An Alpha's Choice

by Carrie Ann Ryan

Brynn’s body shook, but she didn’t know if it was from the shock of the explosion or the fact she’d just confessed her deepest secret to the one man she shouldn’t. She stood in her kitchen, another pair of shorts and tank thrown on as soon as she’d stepped inside. She’d handed Finn an extra set of sweats and he’d covered up, though he still stood shirtless in her dining room, looking as shell-shocked as she felt.

  As soon as she could open her eyes when they’d been in the forest, she’d pushed Finn off of her. Both of them had jumped to their feet, claws at the ready. They couldn’t see a single person near the wards, but they’d searched. Both had been bleeding and bruised from the debris, but it hadn’t mattered. Her den was under attack, and she couldn’t save them all on her own. Finn had risked his life for her people, and she would never forget the feeling of him by her side as they’d searched for the perpetrators.

  Kameron and the men and women under his command had shown up soon after the explosion. Her Enforcer brother had felt something off a mere second before the bombing but hadn’t been able to pinpoint its location fast enough.

  No one had died. No one was hurt other than the scrapes and bruises Finn and she held on their skin. From the look of it, the bomb had been on a timer, the humans long since gone from that part of the den area. They couldn’t even find their clear scents as the rain earlier in the day had washed it away. But she knew it was humans, just as the rest of them did. There was a feeling that wouldn’t go away.

  Her den had been attacked and there was nothing they could do because they didn’t know who had lit the fuse.

  Kameron had told her to go home and clean herself up, the curiosity in his gaze at Brynn’s running partner blatant. She didn’t answer her brother but she hadn’t wanted to stand naked in a forest with the devastation of that section of the forest, her brother, and the man she’d revealed she held a potential mating for.

  It was enough to push anyone toward a drink.

  In fact, that sounded like a damn good idea. It would take a few bottles to get drunk thanks to her metabolism, but she could at least pretend the burn would lead to the numbness she so desperately needed.

  She reached up into the cabinet and pulled out two tumblers and a bottle of whiskey. If she was going to drink, she might as well do it well and with the man in the living room. He might not stay beyond that drink, but at least she could say she tried. It felt as if an odd weight lifted off her shoulders but remained on her chest. She didn’t know what would happen next, but she couldn’t back away. Not anymore.

  She padded into the living room, ignoring the twinge of the few cuts and scrapes she hadn’t cleaned yet. Not smart, but she wasn’t firing on all cylinders.

  Finn stood in the living room, his hands on his hips as he breathed in and out. She loved watching him shirtless. The way his muscles bunched as he flexed made her mouth water. He had his back to her and she wanted to lick up his spine to lap up the salty taste of him. He was the epitome of strength and dominance, but he’d also let her lead earlier that evening. And he’d thrown his body on top of hers when the tree had fallen. He was a dichotomy of a more dominant male wolf, who was learning how to deal with a very dominant female wolf. He wasn’t failing at it, but it wasn’t as if they’d truly explored the opportunities because of what they weren’t saying.

  She’d told him that he was her mate, and he hadn’t been able to articulate a complete sentence.

  It wasn’t fair to hate him for that as she’d had a year to wallow over the idea, and he’d only had a few seconds before the world literally rained ash.

  “Drink?” Her voice held firm, surprising her.

  Finn turned around and she about swallowed her tongue. The hard ridges of his abdomen stood out, glistening and so fucking lickable. The lines on his hips that led to his cock were deep grooves that begged her fingers to explore.

  Not that she was going to do anything like that.

  Her wolf pushed at her, sated from the run but still wanting more than just a glimpse of succulent flesh.

  “You’re bleeding.” Finn’s wolf wasn’t in his words—honestly, she wasn’t sure she’d ever heard his wolf in his words like so many others. But the edge of growl that laced his tone told her he hadn’t settled from their earlier run. Good, because she was far from settled.

  She looked down at the cut on her arm and the other on her stomach and frowned. “They aren’t deep.”

  Finn shook his head and moved closer as if to touch her. She took a step back. They both froze.

  “I…don’t touch me. Not yet.” Her voice didn’t break, but damn it was close. She shook the bottle of whiskey in her hand. “Drink?” she asked again.

  Finn studied her face, his brows lowered. “I need to clean you up first.”

  “You don’t need to clean me up. I’m fine. They’re shallow and will heal on their own in a couple of hours.”

  He let out a shaky breath of his own. “I need to clean you up.”

  Confused, she let him pass and watched him walk toward her kitchen where she kept a first aid kit. She hadn’t told him it was there, but he could probably scent the antiseptic in the cabinet.

  He came back with the kit in his hand and gestured toward the couch. “Sit and pour. I’ll clean you up.”

  She raised a brow but did as he ordered. Normally, she’d bite back at his tone, but they were in such an odd place right then, that she wanted to be careful as to when to push back. She wouldn’t be taking many more snapping orders, but she’d do this because at least he was talking to her. That was progress.

  “You’re hurt, too,” she said softly as he sat on the coffee table in front of her. The piece was a large hunk of wood that could handle her brothers’ weight so it didn’t even creak when Finn had sat down. Her place wasn’t the most feminine, but she couldn’t really keep it that way with her family in and out of the rooms so often.

  “I’m fine.”

  That was enough. She set the tumblers down, aware if she slammed them down as she wanted to, she’d shatter the glass and give Finn something else to patch up. She twisted open the whiskey and took a swig directly from the bottle, the burn down her throat helping. Finn raised his brows at her, but she didn’t give him the bottle. She needed the burn to help her deal with a dominant wolf with the equivalent of a thorn in his paw.

  She poured them each two fingers then handed him the glass. “Drink.”

  “You’re still bleeding.”

  “Yeah, and I’ll continue to until you fucking take the drink, Finn. Don’t mess with me right now.”

  Finn growled low in his throat but took the glass before knocking it back. She took her shot as well and set her glass next to his on the table.

  “Feel better now?” he asked, clearly annoyed.

  Well, fuck him. She had been sweet and accommodating, but damn it, it wasn’t like her to roll over all the time.

  “No, I don’t. But please continue to clean up the wounds that will take care of themselves later.”

  He gripped her arm and growled. “I need to do this, Brynn. I don’t understand why I need to so badly right now, but I do. Understand?”

  She froze, letting him wipe down her cuts. “No, I don’t understand,” she whispered.

  He frowned and finished up cleaning the scrapes before setting everything to the side. “I’m your mate.”

  She swallowed hard. “Yes. At least that’s what my wolf tells me.”

  He searched her face, his gaze tracking every inch of her it seemed. “And yet I don’t feel the urge.”

  Her heart shattered, her soul aching for the loss of what she would never have. She might have known the truth, might have told herself over and over again it would never happen, but to hear the words laid out from his lips, she felt as if she would die.

  And she didn’t like the woman she would become if she allowed this pain to take over. She didn’t want to crawl into the forest and curl up into a ball while she waited for the world to pass by. That wasn’t who Br
ynn Brentwood was.

  “I see.”

  Who owned that hollow voice?

  Oh, yes, that was her.

  Finn shook his head. “I don’t think you do.”

  “What is there to miss? The moon goddess fucked up. My wolf wants you. After over a century of living, I’ve finally found the one man and wolf I could be with, and his wolf doesn’t feel the same. Hence, fucked up.”

  She tried to stand, but he put his hands on her knees. She sat back down at the contact. His hands were so warm, so calloused. So freaking hot.

  “It might not be the moon goddess,” he whispered and she lifted her head.

  “What?”

  “It could be me. I’m broken.”

  Her hand shook as she cupped his cheek. The rasp from his beard went straight to the warmest places within her.

  “What do you mean? You’re not broken, Finn. You’re…you’re the Heir.”

  He gave her a sad smile. “Do you know what happened to me when I was a child?”

  An eerie feeling slid over her. She shook her head. “I don’t know everything. I know Caym and the Centrals attacked your den many times during the war.”

  “That’s a way of saying it.” He let out a breath. “I was three or so when Caym broke through the wards. He was trying to find his daughter, my aunt Bay.”

  Brynn coughed. “I…how did I not know that? Dear, goddess. She mated to Adam.”

  Finn frowned. “Yes. Bay is half demon, but she’s wolf through and through. There is nothing different about her other than she spent most of her early life on the run because of the blood in her veins.”

  She winced. “I’m sorry. It just surprised me.”

  “It’s not an easy thing,” he said gently. “Caym broke through the wards and ended up landing in a clearing where we’d been relaxing for the afternoon. I happened to be running right next to him when it happened.”

  He met her gaze and she held her breath.

  “He broke every bone in my body. I remember the pain, Brynn. I remember more than I should. I remember the screams. I remember people trying to reach me. I remember being awake when Caym dropped me to the ground with his power and turned to slit my uncle Josh’s throat.”

  Brynn didn’t gasp, didn’t make a sound. She was afraid if she did anything like growl for the injustice of it all, Finn would stop talking and she’d lose him…more than she already had.

  “Hannah, Josh’s mate, was able to save us, but Josh will always speak with a lower register because of the damage to his vocal cords.” He licked his lips. “She Healed me but sometimes…sometimes I don’t think she fixed everything. Or maybe she didn’t put me back together right.”

  “Oh, Finn,” she cupped the side of his face and leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his. His breath warmed her face, and she sat there while his body shook.

  “My wolf is so fucking quiet, Brynn. I can’t always feel him. It’s like he’s there, but it’s a haze. I don’t have to try to control my wolf because while he might be quiet, he’s always there. I’m never not fighting my wolf, but the damn thing won’t speak to me.”

  “You’re not broken,” she rasped, tears in her throat.

  Finn ran his hands up her side and she shivered. “What if I am? What if the moon goddess didn’t make a mistake? What if my wolf is screaming at me that you’re my mate, but I can’t hear him?”

  The horror at his statement made her pull back. Tears stung her eyes, but she couldn’t cry. She blinked a few times, trying to breathe while she did so.

  “No. That can’t be the case.”

  “What if it is?”

  Her heart broke once more. She hadn’t thought it possible. The empty cavern that had once held her soul became a wash of pain that slammed into her over and over again as she tried to catch her balance.

  “What does this mean?” she asked, her voice a whisper.

  “It means that…I don’t know, Brynn. Look at me.” She opened her eyes, unaware she’d even closed them to begin with. “I’ve wanted you from the first time I saw you across the circle. I was a teenager then, but I knew you were someone I wanted. I didn’t know what it meant, and maybe I still don’t. But ever since then, I’ve wanted you. I’ve stayed away because I know once I have you, I’m going to become addicted. I crave you more than breathing, more than anything I could ever hope to have. I knew that if I had you, I’d keep you—even if we weren’t mates. I stayed away because that wasn’t fair to you…or our future mates.”

  She winced.

  “But…but I was wrong, wasn’t I? I stayed away because I didn’t want to hurt us, and yet, I did so anyway. I hurt you so much. I’m so fucking sorry.”

  He broke her; she didn’t think she’d heal. Not when she didn’t know what would happen next.

  “What are we going to do?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” he whispered.

  “How can we fix that? If your wolf won’t speak up, or however you want to say that, how do we get past this? Because I don’t know if I can go on and fight by your side and do what we must for our Packs if I have to see you and know I can never have you.”

  “What if you can still have me?”

  Her hands shook. “How is that even possible?”

  “What if we tried? What if we went through with it? What if we tried to mate and form a bond? Maybe it can still happen and it’s only my wolf being silent.”

  Hope, sweet hope, slid through the numb.

  “How can we have a future with no bond?”

  “Humans do it every day.”

  “But we aren’t human…” Life would be far easier if they were. Then again, she’d never have met him if she’d been human.

  “Take the chance,” he whispered, cupping her face. “Take a chance with me. If we try, if we mark each other and make love, our bond can still form. We don’t know for sure it won’t.”

  “How can you take that chance? How can you look at me and tell me that you’d risk everything without knowing for sure that you’re my mate?”

  Finn lowered his mouth to hers, brushing her lips for a mere moment before pulling back. “Because you, Brynn Brentwood, are worth any risk I would take, any pain I would feel. You are worth far more than a broken wolf.”

  A single tear slid down her cheek, and Finn used his thumb to brush it away.

  In that instant, she knew she loved him. She had fallen for him and his strength by being by his side and watching him live. She could do this. She could try to mate with him and be with him without a bond in place.

  And if she kept lying to herself, she could one day believe it.

  It was the only hope she had.

  “Try, Brynn. Be with me.”

  “Okay.”

  Finn’s eyes widened for a moment before he crushed his mouth to hers. She moaned into him, pushing out thoughts of what could come and only thinking about the man she could taste.

  He tugged on her hair and she gasped. She wanted more. Needed more. Her wolf howled, begging for a bond that might never come.

  “I want you,” he growled.

  “Then have me.”

  He nipped at her lip then licked the sting. She raked her nails down his back and he shuddered.

  “Bedroom. Now. I don’t want to break your living room while I fuck you.”

  “Fuck me? Or make love to me?” Stupid, Brynn. Why did she have to say that?

  “Can it be both?” he asked. He stood up, gripping her hips as he did so. He lifted her off her feet and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

  “Then show me.”

  He kissed her hard then trailed his lips down to her neck. She moaned aloud, rocking her body into his as he made his way back to the bedroom. He’d never been back there before, but her house wasn’t large enough for him to get lost in.

  When he set her down on her feet, she did what she’d wanted to do before and licked up his chest. He growled low, the vibrations sliding along her tongue. She looked up at him then move
d to bite down on his nipple.

  He slid his hands through her hair and smiled. There was a promise in that smile. One that made her shiver.

  “Do it again. And then I’m going to do the same to you.”

  Her nipples ached at his words. “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  She licked her way over his chest and bit down on his other nipple, loving the way he groaned at her touch. He tugged at her hair and she let her head fall back. He kissed her again, this time slowly as if he were fucking her mouth with his tongue. She gripped his hips, her thumbs digging into those grooves she’d wanted to trace before. He tasted of whiskey and heat, so hot and hers.

  His hand slid down her back and cupped her ass, molding her cheeks in his large palms. She rocked into him, his hard cock pressing into her belly. She wanted him inside her, needed it.

  His fingers traced under the leg of her shorts, slowly sliding back and forth, each stroke going higher and higher. She’d forgone panties so he had easy access.

  Thank the goddess.

  His thumb brushed along her lower lips and he growled, pulling away from her mouth.

  “So fucking wet.”

  “Take me,” she gasped, kissing along his chest. She let her hands explore down his front, cupping him through his sweats.

  “Let me touch you first. I want to know every inch of you, taste you until I have your essence imprinted on my tongue. I want you begging for me, so wet you’re dripping and can take me easy. Then I want to fuck you hard into the bed until we both come and fall into a heap.”

  Her legs almost gave out at his words. He gripped her ass harder, keeping her up. The action sent his thumb upward, breaching her ever so slightly. They both froze then groaned in unison.

  “You’re tight, Brynn.”

  “Then you’d better make sure I’m ready for you,” she teased.

  He bit down on her lip. Hard. He didn’t hold back from her, didn’t hold back that strength that made him who he was.

  Good.

  Because she wasn’t about to hold back from him.

  She let her claws slide out then reached around to grip his ass. “Make me come, Heir. Or I’ll have to do it myself.”

  He licked his lips. “I think I can do that.”