Behind The Lies

by Dahlgren , Heather

  Me: I hope everything is good. I miss you so much. Can’t wait to hear your voice.

  After I hit send, I leave the studio and find Kallie in her kitchen. She’s on the phone and my heart leaps. I rush over and look at her. She shakes her head and tells me it’s Jax.

  Why the hell haven’t we heard anything? He had to have had a small break at some point. It’s not like this is a damn murder case. My nerves are getting the best of me, but I try to shake it off.

  “I didn’t realize it was so late. Did you try to get ahold of Braden?” she asks.

  “I texted him but haven’t heard back.”

  “I’ll try calling. I know it’s late, but if you wanna go home and shower, we can still order pizza or something,” she suggests.

  I nod as she presses the phone against her ear. It’s almost nine. Court happened over twelve hours ago. Something is wrong. I feel it.

  “Damn, no answer,” she mumbles.

  “I’m gonna go home and shower. I have a bad feeling something is wrong. He wouldn’t ignore both of us. We need to make sure he’s alright,” I say, grabbing my purse.

  Kallie agrees with me and gives me a quick hug as I leave. The excitement of the shoot is overshadowed by worry now. Braden isn’t answering and that means shit went bad. The overwhelming urge to help him is bringing tears to my eyes. I can’t help if I don’t know where the hell he is.

  When I pull up to the house, I almost jump out before putting the car in park. Braden’s truck is in the driveway. He must’ve wanted to surprise me.

  I rush inside with a huge smile on my face. “Braden?” He walks in from outside and closes the door behind him. He looks devastated and my heart sinks. I rush over to him and when I try to wrap my arms around him, he steps back. “What happened?”

  He never steps away from me. He always wants me closer. My stomach is churning as I wring my hands together. His eyes are red and it’s not from drinking, he’s been crying. A tear runs down my cheek as I look into his defeated eyes.

  “McKinley why are you here?” he whispers.

  My heart pounds in my chest and I wrap my arms around myself. “What?”

  He snaps his head up to look at me, anger taking over his normally gentle features. “Why the fuck did you really come here? Was it to find family or was it to use my family?”

  I can’t stop the tears as they run down my face. He knows and there’s no going back now.

  “Answer me,” he yells.

  “Braden,” I whisper, wiping my tears.

  He moves a little closer and I can feel the anger rolling off of him. “The first night you got here I asked you why you were here. I asked what your agenda was. You told me it was to find family not to cause problems. You made me out to be the asshole for questioning you, but that was because I was right. You were here with an agenda, weren’t you?” he hisses.

  I’m sick to my stomach watching the anger and pain I’ve caused the man I love. I search his rage-filled eyes as I choke back a sob. What can I say? He is right.

  “Fuck,” he yells, turning and punching a hole in the wall.

  I can’t find the words. I’m rooted in place. The pain he is feeling, the defeat is because of me.

  The door slamming shut causes me to jump and when the silence hits me, I know it’s over. Everything I love, I destroyed. A cry, unlike anything I’ve ever heard before rips out of me as I bend at my waist.

  I lost him.

  Chapter 20

  Braden

  * * *

  My hand is throbbing, and my knuckles are bleeding as I drive over to Jax’s. I won custody of the girls and brought them back with me. They are at my mom’s right now. I didn’t tell her anything. I simply said I needed help and as always, she helped no questions asked. She, of course, cried when she found out I won custody and was thrilled to have the girls.

  I texted Kallie and told her I need to talk. She called several times, but I’m not doing this twice. I can only handle saying McKinley used us all one time. I can’t fucking believe I let her in and fell in love with her and it was all a lie. I was a steppingstone in her fucking career. The best connection, other than Blake, to get close to the top photographer there is.

  I’ve done nothing but think of all the time we spend together, trying to see if I could now see the lie. I can’t. Everything I think back on seems so genuine. It makes this that much worse.

  With Sarah, she was a bitch, and it was obvious something was going on. With McKinley, she was sweet and caring. She seemed to want me as badly as I wanted her. I’ll give her credit, she was convincing. It just makes it hurt that much more.

  I pull up to Jax’s, gripping the steering wheel. “Fuck,” I hiss, feeling the pain in my hand.

  The walk to the backyard is dreadful. Once I say all this out loud there is no way for me to pretend it isn’t happening. I’m crushed and I fucking hate that I need to go crush them too.

  “Braden, what the hell is going on?” Kallie asks, wrapping her arms around me. I hiss when she hits my hand, and she quickly pulls away. When she sees the busted knuckles, her eyes snap up to mine. “Braden.”

  “Let’s talk,” I say, walking toward the table.

  Jax, Blake, and London are sitting there, and I try to control my emotions. Blake is going to be fucking crushed. He was so damn excited to have a sister to look out for.

  “Here,” Jax says, handing me a beer.

  I graciously accept it and sit down. They are all staring at me so I tip back the beer, hoping it will relax me. “I got custody of the girls,” I say.

  They all visibly relax and start talking loudly. The concerned faces change to smiles as they congratulate me. I nod, sipping my beer as they continue.

  “Okay, that’s good news. So, what’s wrong?” Jax asks.

  Once he does the others stop talking and they all look at me again. I scrub my face and the pain in my hand is nothing compared to the pain in my heart. It’s just as physical, just as real, but so much worse.

  “Sarah brought up McKinley,” I begin.

  “I’ll fucking kill her,” Blake growls.

  I shake my head as I look at him. “McKinley didn’t come here looking for you or for family. She came here to use all of us. She wanted to be rich and famous. When she found out you were her brother, she decided to take advantage of it. She used all of us and we all let her without question,” I say.

  They all exchange looks, except for Blake. His hard eyes are focused on me. “Bullshit,” he hisses.

  “Sarah went and spoke to her mother, who also sent this letter to the judge. It’s all true,” I say, placing the letter on the table.

  Jax and London read it, but Kallie comes to sit next to me. She rests her head on my shoulder and it takes every ounce of self-control to not break down. Blake is still staring at me. I know how he’s feeling. He doesn’t want to believe it because it hurts too much.

  “No, nope, fuck this,” Blake says, standing up.

  London gets up to stop him from leaving, but that’s not what he’s doing. He’s pacing, grabbing his hair, as he shakes his head.

  “He doesn’t wanna believe it,” I say.

  “Neither do you,” Kallie whispers.

  I look down at her and my eyes fill with tears. “No, I don’t.”

  “Oh, Braden,” she says, trying to wrap her arms around me.

  Blake slams his hands down on the table and Jax stands up. “Chill, brother.”

  Blake snaps his eyes to Jax and holds his hands up. “I’m chill. I’m good.” He backs up a little and scrubs his face. “She might not have come here looking for family, but that’s what she fucking got. She didn’t know me, didn’t know us. She tried to use a situation to her advantage and fuck any of you if you say you’ve never done that. Maybe she came here looking for fame, but she found a hell of a lot more. She isn’t using any of us. Maybe it was her intention, but that shit changed. She changed.” He looks at me and crosses his arms. “What did she say when you talked t
o her?”

  I look around at them all and shrug. “She didn’t say anything. She cried and stayed quiet.”

  “And then what?” Blake asks.

  Kallie stands up and moves to Jax’s side. “Braden, did you even let her explain?” she asks.

  They are all staring at me and I feel ganged up on. I stand up, shaking my head. “Her fucking silence was all I needed to hear. She lied. She had plenty of time to tell us, to tell me, but she didn’t. She stuck with her story.”

  “Look, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be upset. She lied, but don’t you think maybe Blake is right? Maybe once she was here things changed and she did want family. I never got the vibe from her that she was using any of us,” Jax says, lifting his shoulders.

  Kallie looks between me and Blake. “When she first got here, she did seem more interested in the modeling aspect of things. I thought she was just curious about it all. But I’ve worked with her a lot over the last few months and obviously, she’s grateful for the opportunities, but all she ever does is talk about all of us, especially Braden. I saw the sincerity in her eyes. I know you have trust issues because of Sarah, but do you think maybe you let that get the best of you with McKinley?”

  I grab the back of my neck looking at them all. “Seriously?”

  “You didn’t even give her a chance to explain,” Blake says.

  “Braden, you and I are similar with the trust of people. It took me a long time to trust Blake and his intentions. I’m not telling you how to feel or how to react, that is unstoppable. What I’m saying is everyone should be given a chance to tell their story. Hear her story. It might not have the ending that you are expecting it to have. A lot of people give up a few chapters in because they don’t think it will turn out good. When that happens, you don’t get the full story. You need to finish the story to see how it all ends,” London says.

  “Damn, that was good,” Blake says, kissing her cheek.

  I blow out a breath and sit down, resting my face in my hands. I don’t know what the hell to do. I understand what they are all saying, but I’m fucking hurt. I think I deserve a minute to lick my wounds.

  “You’ve had an emotional day between winning custody of the girls and McKinley. Go home, get some sleep, and start over tomorrow. We just want what’s best for you and McKinley brought that happiness out in you. Go talk to her in the morning and take it from there,” Kallie says, resting her hand on my shoulder.

  I don’t argue. I hug them all and leave. She’s right. This has been the longest, most emotional day I’ve ever had. A hot shower and comfortable bed might help.

  I wake up, reaching over for McKinley. Realization crashes around me and I open my eyes. The empty spot in the bed that she usually fills, stares back at me. I sit up and look down at my knuckles. They’re a little swollen and cut up, but they feel better. I wish I could say the same for my heart.

  Everything they said last night made sense. I may have let my emotions get the best of me. I need to go talk to her this morning and hear her story.

  After I get dressed, I call my mom to check on the girls. Listening to them excited in the background brings a smile to my face. I will never need to miss the sound again. She tells me she’s taking them shopping with Kallie and I smile. I’ve got almost everyone I love back.

  The drove over to McKinley’s seems to take longer than ever before. My brows dip when I see her car isn’t there. I get out and knock on the door, but when there is no answer, I try the handle. It opens and I step inside.

  “McKinley?”

  I stop short when I realize all her things are gone. I rush to the bedroom and tear open the closet, finding it open. The drawers are empty, everything is empty. She’s gone.

  I don’t know if she left because she was caught in a lie or because I pushed her away. I sit down on the bed, shaking my head.

  Everything in this house is empty, including me.

  Chapter 21

  McKinley

  * * *

  I crack my eyes open and the light coming in through the dirty window on this beat-up trailer, shines through. Coming back here, to the place that treated me like a failure, makes me feel just that. I failed. The look on Braden’s face said it all. It doesn’t matter that everything changed once I got to know them. They will never look at me the same again. They’ll see me as the girl who rode into town and took advantage of their generosity.

  Leaving was the only option I had and since I failed it was only right, I ended up where I started. The last few months have been the happiest of my life. It had nothing to do with modeling and everything to do with the amazing people I was surrounded by. The support, connection, and love they all have that they extended to me. Blake welcomed me with open arms, and it was amazing having a real family. A brother that had my back no matter what. Jax, Kallie, and London were like the extended family I never had. They make you feel welcome and it’s genuine.

  But Braden, damn. He owns my heart and soul. I will never love again. It’s impossible when I gave it all away to him. I never truly knew what love was until Braden. My heart is crushed, and I don’t think I will ever be the same.

  It’s been a couple of days since I left, and I miss him so much that I physically hurt. I’ve played out every romantic moment, every time we had sex, every sweet word he’s ever said to me. I’ve cried so much I could possibly be dehydrated. That smile that lights up his face when he would see me, the way his eyes would soften when I spoke, the way he had to have me close, it’s gone. I’ll never experience the joy on his face when he watches his daughters. I’ll miss out on them growing up and it makes the pain so much worse. I love them too.

  “McKinley?”

  I groan as I climb out of bed, slipping on my robe. The door to the trailer slams closed and I lean against the doorway of my tiny room.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask.

  She tilts her head and smiles. “Is that any way to talk to your mama?”

  “Yes, Mama it is. I learned a lot of things the last few months and one of them was what a good parent is. A good parent doesn’t put themselves first. They are willing to give up everything for their children. They are happy just to spend time with their children. A good parent doesn’t make their child feel like they are the reason for everything bad that happens. A good parent helps their child, they don’t tell them they are reaching too high.” I shake my head when she sits down, picking at her nails. She doesn’t give a shit what I have to say. She never did. “What do you want Mama?”

  She looks up at me and frowns. “I wanted to see if you were alright?”

  I groan grabbing a water off the counter. “Seriously, what are you doing here?”

  “I’m a little short on cash and I know you said you were making good money. How about loaning me some cash?” she asks.

  Without saying a word, I walk back into the bedroom and try to slam the bifold door. It nearly falls off so I yell out my frustration and throw my water bottle. I hate this town. I hate this trailer. I hate my mother. She always takes and never gives. She doesn’t care about me, never has.

  “I’ll come back,” she yells, letting the door slam against the trailer.

  My tears begin again. I saw firsthand what it was like to be loved by your mother and your father. Braden and Kallie’s mom is the perfect example. Her eyes smile when she’s around her children. She loves and respects them, and they love and respect her. Which is why Braden is such an amazing father. He learned from the best.

  There’s a knock on the door and I pull at my hair. She’s not going to give up until I give her money or get the fuck out of here. I ignore her while I get dressed. She knocks again and I ignore it while I grab another water. She knocks again and I run over to the door.

  “Mama, go the fuck home.” I freeze and step back. “Braden?”

  I stare at him and shame washes over me. He now knows everything. He knows this shitty town, this rusted trailer, and that I lied. Yet, he’s still standing there wa
tching me.

  “What are you doing here? How did you find me?” I whisper.

  “I got in touch with your mother because I need to talk to you,” he says.

  “You talked to my mother?” I ask, covering my face.

  “She’s lovely,” he says.

  I remove my hands and lift my eyebrow. “You’re full of shit.”

  He smirks, nodding. “Oh yeah, I totally am. Can I come in?”

  I look behind me and blow out a breath. No more hiding. “Yeah,” I say, pushing the screen door open.

  When he steps inside, he doesn’t even look around. He keeps his focus on me. I look down at the crappy floor before lifting my watery eyes to him. “I’m sorry, Braden.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to talk. I’d like to hear you out now,” he says.

  I wring my hands together and bite my lip. “I did come out to California to meet Blake and get in with him, Jax, and Kallie. But, within the first few days, I knew I walked into something so much more than I was expecting. I didn’t know how close everyone was. I didn’t realize the love and support you all had. Once I not only saw it but felt it, I didn’t want to be there for any other reason. I wanted to be a part of something bigger than modeling or wealth. I wanted to be a part of a huge extended family. And I was. You all accepted me without question, and it changed me. But nothing changed me as much as you. When I first saw you, I wanted you, but when I got to know you, I realized I needed you. Once I had you, I fell in love with you. I never had any intentions of hurting you or anyone else. I didn’t tell you why I came because it didn’t matter anymore. It wasn’t the reason I was there. I was there because I found family, acceptance, and the love of my life.”

  The tears are running down my face as my eyes bounce between his. I want him to hold his arms open and hold me close. I want to feel his lips pressed against mine. I want him to forgive me and give me another chance. But he hasn’t even moved, so I think this is a final goodbye.