Hard to Handle

by Diana Palmer

  “When I push down, try not to do that,” he whispered. “If you tense up, it’s going to hurt more.”

  She shivered with delicious anticipation, her body throbbing with a heat it had never felt before. Her legs moved to admit him even closer and her nails bit into his shoulders. “I’ll try,” she breathed.

  His chest rose and fell deeply. His hips moved down, and she made a noise deep in her throat as she felt the burning pain. She tensed involuntarily. “I’m…sorry,” she gasped.

  “It can’t be be helped,” he said quietly. “I’m going to have to hurt you. Cry out if you want to. I’m sorry…!”

  She did, because it was worse than she’d imagined it would be. But she didn’t fight him or try to push him away even then. She bit her lip and moaned, trying to force her body to relax as it protested the invasion of his.

  “Only a little longer,” he whispered. His mouth came closer. “Kiss me. It will help.”

  She let him take her mouth, opened it to admit the slow, deep penetration of his tongue that imitated what his body was doing to hers. It was so erotic that it tricked her taut muscles into relaxing, and suddenly what had been almost impossible was easy and smooth.

  He heard her intake of breath and lifted his head, smiling down at her through his own fierce excitement. The act of possession was almost enough to trigger his fulfillment. He had to stop and breathe himself to keep control.

  “Phillip,” she whispered achingly. Her eyes sought his, and she could barely believe it was happening, at last.

  “How does it feel?” he whispered at her lips.

  “Incredible,” she managed, her voice shaking.

  “And we haven’t begun,” he breathed as his mouth began to open on hers. His hips lifted and moved and she shivered, because the surge of pleasure she felt shocked her.

  The sound of the car roaring up outside was an interruption that froze them both in incredulous shock.

  “My God,” he ground out. “No!”

  But the car was stopping. Worse, there were lights flashing, so it had to be a police car.

  He lifted himself away from her, shuddering as he fell onto his back and arched. He groaned and stiffened, while Jennifer tried to weather the frustration and anger she felt.

  There were footsteps on the porch and a loud, heavy knock at the door.

  “Just a minute!” Hunter shouted. He got up, pulling on his jeans with hands that shook. “God almighty, I’ll kill someone for this!” he muttered. He leaned over Jennifer’s shivering body and bent to kiss her with rough hunger. “Get dressed, quickly.”

  He left the room and she turned on the light, hurrying to get back into her clothes and make some kind of order in the room. She brushed her hair with his hairbrush and, satisfied that she looked as presentable as possible, she opened the bedroom door.

  Hunter was talking to another man. They had to be speaking Apache, because Jennifer couldn’t understand a word.

  “This is Choya,” Hunter introduced the shorter man. “He’s chief of the reservation police. I’ve been telling him what happened. Since the incident occurred on Apache land, he’ll be responsible for the investigation and any arrests.”

  “In other words, I get all the headaches,” the newcomer grinned, perfect white teeth flashing. “My God, Hunter, I go home to a wife with buckteeth and you have her.” He shook his head. “I need to change medicine men.”

  Hunter chuckled. “You know Maria’s the prettiest woman around, so shut up. Is there anything else you need to know?”

  “Not tonight,” Choya said, and exchanged a knowing glance with Hunter. “Sorry about my timing. I’ll get back on the road now. Good night.”

  “Good night,” Jennifer said, blushing all over.

  Hunter closed the door behind him and turned to Jennifer. He didn’t move until the car drove away, his dark eyes sliding over her, his dark, bare chest lifting and falling slowly.

  “Come here,” he said curtly.

  She went to him without hesitation. He lifted her, but instead of carrying her back into the bedroom, he carried her to the rocking chair and sat down with her across his lap.

  “Thanks to Choya, we can’t finish what we started,” he said, smiling into her heated face. “I was prepared, but only for one time.” He bent and drew his mouth slowly over hers. “Still burning?” he breathed.

  His hand was on the buttons of her blouse, which she put on without her bra, and now he knew it. She arched, letting him look, letting him touch.

  Her fingers tangled in his dark hair and pulled, tugging his face toward her bare breasts.

  “All right,” he whispered. “Is this what you want?”

  It was. Oh, it was, she thought in sweet anguish, loving the touch of his mouth on her velvety skin. She lay in his arms and made no protest when he stripped off her jeans and underwear. His hand found her and moved, and his mouth reached up for hers. He rocked the chair and touched her rhythmically, and the combined force of the sensual movements very quickly brought an explosive culmination in her taut body.

  She cried out and shivered and was still. He gathered her close beside him, her breasts brushing his bare chest, his cheek against her hair.

  “It isn’t enough,” he whispered. “But it’s safe. One day, so help me, I’ll put you under me in bed and fill you until you scream.”

  She bit his shoulder in anguished need, and he shuddered and brought her even closer. “What about you?” she asked huskily.

  “Don’t worry about me,” he said, ignoring his own need. He could handle it. He’d have to, he couldn’t take the risk.

  “You’re no longer a virgin, technically,” he said, lifting his head to search her eyes. “Despite the fact that we were barely together, I had your virginity tonight.”

  She smiled up at him with awe. “Yes.”

  He touched her mouth, tracing her lips with a finger that wasn’t quite steady. “And you don’t regret it?”

  “No,” she whispered.

  His jaw clenched as his eyes fell to her bare breasts. “Neither do I,” he said. “You belong to me.”

  “I know.”

  His eyes flashed as they met hers. “There won’t be another man.”

  “I know that, too.”

  He stared into her eyes for a long moment, then he stood and carried her back into the bedroom. He stripped himself before he turned out the light and put her under the covers. He drew her body against his and pressed her cheek into his bare shoulder with a long, rough sigh.

  “In the morning, get up as quickly as you can,” he said at her ear. “A man awakens aroused and his wits are dulled by it. Don’t be tempted to take chances. I won’t forget and I won’t forgive.”

  She sighed. “All right,” she said reluctantly. She closed her eyes, pressing her hand flat on his chest and curling into his taut body. “Good night, Phillip.”

  His hand covered hers. “Good night, little one.” He brushed a careless kiss against her forehead and then her eyes, lingering on the thick, long lashes.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “For what?”

  “You had nothing.”

  His body was taut but he tried to ignore it. “I’ll live,” he murmured, trying to keep his voice light.

  But she heard the stress in it. Hesitantly she slid her hand down his body and felt him tense. She waited for him to stop her, but he didn’t. She heard his breathing change and felt his body arch in a slow, delicate rhythm. Her fingers moved down and he arched into them.

  “Yes,” he whispered, his eyes closed.

  She stroked him, feeling him throb, feeling him tauten, hearing the anguished groan that broke from his lips as her hand explored him.

  “Do it,” he bit off.

  He taught her, kicking the covers off, his eyes glittering in the darkness. She heard his breathing become tortured, watched his body react to her shy, loving touch. He watched her until it became impossible and then he arched up, crying out, and she le
arned things about men that all her reading hadn’t prepared her for.

  Eventually they slept. She supposed that she should regret what had happened. If she ever did marry, even if she hadn’t been totally seduced, she was no longer completely chaste. But it was Hunter she’d given that privilege to, and she had no regrets. She loved him so deeply that she could live on tonight, forever if she had to.

  She got up the next morning and went into the living room with shy reluctance. She never quite knew what to expect from Hunter, because he was so unpredictable.

  He was putting food on the table. He glanced up. “I was about to call you,” he said politely. “Sit down.”

  It was as if nothing had ever happened between them. She stared at him curiously as she sat in the chair.

  He poured coffee with a straight face. “How’s the arm?”

  “It’s sore, but I think it will be all right.”

  “We’ll get you to a doctor before we leave for the airport. We’re going home today.”

  “So soon?”

  “It’s past time,” he returned tersely, and the eyes that met hers were angry. “Last night should never have happened. You have a very disturbing effect on my willpower, and I’m tired of it. I’m taking you back to Tulsa. If there’s another assignment like this, I’ll send one of my operatives with you instead. There aren’t going to be any repeats.”

  She lowered her eyes to the table. “You can’t bear to lose control in any way, can you?”

  “No,” he replied honestly. “You’re becoming a liability, and I can’t afford one. My job requires total concentration. What I feel when I’m around you could get us both killed. I made a mistake last night that could have been fatal. I left you alone. If we hadn’t been at each other’s throats out of simple physical frustration, I’d have had the presence of mind to take you with me. But I didn’t.”

  “I’m all right,” she said quietly.

  “You could have died. Or I could have. I’ve had enough emotional stress to last me a lifetime, Jennifer,” he said, his voice final. “From now on, I’ll stick to women who can give out and get out. No more lovesick virgins.”

  She went scarlet. She couldn’t even deny it. “I’ll do my best to stay out of your way,” she said.

  “That would be appreciated,” he replied. He couldn’t look at her. It was hurting him to cut her up like this, but he had to make her angry enough to keep away from him. Wanting her was becoming an obsession that could cost him his job or his life under the right circumstances.

  She dragged her eyes up for one brief instant. “Are you sorry we made love?” she asked huskily.

  “Yes, I’m sorry,” he said without a flicker of emotion. “I told you I’d been without a woman for a long time. You were handy, and you must know how beautiful you are.” He forced a mocking smile. “It would have been a unique experience. I’ve never had a willing virgin before. But the newness would have worn off before morning, I’m afraid. I prefer an experienced woman in bed. Someone who knows how to play the game without expecting declarations of love and proposals of marriage.”

  Her face was very pale, but she smiled. “Well, no harm done,” she said gamely. “Thanks for the instruction.” She lowered her eyes to her coffee cup. “What time do you want to leave?”

  He couldn’t repress admiration for her bravery. No tears, no accusations, just acceptance despite her pain. That made it worse somehow. But he had to be strong.

  He got up. “In half an hour,” he said. “Leave the dishes. I’ll be coming back here when I’ve put you on the plane.”

  “You aren’t coming?” she exclaimed.

  “No. I’ve got some leave due. I’m taking it now. I’ll phone Eugene from the airport. Get your things together, please.”

  It was so hurried—the trip to the doctor’s office, the antibiotic and tetanus shots, the rush to get to the airport in time to board a plane for Tulsa. She was en route before she realized how shocked and hurt she really was. It was a good thing that he hadn’t let her say goodbye, so that she didn’t break down. He’d given her the ticket, said something about having someone meet her at the airport, and then he’d left her at the right concourse gate without a goodbye or a backward glance.

  She got off the plane in Tulsa and there was a car waiting. It whisked her back to her apartment. Once she got into it, she threw herself on her bed and cried until her eyes were red. But it didn’t take away the sting of knowing that Hunter had only desired her. She’d given him everything she had to give, and he’d still walked away without a backward glance. She loved him more than her own life. How was she going to live without him?

  10

  Jennifer couldn’t decide what to do. She was so miserable that she only went through the motions of doing a job that she’d once loved. Her coworkers noticed the quiet pain in her face, but they were too kind to mention it.

  Eugene got his molybdenum mine. The deal went through with flying colors, and the enemy agents went home in disgrace, having pursued the wrong site and gotten themselves in eternal hot water with their furious superiors.

  Hunter stayed on vacation for a couple of weeks. When he came back into the office, he pointedly ignored Jennifer, refusing to even look her way when he passed her in the hall.

  His attitude cut her to the bone. She lost weight and began to give in to nerves. She jumped when people approached unexpectedly. She made mistakes on her charts—the kind that she never would have made before. Eugene called her on the carpet for her latest error, which had cost the company a good deal of money drilling in what turned out to be a dry hole.

  “Everybody hits a dry hole once or twice,” he raged at her in the privacy of his office. “And under normal circumstances, it’s excusable. But, damn it, this isn’t! This was carelessness, Jennifer, plain and simple.”

  “Yes, it was. And I’m going to turn in my resignation,” she said, amazed to hear the words coming from her lips.

  Apparently Eugene was, too, because he stopped in midtirade to scowl at her. His blue eyes narrowed and he studied her. After a minute, he leaned back in his chair with a long sigh.

  “It’s Hunter, of course,” he said out loud, nodding at her shocked expression. “He tried to quit a couple of weeks ago, too. I refused his resignation and I’m refusing yours. You don’t have to see each other. I’ve already made arrangements to transfer him to our Phoenix office for a few months. He leaves at the end of the week.”

  She didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t going to do any good to deny it. But it puzzled her that Hunter had offered to resign. She knew how much he loved his job.

  “Surprises you that he tried to quit, doesn’t it?” he asked her. “He wouldn’t give a reason, but he keeps trying to get assignments out of the country. You, on the other hand, keep refusing any assignment that would require him to look after you. Interesting, isn’t it?” He leaned forward abruptly. “What happened out on the desert? Did he make a pass?”

  She lowered her eyes to the floor so they wouldn’t give her away. “We had some differences of opinion,” she replied. “And we agreed that it would be better if we kept out of each other’s way in the future.”

  “Is that why you’re losing weight and making one mistake on top of another?” he asked pleasantly.

  She lifted her face proudly and stared him down. “I cost you a lot of money, so I guess you’re entitled to know. I’m in love with him.”

  “How does he feel?”

  “Mr. Hunter doesn’t tell anyone how he feels,” she replied. “He said point-blank that he doesn’t want to get mixed up with a white woman in any emotional or physical way, and he told me to get lost.”

  Eugene whistled through his teeth. “Well!”

  “I’m trying to get lost, except that I keep bumping into him and he stares right through me.” Her voice revealed the pain of the experience all too well. She averted her face. “If you’ll send him to Phoenix, I think I can get over him.”

  “Do you? I
wouldn’t make any bets on it. And if his temper is any indication, he’s having some problems of his own. He was livid about letting you get shot. I gather that he feels responsible.”

  “It was my fault as much as his,” she replied. “I don’t blame him. My arm is as good as new.”

  “Too bad we can’t say the same of your brain,” Eugene mused. “It’s a very good brain, too. I’ll send him off. We’ll see how you both feel in a few months. If this blows over, he can come back.”

  “Fair enough.” She got to her feet. “Thank you.”

  “Have you tried talking to him?” he asked as she started to leave.

  “He won’t,” she replied. “Once he makes up his mind, nobody gets a chance to change it.”

  “Just a thought,” Eugene said with a smile. “It would be one way of finding out if he shares your feelings.”

  Jennifer tormented herself with that thought for the rest of the day. But it would do no good to throw herself at him again, she mused bitterly. He’d already shown her that he wanted her physically. It was every other way that he was rejecting her.

  Still, she couldn’t resist one last try. So when he came down the hall the morning before he was to leave for Phoenix, she deliberately stepped into his path.

  “Eugene says you’re being transferred,” she said, clutching a stack of topo maps to her breasts to still the trembling of her hands.

  Hunter looked down at her. She was wearing gray slacks with a white pullover knit blouse, her blond hair long and soft around her shoulders. He drank in the sight of her without letting her see that it was killing him to leave her.

  “I’m going home for a few months, yes,” he replied, staring down at her with no particular emotion in his dark face. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had the opportunity to see my grandfather and my cousins and visit old friends.”

  She wondered if any of the old friends were female, but she didn’t dare ask. She looked up into his eyes with her heart in her own, with no idea of how powerfully she was affecting him.