We'll Begin Again

by Laurèn Lee

  "I could tell.”

  William grasped my hand, and I stifled a gasp. As our fingers interlocked, nervous jitters tittered about in my mind and in my heart, which skipped a beat when I looked over to him. Something magical had bloomed between us; I could feel it in my bones.

  I put my head on William's shoulder and closed my eyes. How did I get so lucky to have him by my side? William had grown to be my rock and my shoulder to lean on. I never felt a connection this intensely before, not even with the man standing at the altar a few feet away from me.

  Ethereal music crooned from the speakers as William and I turned around to see the wedding party walk down the aisle. Angela's sister, the Maid of Honor, stepped cautiously down the aisle first. She linked arms with Cal's best friend, Tony. Tony smiled brightly at me, and I winked back. Cal kept Tony in the divorce, but we still talked on Facebook from time to time. He was a good man, and I couldn't for the life of me understand how he put up with Cal for so many years.

  A few more bridesmaids and groomsmen strolled down the red carpeted walkway, then Charlie appeared arm and arm with the flower girl, Angela's niece. She tossed rose petals along the carpet, and Charlie offered his brilliant smile to the guests. A single tear fell down my cheek as Charlie waved to William and me. I wished I could have hugged him right then and there. My boy looked so grown up and handsome.

  William squeezed my hand. Knowing my son and William were with me was the best thing I could have ever asked for. At long last, the guests rose as Angela and her father ambled down the aisle. She looked beautiful; I couldn't deny that. I said a silent prayer in my mind for the girl. I did not envy her, but I wished her the best. Cal and I were never meant for each other. Maybe she'd have better luck.

  I focused my attention on Charlie while he swayed side to side standing next to his father. His movements were either the result of extreme nerves or the fact he hadn't gone to the bathroom before walking down the aisle. I tried not to giggle, and William smiled too.

  "Do you, Calvin, take Angela to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for as long as you both shall live?"

  "I do."

  "And, do you, Angela, take Calvin to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for as long as you both shall live?"

  "I do!"

  "Then, it is my honor and duty to announce, Calvin, that you may kiss your bride!"

  Cal pulled Angela into a close embrace and kissed her passionately. I pushed the memory of my own wedding day and wedding kiss from my mind. I wonder if people thought we'd last after we walked out of the church. Finally, they stopped kissing, and the people on both sides of the room stood and erupted with cheers and laughter.

  Charlie ran into my arms once I found him in the decadent ballroom where the reception was being held. I squeezed him tightly and congratulated him on a job well done as ring bearer.

  "Woohoo!" Charlie sprinted off to play with the other kids, and I gulped down the rest of my drink.

  William and I found our seats located at the table with a few other couples I'd never met. Soon, we discovered they worked with Angela at the restaurant where she still tended bar. They seemed friendly enough, but it didn’t matter; I had the best date in the whole damn room.

  A large, glittering, crystal chandelier hung from the center of the room, and all the tables were lined with rose satin tablecloths. In the center of each of the twenty or so tables stood a dozen white roses in genuine crystal vases. A quartet played in the corner while waiters dressed better than some of the guests offered drinks and hors d’oeuvres to those mingling. Every detail down to the silverware was epically perfect. If I had to guess, even Prince William and Kate would have been a little jealous of this reception.

  Charlie sat with the rest of the wedding party. It felt selfish, but I wanted my boy by my side instead of watching Cal's family smother him. I wondered if I'd ever stop feeling as protective as a mama bear around Cal and his family. Maybe someday.

  The quartet slowed their pace as the servers brought out the first course: a garden salad with the greenest, freshest vegetables I'd ever seen. By now, the vodka from my second martini walloped me. I needed something to soak it up. The salad and rolls, also at the table, would have to do until the main course arrived.

  "Feeling okay?" William asked thoughtfully. "I want to be able to show you my moves later!"

  "You have moves?" I raised an eyebrow.

  "Not very good ones, but I have ‘em." His smile could have lit up the entire city.

  William reached under the table and massaged my bare knee. His fingers moved in a circular motion, and the tingles danced all the way up my legs and into my belly. Suddenly, I didn't care about the future; I only cared about this exact moment. I wanted his lips against mine and much, much more.

  A server delivered my perfectly cut piece of steak shortly after the salads arrived, and my mouth watered immediately. William ordered the same, and we smiled at each other as we dug in like children on Christmas morning as they open presents.

  I stifled a moan as I chewed the savory steak. The couples at the table eyed me disapprovingly, but it wasn't every day you had the best piece of filet mignon in your life! With steak still in my mouth, I smiled and gave them the thumbs up. They avoided talking to William and me for the rest of dinner. They seemed stuck up, anyway. William and I made our own fun as we finished our meals and people-watched.

  "I bet that guy is going to hit on one of the bridesmaids," he predicted.

  "How do you know?"

  "He hasn't stopped staring at her all night, and I can tell by the look on his face."

  "Oh yeah?"

  "Yeah, it's how I look at you."

  I blushed, and without thinking, without worry if I was making a mistake, I lightly kissed him on the lips. Who would have known, the man I met, who lived on the streets, would one day turn into the man I couldn’t stop thinking about? Life was funny like that. Sometimes the greatest moments happened when we least expected it.

  Once the plates were cleared and toasts finished, the DJ picked up the pace and urged guests to hit the dance floor. William didn't waste any time dragging me out to the center of the ballroom to show me his "moves."

  We spent the next two hours dancing, laughing, sweating, and falling even more deeply for each other than we ever thought possible.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Amelia

  William, Charlie and I were some of the last guests to leave the ballroom. Surprisingly, Charlie didn't slow down and out-danced even me! The kid had stamina, what could I say? Although it could have been the extra slice of cake I watched him sneak from another table. The mom in me wanted to scold him, but it was far too funny to watch as he looked behind both shoulders before he took the piece and devoured it within seconds.

  William showed me his dance moves, which were far better than I pictured. Mostly, he made me laugh until I felt a new pair of abs shredding through. The most surprising event of the night, however, was when Cal asked to cut in and dance with me. I almost told him "no thanks" but decided to try and keep the peace instead.

  "Are you having fun?" he asked shyly.

  "You sure know how to throw a party. Have you done this before?" I teased.

  "Ouch."

  We both smiled.

  "It's been a long time since we danced together,” I said.

  "Sure has. Hey, listen, Amelia—"

  “Yeah?”

  William eyed us from the table, and I noticed a hint of jealousy in his serious glare. Would it make me a bad person if I liked seeing him a little jealous?

  "I just want to say thank you for everything you're doing for Charlie. He seems to be happy at his new school."

  "Well, it is my job."

  "I know, but you're an amazing mom, and he's lucky to have someone who cares for him so deeply."

  "Thanks, Cal. You're an okay dad, too. But you may want to tone down the 'tude ar
ound him, okay? He's starting to sound like a mini-you."

  "You kiddin' me? His fire is all you!"

  I rolled my eyes.

  "We raised a pretty good kid, huh?" Cal asked.

  We both glanced over to see Charlie slow-dancing with the flower girl. Even though I secretly knew my son was terrified of catching cooties from a girl, it was beyond adorable to see him with his hands on her hips and a broad smile spread across his face.

  "We sure did."

  Silence took over the conversation as we swayed awkwardly to the music.

  "So, I wanted to tell you something."

  "Oh, boy. Here we go.”

  "Angela is pregnant."

  "Already?"

  Cal blushed, and I honestly can't remember a time I saw such a blissful look on his face. Maybe when I told him I was pregnant all those years ago.

  "I'm very happy for you," I said evenly.

  "I just wanted to let you know before I told Charlie."

  "Thank you. I appreciate it."

  "So, what's going on with you and that guy?” He asked casually, but I sensed a sourness in his tone.

  "His name is William." I rolled my eyes.

  "Yeah, him." Cal smiled, and I realized he enjoyed taunting me. What a surprise.

  "He makes me happy," I admitted.

  "Treating you well?"

  “Very. We’re good together.”

  Cal ignored my jab. "Is he good with Charlie?"

  "Treats him like a son."

  Cal winced. "Well, that's good."

  William strode over to us as the song was winding down. "May I cut back in?"

  Cal breathed a sigh of relief. "Sure, man."

  My ex-husband squeezed my hand, and with a quick smile, he walked back over to his blushing bride, who waved to me. I waved back. Angela wasn't so bad, and she did make a damn gorgeous bride.

  "What was that all about?" William asked.

  "Just a friendly chat among ex-partners." I laughed.

  William shook his head and spun me around as a new pop hit blasted from the speakers.

  By the end of the night, I had to drag Charlie off the dance floor and back to our room. Charlie and I slept in one of the beds while William took ownership of the other. Before we drifted off to sleep, though, William kissed us both goodnight. I fell fast asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and slept better than I had in a very long time.

  Cal and Angela invited us all to join them for a family breakfast the following day. I declined. Even though it turned out to be a beautiful wedding, one night with my ex and his new wife was enough for me.

  Reluctantly, William, Charlie and I packed our bags and checked out of the beautiful hotel. I didn't want to leave, but I also couldn't wait to go home. William offered to drive the way back, for which I felt eternally grateful. I may have had one too many glasses of champagne after dinner, and my head throbbed painfully.

  The drive home seemed longer than the drive to the hotel, which made me all the more anxious to be home. About halfway through our drive, we stopped for gas and a quick bite to eat. Charlie and I stood in line for pizza while William waited in the Mexican line. If only all gas stations were as fancy as this one, I thought.

  Charlie rehashed the previous night and how fun it'd been to dance with Hallie, the flower girl. He blushed when I asked if he had a crush on her.

  "No way, Mom! That's gross!"

  I ruffled his hair and smiled.

  A phone rang loudly and echoed throughout the eating area. I turned to see William answer the call, his face as white as a ghost. My stomach dropped as William's eyes grew, and he used his free hand to touch his forehead in distress. I wanted to go over to him to see what was the matter, but I also didn't want to leave Charlie in line by himself.

  I anxiously waited to catch William's attention as tears streamed down his face.

  Screw it.

  I grasped Charlie's hand, and we exited the line.

  "What's wrong with William, Mommy?"

  "I don't know, sweetie."

  William turned to see us walking swiftly toward him, and he shook his head. Tears glistened in his eyes, and I couldn't imagine who could be on the other end of the phone call.

  Charlie tugged on my coat. "Hold on, Charlie."

  We stood awkwardly in the middle of the gas station while William crumbled into a chair. I gave Charlie a wrinkled twenty dollar bill from my purse, instructing him to go pick out a handful of snacks for the ride home and to hurry.

  William ended the phone call and sat with his head in his hands. Tension mounted as I lightly put my hand on his shoulder. He jumped at my touch.

  "What's going on?"

  "We have to go. I can't be here."

  "Tell me, what is it?"

  "I can't talk about it right now. We have to go."

  He strode out of the gas station and jumped into the driver's seat of my car. My heart ached for him. I'd never seen him so distressed or shaken up. I collected Charlie from the register, and we returned to the car as well.

  We drove in silence the rest of the way back home, but the lack of conversation was deafening. Even Charlie knew something was wrong and stared out of the window quietly. He didn't even play his game. All the horrible scenarios ran through my head during the ride. Did someone die? Did someone he knows get hurt? Was there an accident at the halfway house? My heart thudded in my chest. I reached to touch his hand with mine, but he pulled away. His desire not to be touched stung. I wanted to be there for him, to comfort him as he'd done for me during my dark time.

  William parked the car outside the halfway house, grabbed his bags and headed toward the building. He didn't say goodbye. Charlie and I looked to each other in confusion.

  "Is William okay, Mama?"

  "I don't know."

  I realized this was one of those times I needed to give William his space despite the desperation in my soul to go to him and help him through whatever’d just happened.

  Charlie and I arrived home, less than thrilled to be here. Our vacation was over and devastation awaited our arrival. I couldn’t stop thinking about William and the haunted expression he bore after answering the phone.

  I swallowed forcefully and dialed his number.

  "William?"

  Sobs echoed through the phone.

  "What's wrong? Are you okay? Talk to me!"

  "He's dead! He's dead! Oh my, God, he's dead!" he lamented.

  I wasn’t sure who he referred to, but the sound of William’s shattered heart erupting through the phone was breaking mine.

  As I opened my mouth to ask who passed away, the dial tone pinged in my ear.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Amelia

  “Mom? Is William okay?"

  "I don't think so."

  “What can we do to help him?”

  “I don’t know, bud. Something really bad happened.”

  “I don’t want him to be sad.”

  “Me, either sweetie. Would you mind if I called Carrie to come over and watch you? I want to check in on William.”

  “Why can’t I come?” Charlie pouted.

  Truth be told, I knew William still harbored the demons inside his soul. No one can shed the damage he’d had very easily. I didn’t want Charlie to be exposed to whatever hurt William so badly. I wanted to help William, but I also needed to protect my son.

  “I think it’s an adult problem.”

  “But I’m a big kid!”

  “I know you are, but not this time. Okay? I need you to be strong and brave for me. Be good for Carrie, too.”

  Carrie arrived a half hour later with movies and pizza in tow for her and Charlie.

  “Thank you so much. I’m sorry for the last minute notice.”

  “All good, Ms. Montgomery.”

  I kissed my son goodbye and couldn’t help but sprint to my car. I sped to the halfway house and parked as close as I could to the building. I knocked repeatedly on the door until someone opened it and let me in.
It wasn’t the manager, but another resident. I smiled briefly and tore through the house to William’s room.

  Inside, William rocked back and forth, hugging his knees. Tears poured down his crestfallen face. His eyes, swollen and red, appeared empty and desolate.

  On one wall of the room hung a beautifully sewn American flag. On another, there were a few family portraits of him with his parents. In the corner of the room, I spotted a picture of Charlie and me. William must have taken it from my apartment when I wasn't looking. My heart ached for him.

  "Talk to me, babe. What's going on?"

  "Hudson. Hudson's dead."

  I rubbed his back and waited for him to elaborate. I'd never heard him mention a Hudson before. I didn't know if it was his brother, friend, or someone else entirely.

  "We served together," he said, noticing my confusion.

  I nodded as it all began to make sense. A fresh wave of grief washed over William as he sobbed again. I was at a loss about what to do. I'd never seen him, let alone any man, so upset in my entire life.

  "I'm so sorry, William. I'm so sorry," I uttered in his ear.

  "Hudson was one of two of my best friends in the service. We had basic training together and ended up overseas together, too. We went through everything together. We kept each other sane—even when our other buddy, Spence, died. We were like brothers."

  I nodded and encouraged him to keep going. I wondered if talking about it would help ease his pain.

  "I never told you this, but when Spence died in combat, I couldn't handle it. Even with Hudson still by my side, I lost it. When my tour ended, and I was up for re-enlistment, I decided not to go back. I couldn't do it. There were other reasons I didn't go back, too, but I abandoned my brother. I couldn't handle the death of our other brother, Spence. I feel like a disgrace to my country and Hudson. I wasn't there for him when he needed me most. I abandoned him."

  William shook as his emotions took hold once again. I put my arms around him and prayed that my touch and love would soothe him, but then again, I wasn't sure anything would make William feel better at this moment.