Brynn was his focus.
The Pack and their future with the humans came next.
But those two ideals together wound into an array of dissonance that he had to work his way through. He couldn’t have one without the other. He couldn’t save his Pack, his people, without Brynn by his side. He didn’t know why he knew that, but it was a truth to him. A truth he had to reconcile with the facts laid in front of him.
“I don’t understand why Brynn can feel the bond, but you can’t,” Josh said once Finn had finished. “It was different for me and Hannah when it came to Reed. We aren’t wolves, so we didn’t get that connection right away. But with two wolves, I thought it was a sense of knowing, even if it took time. I see you’re marked, and I am going to guess that she’s marked, as well. But you’re telling me it didn’t work?”
Finn blew out a breath. “We tried. We convinced each other that maybe my wolf was just…for lack of a better word, masking what I should be feeling. But I know, deep down in my soul, that she is mine. My wolf might not be telling me this, but I know it. There’s no way around it, and I’m not fucking crazy. She’s mine, and yet my wolf is broken. I’m broken.”
“I’m so sorry,” Hannah whispered.
Finn let out a small growl. Her men growled back—even the non-wolf, Josh. “Stop it. You are not to blame.”
Hannah’s eyes filled with tears. “But I am, somewhat. Right? I’ve always known something was off since that day in the clearing. I’ve done my best to ignore it, to think about the fact that you’re healthy and breathing, but I was wrong. And you’ve known it, as well.”
He closed his eyes for a moment then met hers. “You saved my life. Caym broke every bone in my body, yet you saved me. You put me back together.”
“But I didn’t put you back whole. Or perhaps I didn’t put the pieces together correctly.”
“You saved the both of us,” Josh snapped. “You risked your life and drained your energy and powers to save that little boy.” Josh stalked toward his mate and pinched her chin, forcing her gaze to his. Finn would have growled, but the deep and everlasting love in Josh’s eyes held Finn back. “I was supposed to be your protector, but I wasn’t enough. I was supposed to get Finn out of the way, but I couldn’t. Caym slit my throat, but you saved my life. You saved Finn. You do not get to blame yourself for anything that happened that day. Anything.”
Finn frowned. “I’m missing something. What else happened that day?”
Josh winced, and Hannah closed her eyes. Reed cleared his throat but answered for them. “Hannah lost the baby she carried that day.”
Finn choked out a watery gasp. “Goddess, no. Oh, fuck. Hannah, guys, I’m so fucking sorry.” He held onto Hannah’s hand as her men kissed her softly. Finn let out a breath as Maddox pushed his powers out, soothing the hurts that had long since passed but never fully faded.
“Caym took more from us than most of us will ever fully know,” Maddox said softly. “But he is gone, and he cannot win everything.”
“I don’t know how we will fix this, but we will,” Hannah vowed. “The new generation might be gaining their powers and taking over, but we started this and we will finish it. I refuse to believe that we have lost. You will have your mate, Finn, no matter what I have to do in order to make it happen.”
“Within reason,” Josh growled. “I will not have you hurt again.”
Most days, Finn forgot that Josh wasn’t a wolf. He was, in fact, an ex-Seal. Sometimes there truly wasn’t a difference between the two when it came to his Alphaness.
“I don’t want you to weaken yourself for me,” Finn added.
Hannah raised her chin. “I won’t be weakening myself. I will be working to find a way for you to get the happiness you so deserve. I’ll do everything in my power to make that happen. Mark, Walker, even the other witches in our Packs. I won’t give up, Finn. I should have known something was off all these years, but I’ve done my best to ignore it for fear of what I would find if I looked too close.”
Finn ran a hand over his face. “I’ve ignored it, as well. I’ve always known my shifts were different, that my wolf was far too quiet and didn’t push me like others. But I thought I could live with that. Fuck, I could live with that. I can’t live without Brynn.”
“The Redwood Pack Heir and the Talon Princess,” Reed muttered. “We sure know how to mate into the Talons with a splash.” His mouth twitched, and Finn shook his head, smiling.
“I love her, guys. I love everything about her. From the way she protects what is hers, to the way she stands by Brie’s side. She doesn’t have a true place within the Talons, and she’s always blamed herself for that, but I think the moon goddess had a different plan for her.”
Hannah’s eyes widened. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead. When you become Alpha, she would be the Alpha female of the Redwoods. That’s…that’s interesting.”
“That’s one word for it,” Josh muttered. “We’ve all been through hell, and with the way the world is turning after the Unveiling, I have a feeling we aren’t out of the woods yet. But I’ll stand by my mates’ side and find a way for you to have your Brynn. I won’t deny you the happiness I have now. We’ll figure it out, Finn.”
“We have to,” Reed added. “I will look through the texts and talk to the elders. It’s what I have always done and will continue to do. You are not alone.”
“You can’t hide this from the family, nor the Pack most likely, but we won’t let you struggle on your own,” Maddox voiced. “You’ve sacrificed much for us, and are the public face of our Pack. You are never alone,” he repeated.
Finn leaned on his family for a few more minutes before he abruptly stood, the scent outside surprising the hell out of him.
Hannah gave him a small smile. “It seems your family won’t let you be alone, no matter how much you’d like to hide away from what has happened. Tell them everything, Finn, but first, do what you need to do to find the peace you crave. You will have your Brynn, this I promise you.”
He hugged each of them then walked to the door, taking a deep breath as he opened it. The Jamensons were closer than any other family he knew—though he was coming to find out the Brentwoods were a close second. Over time, he had a feeling the Brentwoods would be as close, if not closer, because of the different kind of past they’d survived.
However close his extended family was, his immediate family was even closer. They knew his pain, though they didn’t know the reasons. And for that, he would love them until he ceased to walk in this world.
His parents, Kade and Melanie, stood on the porch, their hands clasped and their faces filled with the love that had raised him through wars and the Unveiling. All of Finn’s siblings stood behind them, their own faces a mix of curiosity and sheer determination. Gina, Mark, Nick, Drake, Tristan, and Ben were his past, and would be part of his future. He wanted Brynn here. He wanted her here to see this, to see his family and their strength.
“Let’s go for a run,” Kade said softly. “We will run as a family, as a unit. And when you are ready, we will hold you when you fall, and prop you up when you need us to.”
“I don’t know everything that has happened, Finn, but I will stand by you. We will all stand by you,” Melanie whispered, her eyes filling with tears, though the power within showed. She was not weak. His family had long since taught him emotions and tears were not a sign of weakness, but showed the true soul of another and their ability to heal within a family and Pack.
“Thank you,” he whispered then moved toward them. They all enveloped him in a group hug, some only able to put a hand on his arm or back, but they touched him, showing him that he was not alone, despite the fact that his wolf made him feel that way.
He would shift and run with his family. He would take each broken bone, each tearing of a tendon. Because if he did that, he would at least feel that pain, feel that connection to his wolf. He didn’t have what the others had, but he would find a way to live through it.
&
nbsp; He had his family, his Pack. And soon, he would have his mate.
Because there was no other way he would survive. Brynn was his future, his faith. And one day soon, he would have that bond. He had the power of hope when it came to the fate of his family.
He’d fight himself bloody for his future, his Brynn.
And soon, she’d know that.
Soon.
Chapter Twelve
Brynn had acted rashly and without thinking. She knew that. And yet she’d pushed Finn out of her arms, her bed, her life because she’d been afraid of taking a leap and a chance with him. She’d thought she would be able to handle the emptiness, but instead, had panicked. She knew that if she’d just thought for a moment, she’d have been able to breathe. Just because they didn’t have a bond, didn’t mean they couldn’t work it out. Plenty of wolves had done so in the past and had somehow made it through.
Those wolves, however, weren’t in the same position she and Finn were.
In those pairings, neither felt the urge to mate, but over time, developed a bond between them. In her and Finn’s case, it was horribly different.
And, of course, if she kept dwelling on what had happened, that would be the only thing she did for this lifetime. She didn’t know what would come next with Finn, but for now, she needed to take a shower and actually find a way to be the Alpha’s sister and not someone who wanted to be curled into the fetal position and cry until there were no more tears. She was already far too close to the latter for comfort.
While she didn’t want to wash Finn’s scent off completely, it was too much right then to have him on her in the potency it was. Her wolf could barely think with Finn in her pores.
She quickly showered, not lingering since she didn’t want to stop moving enough to think. If she just kept going, kept working on the next part of her life, then she’d be fine. If she paused for too long, then her mind and heart would take over, the helplessness would get the better of her.
As soon as she pulled on a pair of jeans and a tank, someone knocked on her front door. For a moment, an agonizingly precious moment, she thought it was Finn. Then she inhaled and scented Ryder.
Of course, it would be Ryder. The others in her family would have been able to feel her wolf if they were of the hierarchy, but it made sense it would be Ryder who showed up. It wasn’t that she was the closest to him, as she felt as if she were close to each of her siblings and cousins, but he was the only one who knew the truth about her relationship with Finn. Or at least knew what had come before she’d given in to the temptation of a future that would never come.
Enough.
She ran a hand through her wet hair and went to open the door, doing her best to keep her emotions out of her eyes.
From the look on Ryder’s face, it didn’t work.
His gaze traveled to the bite on her shoulder and his eyes widened. He met her gaze once more with an expectant look.
“It didn’t work,” she muttered. She would not cry. She’d done enough of that already.
Ryder stepped closer, his arms outstretched. “Come here, little sister.”
She sank into his arms, wrapping hers around his waist. He closed the door behind them as she rested her cheek on his chest. When his arms hugged her tightly, she almost broke, almost let more tears fall, but she held strong.
She’d been the one to push Finn out of the house so she would have to deal with the consequences. Crying about it wouldn’t help anyone.
Ryder patted her back awkwardly then moved back, his brows furrowed. She held back a snort since it wasn’t the right time to laugh. Her brother did well with the hugs, but sometimes, it was as if he had no idea what to do with the emotions inside of him. Of course, she couldn’t blame him since she was in the same boat. Their father had fucked them over in more ways than one.
“Do you want something to drink?” she asked, her voice raw. “I need some tea.”
“Add some honey to it, Brynn. Your throat needs it. And I’ll take a cup since you’re making it.”
She shrugged but started heating the water using her teapot. There were faster ways to make tea these days, but nothing tasted as good as her old pot that had gotten her through hell. Ryder got the cups down and the jar of honey while she looked through the tea leaves to pick what she wanted. No bags for her.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” he asked once he’d sat down at the breakfast bar, leaning on his forearms.
“I already told you.” She pointed to her neck. “It didn’t work.”
“Your way with words knows no bounds,” he said dryly. “Now tell me. What didn’t work exactly?”
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. “I told Finn about the mating. Told him everything.” Well, not everything. If she hadn’t kicked him out, she’d have told him everything about her—about her past, her fears, her needs. But she’d lost him before she’d truly had him. That wasn’t solely on the moon goddess. Brynn held her faults, as well.
“And?” He cleared his throat. “From the mark on your throat, I take it something happened.”
She didn’t blush, but it was close. “He looked broken and told me why he thought he didn’t feel the bond.” She ignored the pain in her heart. “We decided to try the mating anyway. Figured maybe it would work even if he didn’t feel the pull I did.”
“But it didn’t work.”
She shook her head. Thankfully, she didn’t cry. The teapot whistled, and she started steeping their tea. “It was…it was the best thing I’ve ever felt. And yet the worst thing, since I knew there should have been more.”
Ryder didn’t look put out that his little sister was talking about sex, but she didn’t want to dwell on it and make him uncomfortable. No use in both of them feeling that way.
“Then what happened?”
“I freaked out and kicked him out of my bed.” She met Ryder’s gaze as she set his cup in front of him. “I couldn’t deal with the fact that we had no true future. We’d be able to make love but never have what we should. So I made the decision to end it before we could hurt ourselves more than we already had.”
Ryder gripped her wrist, giving it a squeeze before leaning away. “And you regret that?”
She shook her head, paused, then nodded. “I think I made a mistake, but I don’t know what to do about it.”
“It’s never too late, you know. If he tried to come to you before, knowing he wanted to have a future with you no matter what, he might have left to give you space. Finn isn’t that bad of a wolf.”
High praise from a Brentwood.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Okay? Tell me about Franklin’s family. Are they doing okay? What about the case? Any leads? Are we any closer to finding out who attacked Franklin and Seth? What about the man who tried to run Finn and me over? ”
Ryder studied her face for a moment then sighed. “Franklin’s family is mourning. And before you start to feel like it’s your fault, know that they don’t blame you. They know you kept him alive for as long as you could. So stop with the blaming. As for the case, we’re cold. Finn got the description of the car, but it was stolen. We don’t know who did it. It could have been extremists. Could have been random humans with a grudge. Or, it could have been something far deadlier and connected to the government. Washington’s been oddly silent since we came out. They’re positioning their chess pieces at the same time we are, but I don’t know if we’re forming the right strategy for their attack.”
Brynn let out a breath then took a sip of her tea. The honey soothed her aching throat.
“I feel like we’re missing something.”
“I feel the same way. We’ve done our best to protect our people, but until we know what the humans plan on doing, we can only keep at molding the public’s perception of us while not allowing others into our dens.”
“And that doesn’t feel like it’s doing anything productive.” Her wolf growled at that. She hated feeling helpless. But until they knew what
the humans had planned, they had to act as if things were normal. One wrong move and the powder keg would blow.
Ryder drank the last of his tea before putting the cup in the sink. “I don’t know what to tell you. We’re in a holding pattern that makes me feel helpless as hell, but we’re going to find a way to keep the Pack safe.”
“And my duty?” she asked. “Do you still want me to remain the face of the Pack? To act normal?”
Ryder leaned forward and brushed a kiss on her brow. “You’ll find your path, little sister. And if that path is with Finn, then you will find a way. If not? Then we will be here to hold you when you need us. As for the face of the Pack? Gideon is holding off on that until we see what the humans’ reaction to the attack is. So far, it’s been…positive, for lack of a better word.”
Her brows shot up.
“They saw you and Finn try to save your friends. People are shocked that anyone could be gunned down like that in broad daylight. Turn on the news when you have a chance. I know you’ve been in another head place recently with all that’s going on, but when you’re ready, come back to the duty you have.”
She hugged him tightly then watched him leave, shame filling her. She’d been so caught up in her own pain; she’d stepped away from the real world. There had to be a better way to balance it. Her brother Gideon had done it. So had countless others. She wasn’t alone in finding a mate—though she knew her situation was uniquely heartbreaking.
Determined to focus, she closed the door as someone knocked. She opened it, not bothering to scent who it was, and froze.
“Finn.”
He’d changed into jeans and a henley, his hair wet from a shower. It would have annoyed her that he’d washed her scent off, but she’d done the same thing.
“Brynn.” He cleared his throat and stuffed his hands in his pockets as if he were unsure what to do with his hands. “I know you told me to go, and I did, but can I come in?”
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