Crazy for Love

by Victoria Dahl

  Jenn would’ve preferred that the more truthful version come out, if only it wouldn’t hurt Chloe so much. If only it wouldn’t ruin ten years of friendship.

  Jenn had never had a sister. She had a brother, who was just as arrogant and dismissive as their father. Her mom and dad were both still alive, but Dad had married a young Chinese woman a few years ago and lived in Beijing with his new family. And Jenn’s mother… Jenn dutifully went to visit her once a month down in Raleigh, but never for more than a day. Seeing her was like visiting a defeated, pressed-down version of herself. As if she were looking into her future, after the weight of anxiety and self-defeat had squished her into something softer and smaller.

  She didn’t want to end up the way her mother had. Better never to marry at all than to marry someone who left you mute with the fear of saying something foolish. Something mockable and silly.

  Her dad’s sharp bark of laughter still made Jenn cringe each time she heard it. Her dad was a bully, and he couldn’t bully his clients, so he liked to exercise his pettiness on the women of his family.

  With a sigh, Jenn stopped and turned slowly back to face the way she’d come. The sand scraped against the arches of her feet and burrowed up through her toes. None of the cabins were visible from here, not even the main office. It was dark and quiet and should have felt peaceful, but the isolation painted her with loneliness. She was muffled by it, smothered beneath it.

  She wanted to be taken care of, but she was desperately afraid of turning into a person who let herself be kept like a pet or a child. She needed to be strong, but she craved the luxury of turning her problems over to someone else. Someone steady. She never let herself lean on anyone.

  So Jenn’s secrets were her own. Her betrayals could never belong to someone else. With a deep breath, she put one foot in front of the other and started back toward the faint glow that hung in the air above the swaying shadows of the grassy dunes. “Jenn?”

  Slapping a hand to her chest, Jenn gasped so loudly that she scared herself even more. “I’m sorry…”

  She recognized Elliott’s voice and the shape of his shoulders as he walked toward her from the dark, but her heart refused to calm. It beat harder against her ribs, crowding out any chance at drawing a deeper breath. “I didn’t see you,” she managed to say.

  “I’m sorry,” Elliott repeated. When she said nothing, he cleared his throat. “I, uh, saw you walk away, and… Is everything okay? Do you want to be alone?”

  “Yes. I mean, yes, everything’s okay. And I don’t want to be alone. Or, that is, I don’t mind being alone, but I’m happy to be with you, too. Or instead.” She was babbling again. The words rose up, unstoppable now. “I guess you heard about Chloe’s past. Though it’s not really her past, or anything she did. It’s someone else’s past. Not hers.”

  “It sounds like it’s been tough for her.”

  “It has been. It’s been awful!”

  “You’ve been a good friend, though.”

  A good friend. The words were too much for her. They wrapped around her throat and wouldn’t let her speak, so Jenn shook her head.

  “You are,” Elliott insisted, because he didn’t know the truth.

  The truth was that she was a selfish, lying friend. Cowardly, too.

  He stepped closer when she shook her head again. “I’ve read the articles.” His hand, warm and wide and tender, cupped her jaw as she swallowed against tears. “You’re loyal. And you’re there. It seems like every report includes your name because you’re there with her wherever she goes. That’s sweet.”

  Well, she wasn’t babbling now. Any desire to talk was canceled out by the need to keep his fingers just there beneath her chin, and his thumb, feathering along the angle of her jaw. The tightness in her throat got softer and warmer, until it felt lovely instead of strangling.

  “It seems like nothing I do helps,” she whispered. “It just keeps getting worse.”

  “I’m sorry,” Elliott murmured, as if she were the one who needed sympathy. He didn’t know that she didn’t deserve his tenderness, but she wouldn’t tell him. She needed this so much. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, the words softer in her ear, even though he was leaning closer, his head dipping down toward her.

  His mouth brushed hers, asking a question she was only too happy to answer. Yes, she wanted to be kissed. Yes, she needed someone to lean on, just for a moment.

  Elliott was no bully, and she knew instinctively that he would hesitate to take advantage of this moment. He’d think she was too vulnerable, too hurt—and she was. But she needed him to help her, to take over, to make her forget. Jenn opened her mouth and licked at his bottom lip, reveling in the sharpness of his next breath. But that was his only hesitation. He gathered her closer and kissed her back, letting her deeper into him, teasing her into a moan.

  Jenn let everything fall away. She let herself fall into Elliott instead, and his arms held her steady and strong as she ran her hands up his back and over his shoulders. He was so much bigger than she was, so much stronger, and that knowledge burrowed deep into her belly until she was rubbing her thigh restlessly against his.

  “Jenn,” he whispered. When his fingers snuck beneath her shirt and touched the small of her back, she moaned in delight. It had been over two years since a man had touched her like that. Oh, there had been the occasional arm curled around her waist at a bar or the too-friendly hand stroking down her shoulder. But nothing welcome like this. When he spread his fingers and pressed his whole palm to her bare skin, Jenn knew she wanted to make love with Elliott. She wanted it more than she’d wanted anything from her two previous lovers.

  Maybe it was him and his careful strength. Or maybe it was just her loneliness, but Jenn was certain, and that certainty made her bold enough to whisper, “Yes,” as she slipped her hands beneath his shirt and framed his waist. She had no idea how many minutes passed before she was flat on her back, but she did know that she’d smiled when he found the front clasp of her bra, and gasped when his hand first caressed her naked breast. Then he’d pushed her shirt up and put his mouth there, and now she was sighing quietly in the night, hoping the rushing waves covered the sound. Or maybe she didn’t care about the desperate noise in her throat, because his teeth scraped her nipple as his mouth pulled at her, and Jenn felt greedy with need. Desperate.

  She was going to do this, and she was going to love it. And afterward she’d brag and joke and squeal with Chloe about how great it had been. No more talking about fantasies. This time she was going to have memories of Elliott to keep her warm.

  My God. This was going to be so good.

  Clutching his hair, she tugged him back up to her mouth so he’d have to think of another way to make her moan. A way that might involve his hands traveling to impolite places that hadn’t been touched in so long.

  She whispered his name, as encouraging as she could be without asking for what she wanted. And she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t ask him to slide his fingers inside her or unbutton his jeans so she could touch him. Shaking now, she spread her knees so he could lie easily between them. That was hint enough, wasn’t it? Just in case, she dug her fingers into his ass and pulled him tighter.

  Elliott said nothing, but his breath came faster against her neck as he nibbled there. He propped his weight on one elbow so he could shape the curve of her waist and hip with one rough hand.

  Touch me, she prayed. Touch me.

  Finally, he slid his hand beneath the thin fabric of her shorts and eased them down. They were going to do it. Right here on the beach. The breeze swirled over her, setting little whirlwinds against the skin of her belly. Jenn shivered and kicked her shorts the rest of the way off as Elliott slid to her side.

  “Are you cold?” His deep voice made her shiver again.

  “No.”

  “You’re shaking.”

  “I need you.” Her face burned as the words left her mouth, but she was glad she’d said them, especially when she saw the tightness o
f his face in the faint light of the moon.

  Time swirled around her then, a storm of seconds and minutes eaten up by his hands as he stripped her bare and touched her where she was hot and desperate. His fingers were wide enough to make her gasp and dig her nails into his shoulders. She barely registered the condom he pulled on. So when he lay between her legs and slid himself into her, Jenn cried out with the shocked joy of it.

  He whispered to her as he took her slowly and carefully. He told her she was beautiful and sweet and so hot around him.

  He was as intense as she’d thought he would be, and even stronger than she’d imagined. And it was too much. She came quietly, trying to hold back, but as the joy faded away, guilt rushed in to fill the little spaces in her soul. She didn’t deserve this. Didn’t deserve someone like Elliott.

  “Jenn?” he whispered, the words hoarse with need. He was still hard in her, stretching her sex. He hadn’t come yet, and she wanted him to.

  Nodding, she rubbed her hands up and down his back, unable to talk.

  She felt his lips touch her cheek, tentatively.

  “Are you crying?”

  “No.” The denial lost a bit of effectiveness when it emerged as a sob. Oh, no.

  “Jenn, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” she croaked, tears choking her.

  His arms tightened to steel as he started to rise up, and Jenn grabbed him in a panic. “No. Don’t stop. Please.” But she was blubbering like an idiot, hot tears spilling down her cheeks and into her hair as he shook his head. “Please keep going. I want you to. I want…”

  She sobbed as he slid out of her, leaving her just as alone as she’d been before.

  “Don’t cry,” he kept saying as he zipped his jeans and lifted her onto his lap.

  “I’m fine,” she repeated again and again as she sobbed into his bare chest, humiliated and exhausted and so, so sorry.

  Elliott just pressed kisses to the top of her head and stroked her back until she could finally manage to draw a deep enough breath to calm herself. But calm was hardly a blessing. Now she felt as if she were standing over them both, looking down on the horrifying thing she’d just done. Crying during sex. Like a crazy person. And here she’d been so worried about babbling during their conversations. She should have been worried about having a psychological breakdown during the best sex she’d ever had.

  He shook his head. “Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry.”

  “No, no! It was so nice, and—”

  He muttered something under his breath, but she was talking too fast to hear it.

  “You were… I loved it. It’s just that I’ve been under a lot of stress, and I’m not a good friend. I’m not sweet. Not at all! I’m a liar and I just… It’s too much. I’m so sorry. Let’s try again, okay? Can we? I won’t cry this time, I swear.” Begging. That was bound to leave a good impression. Shameless begging was totally sexy.

  But no, it didn’t seem to be working. Elliott cleared his throat and his hands stilled on her back. “That’s not necessary.”

  “I know, but—”

  “Here, let me help you find your clothes. I’m sorry if you weren’t…”

  “I wasn’t! I mean… Whatever you were going to say, I wasn’t that.”

  “Okay. Sure.” The distance in his voice was a clear desire to be far away from her at that moment. She could understand that. After all, she desperately wished she were still having an out-of-body experience. Anything to distance herself from the situation.

  “You’re so nice,” she whispered in despair.

  “Thanks.” He shifted her in a way that prompted her to push to her feet, and he was free to stand and dust the sand off his pants, politely handing her the panties he’d pulled off just a few minutes before.

  Maybe after the trial, Jenn would consider joining the Catholic church. You probably had to be a member to become a nun. But it would be worth it just to ensure that she’d never find herself in this situation again.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  NOT ONE HINT OF WHITE capped the dark waves as they cut through the water toward the mainland. It was smooth and safe on the ocean today.

  And not one photographer had spotted Jenn and Chloe sneaking out of their cabin that morning. Chloe felt light with relief, and Jenn should be happy, too, so why was she staring out at the water as if they were being chased by ghosts?

  Chloe spared a nervous glance at the fluffy white clouds above. Was there an old mariner’s rhyme about white clouds? White clouds at night, sailors’ delight. White clouds at eight…sailors die a horrible death?

  She jogged across the deck to lean against the rail next to Jenn. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Is it a storm? Are we in trouble?”

  Her pale eyebrows drew together and she turned her glare on Chloe. “There is something seriously wrong with you. It’s a gorgeous day.”

  “Yes, it is a gorgeous day, and we escaped the mob, so what the heck is making you so gloomy?”

  Jenn’s gaze slid to the side and she turned back to the water. “Nothing.”

  “Spill it.”

  “I…”

  “What?”

  When Jenn clenched her eyes tightly shut, Chloe thought she was trying to ignore her, but then she spoke. “I had sex with Elliott.”

  “Oh my God! Are you kidding me?”

  “I wish I was.”

  “Oh. Ouch. Was it that bad?” Was it possible that one brother could be awesome in bed and the other could be a fumbling troglodyte? Yeah. Bedroom skills probably weren’t passed on in the genes.

  “No, it wasn’t bad. It was good. Really good.”

  “Omigod!” Chloe squealed, grabbing Jenn’s arm to jump up and down. Jenn didn’t budge. “You did it! So what’s wrong? Are you mad that I wanted to leave the island? I’m so sorry. You could’ve stayed. You can go back! Just don’t get off the ferry.”

  “The last thing I want to do is go back. I’d rather gouge my eyes out.”

  Realizing there was something really wrong, Chloe gave up her grip on Jenn’s arm and let her smile fall away. “Jenn?”

  “It was perfect. He’s so sweet. He saw me walking on the beach and came to find me, and then…”

  “Then?”

  “We did it. Or we started to. And in the middle of it…I started crying.”

  Chloe’s jaw dropped. She wanted to say something supportive, something insightful, but she just found herself staring at Jenn’s blushing cheek. “Er…”

  “I know.”

  Okay, maybe it wasn’t that bad. “So you got a little choked up?”

  “No, I was crying. Sobbing, like I’m sure I got snot all over his chest. He had to stop what he was doing and pat me on the back like a child.”

  “Oh. Oh, that’s…”

  “Yeah.”

  Chloe’s own throat grew tight at the image, but not with tears. Don’t laugh, she ordered herself. Don’t laugh.

  “Just laugh already,” Jenn said darkly, and Chloe burst into loud guffaws of unladylike, unhelpful laughter. Jenn didn’t join her.

  “I’m sorry,” she gasped. “I’m really sorry. What happened?”

  Jenn set her forehead against her arm so that she was staring down at her shoes instead of the water. “God, I don’t know! I, um, climaxed and then I just started crying.”

  Slapping a hand over her mouth, Chloe tried to control her amusement. It didn’t work. “So he was still…active?”

  “Yes.”

  “Christ, Jenn.”

  Groaning, Jenn shifted on her feet, her back shaking a little. A tiny sob floated up on the wind, and Chloe sobered immediately. “Sweetie? Are you laughing or crying? Jenn?”

  “I’m laughing!” she cried, straightening up with a tortured smile on her face. “Why would I be crying? I save all my crying for when I’m having the hottest sex ever with a guy I really like!”

  Cringing, Chloe half groaned and half laughed.

  “It was so
bad. After I stopped crying, I begged him to put it back in.”

  “You did not!”

  “Okay, I didn’t say it exactly like that, but I asked if we could try again, as if he were ever going to get another hard-on within twenty feet of me.”

  “That might be the worst story I’ve ever heard.”

  Jenn raised an eyebrow. “Really? Worse than…”

  “Oh, Thomas faking his death. Touché. Worst sex story I’ve ever heard, then. But,” she said as Jenn’s face crumpled, “I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think.”

  She nodded. “He probably thought it was cute that he gave me an orgasm and then, instead of getting his own orgasm, he got to comfort a hysterically crying naked girl.”

  “Better than a hysterically crying girl who’s fully dressed.”

  “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” A deep breath expanded her slender chest. “But I never want to talk about this again, all right? Ever.”

  “All right.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” Chloe managed to hold her tongue for a full thirty seconds. She tried to distract herself by watching the approaching coastline as it got larger on the horizon. A heron burst from the water ahead of them, white feathers flashing like angel wings. “So… Anyway… Do big penises run in families? Because…”

  The genuine laugh that burst from Jenn’s mouth made Chloe grin. The strain had vanished from her voice, thank God. “I think they do.” She giggled. “It was dark, but it certainly felt… I can’t believe I’m talking about this!”

  “Aw, welcome to the twenty-first century, sweetheart. I think it’s cute that before you knew the boys, you were talking about a threesome, and now you can’t even mention the word penis without turning bright red.”

  Jenn swung her hip into Chloe’s, knocking her off balance. “Shut up.”