The Baby Shower

by Tasha Blue et al.

“No, but he’s drinking and he’s lost his job.”

  “Jesus. No wonder you’re pissed. You wish you’d chosen Adam right?”

  I walk to the tinted glass windows of our office. They stretch from one wall to the other. I lean on the window sill beneath the stream of air conditioning that blows in down the vents. The hair follicles on my arms rise and I rub my arms. Amy comes over to join me and puts an arm around my shoulder.

  “You know it’s not too late to change your mind about being with Adam,” she says.

  “Of course it is. They’re renewing their vows this weekend.”

  “What if you call him?”

  “Why should I? He said he’d wait for me. He said he’d be there for me and now this.”

  “But if he knew you wanted him he might pull out of the vow thing,” she says hopefully.

  “That’s just crazy. I was adamant that Drew and I would make it work. I’ll look ridiculous if I go to him now.”

  “Wouldn’t you rather look ridiculous for two minutes than be miserable for the rest of your life?”

  I walk around my desk and pace to the door like I can escape from the turmoil in my head. Amy is right but yet I can’t just turn up unannounced to his house. I say as much to Amy.

  “When he told you he would wait, he called you, right?” she says.

  “Yes.”

  “Then you must have saved the number.” She gives a playful grin. “You know? Just in case?”

  “As a matter of fact...”

  “Well what are you waiting for, Macey? Call him. Ask to meet him.”

  I look briefly at my bag. The cell is inside. Adam’s new number is in the list of contacts.

  “Don’t leave it too long, Macey. This could well and truly be your last chance.” Amy sits me back down at my chair and I’m thankful for her being so understanding. She says nothing of the whole backwards and forwards between the two men in my life. She doesn’t judge me, she just wants me to be happy.

  I spend the rest of the day wondering if I will ever find happiness. But the biggest dilemma of all is, who is the father of the baby inside me? And how will any of us take the news when the truth is out?

  Chapter 9

  “You called.” Adam sounds so happy. My heart leaps to my throat to hear him again.

  “You sound surprised,” I say in a hurried voice. Hurried because when I got home I looked around for signs of Drew and rushed to call Adam as soon as I got home.

  I sit on the bed with my back against the headboard. “You told me that you’d wait for me,” I say with my eyes closed.

  “And I meant it.”

  “If you meant it, Adam, why are you renewing your vows with-”

  “Wait, Macey,” he interrupts. “You can’t believe everything you hear.”

  “I heard it from the mouth of Richard Merrrick.”

  “Look, Richard came to a party that Sherry threw. She got tipsy, started talking about renewing vows to everyone there. Everyone thought it was a great idea, they started applauding. And it snowballed from there. The next thing I know she’s talking LA and a big reception. What was I supposed to do, embarrass her in front of all of our friends? I have to break this to her in private. Everything we do gets blown out of all proportion, you know that.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m just so tense. Living with Drew is...”

  “Has he been hitting you?” he blasts.

  “No, he hasn’t. But, you know, life with Drew isn’t exactly easy.”

  “So is that why you’re calling? You made a mistake choosing him?” He sounds on the cold side. He must be feeling used.

  “I’m not asking you to date me or leave your wife for me,” I say. “In fact, I don’t know why I’m even calling you. I don’t have the right to ask anything of you. I know that, Adam.”

  “You have every right.” His voice softens. “I asked you to call me, whatever the reason. If the reason you’re calling is because you want us to be together, all the better. I want that too, Macey.”

  “How can you be so sweet about this? I didn’t leave Drew when you asked me to. I chose him over you and you’d accept my change of heart so easily?”

  “Look I understand why you chose him, Macey. I do. I know how hard it is to give up on years of marriage. But, Macey, neither of us want the marriages we’re in. Don’t you think it’s time you and I had a little happiness in our lives—together?”

  “But how? How do we just leave them?”

  “We just tell them. The same day; same time. We plan it, we tell them and then we leave.”

  “I wish it was that simple.”

  “It can be that simple, Macey. If you want me to come over there, talk to him...”

  “No way. That would be a big mistake. I wish I hadn’t called. I shouldn’t mess you around like this. I think hearing about you renewing your vows with Sherry made me go a bit crazy.”

  “Crazy enough to leave Drew?”

  “I don’t know what he would say—”

  “Don’t know what he would say about what?” I jump out of my skin and turn to face the open door. I thought I’d closed it. Drew is standing in the doorway of our bedroom. It is dark in the corridor. I didn’t even hear him come in. I was so engrossed in my conversation with Adam that he sneaked up on me without me knowing.

  “Drew...” I hold the phone by my chest but I can hear Adam’s voice on the other end calling my name and saying, “Macey? Macey? Are you all right? Is he there? What’s going on?”

  Drew pulls the cell from my fingers and holds it to his ear while he looks at me. He doesn’t look drunk but he might be high on something.

  I hold out my hand to him. “Give it back to me, Drew.”

  He clicks the phone off and just stares at me. Standing above me, his breath loud. I look up at him like I’m a naughty school girl who is in serious trouble. But my heart has sunk. This is a far bigger scenario than that and one I know I will not like the outcome of.

  He sits on the bed beside me. It gives under his weight. I lower my eyes. He is just inches away. Close enough to throw a fist in my direction.

  “Who was that?” His voice is calm and measured.

  “It was someone from work.” My throat is dry, I can barely speak.

  “Which someone? Why do you have a guy from work calling you, Macey?”

  “I don’t know why.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “I guess it was something to do with work.”

  “You guess? But you don’t know?” He shakes his head like he’s caught the naughty school girl in a lie.

  I shrug my shoulders but I can feel my body tremble. Maybe it shakes the bed and Drew can feel it and knows I’m lying.

  “Well, whatever this guy from work wanted, it seemed pretty much like you two might be more than just... colleagues.”

  “No, Drew.” I try to smile it off but I’m not fooling anyone.

  “Don’t, ‘no Drew’ me, Macey. You think I’m stupid?” He has not raised his voice. He doesn’t look angry. He is calm and collected.

  “Are-are you hungry? I was just about to cook something.” He still has my cell phone in his hands; he’s playing with it and looks at me every now and again.

  “Drew, did you hear me? I asked what you wanted to eat.”

  He swipes my cell open and I see his fingers move. He’s pressed redial, I know he has. He stands and listens to it ring and then hold it so I can hear.

  I hear Adam’s voice: “Thank God, Macey. Are you okay? You want me to come over?”

  Drew presses it to his ear and replies, “If you come here I’ll kill the both of you.” And then he hangs up. He throws the phone onto the bed and leaves the bedroom. I pray that he will leave the apartment too. If he does, I’m going to run. No question about it. I don’t know where I’ll go, but I’ll find somewhere and I’ll get away from him.

  For minutes there is silence in the rest of the apartment. All I can hear is my own breathing and I don’t know what Drew is doing or
what the hell he’s planning to do. I summon all the courage I can to get off the bed and find out. My cell rings just as I get to the bedroom door. I turn to pick it up and see Adam’s number flashing. I don’t answer because I don’t want to involve him. Not yet. Not until I can get free of Drew. I’m sure he’ll get tired of the strong silent treatment and leave. He’s always done that in the past. Why not tonight?

  I walk along the corridor and put my head around the living room door. I can see him sitting on the sofa in the dark. I go in.

  “Drew, I...”

  “Did your cell just ring again?” he cuts in.

  “Yes, but I didn’t answer.”

  He gets up. I jump but he walks by me, heads for the bedroom then returns holding my cell phone.

  “Did he have anything to do with the red dress?” he asks.

  “Red dress?” I ask feebly. Drew lunges at me and with only the street lights from outside lighting his face it is like the shock scene in a horror movie. His face is up close; his eyes bulge. Still his voice is level.

  “I am not a fool, Macey.” He shoves my cell into a back pocket.

  “Drew you’re scaring me. I’ll go. I’ll go.” I start to back up towards the door but he’s following me, matching my every step until we are out into the corridor and I’m angling for the front door to be at my back. When I bump into it I feel as if I’m almost there, almost gone, out of Drew’s grip. Surely he won’t try to hit me if I’m out in the main hallway.

  I keep my eyes on him as I turn slightly to unlock the door. He does nothing to stop me. In fact all he does is watch my shaking fingers as they fiddle with the latch and open it. The smell of the outside hall is like perfume although it is a combination of what everyone else in the building is having for their evening meal.

  I realize that I have nothing with me, no phone, no money. But running out in the night empty handed is far better than staying with Drew. He is like a volcano ready to erupt at any moment. I eye the hallway. He does too. Maybe that’s all he wants. For me to be out so that he doesn’t have to hit me. Maybe if I just run for it he won’t even care. I dare to speak.

  “You want me gone?”

  He says nothing.

  “Can I get my purse?”

  Still nothing, except now his arm comes up and blocks my way back in.

  “You’re running to him, aren’t you?” he says through his teeth.

  “No Drew, no I’m not.”

  “Don’t lie to me!”

  And then the volcano erupts. Drew’s voice is so loud and forceful I jump and lurch towards the steps. I’m running and he’s right at my heels. One look over my shoulder and I see his hand coming towards me. I leap aside to avoid a blow and at the top of the steps my ankle gives way and I fall. Down onto unforgiving steps that bump and hurt my body as it hits the steps, bounces against the banister. My body’s motion is out of my control and it is only when I land, my back against the wall on the lower floor do I stop, breathless.

  I can’t tell what’s happening with my body but at the same time I know it hurts—a lot. I look around but my neck and shoulders won’t move the way I want them to. It hurts like crazy to lift my head. I hear my name as if it’s coming from a distance. It’s Drew’s voice. I move my lips but no sound comes out. The space around me is being crowded out by darkness.

  I hear a voice disappearing into that darkness saying, “This looks bad. Stay there, I’ll call an ambulance.”

  Then I feel pain from my stomach and then I see nothing.

  ***

  The first thing I notice about where I am is the smell. It’s familiar and it’s a smell I like. It smells clean, disinfectant clean. I hear a beep coming and going in equal intervals and I can hear someone humming. It’s a woman. I blink several times and then I see her. It’s a nurse, or at least she dresses like one. She smiles like she knows me. I think I’m smiling back but I’m not actually sure my face is moving.

  “Good afternoon. You slept long. I hope you feel better for it.” She has a southern accent. She smiles and lifts my hand, feeling my pulse as she looks at something. Her watch I suspect. My eyes come more and more into focus as I look around the room. There is a window on my right side where the southern nurse stands. To my left is a bed, but it’s empty.

  “How-how did I get here?” I ask.

  “Your husband called 911. You took a bad fall. What were doing running so fast in your condition?”

  “My...” My hand goes directly to my tummy.

  “It’s okay,” she says. “Baby’s still in there. He or she is doing fine. Still clinging onto mama as they do.” She smiles again. Her teeth are large and her hair is short and blond. I see that now.

  “How long...?” I ask.

  “You came in last night. You’ve been awake and asleep, awake and asleep, all through the night and early morning. The doctor had to give you a mild sedative just to relax you so you could sleep properly. Better for the baby if mom gets her rest.”

  I nod.

  “You want me to call your husband in?”

  I shake my head.

  “But why? He’s been here all night, sick to death with worry,” she says. “You sure you can’t see him then let him go home to get some sleep, too?”

  “Please, don’t let him in here. Don’t let him know I’m awake. Make him go home.”

  Now she looks at me oddly and then at the door. I turn towards it too. Drew is already in the doorway.

  “Mr Hardcastle, could you please wait outside while a finish a few checks on your wife?” The nurse still has hold of my wrist and is now closing her hand around mine in what feels like a reassuring way.

  Drew backs out of the room. His eyes are strange, wild, and I can’t read what he is thinking. As soon as he leaves the nurse turns to me.

  “Honey, I’m rather concerned you don’t want your husband here after you’ve taken such a serious fall. You have a slight fracture in you left tibia. It’ll heal up fine but the plaster will be on for weeks.”

  I notice I have a cast for the first time.

  “But,” the nurse continues, “I want to know that when you’re released from here you’ll have someone to look after you and... I need to be sure that an accident like this won’t happen again.” She stares hard at me and still hasn’t let go of my hand. I say nothing but look down the bed at my toes peeping out of the cast. “Did this accident have anything to do with your husband, honey?” she asks.

  I turn to look at her. She has a kind face. I could sit and reveal all to her but I’m too ashamed to admit that I allow Drew the permission to treat me so badly.

  “I did trip. It was my own fault. He was there, but he didn’t push me.”

  I can tell I haven’t convinced her. “The doctor will be around soon. If you need to talk about anything or need some help...”

  “I know. I have a good friend I know I can talk to. I’ll make this right.”

  As soon as she leaves the room, Drew walks in. He drags a chair up close to my bed and sits down. He looks me over and then holds my hand.

  “Macey, how you feeling? I couldn’t stop you falling. Why’d you have to run like that? I wasn’t gonna...”

  “Well how was I to know that, Drew? You scared me. I was running away.”

  He lowers his eyes. “I don’t want you to be scared of me. Were you scared to tell me you were pregnant?”

  “I-I would have gotten round to it. You haven’t been... you’re so...”

  “I know. I know. I promised you I’d be different and I let you down—again. You have every right not to want to see me. But this, Macey.” He touches my tummy. “This changes everything. It’s what we always wanted. To start a family and now we have a chance. I don’t want my child growing up thinking his daddy’s a loser. I’ll straighten up, Macey. I’m not going to make you a promise this time. I’m just going to show you. I’ll be a good father, Macey. I’ll be a good husband too.”

  I don’t say anything and the quiet in the room is thic
k with tension.

  “I know what you’re thinking, without you having to say it,” he says. “I know you’re not about to run off with this guy from work. Hell, I know you would never cheat on me. You’re just not that kind of girl. I knew that when I first met you, and I know that now. I’m not going anywhere, Macey. I’m here for you. You and the baby and I’ll do right by you.”

  “I’m tired, Drew. I need to sleep.”

  “Okay, it’s okay. I’ll go and give you some peace. I’ll go home and get you some things.”

  “What did you do with my cell? I need to call work and let them know.”

  His face goes serious. He hesitates and then pulls my cell out of the back pocket of his jeans.

  “Here,” he says and hands it to me slowly. “Adam? That’s his name, right? The guy from work?”

  “He’s my boss, Drew. He has my number and he needs to speak to me at times when he’s not in the office.”

  “Is he married?”

  “Yes he is. Been married almost as long as us.” I’m having a hard time looking Drew in the eye.

  “Look I know you, Macey. I trust you. I do. I just want you to trust me.” He leans to kiss me and then touches my tummy again. He smiles. He looks proud and happy. “I’ll come by later. Bring you some soup or something. I don’t know.”

  “Don’t worry about bringing food, Drew. I’ll be fine. I just need to sleep.”

  I look at my cell. I have five missed calls from Adam. I thank God that Drew didn’t pick them up. I wait ten minutes before I even dare to ring him back, I have to be sure Drew won’t walk in. Looking at the door I call Adam.

  The call goes through and before he even speaks I burst into tears and blurt out the words I’ve wanted to say since the pregnancy test came back positive.

  “Adam. I’m pregnant and I don’t know if the baby is yours or Drew’s.”

  *

  “Hey patient, what did you go and do to yourself?” Amy’s face in the bland, white hospital room is like a breath of fresh air.

  “How clumsy can a person get?” I say, sitting myself up.

  “Can I be the first to sign your cast?” Amy sits on the chair next to my bed and hands me the massive bunch of flowers she brought in with her.