Virtually Yours: A Virtual Match Anthology

by Kait Nolan

He nodded.

  And the awkwardness set in.

  Should she kiss his cheek? It’s not like this was a date. It was hard to say what it was.

  “I should probably…” He tilted his head toward his door.

  “Oh, yeah, I should too. I haven’t even eaten.” Pulling out her key, she unlocked and opened her door.

  “Did you want to?”

  She whipped around. “What? Kiss you? No. I’m fine. I mean, not if you don’t want to.”

  And she’d never seen Berg grin so widely. It was like a whole different person was standing in front of her.

  “What?” she asked. What had she said? Her cheeks felt hot with preemptive embarrassment.

  “I was wondering if you wanted to share dinner.” It was hard for him to say the words around his smile.

  She winced and covered her face with her hands. “No. Not now. Oh, that’s bad. That’s so bad.” Dropping one hand, she reached back and opened the door wider and slid inside. “Maybe by tomorrow, I’ll be over this.” Her face was going to ignite.

  “Roxie!” he said on a laugh.

  Maybe if she didn’t look at him, he couldn’t see her—she was going with that. “Thanks for the walk.” She shut the door before leaning against it and sliding down it to drop on her butt.

  “It wasn’t that bad!” he yelled through the door.

  “You’re a dirty rotten liar, Berg!”

  There was a long silence before he asked, “So, maybe tomorrow?”

  “Maybe.” She banged her head against the door. “Really?” she muttered to herself. “You really said that?” She should stick to imaginary men.

  Chapter Five

  “Hey, Berg!” Chris’s beaming face didn’t bode well. He was happy. Too happy.

  “What?”

  “So, I had an interesting phone call with a client last night.”

  Damn, he’d totally forgotten to warn him.

  “She started off by saying that she wasn’t sure whether the sandals had been the right idea. You’re giving fashion tips? On shoes no less?” Chris had a “Christmas has come early” expression that Berg wanted to smack off. “The guy with nothing below his knees is giving advice on what to put on your feet. There’s a joke here that is nearly low-hanging fruit.”

  Berg held out both hands. “What was I supposed to do? She asked. I answered. What else did you talk about?”

  “Also, I’m a fan of naked mole rats. I did not see that one coming.” He shook his head back and forth. “I once played Abraham Lincoln in a play in fifth grade and I always thought I had some raw talent, but no one else appreciated me going off the cuff.”

  “You improvised in a play about Abraham Lincoln?”

  “Oh yeah. I thought if freeing slaves was good, freeing everyone from tyranny was better. I had a rather glorious speech where I declared liberty from homework. Up until last night, that was my finest moment.”

  Berg groaned and dropped his face into his palm. “Please tell me you didn’t get creative.”

  “Creative? Creative? Well, if that isn’t the fib-spinning pot calling the late-to-the-game kettle black! It was all I could do to keep up. But I was amazing. I was like,” he snapped a few times, “that fast with the answers.” Chris sat back with a heartfelt sigh. “I tell you that was the most fun I’ve had in an hour since my last girlfriend discovered the Kama Sutra.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? It better not mean what I think it means.” If Chris had had phone sex with Roxie, he might have to kill his best friend and then himself for putting him in this position.

  Laughing, Christian shook his head. “Nothing kinky. Are you kidding? Apparently, I’ve been assigned the role of confidant. I couldn’t disillusion her by asking what she was wearing. Besides, she’d probably just have laid into me again over the sandals.” Leaning forward, he gave him a faux glare. “Bro, what were you thinking? Sandals? Apparently she could barely keep up with this track star she’d gone on a walk with.”

  “What else did she say about him?” So much for his Hail Mary text on that score. She’d told Chris—the actual Chris.

  “The guy she was walking with?”

  “Yeah. Just in case it comes up.” Now he was lying to his best friend. Despicable.

  Tilting his head, Chris pursed his lips. “You know, not much. She did ask if there was a statute of limitations on blurting out something stupid with a guy. I told her most guys couldn’t remember what they wore the day before, let alone something in a conversation.”

  “That was all she said?”

  “About that? Yeah. But I can see why you’ve been hoarding your emails to her. Roxie is sweet. Cute too—if her avatar is anything to go by. I’ve always had a thing for dimples. And she’s got a great laugh. I was tempted to dig a little deeper into her file and find out where she lives, but that might…come across the wrong way.”

  “I think that’s against company policy.”

  “Really? I could swear that with the deluxe package you could send yourself gifts—though I’m guessing that’s handled by Virtual Match.”

  “Still, don’t you think it would violate her privacy?”

  He didn’t trust that shrewd look in Chris’s eyes. Then, his friend shrugged. “You’re probably right. I can always wait and see if she volunteers the information.”

  “Wait, you’re calling her again? Why are you calling her again?”

  Another sharp look. “Because she paid for it and I enjoyed talking to her.”

  “Have you considered that you might be coming on a bit strong?”

  Chris’s eyebrows rose. “Have you?”

  “No. I don’t know. I’m just sending her emails. And texts.” And living right beside her. And asking her to go on walks. There’d been a moment on the front step when he’d considered crossing that line—from friends to more, and that was even before her slip of the tongue. Things were going really well and he didn’t need competition from Chris or even himself pretending to be Chris. This was difficult enough. Besides, he still had to tell her the truth. And it would only get more convoluted if Chris threw his hat into the ring.

  On the other hand, Chris looked happy—like genuinely happy. And what if Roxie liked him more? She wasn’t exactly throwing herself at Berg. What if he was standing in the way of the best thing that might happen to either of them? Chris had his issues but at least he wasn’t a nearly silent, somber amputee. Roxie was a ray of sunshine and he was a storm cloud. Why did he think this was going to work anyway?

  “Hey! Berg!”

  Blinking, he looked up.

  Chris was waving his hands back and forth, trying to get his attention. “Lost you for a bit. Don’t you know it’s my job to go catatonic?” He adjusted in his seat. “I thought you were going after the neighbor? Look, check it out. I even got this ready for you.” He punched his cell a few times and “You Make Me Feel Like Dancing” began playing. “Nice, huh?” Chris said as he bounced around, rolling his arms and jiggling in the dumbest attempt at chair dancing Berg had ever seen.

  Berg grinned. “Bro, you look stupid. Stop already.”

  Chris cut the music and held his hands out. “So, what? What happened with the neighbor? Have you been putting the moves on her?”

  “Some,” he admitted.

  “And? C’mon…spill. We’re not a couple of chicks. I shouldn’t have to ease you into gossiping about the hot stuff. Kiss? No Kiss? Tongue? First base? Home base? What? Is she as hot as you expected?”

  Berg rolled his eyes. “First of all, a gentleman doesn’t tell.”

  Chris groaned. “So, you’ve done nothing? What is this? The slow approach? I didn’t even talk to you last week so you’ve had two weeks to make your move. Imshi, man, imshi. This mission sounds like it’s gone ass up.”

  “It’s not that simple. Especially now.”

  “Why especially now?”

  Dragging both his hands through his hair, Berg growled. “Look. Just drop it, okay. It’s not easy getting back
into the game and I don’t want to screw this up by rushing it.” Or going after something that wasn’t meant for him.

  Sighing, Chris shook his head. “Fine.”

  “Tell me about Rod.”

  “What’s to tell? He bounces back and forth from depression. Last week, he was talking about eating his gun, but I talked him out of it.”

  “Oh man, I’m sorry.” Chris shouldn’t have to be the voice of sanity in their trio.

  “He thinks maybe it’d have been better if he’d taken the full blast of the IED and it’d killed him and left us both okay.”

  “I thought we were past that. Is that why he isn’t taking my calls lately?”

  “I don’t know. I think he’s worried he’ll make you worse.”

  “Did you tell him I’m fine?”

  “Sure. I told him you were hot for your neighbor and you’re turning into a cyborg. I told him we should all get together and watch Terminator.”

  Berg smiled. “What did he say?”

  “He crawled into a bottle of Jack Daniels and sang a sad version of ‘Oklahoma’ that nearly brought tears to my eyes.” Rod had always loved his show tunes.

  “Do I need to go down and see him?”

  Chris shook his head. “Wouldn’t help. You know how it is, Berg. Until you’re ready to help yourself, you won’t listen to anyone else.” He rubbed his jaw. “I think he’s almost there, though. His brother has moved him into his place so he’s not alone as much. He’s been dragging him out fishing, and you know how he is about fishing. I think once he gets out of his own headspace and is sober for a stretch, it’ll get better. I haven’t seen him since Friday. I figured I’d drop by later today and check on how he is.”

  “But he’s talking to you still at least?”

  Chris waved a hand. “Oh, sure, I call him Captain Hook and he calls me Norman in his best Psycho voice. It’s all good.”

  “What would we do without you, Chris?”

  “You wouldn’t be emailing hot desperate chicks you met online that’s for sure.”

  “She’s not desperate.”

  “But you do think she’s hot?”

  He hung up on his best friend.

  ~*~

  “So?” Hannah gave Roxie a significant look as she stuck her head around the corner into her office.

  “Soooo what?”

  “You’re smiling today. Which is it? The new guy or your neighbor?”

  Roxie squinted and tried to pin it down. “I think…both. I went on a walk with my neighbor and then talked to the new guy on the phone.” She bit her lip. “The new guy—I know from online and I haven’t actually met him—just emailed and texted and, now, talked on the phone.”

  “How was he? Are you going to push to meet in person?”

  “Well, that’s the thing…it was so strange. In emails, he’s sort of intense and soulful, I guess. It started feeling…real.” She swallowed. “I mean I started thinking I could have real feelings for him. On the phone, he was friendly and lighthearted. He’d be the sort of guy you end up staying friends with after you stopped dating them. And I’m not convinced he wants more than to just talk. In emails, I got the impression I could get in deep and end up feeling stupid when it meant nothing to him. It was confusing. I’ve never had this experience when someone is so different in writing than talking.”

  After the walk with Berg, she’d felt weird phoning another guy—but she’d felt nothing for her fake boyfriend when they’d talked. Chris was sweet but clearly he wasn’t her type. Berg was. Berg pushed all her buttons.

  Talking with Chris had been both a relief and a letdown. She’d expected to feel more for him, but it would have bothered her if she had.

  “Online everyone is different,” Hannah said. “I’m not exactly the sexy professional I appear to be on social networks when it comes down to it. I look like I have it all together and everything is perfect, other than what I choose to share. We’re all on our best behavior and putting on a show. It’s like a first date versus a fifth date…or a first date versus a boyfriend. Once you’re in a relationship, it’s day-old sweaty socks on your coffee table and he’s telling you that he liked your hair better before you cut six inches off. Then, his mom accidentally calls your number instead of his and leaves a message that his high school girlfriend is divorced now. Meanwhile, he’s off playing ball with his friends in a game he’d forgotten until you mentioned you’re all out of tampons. Two months later, he’s whining about how much you’ve changed and how you never do nice things for him anymore and it’s all over but the crying and rocky road.”

  Roxie blinked. Hannah didn’t really get the concept of generalizations. “Maybe. But, anyway, I doubt he’ll push for anything. I’m sure it means more to me than it means to him.” At least she’d discovered his name was really Chris and the picture of him she was seeing was actually him. That made it less disturbing. “I texted him right before you came in that it was nice talking to him and he hasn’t responded.” She might have maxed out her interactions with him. Please insert another token to continue or whatever.

  “Hey, at least he made you smile. That’s gotta be worth something.”

  “It was. And he’s sweet—in a friendly sort of way. Not every relationship needs to be more than just what it is, you know?” She was hoping her and Berg’s relationship wasn’t like that, but he was difficult to read.

  Hannah sighed and looked behind her. “I’ve got to finish up a whole load of quarterly evaluations today. Trying to assign numbers to some of these things is ridiculous. Willingness to listen to criticism with an open mind? I swear Rita in accounting is picturing me getting attacked by a rabid bear before being lit on fire—all while she’s nodding when I tell her that she can’t pick and choose which gym memberships she’s going to pay benefits for based on what employees look like. And this is the third time I’ve had to tell her. So, how do I rate that? One through ten?”

  “Seven. Seven is the cut-off for her having a valid complaint that you’ll have to spend an hour justifying the rating.”

  “I don’t know. Rita was the girl in high school who argued with the teacher over an A versus an A plus.”

  “Don’t let her win, Hannah.”

  Hannah leaned in. “You know, don’t tell anyone, but I know she’s the one who keeps reheating garlicky fish in the employee break room.”

  “If only there was an evaluation rating on that.”

  Hannah extended her fist and Roxie bumped hers against it. “Keep fighting the good fight, Roxaroonie.”

  “You too…even though violence is never the answer.” She pulled out her phone to look at the screen as Hannah walked off. Nothing. No email this morning either.

  Her smile was feeling droopy an hour later. Emailing him too might come across as needy, even if it was a friendly sort of needy. Maybe she’d wait until after lunch. Geez, how hard was it to respond to a text? And she was paying for it after all…something she’d started to forget.

  ~*~

  From: Roxie

  Sent: Wednesday, October 7, 2015 1:34 PM

  To: Chris@Synergy.ca.usa

  Subject: Last Night

  Hey Chris,

  It was fun talking with you last night. I don’t know if you were kidding or not, but I’m attaching the recipe to my mom’s peanut butter cookies. I figure it’s the least I could do after your advice to me about hanging pictures. Hope your sunburn has faded some.

  Roxie

  He didn’t want to answer her. Not the text. Or the email. He’d be a bastard if he sabotaged this thing with Chris. Berg knew how his friend felt now trying to find purchase in a conversation with missing communication. This email read like waking up after a rather boring bender.

  Who would choose him if Chris was an option? They’d purposefully never competed for women in the decade they’d known each other. They hadn’t needed to. Typically, their tastes were nothing alike. And, if he told Chris that Roxie and his neighbor were one and the
same, he had no doubt Chris would step aside.

  Berg wiped both his hands down his face. He couldn’t be that jerk who didn’t answer Roxie.

  And if she ended up with Chris, it wasn’t meant to be.

  From: Chris Knight

  Sent: Wednesday, October 7, 2015 1:48 PM

  To: Roxie@netwave.js

  Subject: RE: Last Night

  It was nice to hear your voice. I loved talking with you. Thank you for the recipe. I’m sorry I led you astray on the sandals but I might not have been the ideal candidate for advice on shoes. How is work? Is everyone playing nice with others and sharing their toys? I’ve never worked in a real corporate environment, but I’ve heard that things can get bloodthirsty. You should probably wear combat boots to work. (See I told you I was a lousy person to ask about footwear.)

  Me

  ~*~

  A text came through at the same time as the email.

  Chris: It was fun. Just emailed you.

  Roxie expelled a breath and relaxed. It’d been so good to feel like someone was in her corner during the day. Especially when she felt like she kept screwing up in her interactions with Berg at night.

  She had a few meetings this afternoon, but she should shoot him off a text so he wouldn’t think she was ignoring him.

  Me: Work is crazy. I’ll email later. :-)

  Her feet felt tortured and sore by the end of the day. It was a bad day to wear brand-new heels. She was scowling at her feet as she walked toward her place and drew up short when she noticed Berg was there waiting again.

  Clearing her throat, Roxie shifted from foot to foot. “I thought we weren’t going to see each other today.” She bit her lip and then realized she was doing it and stopped. Straightening her spine, she swallowed. Be cool. Be strong. Be casual.

  Berg’s eyebrows drew together. “Why?”

  “Because I open my mouth and stupid things fall out of it.”

  He pushed to his feet, smiling. “I like that about you. Besides, trust me, I’ve forgotten all about it. Ice cream? You? Me?” He tossed his keys in the air and caught them.