Drift

by Anna Brooks

  “And I know you’re scared, and I know you’re trying to put on a brave face, but honey, you don’t have to do that around me.”

  She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “I know. And I love you so much, and I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  Not wanting to let her go quite yet, I kiss the top of her head. “Nothing like that will ever happen to you again, you hear me?”

  “I hear you.”

  “Love you, honey.”

  “Love you, too, Carter.”

  I wipe her face off with the bottom of my shirt and walk back to the cabin and sit across from her.

  For the next ninety minutes, I grind my teeth together and try not to show my absolute disgust for what I just witnessed. I can’t believe she grew up in a place where there were holes in the floor and with so much stacked against her.

  What she told me changes nothing. Absolutely nothing. And the fact that she waited to tell me because she thought it would upset me. But I know I’m being hypocritical, so I stop thinking about it.

  What got to me the most was the fact that it quite literally was a drug house. There was so much meth in that place that I was afraid an explosion would happen at any moment. How Sally has survived is a miracle. I’m pretty sure her arm is broken and looking more closely at her, a couple of her fingers look unnaturally crooked.

  I don’t need the bruises and blood to clear to see that she’s a beautiful woman. Strong, just like her daughter. Which neither of them should have to fucking be… Jesus fuck, I’m going to go back there and kill him.

  I needed to get them away first, but then I’m going back, and I’m going to murder that son of a bitch.

  Billie avoids looking at me the rest of the way back, but I know what she told me has to be hard for her to discuss, so I’ll give her as much space as she needs… as long as she’s in reaching distance.

  The landing is easy, and I try to help Sally, but she toughs through it herself. As soon as we step off the plane, an SUV pulls up, and I open the back door for the women. Once they’re situated, I hop in the passenger seat. “Sally, this is Royce, my friend and, technically, my boss. Royce, Sally, Billie’s mom.”

  “It’s nice to meet you,” Sally says with a pained smile.

  “You, too,” Royce replies and looks at me with the same murderous rage I’m feeling.

  “Let’s go.”

  He doesn’t say anything, but once we pull up to the hospital, he turns to me, and practically growls, “I’m free tonight.”

  “Good.”

  Billie

  My leg shakes as I bounce the ball of my foot on the off-white tile. The green chair is uncomfortable, but I don’t even notice because my butt is numb.

  My mom is in a hospital bed, and I’m mere feet away. It’s surreal, and I can’t stop freaking crying. There are so many feelings swirling that I can’t contain them all. I’m so happy she’s alive, but I’m scared it won’t be permanent. I’m angry that she’s in pain. I feel guilty that it took me so long to go get her, when the reality is that I probably could have flown, gotten a rental car, and grabbed her when he was passed out one night.

  “Hey, baby,” my mom calls from her hospital bed, and I jump out of the uncomfortable chair to rush to her side.

  Sitting next to her on the bed, I take her good hand. “Hi. How do you feel?”

  “Looking at you, never better.” She manages a smile, and even though she just got out of surgery to fix her broken arm, she finds a way to be happy. I’m sure it helps that she’s got pain meds, but either way, I grew up with the positivity she always seemed to find no matter what. Yes, things with my father were horrific. We endured so much, but when he’d go sit at the bar for hours, and it was just us, it was amazing and so happy, especially considering the circumstances.

  I get my positivity from her. Where I still can try to see the good in people or believe that there are more kind souls than rotten ones.

  “Can I get you anything?”

  “No.” She closes her eyes. “I can’t believe you came back.”

  I smile even though she can’t see me. “Of course, I came back.”

  “I missed you so much,” she whispers.

  “I missed you, too.”

  “I’d do it all again.”

  I scoot closer. “What?”

  “Take the pain if it meant you could be this happy. I see it in your eyes; that man was worth it.”

  My neck loses its elasticity, and I rest my forehead on top of my hand. This is why I love my mother so damn much. Even when she should be so… mad, she finds a way to find something positive in a horrendous situation.

  “He said he’d have found me some way, so I have to disagree with you. Staying there wasn’t worth it, but it’s over now.”

  “It’s over,” she affirms.

  I lift my head but find her eyes still closed. “Yeah, Mom. It’s over.”

  “I’m just going to take a nap.”

  “Okay. I love you.”

  “Love you too, my sweet girl.”

  I think she finally has had enough trying to be strong and just allowed us to take care of her today. She never used to allow anyone to help her, including me. I think she tried to overcompensate because of the guilt she felt about what I went through. I tried to clean up broken glass or disinfect her scrapes and cuts, but she never let me.

  Being where I am now and looking back at her situation, I understand why she stayed. She felt like she didn’t have a choice because, well, she didn’t. Our town was small and lacked the resources to help her escape, even with a child. Especially when the men who are supposed to uphold the law are some of the same ones contributing to the problem. If she hadn’t gotten me out of there, I would have never been able to leave, either.

  After she falls asleep, I move back to the chair and look at my phone, but I still have no message from Carter. He stayed here until she was getting taken care of, then left, but Gio and Q have been in and out, checking on us. He said he had some things to take care of, but I haven’t spoken to him in almost twelve hours. I’m worried because he hasn’t gotten in touch with me. He never goes this long without at least a text.

  I curl up and rest my head on the back of the chair, then try to fight my heavy eyelids from closing. A strong set of arms cradles me, and I snuggle into the familiar man. I obviously lost the fight to stay awake. Mom is still sleeping as Carter carries me into the hallway.

  A shiver courses through me when we get outside, the night air a tad chilly. He sets me on the front seat of his Jeep and reaches over me to put my seat belt on. “Where were you?”

  He presses his lips to mine and then closes the door and walks around to his side and gets in without saying another word.

  “Carter.”

  “Just… I want to get you home, okay?”

  “What happened? Where were you?”

  He clenches his jaw and shakes his head, seeming irritated that I’m asking him anything. Not used to even a slight bit of anger directed at me from him, I simply sink into the seat and let him drive me home.

  Home, now, means his apartment. We already decided my mom would move into my old one, and I’d live with Carter. Of course, when I told her that, she was hesitant and didn’t want to feel like she was inconveniencing anyone, but I assured her it was fine. Even if she wasn’t moving there, I still would have moved in with Carter because I want to be with him.

  In the time Carter has been in my life, I’ve learned that some people really are just kind. And he’s one of them; he taught me that. He made me believe it, made me believe in him.

  He parks and leads us inside in silence. After he locks the door, he backs me down the hallway and to the bathroom, then turns the shower on and begins taking his clothes off. Once they’re all in a pile on the floor, he does the same to mine and then steps under the spray. He holds his hand out for me, and I take it. Getting in the shower with him, I don’t question his reasoning but sense he needs this mor
e than I do.

  Turning us so my hair can get wet, he squirts my shampoo into his palm and lathers up my hair. I softly moan at how relaxing it is and tip my head back as he rinses. “Carter.”

  He licks his lips and brings his hand to cup my face. “Your father is dead.”

  I almost slip, but he grabs me around the waist. “What?”

  “I flew back down there with Royce and—”

  “Oh my God, you killed him.”

  He shakes his head. “I didn’t.”

  “Royce?”

  “No. When we arrived, the trailer was on fire.”

  “Oh, my gosh.”

  He takes my hands. “We got there as they were pulling him out. We hung around the hospital until we found out he died.”

  Is it wrong to only feel relief at a moment like this? My father is dead… shouldn’t I be sad? At the very least feel sympathy for the man whose DNA makes up half of me?

  But then I remember, and know that as much as I want to, I’ll never forget what he put me through. The man who was supposed to protect me and keep me safe was the one who made my life a living hell. So no, I don’t feel anything along the lines of sadness.

  Carter brings his hand up and rests it on my shoulder. “Talk to me.”

  “Why’d you go back there?”

  He looks away from me and shrugs.

  “Carter.”

  “I was gonna beat the shit out of him. Break his arm. Give him a taste of his own medicine. I would have killed him, which is why I brought Royce with me. Although I had to promise he could get a few minutes with him, too.”

  “How… why was there a fire?”

  He hesitates. “Didn’t you see the meth, baby? The supplies?”

  I can’t form a word, but I can shake my head.

  “There was an explosion because of that. I don’t know how a fire hadn’t happened before, but I think your mom probably stopped them before they could start, and since she wasn’t there…”

  There’s been this crack in my heart for the past three years that finally mended as soon as that plane landed here with my mom in it. Before that, I never realized how guarded it was until Carter took one swipe and knocked down the barriers. And right now, as the weight that’s been crushing me for over a decade lifts completely, I can do nothing but smile.

  I shut the water off and grab some towels to dry us off, understanding why he needed a shower, then grab his hand and lead us to the bedroom. I crawl over the bed and straddle him as he lays on his back. My lips find his, and I caress them with my own. Slowly, I try to show him just a little bit how I feel. How thankful I am for him and how damn much I love him.

  He hardens beneath me, and without any other foreplay, I reach between us and then slide down his length. My eyes roll back in my head, and I rest my hands behind me on his thighs while I ride him.

  The tips of his fingers press into my legs as he drags them up and down. A hiss of air passes through his teeth when I suddenly drop down hard and fast. He sits up on his elbows and watches me as I let him inside.

  A tremor shoots up from the bottom of my feet and stirs up its counterparts in my belly. He reaches up and lightly traces beneath my breasts, and that sensation slides down and explodes with the others. “Carter.”

  “So beautiful. God and when you come on me…” He grabs my hips and thrusts up into me before he grunts out my name, and we both collapse.

  “I love you,” I tell him, meaning it more than I ever knew was capable.

  “You, too, honey.”

  * * *

  “This is too much. I couldn’t possibly,” Mom protests as she follows me into my or, rather, her apartment. It’s been a few days since we’ve been back here, and she was released from the hospital this morning. Carter is just across the hall as I show her where she’s going to be living for at least a little while.

  “It’s not.”

  “But, Billie, dear… I don’t have the money to pay rent.” She lowers her voice and puts a hand to her chest. “Surely, there has to be something else more affordable.”

  I grab her shoulders as gently as I can. “Please trust me when I say it’s fine. It’s more than fine, Mom. I promise. And there is no rush for anything. Just take your time and get better. Once you’re good, we’ll go job hunting together.”

  She wipes her teary eyes and then walks through the living room and pulls back the curtain to look down into the city. “This is too much.”

  I stand next to her and squeeze her hand. “It’s not enough. For what you did for me, for risking so much to get me out of there… it will never be enough.”

  “You’re my baby girl. It’s my job; it’s any decent parent’s job to take care of their children, to give them everything they possibly can without ever asking for anything in return. I did what I had to because you are my child and that means being selfless.”

  “You are selfless, and you didn’t ask for anything in return. You never asked for anything, Mom. And if I had more, I’d give it to you.”

  Speaking of. I always wondered… “How did you get that much money to give me when I first left?”

  When she looks away, I know it’s probably worse than I thought.

  “I stole it.”

  “Where did he get that much money from?”

  “He was involved in some things—”

  I interrupt her. “Drugs?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Did he find out?”

  This time, she doesn’t need to look away for me to know. “Oh, Mom.”

  “It wasn’t any worse than all the other times. I just told him I owed someone money, and he was too stupid to realize you ‘running away’ and the cash missing were at the same time. But I’d do it a hundred times over since it meant getting you safe.” She squeezes my hand. “And since you met a wonderful man who treats you like gold, I’d do it a thousand times.”

  “But we don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

  “No. We don’t.” She smiles, and it’s almost kind of evil. We both feel the same way about him dying—relieved. And I decide to let my questions about why she didn’t come with me die right along with him. Because it doesn’t matter anymore. The past is gone. Finally.

  Chapter 18

  Carter

  The sun peeks through my curtains and wakes me up, which would have driven me mad on any other day before Billie. When I wake up, I used to like to start the day surrounded by darkness to remind me that I didn’t deserve the light.

  I used to live outside, used to let the rays literally fuel me. Sunup to sundown, I lived on the sand and in the water. But after Zoe’s death, I associated one with the other and quickly grew to resent it. And I felt like I didn’t deserve to enjoy my life, my passion, since it was my fault she died. I still feel that way, but when I’m with Billie, I want to be better for her. To protect her. To make her smile. I don’t care about what I’m missing.

  I don’t know how she managed to wake up before me, but the smell coming from the kitchen tells me she’s already cooking. I lean on the doorjamb and hold back a laugh as she shakes her ass to whatever song she’s humming. It’s almost surreal sometimes to look at her and know she’s mine. “Morning.”

  “Hi.” She turns around and walks the few feet over to me, then kisses me before going back to the pan.

  I help her carry the food to the table, and once she’s sitting, I take my chair and am not shy about stuffing my face. “Thanks, honey. This is delicious.”

  She covers her mouth as she chews. “You’re welcome.”

  “How’s your mom doing?” It’s only been a few days since she’s been living in Billie’s old apartment.

  “Good. She’s tough.”

  “She is.”

  She doesn’t finish her food and gives me a fake smile when she gets up. I don’t know what it’s about, but I give her a second before I follow her to the balcony. “What are you doin’ out here?”

  “Nothing.”

  I squat down. �
��You okay?”

  She lifts her head from her knee. “Yeah.”

  “That doesn’t sound too convincing.”

  “I am. I’m just kicking myself in the butt for not going and getting her sooner. Because the truth is that I could have, but I was just a coward because holding on to hope that she was okay is what kept me going. But if I were to have gone there on my own and found out something happened to her, I would have been lost and completely alone.”

  “Don’t do that to yourself.”

  “It’s a lot of guilt to hold on to, and I know you’d feel the same way if the roles were reversed.”

  I lean on the railing. “Maybe. But honey, everything is good now. Don’t look back; it makes moving forward almost impossible.”

  “You’re right. And if it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be able to. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you for everything that you’ve done.”

  “Be you. That’s all I want from you. I might have done things for you, but what you’ve done for me is something priceless, and you don’t even know.”

  “It still doesn’t feel right.”

  “It is. Nothing in the world is more right than what we have.”

  * * *

  It’s been a couple of weeks since Sally’s been back. I’m about to head out the door for work, but before I go, I’m gonna have to bend my girl over my knee and spank the attitude right out of her.

  “I’m going.”

  “You’re not.”

  “Carter. I’m going.” Billie crosses her arms and taps her foot. “I love you, but you can’t tell me what to do.”

  She knows she can get away with almost anything when she tells me that, but not this time. “It’s stupid.”

  “I’m not stupid.”

  “I didn’t say you were stupid. I said it was stupid. The idea that you’d go interview for a dead-end waitressing job when you can work at one of my dad’s restaurants is stupid.”