Crazy for Love

by Victoria Dahl

  “They haven’t said what—”

  “That phone call from his mom. That’s what it was about. She’s trying to convince the D.A. that she gave Thomas money, so they wouldn’t charge him for stealing from the company.”

  Jenn looked shocked, but Chloe was nodding to herself. “She wants to pay off the bills from the wedding. I’ll bet she’ll try to convince me to testify on his behalf. Jesus, she must be delusional.”

  “I’m sorry,” Jenn said, though it wasn’t clear who she was apologizing for. Chloe didn’t respond, and for the last five minutes of their drive, neither said a word. But as the car bumped over the curb on the turn into Chloe’s alley, words were jolted from her mouth.

  “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just… I never wanted to see that look on your face. The look on your face right now… I’m sorry.” She was sobbing openly now. “I’m so sorry.”

  Infuriated by the urge to wrap her arms around her friend, Chloe got out of the car and slammed the door behind her. If Anna was there, Chloe would slap her face, but slamming the car door was the best she could do in Anna’s absence.

  Her conscience tried to tug her back to her weeping friend, but she pushed herself up the stairs and into her sad little apartment.

  Her defiance was cheap and easy now that the paparazzi had lost interest, but she still felt a surge of power when she raised the shade on the largest window facing the alley. Dust motes swirled crazily in the light. She hadn’t opened this shade once in the month she’d lived here. Bracing herself, she pushed hard on the window and managed to raise the swollen sash about four inches. That was enough to satisfy her, and she crossed to the facing window and opened that one, as well. A breeze chased over her skin, and Chloe dropped into a chair at the small table and rested her head in her hands.

  They’d all betrayed her. Everyone she’d loved most.

  And yet the only thing that mattered to her at that moment was the breeze sliding over her skin and the room brightening with the smell of fresh-cut grass. She was too tired to care about anything else, frankly, and she knew she’d feel bad about that later.

  But for now she just sat there and breathed and felt comfortable in her apartment for the first time.

  When the knock came, Chloe didn’t jump or even open her eyes. “Who is it?”

  “It’s Max.”

  “Come in.”

  The door opened, setting a wave of air curling over her. Nice.

  “Chloe? Are you okay?”

  “I don’t know.” She raised her head to see him watching her with his hands in his pockets. And she decided she was ready for more truth. “Why did you leave yesterday?”

  He tipped his head back and looked at the ceiling. “Chloe…I don’t know how to handle this. You told me to go. You told me you needed to work it out on your own.”

  Even though he couldn’t see her, she nodded. She had told him to go, so she couldn’t figure out why she was so damn mad at him. “I didn’t need you,” she conceded. “And I know I told you to leave, but…”

  He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair before looking at her again. “But what? Chloe, I swear, this is new territory for me. I’m lost. I can’t take care of you, and you don’t want to be taken care of! So what was I supposed to do?”

  “You’re supposed to…” It was impossible to explain. The words tumbled in her mind, still full of hurt and anger. “You’re supposed to stay, Max. You stay because I don’t need you. You stay because when someone tells you they’re strong and they don’t need help, you stand there and offer it anyway!”

  “I don’t—”

  She was sobbing now, and she didn’t care. “You stay because I am strong and I’m not a crazy bitch, and I deserve to have someone at my side, just because he c-cares about me!”

  “Oh, Jesus, Chloe. I’m so sorry.” He crouched down to hold her, but she held up a hand to stop him. After a few ragged sobs, she took a deep breath and managed to get the crying under control.

  “I’m okay. I’m fine.”

  He watched her with tortured eyes, his hands still open as if he needed to touch her.

  “Max…there’s a difference between offering support and taking care of someone like a child. You’re going to have to figure that out.”

  “You’re right. I know you’re right.”

  “You can’t run away when there’s a problem.”

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’ve never done this before.”

  “Done what?” She sniffed hard.

  He was quiet for a moment. “Had a real, normal relationship.”

  Suddenly, Chloe wasn’t mad anymore. She wasn’t even hurt. She held herself very still. “Is that what this is?”

  “Well, it’s real. And strangely enough, it feels surprisingly normal. But… Christ, Chloe, I’m going back to sea in a few weeks, so what the hell am I supposed to do about that?”

  It felt real and normal? With her? On a day like this, that was all she needed to hear. Nothing more, nothing less. “Max, I hear what you’re saying. I know our next conversation is going to get complicated. I know my life is a mess and so is yours. But just for today… Just for today, let’s pretend it’s all really simple.”

  He stood and shook his head. “We already tried that. It didn’t work out so well.”

  Chloe watched his strong chest rise and fall. A few stray dust motes danced past his neck. She stood and went to him, pressing her hands to the tight muscles beneath his shirt. “Please? I can’t figure anything else out today.”

  “All right,” he murmured. “Not today.” His hands settled on her shoulders, thumbs feathering up her neck. “But you’re totally taking advantage of my guilt.”

  A grin stole her worry away. “I can accept that.”

  “You don’t want to tell me what happened with Jenn?”

  “It wasn’t her. That’s all I want to say. Today, I’m too fragile to talk about any of that.”

  “Fragile, huh?”

  “Yes. And needy.”

  “Chloe, you’re full of shit.”

  “Shh. Just pretend.” They were both smiling when their lips touched. It made no sense. She’d just had one of the worst days of her life, and she was dragging Max and all his issues down into it. But in the end, they both went willingly.

  JENN RODE HOME WITH the windows down, and by the time she reached her apartment in the suburbs of Richmond, she was pretty sure all her tears were dried. All of them. She felt as if she’d been crying nonstop for the past month, feeling sorry for herself even more than she’d felt bad for Chloe.

  But now it was done. She’d confessed. And she’d heard a hard truth about herself. She was living her life afraid of becoming her mother. Hell, she’d known that before, but it sounded so much more pitiful coming from someone else’s mouth.

  Chloe was right. Jenn had been raised to believe that all men were cheaters. How many times had her dad said that? “Men aren’t wired to eat the same meal every day for the rest of their lives. They like variety.” Her mother had accepted that, and so had Jenn. Her mission hadn’t been to save Chloe from being cheated on. It had been to keep the truth from being thrown in her face.

  All men cheated, but the good ones kept it quiet. That was all Jenn had expected for herself or her friends. Utterly pitiful.

  Jenn trudged up the stairs to her place, thinking she’d take a long bath and then sleep the day away. She’d called in sick to work and didn’t feel the least bit guilty about that. She was sick.

  But her plans for sleeping away her pain were over as soon as she opened the door and saw someone jumping up from the couch. Anna’s familiar curly black hair was pulled back into a severe braid, and her makeup was smudged. She was the shortest of the three friends, only five-foot-one, but she’d always seemed taller—her energy pulsed from her wherever she went. But not today.

  Jenn dropped her purse on the ground and held out her hand. “Give me
the key.”

  Anna clutched the key in her hand and didn’t budge.

  “I told her everything,” Jenn said. “She’ll probably never talk to either of us again. So give me my goddamn key.”

  Anna’s eyes widened with shock. “If you’d let me tell her a month ago—”

  “I should’ve told her three months ago, but I’m not going to let my stupidity take the blame for your betrayal. Now give me my key and get out. And don’t ever come here again.”

  “I’m sorry. I’ve ruined my life, too, you know. My dad is ashamed of me. Thomas won’t return my calls. You’re my best friend. I need you.”

  In the past, Jenn would’ve relented at the sight of Anna’s brown eyes brimming with tears. She couldn’t stand to see people in pain, but right now her own pain was filling her up and there was no room for empathy, so she held her hand higher and watched as Anna skirted the couch.

  The key was hot from Anna’s grip when she pressed it into Jenn’s palm.

  “Wait,” Jenn said, and hope flashed over Anna’s face. “Tell me about the embezzlement.”

  “I can’t. The D.A….”

  “Did you help him?”

  “No! I didn’t know anything about it. He… We talked about living on an island in the Caribbean. He’d fly one of those little tourist planes and I’d be a chef. We fantasized about how much money we’d need to get by for a little while, but I had no idea he’d— I thought we were just pretending. Jenn, please. I know what I did was—”

  “Goodbye, Anna. And don’t you dare call Chloe and try to explain your actions away. It’s bad enough I’ve had to listen to it.”

  Anna’s shoulders slumped and she walked to the dining-room table to grab her purse. Even on this awful day, her purse matched her heels. Anna had been the fashion advisor for all of them, and if Jenn and Chloe were still friends after this, there’d be no more daylong shopping trips. It would just be the two of them, wearing out-of-season clothes at restaurants that hadn’t been hot for years. Anna wouldn’t be there to get them the best table or offer the latest Virginia gossip. It would never be the same again.

  But Jenn would take that new form of their friendship and hold on with both hands if Chloe gave her the chance.

  “I’ll call you in a few weeks,” Anna said on her way out, but Jenn just closed the door. She toed off her shoes and walked carefully to her couch before lowering herself down. The soft leather swallowed her up, muffling the world, still warm from Anna’s body.

  Jenn had almost let her best friend marry a man who’d cheated on her. She’d done it because, in the deepest, darkest recesses of her brain, she believed that even if you loved a man and gave him everything, he was going to betray you. Because even the best woman couldn’t be good enough to satisfy a man.

  If she didn’t get past that, she’d live her whole life waiting to be betrayed. Waiting to have her heart broken. Like her mom, she’d never demand anything better for herself.

  Key still clutched in her hand, Jenn tugged her phone from the pocket of her jeans and called up Elliott’s message. She knew it by heart, of course, but she still listened to every syllable of his awkward words. He wasn’t smooth. He wasn’t charming. He was perfect.

  Jenn pushed the call-back button and took a deep, terrified breath.

  “Dr. Sullivan,” he snapped. The background of his life was filled with ringing phones and people talking over each other. Before Jenn could speak, he said, “Hold on a second,” and his voice turned away to ask someone to bring a copy of a revised report to his office before three. “Okay,” he said into the phone.

  She started to say his name, then changed her mind, intimidated by the official sound of his title. “Um…this is Jenn Castellan.” A statement of fact that sounded so much like a question that she winced.

  He didn’t say a word, and she was about to repeat herself when Elliott murmured, “Just a moment.” The sounds around him changed as he moved through his world. Then a door closed and everything went quiet.

  “Jenn? Are you okay?”

  Oh, God, this was the voice she remembered. Steady and focused and comforting in a way she couldn’t explain. She refused to let herself cry, clearing her throat against the urge. “I’m good,” she said.

  “Are you sure? Because things seem to have come to a head.”

  “Yes. I’m not sure what’s going to happen between Chloe and me, but I just… You said I could call if I wanted to talk, but I’m sure you’re busy.”

  “No, I’m supposed to be at lunch, so talk as long as you want.”

  “It wasn’t me.” She waited a few breaths, then made herself continue. “I don’t want you to think I’m that kind of woman. It wasn’t me sleeping with him, it was our friend, Anna. But I knew about it and didn’t say anything, so maybe that’s just as bad.”

  “No,” he said immediately.

  “Anna told me it was over, and I thought that should be the end of it, and that’s awful. But I didn’t want you to think it was me.”

  “Even if it had been… I could tell it was killing you.”

  She felt the ghosts of his hands on her back, holding her while she cried. “Elliott?”

  “Yes?”

  “You live in D.C., so we never have to see each other again. And you probably shouldn’t see me again if your brother is involved with Chloe because she might hate me forever. But I’m not sure I’ll have the courage to say this any other time—”

  “Jenn—”

  “No, don’t. I’m being honest today, so let me say this.”

  He stayed silent in answer, and Jenn nodded, squeezing the key so hard that it hurt. “I like you. That may sound weird considering what a complete disaster I’ve been. I’m not good with men. They make me nervous. But I like you a lot, and I know I started crying when we were… I know you’re probably relieved to be rid of me, but…I like you. And I’d love to see you again.” When she paused, she realized she was breathing into the phone, probably sounding as close to a crazy stalker girl as she possibly could. She squeezed her eyes shut and tipped the phone away from her face.

  “You’re serious?”

  Oh, God. He lives two hours away, she told herself. If he says no, you can pretend this never happened. “Yes.”

  “But, the crying? I was under the impression that things didn’t, uh, go well.”

  “Oh, Elliott. I know they didn’t go well with you, but with me… It was just too much to handle. You felt so good, and I was in such a bad place, and…maybe we could just take this more slowly?”

  “Yes,” he said, such a simple answer that she didn’t understand it. “What?”

  “Yes. I’m good with taking it slow. I’ve been divorced less than a year, and you’re the first woman I’ve dated since then.”

  She swiped a tear off her cheek. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “What about Chloe and Max?”

  “She’ll forgive you, Jenn. You’re a beautiful person and she loves you.”

  Apparently, her tears weren’t dried up at all, be cause they began to fall in earnest at his words. She made herself speak past them, even though her throat screamed with pain. “Maybe I could call you tomorrow?”

  “Yes. But I’ll call you tonight to see how you’re doing.”

  Jenn said goodbye before she could say anything embarrassing. She was now officially dating a man who intimidated her. A doctor. A man who treated her like an equal even when she acted like a lost child. And she wasn’t going to let her fear screw up the best thing she’d done in years.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  THEY MADE LOVE. And took a nap. They played three games of Yahtzee as if they didn’t have a worry in the world. Then, because Chloe could now come and go as she pleased, Max took her to the movies.

  After only a few hours, she felt as refreshed as if she’d been on vacation for a month. And when she suggested a restaurant in the heart of Shockoe Slip, the trendiest area in Richmond, Max took her there, too. Peopl
e stared at them, but Chloe didn’t care in the least. She held Max’s hand and sipped the last of her wine and she felt…happy.

  “I went online while you were in the shower,” Max said, signaling that make-believe time was over.

  She sighed a little at the loss of it, but didn’t really mourn. “Yeah, maybe my next place will have a shower big enough for two.”

  “Promises, promises.” But his smile faded quickly. “Are you saying you might be willing to give me another shot? In a few weeks I’ll be back at work. I won’t be able to see you for two months.”

  It seemed crazy even to consider it. Despite having steady jobs and adult responsibilities, each of them was at an utterly unstable point in their lives. “We just started dating. You might go over there and fall in love with the new cook on your boat.”

  “No, I never sleep with crew members. It causes too much distraction when I need to be focused on my job.”

  “Jeez, Max. No declaration of ever-faithful love?”

  He offered an easy grin. “Oh, I’ll be faithful. You can’t trust condoms in a shipboard environment. Too much heat and humidity.”

  “Wow, that’s like poetry. Maybe you should write a book.”

  “Oh, yeah? What about you? You’ll be the one hanging out on land with unlimited access to the whole male population of Virginia.”

  “And climate-controlled drugstores.”

  He tilted his beer in her direction. “Exactly.”

  “I’ll wait for you. If you want me to.”

  He opened his hand to look down at her fingers, touching each knuckle with his thumb as if he were biding his time. “You can forgive me? For walking away when you needed me?”

  She cocked her head and studied him. His tan face and the laugh lines around his eyes, which might be from smiling or from worrying too much. “That did hurt.”

  “I know. I swear I’ll learn. If we decide to do this… I promise I won’t be the guy who runs off when things get tough. Even if I have no idea what I’m doing, I won’t run.”

  She let her smile fade and met his gaze with somber eyes. “If we’re being serious… I’ve spent some time thinking about this, Max. The truth is that I like you. Too much. Or just the right amount, maybe. But you’re living a lie, and I’ve already done that with one guy.”