TAILSPIN

by Jaimie Roberts

  As I smile, a lone tear drops down my face. “Hi, Mum,” I say. “I know I normally come here on Sundays, but I just felt like I needed my mum. God, I wish you were here now so I could talk to you. You would know exactly what to say.” As I wipe my tears, I shake my head. “I feel so silly. You’ve probably figured out it’s about a guy. When is it not?” I chuckle a little, then close my eyes as a welcome breeze blows. I inhale, smelling a hint of fresh lilies, roses, and grass. The smell of freshly cut grass has always been my favourite. I smile again, loving the aroma, then I remember why I’m here.

  I open my eyes, hearing my phone ringing in my pocket. I take it out and see it’s Devon, so I decline the call. Immediately, it starts ringing again. Again, I decline. When he rings back again, I silence it. That’s when I see a text from him.

  Don’t move. I’m coming to get you.

  I shake my head and put it back in my pocket. How does he know where I am?

  Not wanting to think about it, I turn my attention back to my mother. “I don’t know what to do, Mum. I’ve fallen in love, but now I feel like my heart’s been crushed.” I look at her headstone again. She was only fifty when she left us. Way too young to be taken away from her family. “I wonder if you had any cause to distrust Dad when you were younger. I suppose he was one hundred percent devoted. Dad has always been that way with you. I wish I had that in my life now. I know I’m only twenty-six, but I’ve grown up being completely obsessed with Devon. I was only six when I met him, but I remember him well. I was fifteen when my hormones started to kick in.” I chuckle again. “That’s when I really noticed him. He had been gone a while—shipped off somewhere for the RAF. When he came back, he was in his twenties, ripped, and taller than anyone I’ve ever met. I remember jokingly telling you that I fancied him, but I also think you knew it wasn’t a joke. You knew how far my infatuation with him went. You were the only one who could see it.”

  Closing my eyes again, I sigh. I look around to see I’m alone. There’s a couple in the distance, but that’s it.

  I look back at my mum’s headstone. “I know you’re not here to answer, but I need you to know that when I come here to speak with you, I always leave feeling so much better. I have you to thank for that.” I smooth my hand over her headstone with a smile.

  “Andi?”

  I look up to see Devon standing on the other side, looking both frantic and confused. He’s not the only one. “How did you know I was—”

  He holds up his phone. “GPS tracking.”

  I stand up. “And here I thought I was the stalker.”

  He frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  I fix him with a glare. “It means I saw you, Devon. I saw you with that woman in the café. The one who was crying on the phone. The one you just up and left for without a word to me about where you were going.” He’s about to answer when I put my hand up. “I’m not getting into this with you here.” Placing a kiss on my hand, I lay it on my mother’s headstone. “See you soon, Mum.” I walk away.

  Once we’ve gotten some distance away, Devon pulls me over to a bench. I’m hesitant, but he’s so strong, he manages to force me down.

  “What did you see?” I start laughing sarcastically. “Andi, what did you see?”

  I take a deep breath. “I saw you and the lady at the café. She was crying and you were offering her support. She grabbed you, started crying into your chest. When she pulled away, you wiped a tear from her eye. That’s when she kissed you.”

  “Andi …” He tries to take my hand, but I pull back. “Did you stick around long enough to see what happened?”

  I look away. I already know the answer to that. I also think he knows it, too, and that’s why he’s asking. “No,” I simply state.

  “Well, if you had, you would have seen the point where I pulled her arms off me. You would have seen me say something to her, then you would have seen me leave. I immediately tried to call you at the office. When I couldn’t reach you, I asked Mandy to go check your office. She said you weren’t there, so I started trying to call your cell. When you wouldn’t answer, I tracked down where you were.”

  “Who is she?” I need to know. I’ve needed to know since she rang a couple hours ago.

  He sighs, looking away. “My ex-wife.”

  When I gasp, he looks back at me. “Your ex-wife? Isn’t this something you should have told me when we got together? All these years I’ve known you, you’ve never once mentioned a wife. Why?”

  He grits his teeth. “It’s complicated.”

  I settle back into the bench. “I’m all ears, Devon.”

  When he sees I’m not moving, he sighs, shaking his head. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

  I raise my eyebrows. “Would you?”

  He smirks. “Point taken.” When I look away in anger, he takes my hand. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about her. She’s my sore spot—”

  “Did you love her?” I ask.

  “I thought I did.” I can tell by his face that he seems to be telling the truth. “It was a whirlwind romance. I met her when I was out in Italy. She was a holiday rep there, so I bumped into her a lot when I went out for drinks with the lads. We got to talking and hit it off. Within a couple months, we were married. A month after that, she became pregnant.” When I snap my head to him, he holds up a hand. “Let me finish.” He shifts a little in his seat, obviously uncomfortable. “We had a son. James. He was stillborn.”

  I throw my hand over my mouth. “Oh, my god, Devon. I’m so sorry.”

  Placing another hand over mine, he smiles. “You don’t have to apologise. It was one of those things. It was shitty, but I suppose it just wasn’t meant to be. Things were never right between us after that, though. The marriage quickly dissolved.”

  “But you kept in touch?”

  He shakes his head. “No, oddly enough, we haven’t.”

  “So her ringing today was totally out of the blue?” I ask, a little confused.

  He nods. “Yes. I feel as surprised as you look right now.”

  “What did she want?” Considering she tried to stick her tongue down his throat, I feel compelled to ask.

  “She recently miscarried again and is completely distraught. She wanted to meet me because she felt I could somehow be the one to offer her the comfort she needed, considering we went through a similar loss together.”

  I frown. “But what about her current boyfriend or husband?”

  He grits his teeth. “It’s an old friend of mine. They were together even before we’d split. The bastard would go out for drinks with me when he was screwing around with my wife the whole time. Well, it looks like old habits die hard.”

  “So she cheated on you with him, but now that he’s cheating on her with someone else, she’s trying to get back at him by getting back with the person she cheated on in the first place.”

  “A bit of a mess, but that sounds like it in a nutshell.”

  I shake my head. “I hope you told her where to go.”

  He looks at me with a smirk. “Yes,” he says, leaning closer. “And I told her that I was with someone who has my heart.”

  “Yeah, so no taking your body.”

  He laughs. “Yes. You totally have that, too.”

  I pull away a little. “I’m still mad at you, though. You never told me anything about her. I thought you trusted me.”

  He looks guilty. “With all the shit you know about me so far, I didn’t want to add something else. I keep thinking I’m going to fuck it all up and lose the one and only good thing I have in my life.”

  “Damn you, Devon,” I say, taking his hand. He has the most confused, boyish expression on his face. “I’m trying so hard to be angry with you, but then you go and say something like that.” I see his smirk and nudge him. “This isn’t funny.”

  His playful expression soon disappears. “I know.”

  “For someone so strong, so independent, and so confident, you sure know how to be
insecure when it comes to me. There’s no need to be. I’m still here. I just wish you gave me a little more credit. I’m a big girl now,” I smirk. “I can handle what you throw at me. All I ask is that you don’t break my heart.”

  Devon sighs before gripping my hands, locking me with those beautiful blue eyes of his. “I’m so sorry I never told you. She’s been out of my life for so long …”

  “That you didn’t feel the need to tell me.” He nods, a contrite look on his face. “I don’t need to know the ins and outs of everything, Devon Jackson, but when I hear you were married before and had a kid who died, I think this is something that needs to be discussed, don’t you? Finding out like this isn’t fun for me.” I sigh, making Devon wince a little.

  “I don’t like knowing that you’re mad at me.”

  I let out a tired exhale. “I’m not mad. I’m disappointed.”

  He snorts. “That’s even worse.”

  “Relationships aren’t always black and white. But you should already know this, considering you were married before.”

  Looking down at our hands a moment, he squeezes them a little before looking back up. “That relationship was fourteen years ago. I was young and stupid. We both were. What we have together far outweighs anything I had with Beth. You have to believe me when I say this. You are everything to me. I can’t lose that.”

  I lean forward pulling my hand away to stroke his chin. I watch him close his eyes. “Stop being so afraid.”

  He opens his eyes and looks into mine. He grabs my hand from his face and nods. “Okay, I’ll try. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’ll try.” He smiles. “Can you settle for an imperfect man?”

  I smile back. “What we have is perfectly imperfect.”

  He laughs. “I don’t know if I like that or not.”

  “You should. Not everything is perfect. We both have our flaws. It’s how we decide to live and deal with them that counts.”

  He grabs the back of my head and pulls me toward him until our foreheads touch. “Does this mean you forgive me?” he asks. This seems to be a running theme with Devon.

  I kiss him lightly before pulling away begrudgingly. His mouth is so intoxicating, it’s always hard to resist. “There’s nothing to forgive,” I add with a sigh. “I just ask that you give me a little credit in the future. Stop shutting me out of important things.”

  He nods. “I’m not used to baring everything, but I’ll try. All I ask is that you give me time.”

  I grab his hand before kissing it. “That’s all I need to know.”

  Devon smiles before looking toward the exit of the cemetery. “Are you ready to get back to work? I have to leave in a couple hours.”

  I groan, knowing he’s going to Brussels for a few days. “Okay, let’s get you back.”

  As we both stand, Devon suddenly swoops me into his arms, giving me a spellbinding kiss. “I’m going to miss you, Andi Pandy.”

  I groan again. “Not you, too.”

  He smirks. “I think it’s cute.”

  “It was cute when I was six, not twenty-six.”

  He sweeps his nose across mine. “You beguile me, Miss Bellingham.”

  I bite my lip in an attempt to hide my smile. “Keep talking like that and you may get lucky once you’re back from Brussels.”

  He digs his groin into mine, showing me that he’s already hard. “I was counting on it being a little sooner.”

  I raise my eyebrow. “Really? And how do you propose that?”

  He kisses me lightly. “I was kind of hoping for another ‘board meeting.’” He waggles his eyebrows, making me laugh.

  “I’ll have to check my schedule. My boss can be a right hard-arse at times. I may not be able to squeeze you in.”

  He pushes his groin into me again. “Oh, I’m pretty certain you can squeeze me in. You’ve done pretty well in the past before.”

  I fake tut, shaking my head. “Oh, Mr Devon Jackson. What am I going to do with you?”

  Running his tongue against my bottom lip, he bites it, waking my loins up. “I’m sure you can think of something.”

  After a spellbinding half-hour “board meeting,” I reluctantly say goodbye to Devon. Afterward, I stay at the office to catch up on some work before taking Devon’s offer of full use of his driver, Ian, while he’s away. Devon wanted me to stay at his apartment so I would feel closer to him, and I didn’t say no. Plus, he has the most comfortable bed. Having a great night’s sleep does wonders for the soul.

  Once I receive a message from Ian letting me know he’s waiting, I lock everything up, say goodbye to Mandy, and head to the lift. As the doors open on the ground floor, I find Beth standing by the front door. I frown, wondering why she’s there, but when she locks her eyes on mine, she starts moving toward me.

  As she and I approach each other, I try to gauge her reaction, but she gives nothing away. I have no idea why she’s here, but I figure it’s not going to be good.

  “Andi?” she asks. When I nod, she looks me up and down. “A little young for my Devon.”

  I inhale a sharp breath, the bitch radar on full alert. I have to remind myself that she’s been through a loss, so I need to be the better woman. It still pisses me off that she’s speaking to me like this right off the bat, though.

  “From my understanding, he’s no longer your Devon. Not after what you did to him.” She smirks. When she does, I notice how unattractive she looks from the inside. What did Devon ever see in her?

  “It was an oversight on my part. Things were different back then. We were both so young.”

  I frown. “I don’t understand why you’re here. You and Devon happened fourteen years ago. You’ve both moved on.”

  “What did he tell you about me?”

  “Enough,” I simply answer.

  “Then you should understand why I’m here.”

  I scrutinise her, wondering where this is heading. She’s giving nothing away. A part of me thinks she would make an excellent poker player. “But what are you hoping to achieve?”

  Beth crosses her arms in front of her, sighing. “Devon and I share something no one can take away from us. You wouldn’t understand.”

  I nod. “No, I wouldn’t, and hope to never understand your pain. What you both went through was horrendous. I’m truly sorry about that.” I see the shocked look in her eyes. She certainly wasn’t expecting me to be so kind.

  “Th- Thank you.”

  I sigh before pointing toward the exit. “Listen, I don’t know why you’re here, but I have to go. I have a driver waiting for me. I just need you to know that Devon and I are together now. I trust that what we have is solid and nothing you attempt to say will ever make me think otherwise. I’m not trying to be nasty by saying this, but I’m not going to get into some bidding war over Devon. I know I’ve already won.” Feeling proud of myself, I smile softly before moving away. As I do, I hear her voice.

  “I wasn’t expecting you to be like this.”

  I stop and turn around. “Like what?”

  She smiles a little, shrugging. “I don’t know. So … sensible, I suppose. I expected some sort of fight from you. I certainly didn’t expect your kindness.”

  I laugh softly. “Well, at least you’re being honest.” I bite my lip, pointing toward the door. “I’m sorry, but I really need to go. I don’t want to keep him waiting.”

  She nods. “Yes, of course. Sorry.” I start to move again, her next words halting me. “Can I just offer you a word of advice?”

  Turning back to her, I nod. I’m waiting for the bitchy comment to come. One that tells me I’m in way over my head if I think I can have a man like Devon.

  “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. You seem like a really nice girl, so I feel compelled to say something.” She sighs. “Be careful.” Before I can ask what she means, she walks through the door.

  For a moment, I don’t move, wondering what she means. Maybe she’s genuinely looking out for me, or maybe she’s attempting to sim
ply mess with my head. I don’t know, but if it’s the latter, it’s working.

  Knowing I can’t stand here all day, I start moving. Once outside, I apologise to Ian for being late and get in. As the door shuts, I receive a message.

  Just landed and I already miss you.

  I smile as my thumbs hover over the buttons. I contemplate whether to tell Devon about what happened, but know it will probably freak him out. I know I should ignore Beth’s warning to be careful, but it’s playing in my mind.

  “I have instructions to take you to Mr Jackson’s residence. Is that okay?”

  Looking up, I see Ian’s eyes staring back at me in the rear-view mirror. I nod. “Yes, thank you.”

  He puts the car into gear as I look down at the text. I inhale a deep breath. I’ll ignore Beth’s warning. Maybe it was just a last-ditch effort at throwing a spanner into the works. She would probably love to see Devon and I fail in our relationship now that her own seems to be doomed.

  I miss you, too.

  I place my phone in my bag, then stare out the window. It’s after rush hour, but the roads are still pretty busy. It’s also busy with shoppers probably attempting to calm their nerves after a hard day at the office.

  When the light turns red, we slow to a stop. As we do, I gaze upon a café window and see something that makes me frown. There’s a couple sitting by the window looking very cosy. They’re holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes. When he leans in to kiss her, I gasp.

  Not thinking, I open the car door and start walking toward the loving couple. As I do, I hear Ian shout my name. Tyres screech, someone screams. The man looks up at me, his eyes widening. I feel pain, I’m suddenly airborne, and then…

  Nothing.

  I come to, but don’t open my eyes. I don’t remember anything. All I know is everything aches. I’m flat on my back, and something is restricting my hand. I try to wiggle my fingers, but I’m met with resistance. When I try harder, the weight is suddenly off me. I hear a sharp intake of breath.

  “Andi? Andi, wake up, baby. Andi, please wake up.” Hearing Devon’s voice, I try to open my eyes, but they feel heavy. I groan in frustration. I feel a hand on my arm. “I’m going to get a doctor. Sit tight.”