A Dad At Last

by Marie Ferrarella

  Why did she have to ask? Couldn’t she just sit down and accept the gesture? He pulled out a chair for her, waiting. “You’re always cooking for me and I thought that maybe you’d like a break.”

  That really didn’t explain anything, Lucy thought. This wasn’t like him. As much as he’d softened toward her and Chase, this wasn’t like him. Something was going on. “I’m being paid to cook,” she said.

  Helpless, he threw up his hands. “Then call it a whim.” He saw her looking at the plate and thought he knew what she was thinking. It was a far cry from the breakfasts she made for him. “You might want to call it something else after you sample it,” he added.

  She could feel the tears gathering. Her emotions had gone completely out of whack. But no one had ever cooked for her before, not since she’d been a small girl.

  “I’m sure it’s very good,” she said slowly, afraid her voice would crack, “I’m just not very hungry right now.”

  He knew it. She was sick. That was the only explanation.

  Connor surprised her by placing his hand on her forehead. She tried to draw back, but his other hand was firmly on her shoulder.

  “No fever.” Connor frowned, dropping his hand to his side. “Maybe I should run you over to Maitland Maternity.”

  Her heart jumped, though she struggled not to show it. Did he suspect for some reason? Had he heard her throwing up this morning? She was sure he’d gone downstairs before she’d dragged herself into the bathroom and emptied the meager contents of her stomach.

  “Why?”

  He thought that was an odd question, but chalked it up to her being ill. “To see Abby. She wouldn’t mind squeezing you in and taking a look at you. Maybe she could recommend a good GP for future visits.”

  The last thing she wanted was to see an ob-gyn, even if it was Abby. Doctor-patient privilege aside, news had a way of surfacing and traveling through the Maitland infrastructure. She’d seen evidence of that even before she’d regained her memory and discovered that Connor was part of the family. He was Abby’s half brother, and that made the baby she was carrying Abby’s niece or nephew.

  “No.” Her voice was adamant. “I’m just a little under the weather.”

  The circles under Lacy’s eyes looked like deep smudges. He couldn’t remember her ever looking this way, not even when she pulled what amounted to all-nighters with Chase.

  “Under the weather, nothing.” He snorted dismissively. “It looks as if the weather ran right over you driving a Mack truck.”

  Why did he pick now to be thoughtful? Any other time, she would have reveled in it. “I’ll be all right. Really.”

  To prove it, she deposited Chase in his high chair, strapped him in, then sat in the chair Connor had pulled out for her. She picked up her fork and dug in.

  “Look, I’m eating, see?” The eggs had been in the pan a little longer than necessary, and the toast was burned, but it didn’t matter. He’d done this for her. It was something she was going to remember for the rest of her life. She turned her face to his, smiling. “It’s very good.”

  She was being charitable, and they both knew it. He suddenly felt like a little boy trying to impress an adult. “It’s overcooked.”

  He began to pull the plate away from her, but she stopped him. “Just the way I like it.”

  Embarrassed, he turned away, pretending to be busy cleaning the pan. The man who had invented no-stick cookware deserved to be made a saint, he thought as the burned-on pieces lifted off the skillet.

  “I’m going to be gone most of the day,” he told her, then mentioned the foreman he’d hired the day after he’d bought the ranch. “Gus brought the new horses and—”

  Was he trying to find ways to avoid her? Lacy felt as if all her emotions had booked permanent passage on a roller coaster. “You don’t have to make excuses to me.”

  He tossed the sponge into the sink a little too hard. It bounced and landed on the counter. Why was she twisting everything? Didn’t she understand he was making an all-out effort?

  “I’m not making excuses, I’m just letting you know where I’ll be in case you need me.” That sounded too possessive. Backtracking, he shrugged. “Or something. I’ll be on the north range. So if you need me—”

  She nodded, anticipating his next words. “I’ll send one of the hands.”

  “Or you can just call.” He pulled a cell phone out of his back pocket. The phone was one of the concessions he’d made to progress. A man couldn’t afford to be out of touch these days. “What’s so funny?”

  Despite the situation that was weighing so heavily on her mind, Lacy began to laugh. The image of Connor talking into a cell phone while sitting astride a horse was so incongruous it was funny.

  She waved away the frown that was forming on his face. “Nothing. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just that I don’t think of you as a modern sort of man, that’s all. To be honest, I can see you sending smoke signals more readily than talking on a cell phone.” He was, and always would be, the rugged, strong, silent type to her. Cell phones didn’t enter into the picture.

  He looked at the phone in his hand, and his frown melted into a grin. It was kind of funny, at that, he supposed. “Just goes to show you that you don’t know everything about me.”

  No, she thought as he turned his back on her again and finished cleaning the spatula, she didn’t know everything about him. Just as he didn’t know everything about her.

  And she was going to keep it that way as long as possible.

  THAT MORNING, after she watched Connor ride away on his palomino, Lacy got Chase ready and drove into the city. She purchased a home pregnancy kit in a pharmacy where no one knew her and brought it home with her, hiding it in her underwear drawer beneath a nightgown. She would use it the following morning. The hours until dawn promised to drag on.

  Until Connor came to her room that night after she had put Chase to bed.

  She’d thought he was going to work into the wee hours of the night. She’d gone to bed, leaving him to go over sales receipts and bills in his den.

  When he stood in her doorway less than ten minutes later, her heart jumped.

  And placed itself straight in the palm of his hand. She knew why he was there before a word was said. Silently, she crossed to him, took his hand and drew him into her room.

  That night, Lacy made love with him, and to him, with wild abandonment, trying not to dwell on the thought that it was for the last time. Anticipating the positive answer to the pregnancy test, she’d made up her mind what to do. All she needed was the courage to carry out her plan.

  But in the interim, she wanted this one last night. A night of love to last in Connor’s memory forever, even when everything else faded away.

  To last in her own after all the other dreams had disappeared.

  “WELL, HI, STRANGER.”

  Rounding the diner’s long counter, Shelby Lord threw her arms around Lacy. Chase squealed at the close contact and immediately grabbed her sleeve. With a laugh, Shelby disengaged herself from his grasping fingers.

  “Strong grip,” she commented. “Nobody’s going to order this little guy around when he grows up.” She patted her sleeve into place. In the lull between breakfast and lunch, the diner had only a couple of patrons at the counter and one in a booth. All were immersed in the newspapers they were reading. “I haven’t seen you around since Connor whisked you out to his ranch.” Pleasure filled Shelby’s eyes as she took inventory of her friend. “How’ve you been?”

  Lacy still felt a little shaky about the course she’d plotted for herself. She’d come to the diner because Shelby was as close a friend as she had in this world. The bond between them had been forged when Shelby had realized Lacy needed a hand. Shelby had extended it, never once making Lacy feel as if she was obligated in any way. That was what made Shelby so special.

  Lacy took a deep breath. “Well, I’ve been better.”

  Concerned, Shelby nodded to the corner booth wh
ere she usually sat observing the customers when she wasn’t working behind the counter.

  “Pull up a booth and tell me about it.” She waited until Lacy sat with Chase on her knee. She kept her voice low, knowing that whatever was wrong, Lacy would want it to remain between the two of them. “Connor not treating you right? Because if he’s not—”

  Lacy shook her head. She didn’t want her best friend entertaining a single bad thought about Connor. Especially since he was trying to be so nice to her. “He’s treating me fine, Shelby.” She pressed her lips together. “I’m the one who isn’t treating him right.”

  She’d been right. Something was up. Shelby placed her hand over Lacy’s, squeezing it warmly.

  “That’s not possible.” Shelby remained silent as long as she could, waiting. When Lacy said nothing, Shelby took the lead. “Want to tell me about it, or do I have to play twenty questions?”

  There was no way to say this but to blurt it out. “I’m pregnant.” The instant the words tumbled from her lips, tears threatened to spill from her eyes. Lacy pressed her lips together, as if that would somehow make the tears recede.

  “Lacy, that’s wonderful!” And then Shelby’s enthusiasm was dampened as Lacy’s expression penetrated her consciousness. “I take it it’s not exactly that wonderful.”

  Lacy drew a deep breath, then shook her head. The sympathy in Shelby’s voice almost made her break down. “No.”

  Chase was scrunching up the paper place mat in front of him. Very gently, Shelby pulled it out of his hands to keep the mat from going into the little boy’s mouth. “Have you told Connor?”

  Chase began to fuss. “No.” Digging through her purse, Lacy found the cookies she’d packed before she left. She opened the small bag and gave the boy one. Delighted, he gleefully began to gnaw on it.

  Lacy was aware that Shelby’s eyes never left her face. “Do you love him?”

  There was no point in denying it. Shelby would see the truth. “Yes.”

  “Then tell him,” Shelby insisted, leaning forward so her voice could carry emphasis without being raised. “Tell him you love him and that there’s another example of that love on the way.”

  If only it were that easy. If only this was some kind of fairy tale with the promise of a happily ever after in the offing. But it wasn’t, and the sooner she dealt with that, the better. She’d been a fool to let this go as long as it had.

  “No.”

  For such a little thing, Lacy could be infuriatingly stubborn. “All right,” Shelby declared, beginning to get up, “I’ll tell him.” She intended to make the call to Connor immediately.

  Lacy grabbed her hand, holding her in place. “No!” One of the people at the counter looked up from the paper he was reading. Lacy pressed her lips together and lowered her voice. “No,” she repeated, her voice no less urgent for the lack of volume. She saw it had no effect on Shelby. Panic began to set in. “Swear you won’t tell him, Shelby. Swear.”

  Frustration bit a chunk out of her. “All right, all right, I swear.” She blew out a breath, her anger directed at the situation rather than at Lacy. “But you’re making a big mistake.”

  “Maybe.” Part of her feared that she’d regret this. But it was for the best. “But it’s mine to make.”

  Shelby’s eyes swept over her friend’s trim form. The woman looked like a size nothing right now. But that would change. “It’s not like you can keep it a secret, you know. He’s going to notice.”

  Lacy was silent, knowing she was on the cusp of another heated discussion. Shelby was going to try to talk her out of this.

  “Not if I’m not around.”

  Shelby’s mouth dropped open. “You’re leaving?” Was she out of her mind? A pregnant woman needed the support of her friends at a time like this. Especially a pregnant woman with a child.

  Lacy nodded, momentarily avoiding Shelby’s eyes. But that was cowardly, and she was going to require a lot of courage to carry this out. She might as well begin now. She looked at Shelby. “It’s the only thing I can do. I was thinking about leaving even before this happened.”

  None of this made sense to Shelby. “But why, for heaven’s sake?”

  Lacy shared with her what she wouldn’t have shared with anyone else. “Because I can’t go on, day after day, loving him and not having him. Knowing that the only reason I’m there is Chase.”

  Shelby frowned. “He didn’t put that bun in your oven because of Chase.”

  Lacy lifted a shoulder. She wasn’t going to try to fool herself about why Connor had come to her. Why he’d made love with her. “He’s only human, Shelby. And I made things easy for him.”

  “Right.” Sarcasm twisted her mouth. “Running around without your clothes on again, were you?”

  Lacy took no offense. She knew what Shelby was trying to do. Trying to shift the responsibility.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Yes, I do, and I think you’re wrong. Give the man a chance to tell you that himself. Don’t put words into his mouth. From what I hear, Janelle did that and ruined it for both of you the first time. Don’t you be the one to ruin it this time.”

  Shelby didn’t understand, Lacy thought. She wasn’t ruining anything, she was salvaging. Salvaging her pride. “He has very strong feelings about the age difference between us. If I tell him about the baby and he proposes, I know it’s only because he feels it’s the honorable thing to do—”

  The laugh that escaped Shelby’s lips had no mirth to it. “Well, it is.”

  “I don’t want honorable, I want love.”

  “Then give him a chance to give it to you.”

  “And if he doesn’t?” Lacy asked. “What do I do with my heart then, Shelby? How do I put together all the pieces then if I see him just going through the motions and not meaning it?” She couldn’t do that to herself or to him. Certainly not to Chase and the baby who was to come. “No, it’s better my way. I won’t be making a fool of myself and I’ll still have my pride.” Picking up Chase, Lacy rose. “Thanks.”

  Shelby looked at her incredulously. “For what?”

  “For letting me talk to you.”

  “If I had talked you into doing the right thing, then you could thank me.” She hadn’t done anything helpful. She rose and gave Lacy a hug. “Let me know where you decide to go.”

  Lacy nodded and crossed to the door. “As soon as I figure it out myself.”

  Shelby stood very still as she looked through the window and watched Lacy make her way down the block. Closing her eyes, she shook her head, then began to count to fifty.

  She got to twenty-nine before she ran out of patience. Shelby turned on her heel and headed for the phone in the storeroom.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  LEANING LOW over his horse, Connor pressed his knees against the stallion’s flanks, urging the animal on.

  A single refrain beat in his brain. I need to get there in time.

  Things had finally begun to take on a definite shape in his life, a good shape. He had a new ranch, a new family, not to mention a new son, all of which provided him with a new purpose in life.

  And he was in love with a beautiful, selfless woman and he was going to do his damnedest to keep her in his life no matter what it took.

  He’d made up his mind about it today, while he’d been riding the range, checking the new stock he’d bought at the auction. He thought more clearly in the open, away from distractions. Despite the concessions he’d made, willingly and otherwise, toward being a businessman and living a breath away from the twenty-first century, he was still an old-fashioned sort of man. He needed open spaces to clear his head. And to examine his heart.

  There was a time Connor would have said he didn’t have to bother with his heart, but that was far in the past. He knew he’d been wrong. The heart was the most important organ. Without it, the brain was just keeping a shell alive.

  He was tired of being a shell. He wanted to be a flesh and blood man. More important, he wanted to
be the man who made love to Lacy every night.

  Just when it appeared everything was finally going right and he’d finally come to his senses and was on the right track, he’d been suckered with a one-two punch when he wasn’t looking. At least it sure felt that way.

  The cell phone he’d purchased at the behest of his foreman, and which he’d been secretly convinced would never ring, had rung. Thinking it was Lacy, he’d been surprised to hear his mother’s voice on the line. Megan had sounded so serious when she’d returned his greeting that Connor had instantly known something was wrong.

  And was it ever. Very wrong. Not one something but two. And Connor had been completely unprepared for either of them.

  Megan had begun with no preamble, no small talk. “Connor, Janelle’s escaped.”

  It sounded too fantastic to be true. “Escaped? How? When?” The last he had heard, the woman was in the Austin jail awaiting trial.

  His mother spared him any dramatic pauses, giving him the basics.

  “It seems a woman claiming to be her lawyer came to see her. And since she was Janelle’s lawyer, she was able to see Janelle in a sequestered room.” Megan sighed. “Which was her mistake.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The official story is that the woman told the guard she was ready to leave, and after she did, the guard discovered it was Janelle who had been allowed to walk out. Apparently the two women look enough alike to pass for each other.”

  “So then the woman helped her escape?”

  “No, Janelle knocked her out. Jake said Janelle positioned the woman so she was sitting in a chair with her back to the door. The guard thought nothing of it when he let Janelle out.”

  Frustrated anger had filled his mother’s voice. He knew what she was thinking. The same thing he was. Just when they all thought they were finally rid of the woman, Janelle had found a way to pose another threat.

  “She is resourceful, I’ll give her that, Connor.”

  Resourceful was one way to put it. It wouldn’t have been his choice of words. “Only because you’re a lady, Mother,” he’d commented. “So I take it she’s still on the loose?”