Virtually Yours: A Virtual Match Anthology

by Kait Nolan

  Good morning, handsome. It’s Emily. How’s your day going so far? ;-)

  How could one text message cause him to feel so much euphoric panic? He didn’t even know who was at the other end of the text—it could just as easily be an Eddie pretending to be an Emily. But he found himself picturing his perfect woman…sunny smile, bright eyes, maybe some bouncy curls spilling over her shoulders. The profile picture attached to the text was just a set of luscious lips, red and glossy like cherries, that made his pulse kick up involuntarily.

  His hands were shaking ever so slightly (though he would deny it to anyone who asked) as he typed out his first response.

  Make an effort, dumbass, or you’re wasting Ava’s money and your time.

  Busy and stressful…but better now that I’m hearing from you.

  He hesitated only briefly over the send button and tapped it before he lost his nerve.

  The animated icon along the bottom of the screen started bubbling, indicating that the other person was typing a response.

  Glad I could help. What are your plans for this weekend? I’ll be catching up on some comics that have been sitting neglected on my coffee table.

  For a second, Drew was caught off guard. Comics? He didn’t think Ava had included anything about comics in his profile, just to be on the safe side. And no way could he be that lucky. The last girl he dated made fun of him for reading comic books, even after he explained to her that it was business as much as pleasure. He wasn’t dumb enough to think that women on the whole didn’t care for comics and graphic novels—he knew plenty of women who loved them passionately, but they were always his colleagues or his friends, never someone that fell squarely in the girlfriend column.

  I’ve got my own comics backlog, but it’s hard to find time to work through it. What are you reading right now?

  Oh, a few indies, the latest Ultimate Universe. My boss is a big fan, but I think it’s just because he likes the boobs.

  Drew couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Ultimate Universe was one of the company’s biggest sellers, with a mainly male audience thanks to the rather gratuitous art style favored by the artist. It wasn’t one of his regular pulls for pleasure reading, but he had to stay up on the general storylines for work purposes, since they were regularly trying to get it developed into a movie or television show.

  Ultimate has its problems. Last year’s run with Gwen Samson was solid, though. I really enjoyed it.

  Oh my gosh, she’s one of my favorites! I have an autographed copy of #17 framed in my office.

  A few seconds later, an image popped up in the text feed, showing off Gwen Samson’s very first issue, signed by the author herself. He whistled, long and low, in admiration. This girl might be an even bigger fan than he was. Gwen’s career skyrocketed after the success of her run on the comic and now she was a big draw as a guest on the convention circuit. Her first issue was hard to find, even for a collector.

  That’s pretty awesome. I’ve met her on more than one occasion, but never gotten a sig.

  Wow, more than once? I’m super jealous. Gwen is my hero. I’d give anything to just have pizza and beers with her.

  Stick with me, kid, and you’ll be hanging out with her soon enough. ;-)

  He couldn’t resist that last line. It sounds good, established, he thought. Or maybe I just want to impress this faceless girl. What is wrong with me?

  “The news must have been good.” Macy set his coffee cup down with a not-too-gentle thunk, sloshing a bit of the milky brew over the rim. “You look much less like you’re constipated now. A real improvement!”

  Drew tore his eyes away from the screen, trying to corral the smile that had taken over his face. “It’s fine. Just having a good chat with a friend.”

  “Mmmhmmm. Yeah, I usually light up like a Christmas tree when my ‘friend’ messages me, too.” Macy made a grab for his phone before he could even twitch a muscle.

  “Emily? Why is this the first I’m hearing about a girl? Boss man, you’ve been holding out on me! I heard you were bringing someone to the partner dinner, but I assumed it would be Ava taking pity on you.”

  “It’s just…really new. We’re taking things slow.” So new, you have no idea.

  “Well, I’m happy for you. It’s about time you had something to look forward to outside the office besides your escape plan.”

  “Our escape plan. That’s why I’m not leaving until I know that I can afford you.”

  Macy gave him a fond pat on the head and set his phone back on the desk. “And this is why you’re the only guy in the department who can keep an underling for more than a month. Eat your bagel, talk to your girl—meeting is in 10. I’m going to go gossip about you around the water cooler like a good assistant.”

  The phone buzzed again, traveling slightly across the desk. He swiped at the screen eagerly, feeling both sick and relieved. If he could convince Macy he was dating this girl, he could convince anyone. His problem would be solved. But he hated lying to the one person who he could trust at the office, even if it was a lie of omission.

  Feel free to invite Gwen Sampson along anytime. I just hope that you don’t get lonely when I’m basking in my ladycrush.

  Who the hell was this girl? He could easily read her texts in a bright mental voice, brimming over with laughter.

  Too late. My heart is broken. No more Gwen.

  I can play it cool, don’t worry. Besides, does it really matter if I’m going home to snuggle with you at the end of the night?

  Drew felt a pang in his chest. The only thing he came home to was an empty bed, an empty fridge, and a pile of laundry. Other than his mom, the only woman he had ever given a key to his place was Ava, and she was emphatically not a snuggler. For the millionth time, he wondered just what he was doing. This was stupid, lies on top of lies, and all to impress a guy he hated for a job he didn’t want.

  Then he caught sight of Macy through the glass wall of his office, neatly avoiding the groping hands of one of the junior associates. The look on her face was a mix of anger and resignation, and it made his blood boil to see someone as bright and professional as she was being treated like an object at a company where HR complaints fell on deaf ears. Drew knew she thought it was part and parcel of putting in her dues, but she deserved more—or else she might end up like him, stuck in a career he hated, and in so deep he could barely find his way to the surface.

  I’ve got to get out of this place. If this is the only way to do it unscathed, then so be it.

  As long as you’re with me, I suppose I can overlook any unrequited writer crushes.

  That’s good, because I can make no promises. ;-)

  Drew sighed. Neither can I, Emily.

  ~*~

  Caroline was trying to concentrate on Monica’s social media plan for the upcoming fundraiser, but the draw of chatting with Oliver was just too much. She hadn’t expected that this virtual girlfriend gig would actually be, well…fun. Her assigned guy was quick to respond, and it seemed like they had a lot in common. She knew their Virtual Match profiles had a lot to do with that, since the service matched employees with clients based on interests, but she was surprised with how well they seemed to be clicking.

  Her phone pinged, somewhere under the piles of papers that were scattered across her desk. She sorted them together, sighing over the extensive plan that Monica wanted to implement. Her boss could barely work her phone or keep viruses off her laptop. How the hell did she know how to use Snapchat?

  The insistent chirp of the text alert made Caroline’s stomach swoop a little. It felt like being back in college and getting a text from the cute guy in her history class or the swimmer who lived down the hall. So what if she had a little crush…already. They’d been talking all afternoon and having a blast. It wasn’t like she would ever meet the guy, so why even worry about it?

  Serious question time…

  She raised an eyebrow at the screen. Surely they couldn’t already be into serious questions.

&n
bsp; I don’t usually do serious questions before 3 in the morning, but for you, I’ll make an exception.

  Coffee or tea?

  Caroline cut her eyes at the two empty latte cups taking residence at the top of the trash can. She grabbed two on her way to the office, one for her and one for Monica, and her boss was out meeting with some donors. Surely she couldn’t let a perfectly good Java Jones creation go to waste?

  Coffee is my lifeblood and I’ll fight anyone who says I shouldn’t have caffeine.

  You’re the perfect woman, now I’m convinced. I couldn’t deal with a girl who judged me for my latte habit.

  If only he knew how not perfect she actually was. Still, it was nice to hear, even if it was part of their manufactured flirtation. This isn’t real, she reminded herself. Enjoy it, but don’t get attached. You’re practically pulling a text message Pretty Woman.

  “How’s that social media plan coming?”

  Caroline jumped like a scared cat, fumbling with her phone to keep it from jumping out of her hands and clattering across the tile floor.

  An amused smile played across Monica’s lips. “Did you have one too many espressos this afternoon? I’m pretty sure you might have just had a caffeine-induced episode.”

  “No, no, I was just focused on something and you startled me, that’s all. Seriously, am I going to have to put a bell on you? I didn’t know you were a ninja.” Caroline put her phone face down and turned to face her boss, going for casual.

  “Focused on finding a good social media scheduling program, or focused on texting with a boy?”

  Dammit. Monica was much too smart to fool, but she didn’t really want to share the whole fake relationship thing. It just felt too weird, and a little like betraying Oliver, even if he would never know.

  “Mostly the first, but a little the second?”

  “Well, well…is this why you keep dodging my dinner invites, then? It’s all starting to make sense.”

  “No, nothing like that, I just…this is new, and he’s nice, and good at flirting via phone. That’s all. I’m sorry I let myself get distracted.”

  Monica put a steadying hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. “Don’t apologize. Honestly, it’s nice to see you doing something that’s just for yourself for a change. You work so hard and let yourself get pulled in so many directions so you can take care of your mom. You deserve a little fun, Caroline.”

  She concentrated hard to stem the sudden rush of tears that pricked behind her eyes. It wasn’t her mom’s fault that she needed help to keep things going, but everything Monica said was true—and she was sick of having to be the responsible one all the time. She was still young, still figuring out her life, and having to play the parent when she was supposed to be the kid felt like too much sometimes.

  “Thanks, Mon. I promise I have been working on the social plan. I’m a little surprised by how comprehensive it is. I didn’t think you were up on the latest and greatest new social networks.”

  “Oh, I’m not. I just deleted Facebook again last week because it was making me too mad and I couldn’t figure out how to delete some idiots I went to high school with. Drew helped me come up with that, since that’s kind of what he does.”

  Caroline resisted the urge to sigh. Drew was the golden boy in his mom’s eyes, that was for sure. She didn’t want to resent him for helping, since obviously she didn’t have time to run the marketing from soup to nuts, but sometimes she wished that he wasn’t so…involved in everything, given how much Monica wanted to set them up. Hell, she’d never even met the guy before but it was practically like he was her boss.

  “Well, I’m sure it’s great.” She gave Monica what she hoped was a smile and not a grimace. “I’m glad he could find the time to help, considering how he’s never free for dinner or lunch or any other time you want to see him.”

  “Me-owch, retract claws,” Monica chuckled. “He’s busy, yeah, but for a good reason. He’s working his butt off so that he can save up and start his own PR agency. It’s his dream to be able to help nonprofits like this, but the startup costs can be pricey. I’d love to see him more, but I support him. And I can’t wait for him to stop working for that awful company. He’ll be so much happier.”

  Well, crap. Now Caroline felt a little bad about kinda trashing the guy. “I’ll say one thing for him, he puts together a pretty solid plan. I appreciate his suggestions on the social media scheduling services—I think I’ve found one that should be easy to set up.”

  “That’s great! I’ll tell him that he was useful for a change.” Monica glanced at her watch and made a face. “I’ve got a call with another potential donor…if you need me, I’ll be in my office. Keep it up…I knew you and Drew would make a good team.” She shot Caroline a wink before she turned down the hallway, missing the answering eye roll.

  Caroline’s cell phone started chattering almost immediately, but to her dismay it wasn’t an alert from Oliver. It was the main desk at Modern, which meant that Kelsie must be bored on the afternoon shift.

  “Hey Kels, what’s up?”

  “Hello, this is Sophie Madison with Modern magazine. Please hold for Shelby Randall.”

  Oh, shitsticks. The annoyingly generic hold music gave her just enough time to wipe her suddenly sweaty hands on her skirt and plug in her headset. If she was going to be talking to the big boss, she didn’t want to chance launching her phone across the room if she got too nervous.

  “Carrie!” Shelby’s loud voice trilled over the line. “How’s my newest star feature writer?”

  “I’m well, thank you. And it’s Caroline, not Carrie.”

  Shelby’s absent dismissal was clear even over the phone. “Yes, fine, whatever. They don’t pay me to know your names. I just wanted to check in on your assignment with Virtual Match myself, since the publisher is very interested in this story. Did they get you all set up and working already? Sophie told me you were supposed to go to orientation this morning.”

  “Yes, ma’am, I went to orientation and started talking to my assigned match almost immediately. Their app for employees is really easy to use, and it shows up on the recipient’s phone or email server like a regular message.”

  “Oh, don’t call me ma’am, that makes me feel about a thousand years old! So does Ms. Randall. Call me Shelby.”

  Shelby’s tittering laugh was about as fake as the rest of her. She turned on and off like a light switch, one minute fawning over an employee like they were her newest protégé and the next thing you knew, they were on the elevator with their desk packed in a box. Her sudden attention made Caroline’s stomach clench with dread—it was bad enough to be nervous about her first big assignment, but one that the editor and publisher were counting on was well into the territory of spontaneous nausea.

  "Okay...Shelby. Thank you."

  "So what's he like, your match? I can't image in what a service for undateable people is like. Is it all mouth breathers in ill-fitting polyester?"

  "Well, if the picture on his profile is his, then he looks quite nice without a shirt," Caroline said without thinking. The image of Oliver's torso flashed in front of her eyes like it had been conjured. Abs like that really should be worshipped properly. Slowly. Repeatedly.

  Shelby's indelicate snort was somehow louder over the phone than it was in person. "I highly doubt a guy who had to go online to find not even a date, but a fake date, is looking good in or out of a shirt."

  "Well, he seems pretty nice so far at least. No awkward questions or anything. He's funny."

  "Give it time. The real guy will come out soon enough, and when he does, that's your story. Like I said in the editorial meeting, when the shit hits the fan, we'll be on the inside to get the scoop."

  The feeling of dread in the pit of Caroline's stomach intensified. "I thought it was just supposed to be a behind-the-scenes look at the service, maybe with a little bit of startup flavor."

  "If we want a boring, short feature, then sure. But I just have a feeling on this one..
.it has a hint of potential life-ruining drama. Senators finding a sexting partner, underage fake girlfriend ring, something. The pressure is on for us to start pulling some national notice, so I'm counting on you to make this good."

  "I'll stay alert, definitely. But it really doesn't feel like that at all, I swear. The managers seem on the up and up, nobody working there is younger than 21, and everything is anonymous and safe—they only show us what the matches have on their profile, no more. I'm even using a different name, which they recommended in the safety briefing."

  Shelby's exasperation was starting to leak over the phone line. "Well, keep your eyes open for the best angle on the story. It's there, and it's up to you to find it."

  Caroline opened her mouth to answer, but the line went abruptly dead. The crazy woman hung up on her! She wasn't particularly surprised, considering how often she just got up and left editorial meetings that were booked to last another hour. But she didn't like being the focus of Shelby's attention...or wrath.

  Was a byline really going to be worth it? She had started to feel so much better about the assignment after that morning, but now she wasn't so sure. This fake girlfriend thing was going to be a source of some real anxiety.

  Everything okay over there? You got awfully quiet after I mentioned my latte habit. Needed to get a caffeine fix? ;-)

  Caroline couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face when the phone buzzed with Oliver’s latest text message. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, as long as he kept her smiling and she could ignore the flutter of anticipation that twisted her stomach. This was business, not real life. She could enjoy her job without getting in too deep.

  Too bad I don’t have a cute boy around to bring me Java Jones.

  My favorite! I used to just get a plain latte, but now I can’t get one without the caramel drizzle. It’s so much better.

  Believe it or not, I have two empty caramel lattes in the trash right now.

  See? I knew you were the perfect woman.

  She was so, so screwed.