Finding Lexie

by Susan Stoker

  “Gone. She left when I was little. I barely remember her. She and my dad fought all the time. My memories are of yelling and me hiding in my room when they went at it. Anyway, we moved around a lot, which was why I ended up in Portland my senior year.” Thinking about that year, and when she’d met Midas for the first time, made her think about how difficult school had been for her. “I’m not stupid,” she said a little fiercer than she intended.

  “I never said you were…” Midas told her, sounding confused.

  She felt his fingers lightly stroking the arm that was around his belly. She didn’t know when he’d started doing so, but she couldn’t deny that it felt amazing…comforting.

  “Sorry. That came out of left field. I was thinking about school and how hard it was for me. My grades weren’t great. I just…I’m dyslexic. And because we moved so much, and my dad was too concerned about getting money for his booze, he never bothered to get me tested. School was hell. Letters were all jumbled on the page for me and I did my best to hide how lost I was most of the time. I don’t blame the teachers for not catching on, I cheated on tests a lot.” She shrugged. “And there was always someone smarter, or dumber, than me for them to concentrate on. I fell through the cracks.”

  “Shit, Lex—” Midas began.

  But she interrupted him. “No, it’s fine. My dad didn’t help, laughing at me and calling me stupid when I’d bring home my report card. And I’m not looking for sympathy, but I can remember just about every time someone was nice to me when I was growing up, since it happened so rarely.

  “There was this girl, her name was Renee, and we were in fourth grade together, I think. We were at recess and she asked if I wanted to play with her. It was the first time anyone had ever asked me that. We played on the swings and ran around together at recess for the rest of the year. I was so happy. The next year, she was in a different class and she got new friends, but I’m still grateful for that year.

  “Then at one of my junior high schools, a boy noticed that I was sitting by myself at lunch, without eating, and he bought me a cookie. I could go on, but… I’m sure you get it. When you’re invisible and someone finally sees you, and does something nice, it sticks with you.

  “And I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty about your own upbringing, or anything you’ve done in the past. I’m just trying to explain why I am the way I am. Though not very clearly,” she admitted, chuckling lightly. “To most people, including my own father, I was invisible. I see the invisible, Midas. They call to me, and I can’t help but be nice to them. To try to help them. It gives me such satisfaction, and I hope that maybe, just maybe, someday they’ll remember when someone did something nice for them, and they’ll pass it along. The world needs more nice and less hate.”

  “Yes, it does,” Midas agreed.

  “And while I’m thinking about it, thank you for not pitching a fit when Mrs. Allen stuck you with me for that project.”

  “Lex,” Midas began, but she talked over him again.

  “No, I’m serious. I know I was the last person you wanted to work with. You had your eye on Candace, and she was certainly pissed she wasn’t paired up with you. But you still smiled at me, and you didn’t make me feel as if I was a burden.”

  “You worked your ass off on that project,” Midas said. “And had some damn good ideas.”

  She shrugged. “I’m sure you could’ve gotten an A if you were with someone else. I wasn’t much help in typing up the paper.”

  “Hey, I was pleased as hell with that B we got. I enjoyed talking with you, Lexie. I’m just sorry I was so clueless about your situation.”

  “Don’t be,” she told him. “There was no way for you to know, and I certainly wasn’t going to tell you anything about it and make you feel sorry for me. Besides, you’re one of those good memories I was talking about a second ago. School sucked for me. But because of you, I can look back at my senior year and have at least a few good memories.”

  Midas hadn’t relaxed under her. If anything, he seemed to be more tense now than he was earlier. Lexie hadn’t meant to upset him.

  “You still talk to your dad?” he asked after a moment.

  “No. He died a few years ago. Cirrhosis of the liver.”

  “Good.”

  The single word was said with a venom that Lexie hadn’t heard from Midas in the hours since he’d been by her side.

  “He didn’t deserve you. I understand more about why you are the way you are, and why you do what you do now. No father should tell their child he or she is stupid. And you said you weren’t abused, but you absolutely were, Lex. I’m sorry that happened, but you got the last laugh. I hope he died a painful and lonely death and is looking down on you now, regretting every damn harsh word he said to you.”

  “Midas,” Lexie protested, but he kept going.

  “The fact that Astur didn’t hesitate to help you doesn’t surprise me in the least. You’re a shining light of goodness in an otherwise dark and difficult life. You were there for her and her children when she needed kindness the most. Don’t change, Lex. Ever. The world needs more people like you. You balance out people like me.”

  Lexie shook her head. “No, Midas, you’re a good man.”

  He chuckled, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “You don’t know me.”

  “Okay, fair point, but I don’t know anyone who would’ve done for me what you’ve done. You stayed by my side, didn’t wait for the doctor to put in that IV so I could get some fluids. You didn’t leave me when things went sideways, even though we both know you could’ve gotten away a lot faster without me hanging off you. You trusted me when I said Astur would help us, and you didn’t complain or hesitate to climb in this hole with me. In case it’s escaped your notice, this would’ve been a lot more comfortable without me in here with you.”

  “And that’s another thing that makes me so pissed off on your behalf,” Midas retorted. “The fact that you don’t know anyone who would’ve done the decent thing to help you is ridiculous.”

  She shook her head, not sure how to make Midas understand. “I’m not like the Candaces of the world,” she told him. “People don’t bend over backward to open doors for me, to buy me lunch, or go out of their way to get to know me. But don’t feel sorry for me. I’m okay with that. I’ve learned to enjoy being by myself. I can do what I want, live where I want, and if I want to spend my paycheck on a needy family who lives down the street, I can do so without having to worry about what someone might think.”

  “I’ll say it again, the world needs more Lexies in it than Candaces.”

  His words felt good. But she had a feeling he was probably just saying that because of the situation.

  “You don’t believe me,” Midas said with uncanny insight.

  “I believe that you mean that right now, in this situation, yes,” she said diplomatically.

  She felt him shake his head. “I wish your dad was still alive. I would’ve liked to pay him a visit and tell him what an idiot he was.”

  Lexie laughed. She couldn’t help it.

  “What?” he asked.

  “My dad wouldn’t care. He never cared what people thought about him.”

  “My parents would love you,” Midas told her.

  Lexie jolted slightly. “What? No.”

  “They would,” he insisted. “They’re always telling me I don’t smile enough. They complain that I’m not nice enough to people. I mean, I’m not an asshole, but I don’t go out of my way to befriend people, and my job has made me cynical and a little untrusting. You? You’re nice to everyone. They’d love you.”

  Lexie didn’t know what to say to that. She shifted in Midas’s arms and winced when a bead of sweat rolled down her temple. The scrubs she had on felt damp from the heat and sweat, and the shower she’d taken recently felt as if it was forever ago.

  “You okay?” Midas asked.

  “Just hot. But that’s better than shot or re-kidnapped,” she said quickly.

&nb
sp; “Always looking on the bright side of things,” Midas said lightly.

  “It doesn’t help to be negative all the time,” she told him. “All that does is make the situation seem worse.”

  “True.”

  “I mean, there could be bugs in this hole,” she said, then felt Midas shiver under her.

  “I hate bugs,” he said.

  Lexie couldn’t help but laugh. “The big bad SEAL hates bugs?” she asked.

  “Yup. I’ll take snakes and alligators, and even bats over bugs.”

  “Bugs in general don’t bother me,” Lexie admitted. “They’re actually kind of fascinating. But I can’t stand cockroaches. Those things give me the creeps.”

  “How’re your feet?” Midas asked after a minute or two.

  Lexie let out a sigh.

  “What?”

  “You change subjects faster than anyone I’ve ever met. One second we’re talking about bugs, then you’re asking about my feet.”

  “I’ll give you a little insight into my mind,” he said. “We were talking about bugs, which got me to thinking about the sand flea bites you have from the desert. Which led me to thinking about the hospital and how happy you looked after your shower. And then I started thinking about how much I liked your hair. It seems to have a mind of its own. Then I recalled how happy you were to have the scrubs to put on, when a lot of people would be upset they didn’t have their own clothes. Which made me remember how smooth your skin was when I put in the IV, and finally, your skin made me think about your feet without shoes as we escaped from the hospital. I can’t sit up and examine them myself right now because, well, neither of us can move even an inch in this coffin-like space, so I decided to at least ask how your feet felt.”

  “Um…wow. Okay. That actually made sense. They’re okay. I haven’t worn shoes in a long time. I mean, I had flip-flops, but they were cheap and hurt my feet. So I went without them most of the time. My soles are tough, and honestly, I was more concerned about getting away from the people who were willing to set off explosives in a freaking hospital than about my feet.”

  “Right. I’ll look at them when we get out of here.”

  “When we get out of here, we’ll probably need to get to your team. There won’t be time to have a sit-down and put a bandage on my booboos,” she told him.

  “So you admit that you’re hurt? Where? What hurts? Maybe we can wiggle around to—”

  “I’m fine, Midas, seriously. And we can’t wiggle anywhere.”

  He sighed. After a moment, he said, “You called me Midas.”

  Getting used to his abrupt change of topics, and secretly finding it cute as hell, Lexie just went with it. “It’s what your friends all call you. Do you not like it?”

  “Elodie calls Mustang by his name, Scott.”

  Lexie wasn’t sure what his point was. “Would you rather I call you Pierce?” she asked.

  He shrugged. “I want you to call me what you want to call me. I have to admit it would be weird to hear my real name, though. I know it doesn’t faze Mustang to hear his name, but the only people who call me Pierce are my parents and brother and sister.”

  “I know teachers all called you Pierce, but it’s hard for me to think of you that way. I guess it’s because I’ve seen you in SEAL mode. And a SEAL named Pierce just doesn’t seem to fit.”

  He chuckled. “Your first name isn’t Lexie, but that’s what you go by,” he said. “There a reason?”

  “My mom chose the name Elizabeth. When she left, my dad decided he hated that name and told me in no uncertain terms that he was going to call me Lexie, and that I should get used to that name instead. I was too young to really understand or care. And when I did get old enough to understand… I agreed with him. So I kept Lexie.”

  “It’s a pretty name. Unique.”

  Shit. This man was killing her. She knew she was probably reading more into the situation than she should, but they’d definitely been through some intense moments in the last half a day, which made her feel even closer to him than she might’ve otherwise. “So what happens next?” she asked.

  “We wait,” he said immediately.

  “No, I mean, after we get out of here and meet up with your team and leave Galkayo?”

  He shook his head. “There’s that positivity you have going on again,” he muttered.

  “What? You’d rather me lie here and believe someone will find us, kill you, and drag me off into the desert again to ask for a ransom they’ll probably never get, so eventually they’ll get tired of having to feed me and bring me water and they’ll either sell me off to someone else to use and abuse or just kill me outright, leaving my body in the desert to be picked off by flesh-eating birds and sand fleas?”

  “Good God, woman. No! Shit.”

  “I tend to be positive, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be negative,” she told him.

  “Obviously. So, right, when we get out of this hole, meet back up with my team, and get the hell out of here, we’ll do what we’d planned all along. Fly to the Navy ship. You’ll get some food, be looked over by another doctor, then arrangements will be made to get you back to the States. Food For All will be contacted, and I’m assuming they’ll be thrilled that you’re all right, and they’ll arrange for you to go back to the States to recover from your ordeal. You have a home base?”

  Lexie sighed. At no point in Midas’s description of what was ahead of them did he mention keeping in touch. She kind of expected that. She was a job for him. But it still stung a bit. “Not really. I mean, I guess Oregon is as much a home base as anywhere. When I got my first overseas assignment, I didn’t have much in the way of furniture. I left most of my stuff—you know, extra clothes, books, knickknacks, things like that—at my dad’s house. The landlord basically got rid of everything after he died. I never really missed any of the stuff I left with my dad though. I’ve collected some things over the years, but Food For All packs up and moves my belongings when I switch locations, kind of like the military does when service members go to a different post.”

  Midas nodded. “Makes sense.”

  When he didn’t say anything else, Lexie closed her eyes. She didn’t know what she’d expected him to say. That he wanted her to move to Hawaii? That was ridiculous.

  “Do you think it would be all right for me to close my eyes for a while?” she asked, doing her best to keep any emotion from leaking into her voice.

  “Sure. It’s probably a good idea. I don’t know how long we’ll be down here. It’s probably smart for us to lay low until the sun goes down. Then we can head out under the cover of darkness. You going to be okay without something to eat for that long? I’m kicking myself for not making sure you got something in the hospital.”

  “I’m fine.” And she was. Because of her time in the desert, she was used to going long stretches without food. And the water she drank and the fluids she’d gotten before having to escape the hospital would be enough to keep her going until nightfall.

  “Then go ahead and sleep,” Midas said.

  “I’m not too heavy against you? I could probably move off you a bit,” she offered, kind of hoping he’d agree. She desperately needed space from this man. He’d gotten under her skin, and she had an awful feeling it was going to break her heart when he left her on the Navy ship.

  “Too heavy? Not a chance, Lex. Stay. I like having you here.”

  Shit. No one had ever made her feel as safe and special as he did. Could a thirty-three-year-old woman have a crush?

  Yes, she decided. Definitely.

  Without another word, Lexie closed her eyes. The man under her smelled like sweat and gun oil and leather, but for some reason, it didn’t bother her. Probably because she knew she was also sweaty and not so fresh at the moment. But she much preferred Midas’s scent than that of someone who wore too much cologne and smelled like processed perfumes.

  “Midas?” she whispered.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for coming to get me.”


  She could’ve sworn she felt him kiss the top of her head, but figured it was just wishful thinking.

  “Thank you for being the strong and positive woman you are. This really would’ve sucked if you did nothing but bitch and complain about the accommodations.”

  Lexie smiled, though she was having a hard time staying positive all of a sudden.

  She’d feel better when she woke up. When she was tired, negative thoughts seemed to sneak into her brain a little easier. By nightfall, she’d have a better handle on her emotions.

  Also, sleeping would give her a respite from falling any harder for the man under her.

  The last thing she felt before she succumbed to the lure of exhaustion was Midas’s fingers lightly stroking her arm.

  Chapter Six

  Midas stared at the boards inches from his head. He didn’t know how long Lexie had been asleep against him, but he figured it was several hours.

  He couldn’t sleep. He was too hyper alert to the movements above them. People came and went from the back door inches from their hiding spot, and he kept his right hand on the rifle at his side.

  He had no idea what his team was doing, but he figured they were hunkered down somewhere waiting for the sun to fall below the horizon, just as he was. He had no concerns that they’d leave without him. A SEAL never left a SEAL behind. Ever. They’d wait as long as it took for him to come out of hiding.

  Midas also wondered what had happened back at the hospital. He hoped Dagmar had been able to be extracted without any complications.

  As they had all day, his thoughts turned to the woman lying practically on top of him. He’d been right when he’d thought this mission was unlike any other. Not only was it the first in which he personally knew one of the hostages…but he was feeling things for Lexie that he’d never felt for anyone he’d saved before.

  He’d hated hearing about her difficult childhood. How she could be so good, so kind, after being treated the way she had was beyond him. But she was. The way Astur greeted her was proof that it wasn’t an exaggeration either. She’d saved that woman’s life, and probably her kids’ lives too, taken them in without asking for anything in return. And Astur was clearly grateful.