Ruined

by EM BROWN

  “Then are you coming in tomorrow? I really need you.”

  I think about my job and how I’m letting Mrs. Ruiz down, the studying I’m supposed to be doing, the fact that I don’t want to spend more time under the same roof as Eric.

  “Can I...can I call you back in a few hours?” I ask.

  “Okay, but don’t forget.”

  She knows I’m a responsible employee. Or at least I was before I decided to do this crazy thing of selling my virginity.

  Turning around, I wave at Benjamin as his driver pulls away from the house.

  “Your cousin seems really nice,” I say to Tony.

  His pupils constrict momentarily before relaxing. “He’s not bad for family.”

  I hesitate at the threshold of the front door to Eric’s temporary home. I didn’t want to tell Tony what happened with Eric for a number of reasons. I haven’t sorted things out for my own sake, and it doesn’t feel like something you confide in with a guy, let alone one you barely know. A guy might be more empathetic to Eric’s position and dismiss my reaction as overblown, like Sierra did.

  Part of me wants to run and cry to Lila about it, but I don’t want to make her fret about me. So my roommate Talia would probably be the one I would talk to. She’d want to kick Eric’s balls, and I’m not sure that I’m up for battle mode. Maybe because part of me feels like I’m partly at fault. I was someone willing to sell my virginity to a stranger, so that must send a signal to Eric that I’m a certain type of girl. And even though I can reason to myself that it shouldn’t matter what sort of girl I present myself as, a man doesn’t have a right to grope me, I still feel oddly guilty.

  My feelings don’t make sense to me, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about all this, and I’m just not ready to talk to anyone about it.

  But I have to tell Tony something. I have to tell him why I don’t want to stay here. And then come up with what to do instead.

  Don’t just complain, Pastor Johnson likes to say. Be part of the solution.

  “What’s the matter?” Tony asks.

  I realize he’s opened the door and I haven’t stepped through.

  “I was thinking about work,” I reply. “I just got a call from Mrs. Ruiz.”

  Tony seems to ponder something when Eric shows up. My spine straightens, and my pulse quickens. I stand closer to Tony.

  But Eric doesn’t even seem to see me and addresses Tony, “I just found out Stephen Antonis is in town. His family was there on the ground floor of Mykonos and Cofu. He’s up for having drinks with us, but we’d have to leave in like twenty minutes.”

  Tony glances at me.

  “We should leave the women here,” Eric says. “They’d be an unnecessary distraction.”

  “Are you okay?” Tony asks me.

  “Definitely,” I reply, glad that Eric will be gone soon. “Go. I’m going to catch up on studying.”

  Instead of studying, however, I turn over the day's events in my mind over and over again, replaying what had happened in the kitchen and at the restaurant as if I could change what happened just by thinking about it. I'm upset with myself for letting it get to me. I want to be with Tony, but can I endure a week under Eric's roof? Can I take being in his company for a few minutes, let alone several days? Though I have the feeling he would protect me against Eric, I can't expect to be at Tony's side the whole time. Maybe I can see if Tony is willing to stay in a hotel instead. I feel bad asking him to do that, and maybe he'll decline, in which case I have to decide whether to put up with Eric or forgo my chance of earning twenty thousand dollars. Maybe I just need to stand up to Eric. Just like his dad, he probably gets away with all kinds of crap. Someone has to stand up to him. Maybe I can get a shred of my dignity back that way.

  I told Mrs. Ruiz that I would call her back in a few hours. I'll tell her I need another day of rest. I feel bad about that, too. But twenty thousand dollars is worth the misery and the guilt.

  Actually, that's kind of a selfish way of thinking about it. Mrs. Ruiz doesn't gain anything out of this. She'll probably have to rely on Rosa or Mrs. Park to work overtime. That may or may not be a good thing for my coworkers.

  Sierra wanders into my room again, and I try not to groan audibly. She smacks her chewing gum.

  "You have fun hanging out with the Lee men?" she asks.

  "It was nice getting to know Benjamin," I reply stiffly.

  "I was looking him up on the Internet and guess what I came across."

  She holds up her large screen cellphone. It’s some blog or news column. I see a photo of Tony, his arm around the waist of a beautiful Asian woman. She has perfectly manicured brows and plump rosy lips. She doesn't wear long fake eyelashes, but she doesn't have to. In the picture, Tony is leaning in toward her as if he's about to kiss her or whisper something in her ear. The caption below the photograph as well as the article are in Chinese.

  "So this is Tony's girlfriend?" I inquire with a sinking heart.

  Sierra looks at her phone. "Oh, more than that. I dropped the text into Google Translate, and here's what it says."

  She pulls up a different window on the browser to show me. Taking the phone, I scan the words about the engagement between billionaire developer Tony Lee and Hong Kong actress Carmen Cheong. I stop and remember what I had overheard Benjamin say.

  The family business won't do it for you. Nor will Carmen.

  This is the Carmen Benjamin must have been referring to. Tony's fiancé. I read more about his visit to Australia, where Carmen is shooting her latest film. I look at the date of the news article. It's dated five days ago.

  "Figures a guy like Tony wouldn't be a bachelor," Sierra comments. "Eric would be in the same boat, too, but he just broke up with his girlfriend and is choosing to live up his new freedom for a while."

  Tony's a cheater. He has a fiancé. A gorgeous movie actress. That shouldn't come as a surprise to me that he would have a woman like that in his life. But then what the hell was he doing with me?

  I scan more lines from the article, which quotes Carmen as saying, "I couldn't be more in love."

  I can't read anymore and hand Sierra back her phone. I doubt that Carmen knows what Tony is up to. And even if she does, I don't want to be a part of some love triangle.

  It's not a love triangle if it's just sex between me and Tony. Which of course it is.

  I swallow painfully. Was I really kidding myself that it might be more than that?

  "What's the matter?" Sierra asks.

  "He never said anything about being engaged."

  "Why would he? He probably has different girls in different parts of the world, one for each country. That's how men are."

  "Not all men."

  My father wasn't like that. He was loving and loyal. I once heard him say to Lila, "You'll always be woman enough for me."

  "But men like Tony and Eric are different. You get to their level of success, it's natural to want as much as you can have of anything, including women. Only men who are poor settle for just having one."

  I disagree, but it's not a point I’m going to argue with her. I start to pack up my things.

  "What? You're leaving?"

  "I got a call from Mrs. Ruiz. They're understaffed."

  Sierra snorts. "And what's that to you? You think businesses like The Montclair care about our lives? Why should we care what happens to them? I'm sure they're making plenty of money."

  I go into the bathroom to collect my toiletries. I know I'm behaving like a jilted lover. And even though there's a possibility that Carmen is fully aware of Tony's side activities, I doubt she's perfectly okay with it. Back in North Carolina, I had a friend whose boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend. She forgave her boyfriend but not her best friend.

  How you do one thing is how you do everything, I had told Tony. I don't know why I was so drawn to him. He has a bit of a sketchy past with this whole triad business. Maybe there was more to what happened in Hanoi than he lets on. And now this. The fian
cé. It's not worth it. It's not worth the possibility of having to endure Eric's company for the rest of the week.

  But what about the twenty thousand dollars?

  It's just money. I shouldn't have done this to begin with. I don’t regret losing my virginity, but I should get back to the real world, my world. This hobnobbing with billionaires, being paid to be there sexual servant, is not for me.

  Grabbing my phone, I look up a local taxi company and call for a cab.

  Sierra shakes her head. "You're such a weirdo."

  My next call is to Mrs. Ruiz to let her know that I'll be coming in for work tomorrow.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  The cab ride back into the city is going to cost me more than I can really afford, especially given that I’ve missed work. I have the driver drop me off at the nearest bus stop in the city so that I can shave eight dollars off the trip. I remember that Dan said he would deposit my cut of the down payment into my bank. I’m not sure how much of it he’ll let me keep, but it turns out not to matter. I check my bank balance on my app and see no new deposits.

  “You’re back early,” Talia says when I walk through the door. “Thought you had to work late.”

  “I told my supervisor I had to study for my midterm,” I reply, trying to sound upbeat though I feel like shit.

  “I’ve got to leave for my evening class so I’ll catch you later.”

  I’m glad to have our room to myself. I feel too miserable for company. As I unpack, I come across my textbook. Great. Now I won’t be able to study without first thinking about Tony. And everything he did to me.

  I wonder what explanation Sierra will provide for my departure. But it doesn’t matter. I’m never going to see Tony or Eric again. And that’s a good thing.

  I spend the rest of the evening with a pint of ice cream and the television, mindlessly watching Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. It’s amazing how timeless fairy tales are. I bet a little girl who longs for her own fairy tale resides in all women. Maybe that’s why I let my judgment get clouded. Not that I had any illusions that Tony was my happily ever after, but maybe I thought he could be a temporary Prince Charming. A wickedly, sexy Prince Charming.

  My cell rings. Seeing the phone number, I’m filled with dread.

  It’s Dan.

  “What the fuck?” Dan says as soon I pick up. “Where the fuck did you go? Eric wants his money back.”

  “He groped me.”

  Of all the people I thought I was going to tell, I did not expect it to be Dan.

  “Oh my god, you’re kidding, right? That’s why you left? What’s wrong with you?”

  I realize I should have come up with something that wasn’t the truth.

  “You were going to make thousands of dollars,” Dan continues. “You don’t need that money anymore or something?”

  “I changed my mind about things.”

  “Jesus Christ. You’re fucked up. Even if you gave up your virginity, don’t expect to be paid a cent ‘cause you didn’t hold up your end of the deal. And now I’ve got to deal with a dissatisfied client. And not just any client. The son of the guy who could be our next fucking president!”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry? You think ‘sorry’ is going to help?”

  I don’t have a response. I feel too lousy to consider what I should say.

  “Go fuck yourself,” Dan grumbles before hanging up.

  I put the phone down and almost start to cry. It’s never fun to get yelled at, even if it’s undeserved. I did screw things up. I’m not sure Dan is someone worth worrying about, but I feel terrible nonetheless.

  Again, I want to call Lila, but I’m too embarrassed at the moment. I hug one of the throw pillows and eventually fall asleep on the couch.

  I wake up at five in the morning and decide to get ready for work. After work, I’ll head over to school and see if I can catch Mr. Parker.

  “Virginia, can you come in my office?” Mrs. Ruiz asks just after I clock in.

  I skip going to change and enter her office, sitting down across from her desk. I suspect she wants to talk about the days of work that I have missed.

  “Virginia, you are aware of our policy about fraternizing with the guests,” she starts.

  “Of course,” I respond.

  “And what is that policy?”

  “Interactions with guests must be professional at all times.”

  “Precisely, and you understand this policy? There are no questions about what is considered professional?”

  I think about the brief words I have had with Tony at the hotel. Should I not have spoken to him at all? But I didn’t initiate the conversations. Or maybe she’s thinking of that older businessman who tried to hit on me months ago?

  “I don’t have any questions,” I say.

  “I thought you understood as well. You can imagine, then, how surprising it was to find out that you have been...associating with Mr. Lee.”

  I stare at her dumbfounded. Either she’s overreacting to my early encounters with Tony or...

  “What do you mean?” I venture nervously.

  “One of our employees saw you enter Mr. Lee’s vehicle.”

  “He offered me a ride in his limo to the MUNI station because it was raining. He happened to be there when I slipped in front of the hotel.”

  “It was not raining in the photo I received, it was not his limo, and it was not near the hotel.”

  A photo? She had received a photo? I immediately think of Sierra. But then I remember I had also bumped into Tracy.

  “Now, normally, this would be grounds for termination.”

  I look sharply at Mrs. Ruiz, a sick feeling churning in my stomach.

  “But given that Mr. Lee is also the owner of the hotel, or his family is, the situation is less straightforward,” she continues. “However, if you are a person of character, of integrity, you understand that your actions set a very bad precedent for others and stands in egregious defiance of an important policy. I’m not going to fire you, but I think it is obvious that your continued employment here is to no one’s benefit. I hope you know what I consider an appropriate solution.”

  I draw in a difficult breath. “You want me to quit.”

  “I do not think you would be happy working here. I had considered you one of our best employees, and it is very disappointing for me that you have chosen to do what you did. If you leave, you are free to pursue your...continued interaction with Mr. Lee.”

  I almost laugh ruefully, but there’s no use explaining to her why I won’t be seeing Tony anymore.

  “Should I...leave now?” I ask.

  “Yes. Your final payroll will be sent to you in the mail.”

  I can see that she has nothing more to say, so I get up. I walk out of The Montclair, but I don’t know where to go because I’m supposed to be at work. Suddenly, I have free time that I shouldn’t have. I wander into a coffee shop to drown my sorrows in a cold swirl of caffeine, chocolate, whipped cream and caramel drizzle. I open my textbook to study, but my mind can’t seem to retain anything.

  I remember I have yet to text James to confirm a time and place to get together to study. I take care of that and spend the next ten minutes re-reading the same page.

  Get it together, Virginia Mayhew Porter. So the last few days ended up in the crapper. It doesn’t mean you should bomb your econ test.

  I try to focus on studying but give up after fifteen minutes. I take out Fifty Shades Darker. But even escapist fiction holds no appeal. Maybe a chocolate chip cookie would work better.

  The cookie helps a little. I think the only way I can purge this out of my system is to talk to Lila. I know she’ll be there for me. I just have to swallow my shame.

  I pack up my books and decide that maybe a walk will help clear my mind. I step outside the coffee shop and stop in my tracks.

  It’s Tony.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  “Enter the car,” he says, opening the passenger door of
his Porsche.

  I stare at him. How in the world did he find me?

  His countenance darkens. “Now.”

  Feeling it’s best to obey, I get in without a word. He starts driving.

  “I’m not going back to Eric’s place,” I say.

  “That’s not where we are going.”

  “Then...”

  But he doesn’t seem like he wants to talk, so I don’t finish my question. I guess as long as we’re not headed to Eric’s, I can stop worrying.

  Only he pulls up in front of The Lair.

  “Why—what are we doing here?” I ask as the same lady from last time opens my door.

  I feel stupid not getting out of the car, so I step out, but I keep my backpack with me in case I need to find my own way to City College.

  “Eric’s getting his money back,” Tony tells me after he hands the woman his keys.

  He takes me by the elbow and half drags me inside the building.

  I try to dig in my heels. “So what does that have to do—”

  He stops and stares at me. “I’m going to give you one last chance to earn the money.”

  From his expression, I get the feeling he’s going to eat my alive.

  “Twenty thousand,” he specifies, then pulls me inside.

  I’m not sure I want this chance. I had reconciled myself to missing out on the money. But I am now out of a job...

  “Good morning, Mr. Lee,” the same receptionist greets.

  On the counter in front of her, on a velvet tray by itself, is the red and black mask I wore the last time I was here.

  I don’t take up the mask and instead ask as nonchalantly as I can, “Does Carmen know about this?”

  He looks at me sharply. “She has no need to know.”

  “Cell Three is ready as you requested,” the woman says cheerfully.

  Tony grabs the mask and me, then heads for the stairs.

  “I didn’t say I agreed to this,” I protest.

  “You agreed to ‘anything and everything.’”

  “That was before...”

  “Before what?”

  “Before I knew about Carmen.”