gio is here, Gem can’t be too far behind,” Reiko said in a resigned tone, and she pulled away from Addison to scan the area.
“You’re friends with the Grove twins?” I asked.
“Reiko is better friends with the G.G.’s than I will ever be.” Addison nudged her in the side with her elbow.
“Addie, shut up.” She glared at Addison, which made me chuckle, but I covered it with a cough. Maybe she wasn’t as reserved as I first thought her to be.
There were a lot of not-so-subtle insinuations going on between these two that I could have played along with, but I wanted to get the lay of the land, so to speak. “Well, ladies, it was nice to talk with both of you, but I’m going to take a tour of the gym, unless Benny wants me to stay with you until he’s free.”
Reiko suddenly squeaked or said “eek” followed by “I gotta go to the bathroom” and jetted into the crowd on the other side of the room. There was a commotion near the entrance of the hallway, and Gem entered with a group of people. She walked to her brother and embraced Benny the same way he had Gio.
“I need a drink.” Addison tapped my arm. “No one is checking IDs so if you want something stronger than soda or water, go ahead, but don’t end up being too lushy. Remember, this is Benny’s night to shine, so don’t do anything that would embarrass him.”
Her disciplinary tone didn’t bother me as it should have. I was used to her caustic personality by now, which really didn’t rub me the wrong way. “I’m old enough to know better, even though I might not be at your advanced age and maturity yet.”
Let Me Live Page 9
