Complicate Me

by Claire Raye

  I knew I had no choice though, I had to keep her at arm’s length because Sienna isn’t mine to fantasize over and she sure as shit isn’t mine to have, no matter how much I might want that.

  The silence between us feels awkward, back to how it’s been these last few years. I can practically feel the eyes of the table of girls on me, as though they’re waiting to see what’s going to happen between Sienna and me. I could so easily blow this whole thing off by getting up and walking over to their table. Maybe take one of them home and try to erase the memories of Sienna from my brain.

  “When’s your next game?”

  She asks it so quietly I almost miss her question and when I turn to her, she’s watching me, an unreadable expression on her face.

  “What?”

  Sienna’s eyes soften just a little. “When is your next game?” she repeats.

  I shrug, trying not to act like this is a big deal or that I want her to show. “Next Friday night,” I say.

  She nods, but doesn’t say anymore, leaving me to wonder if this is her telling me she’s coming to watch me play.

  “So, what’ll it be?”

  Sienna and I both turn to the waitress who’s suddenly appeared beside our table, pen in hand, ready to take down our order.

  “Ahhh, um, look I should…”

  “I’ll have a burger and a coke,” I quickly spit out, knowing this is my only chance to keep Sienna here. “She’ll have…” I pause, eyes on Sienna as I wait for her to speak.

  She looks back at me, that same unreadable look on her face again. I cock a brow, offer her a grin, a peace offering almost as I silently beg her to stay.

  Sienna’s eyes drop to her menu, but I don’t miss the small smile tugging at her mouth. “I’ll take the Cobb salad and a diet coke,” she says, smiling at the waitress as she hands her menu back.

  “Coming right up,” the waitress replies, offering us both a bored smile before she walks away.

  We sit in awkward silence again, both of us in uncharted territory having lunch together like this. I’m racking my brain, trying to think of something to say and just as I open my mouth to ask how her classes are going, we’re interrupted again.

  “Reid, hey,” comes an irritatingly familiar voice as a hand slips onto my arm. I glance down, notice the pink nails that curl around my forearm before dragging up to my bicep.

  When I look up, my stomach sinks as I recognize the girl from last night, the one I disappeared into the bathroom with. “Hey,” I say, pulling my arm from her grasp as I glance at Sienna.

  Sienna looks back at me with what can only be described as a look of disappointment. “Maybe I should go,” she mutters, reaching for her bag.

  “Don’t,” I say quickly, reaching for her hand.

  She snatches it away, giving me a hard look before turning to look at the woman standing beside our table. “Looks like you’ve got company.”

  I glance up at our guest, who smiles, oblivious to what’s going on. “You wanna hang out,” she says to me. “Maybe go…you know,” she says, licking those same glossy lips from last night in a way that I’m sure is supposed to look sexy.

  From the corner of my eye, I see Sienna push out her chair and I know I have literally seconds to decide which way I want this to go right now.

  “Yeah, I’m actually in the middle of something,” I say, my words harsh. “So if you don’t mind.” I turn away, back to Sienna. “Sit down, Sie,” I tell her. “We’re having lunch.”

  The girl beside me scoffs. “What the hell?” she says, shooting Sienna a quick glance. I don’t miss the flash of jealousy that crosses her face. Or the way her eyes narrow at Sie as though she’s trying to figure out what it is she’s got that this chick doesn’t. I wanna tell her the list is long, so don’t even bother getting into it, but before I even have a chance, she turns back to me. “Reid, I thought we…”

  “You thought we what?” I ask, cutting her off. “Had something because I let you suck my dick last night? Please, it’s not like it meant anything to me.” It’s a dick thing to say, but I don’t care because this chick doesn’t get to just walk up and interrupt my time with Sienna, or judge her or make it obvious that she wishes Sie wasn’t here. Fuck that.

  Her face turns red now, her eyes widening as an audible gasp comes from the table of girls behind us. “You’re an asshole,” she shouts before turning and storming off.

  “Yeah and you give shit head,” I mutter to myself before turning back to Sienna, who’s standing on the opposite side of the table, mouth open in shock as she stares at me. “What?”

  “Man, you really are an asshole,” she murmurs.

  I roll my eyes. “Yeah, and she’s an asshole for interrupting us. Sit down, Sie,” I say again, just as the waitress returns with our drinks.

  Sienna glances between me and the waitress, seemingly unable to decide if she should stay or go. I try to remain calm, as though I’m not bothered by her choice when inside my body is screaming at her to stay. To sit down and stay with me.

  “You okay, hon?” the waitress eventually asks.

  Sienna lets out a long breath, nodding as she sinks into her seat. Both of us reach for our cokes, neither of us saying anything as we take a sip. My eyes move to the window, to the chick from last night, who’s standing outside watching us. I can’t resist smirking at her, knowing it will just add to how pissed off she is.

  Not like she’s worth a repeat performance anyway.

  “Why do you do it?” The question is asked so quietly, as though she’s almost afraid to voice it.

  “Do what?” I ask, playing dumb.

  She motions outside. “That?”

  I scoff. “Her? Shit, I don’t know. To get a blow job, why else?”

  “I don’t mean her,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I mean why do you treat them like that. Don’t you want something more?”

  “With her?” I ask in surprise. “Hell no!”

  “Then why do it at all?” she asks, and I can see the confusion on her face. “Why do it if you’re not interested in her?”

  I stare back at her, wondering exactly what she’s getting at, what she wants me to say to her right now. There’s not a chance in hell I can be honest, because being honest means revealing what I really want and that can never happen.

  Shrugging, instead I say, “Dunno, I’m a guy. I get horny, she offers.”

  Sienna rolls her eyes and I can tell my answer has disappointed her. It makes my chest ache, but I push it aside as I attempt to change the subject, try and get us back to where we were before we got interrupted. “So, how’s school going?”

  Sienna regards me for a few seconds before realizing that’s all she’s gonna get from me. “Good,” she says, a small smile on her face now.

  I nod. “Classes okay?”

  “Yeah,” she says, her smile widening. “I’m loving them this semester,” she adds just as the waitress brings our food.

  We say our thanks and then fall into an easy silence as we eat our late lunch. I’m glad for the truce, even if I know it’s going to be short lived.

  By the time we’re both finished, we’ve been sitting in this café for almost two hours and my hangover has miraculously disappeared.

  “So,” I say, reaching for the check. Sienna makes to grab it, but I wave her away, ignoring the weird look she shoots me. “What are you up to for the rest of the afternoon?” I ask, hopeful.

  She smirks at me now and my stomach sinks. “I’ve got a date with Justin, remember? So I’m gonna head home for a bit before he comes to pick me up.”

  I shake my head as we both stand and make our way toward the cashier. “I really wish you weren’t going out with him,” I say, again pushing her hand away as she attempts to hand me some cash.

  “Yeah, and I really wish you’d trust me to make my own decisions and mistakes,” she says, as we head toward the door.

  I roll my eyes, not bothering to hide i
t as I hold open the door for her. “Yeah well, that’s not gonna happen,” I say, as I usher her through. I follow after her, glancing at the table of girls that’s still here and has clearly been listening and watching us the entire time I’ve had lunch with Sienna. “Ladies,” I can’t help but say, offering them a wink before heading outside.

  “God, you’re hopeless,” Sienna says.

  “What?” I say, arms out and a grin on my face.

  She rolls her eyes at me and I laugh, slinging an arm around her shoulders as I pull her against me. “Don’t pretend you don’t like me,” I tease, even as her body stiffens at my touch.

  “Whatever,” she says, pulling away from me.

  I try to ignore the way that makes me feel like shit as I say, “This was nice.”

  She shoots me a sideways glance now. “What, you stalking me and forcing me to have lunch with you?”

  “Whatever,” I say again. “I meant catching up. Acting like we’re friends again.”

  Sienna exhales a long deep breath as she says, “We are friends, Reid.”

  I glance down at her, but she’s looking straight ahead, avoiding me, which is good because she doesn’t see the smile I can’t hide at her words.

  After I walk Sienna home, leaving her with strict instructions to text me the second she gets home from her date with Justin tonight even if I will be following her anyway to make sure she’s okay, I head back to my place with plans to spend the afternoon on the sofa.

  Just as I’m taking the steps up to our front door, my phone rings, Caleb’s name flashing across my screen.

  “Dude, hey,” I say, as I answer.

  “Bowen,” comes Caleb’s greeting. “What’s up?”

  “Not much, just had lunch with your sister actually.”

  “Really?” he asks and I know he’s as surprised I am.

  Even though the three of us had been tight growing up, things started to change in our junior year of high school. This was right around the time I started noticing Sienna in a totally different way to how I’d always seen her. It had been weird at first, thinking about my best friend’s sister like that and I’d tried really fucking hard to ignore it. But as time had gone on, I’d given up ignoring it and instead moved into darker territory fantasizing about it.

  As soon as that had happened, Sienna had become the subject of just about every single one of my dreams and I’d often find myself waking with a raging hard-on that I then worked out while also thinking about her. I knew Caleb would kill me if he knew I was thinking about his sister like that, but I just couldn’t stop. Not when she looked like she did.

  And fuck, it wasn’t even just the way she looked, it was the way she was. Caleb might have been my best friend, but truth be told, so was she. We were like a group package, the three of us. Bound by our absent and shitty parents and our love of getting up to all sorts of shit.

  And man, had Sienna been game for adventure, which was yet another thing about her that had turned me on. That girl was not afraid of anything, and of course led to us getting into plenty of trouble.

  I still remember the time she dared Caleb and me to streak naked across one of the golf courses on a packed Sunday afternoon. I wanted so badly to dare her do it too but instead I kept my mouth shut while Caleb had agreed. Knowing I couldn’t back out if he was doing it, the three of us had driven down to some fancy country club, snuck onto the first hole where Caleb and I had pulled our clothes off behind some bushes before running down the fairway.

  Sienna had pissed herself laughing before grabbing our clothes and heading back to the car. Some old dude in a golf cart had come racing after Caleb and me and we’d also run back to the car, stark naked and pissing ourselves laughing.

  Sienna had thrown our clothes into the back seat before she’d hauled ass out of the parking lot. It had been hilarious right up until she’d glanced back at me in the rearview mirror. Me still naked, her, eyes dipping lower.

  Fuck me, that was probably the first time I’d ever wished that Caleb and I hadn’t been such good friends. Or that he was with us. It was fucking hard having a thing for my best friend’s sister.

  “Yeah, really,” I tell him.

  “How’s she doing?” he asks and I can hear the worry in his voice. He’ll always worry about his sister. Even though they’re twins, I sometimes think Caleb views their three-minute age difference as being more like three years.

  “She’s good,” I tell him. “Although I think she might have a date tonight.”

  “A what?” Caleb shouts, making me wince. “With who?”

  “Some dude at school,” I tell him, not wanting to go into details.

  I know Caleb would shit a brick if I told him about Justin. Part of it is the way Justin treats women, which I know is rich coming from me, but it’s not like I ever lie to them, or fuck them around with promises I know I won’t keep. Every woman I’m with knows exactly what she’s getting herself into and as far as I’m concerned, it’s not my fault if they somehow think they’re suddenly going to change me. These women don’t even know me.

  I’m not sure Justin can say the same thing. The other part is something different though, an animosity between us that started back in freshman year, which makes me wonder if he isn’t specifically targeting Sienna in a bid to get back at me.

  I sigh, knowing I can’t tell any of this to Caleb without him wanting to yank Sienna from school and keep her locked in her room back in Rhode Island. She’d kill me if I did that. “Don’t worry,” I tell him instead. “I’m taking care of it. She won’t be alone with him tonight.”

  I can hear Caleb exhale through the phone. “Okay, thanks man, seriously.”

  I nod, even though he can’t see me. “So what’s happening with you?” I ask, wanting to change the subject.

  I hear muffled scratching as though Caleb is swiping a hand across his jaw. “Well, Dad went on another bender last night,” he says. “A bad one.”

  “Shit, is everything okay?” I ask, knowing his dad is on a bender every night, so for Caleb to mention it, it must be bad.

  “I dunno,” he says. “He’s in the hospital. Managed to get into a fight with someone at the bar and wound up getting the shit kicked out of him.”

  Hardly fucking surprising. The guy’s a total fuck up and it’s bad enough that he acts like this, but to fuck up Caleb’s life too, god I can’t stand the guy. I mean my own dad is hardly a picnic, but shit, at least he isn’t pissing away my family’s life.

  “Is there anything I can do?” I ask. “You need cash?”

  “No,” Caleb says quickly.

  He’s never accepted the money I offer him, his pride unable to accept help from a friend. I try to find other ways to get it to him, but it’s hard when I’m all the way on the other side of the country.

  “Thanks though,” he adds.

  “It’s not a problem, Caleb,” I tell him. “You know I’d do anything for you, don’t you?” And it’s true, because my feelings for his sister aside, Caleb is the closest thing to a brother to me and I know if I were ever in trouble, he wouldn’t hesitate for a second to have my back.

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “So what do you need?” I ask him, wishing for once he could just accept my help.

  Caleb exhales and I know this is not going to be that time. “Nothing man, seriously,” he says. “Just, I don’t know, distract me from this shit fight and tell me how you’re gonna stop this guy from dating Sienna or something.”

  I grimace as I shove a hand through my hair, wishing to fuck I knew the answer to that question.

  Chapter Five

  Sienna

  “How do I look?” I ask Ruby, turning so she can see me from every direction. It’s still crazy hot here, the temperature well above normal and I found myself struggling to get dressed. The humidity is stifling, and for some reason I feel like I’m drowning in it. The pressure pushes down on my chest as I suck in a hard breath waiting
for Ruby’s response.

  It’s nervousness, I tell myself, but when I close my eyes all I picture is Reid’s face. I squeeze them tighter, blackening everything in their view and trying to paint my mind with the same darkness. He floats in and out of my memory like a feather in the wind, but he never truly disappears.

  “You look great,” Ruby chimes out and I’m startled from my haze. “Perfect dress. Perfect girl.”

  Her words warm me from the inside, only adding to the heat that is radiating from every part of me.

  It’s nervousness.

  I’ve repeated it over and over, but the words won’t sink in as this strange feeling looms ever present and disrupts the peace I had once found without him.

  Reid.

  Avoiding him was easier. Out of sight, out of mind.

  But now he consumes my thoughts, dictates my actions and makes me hate him with every part of me. He doesn’t want me, but he wants to fuck with me. He’s as broken as they come, filling the void in his life with an endless stream of girls who will open their legs if he chooses to grace them with a smile. I won’t be one of those girls.

  At least that’s what I tell myself. I’ve always wanted Reid, but those thoughts died when we came to Hawthorn. He was different, but after our lunch today, I saw glimpses of the old Reid, the one I knew was off limits because he was Caleb’s best friend, but the one I secretly lusted after.

  “Thank you. I’m sweating like crazy. Like I feel the need to shove tissues under my arms.” I flap my arms up and down letting the air make its way under my skin, but it does nothing.

  “It’s hotter than a crotch in leather pants,” Ruby jokes, fanning herself with an open hand. “Things are about to get a little hotter.” With wide eyes, Ruby shoots her stare over to the large plate glass window at the front of the house. And we both take in Justin as he strolls up the walkway, an aloofness to his movement as if he’s been here a million times. He’s the person I should be thinking about. He’s the one I should be with.

  But as much as I want to forget Reid, he still tugs at my every thought.