the Dance

by Alison G. Bailey

  “I’m just tired. It’s been a busy week at work and . . .”

  Placing her hand on my knee, she said, “Bryson.”

  And that was all it took to get my chin quivering and my eyes blinking.

  “Please don’t say you told me so.” My hand brushed over my cheek, wiping away the first tear that fell.

  Sophie gently rubbed my knee. “Give me a little credit. I’m a bitch but not a cold-hearted one.”

  “I really thought I could do it but . . . um . . . it was so easy to fall in love with him.”

  “He knew how inexperienced and vulnerable you were. He should have stopped it. Did he hurt you? Because if he did . . . I don’t give a shit if he is in a wheelchair. I’m gonna cut his dick off and put it high up on a top shelf.”

  A chuckle broke through my soft sob. “It’s not his fault. He never lied or pretended with me.”

  “Then what happened?”

  “He’s scared.”

  “That’s a bullshit excuse. He’s a grown-ass man, not some thirteen-year-old pussy. What exactly did he tell you when y’all had the talk?”

  I cleared my throat and said, “We never had the talk.”

  She stopped the knee rubbing. “Back up about a half mile.”

  “The other night while he and I were on the phone the L word slipped out of his mouth.”

  “Lesbian?” She grabbed her glass and took a sip.

  My face contorted. “No . . . love. But he quickly covered it up and started talking about snack cakes.”

  Sophie pointed her perfectly manicured finger at me. “That right there is why I don’t get too involved with the dudes.”

  “Then he called what we’d been doing fucking.” I choked back a sob. “The tone in his voice reminded me of Will and how cheap he made me feel. I know Hart was trying to get back on track and in control but . . . since then I’ve forced myself to stay away from him.”

  “So, he’s in love with you?”

  Sniffling, I nodded.

  She sat next to me and draped her arm over my shoulder, pulling me to her side. “And what makes you think that?”

  Resting my head on her shoulder, I whispered, “The way he looks at me and touches my soul.”

  Giving my shoulder a slight squeeze, Sophie pressed her lips to my temple before twisting to face me. “Then what the fuck are you doing here?”

  My eyes widened as my jaw went slack. Her reaction caught me completely off guard.

  I sat up straight, squaring my shoulders. “What?”

  “Bryson, I love three people in this world, my parents and you. Keep that in mind when I say what I’m about to say. You can be such a fucking princess sometimes.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Don’t forget I love you. The night of prom I saw you dancing with Hart. It was dark but the light from the big tank lit the two of you perfectly. The way he held you and the way you moved together. I knew I was watching the beginning of something that happens once in a lifetime. But because of your fear and self-doubt you let it slip through your fingers in exchange for a safety net.”

  “Why didn’t you say something back then?” I snapped.

  “It wouldn’t have mattered because back then you weren’t a risk taker. Being Mrs. Will Forsyth was planted so deep inside your head you couldn’t see the red flags popping up.” Her violet eyes seared into mine. “You’re an intelligent and strong woman. You never needed that safety net. I’ve seen the way you and Hart look at each other. You’re getting a second chance at your once in a lifetime. If you ask me, it’s worth the effort to do whatever you have to do in order to hold on to it. You may not get a third chance.”

  Sophie was right. I was doing the exact same thing I did ten years ago. Not making the effort to go after what I really wanted and needed.

  I lunged forward, wrapping my arms around her neck. “Thank you for kicking me in the ass.”

  She tightened the hug. “That’s what I’m here for.”

  Shoving the blanket off, I said, “I gotta go talk to him.”

  “Are you okay to drive?”

  I stood. “Yeah. I only had half a glass.”

  “Then let’s get you dressed.”

  I’d worn my cream cable knit sweater along with a pair of jeans and my black boots over to Sophie’s place. She insisted I needed to crank up the look a notch. After all it’s not every day you go pour your heart out to your soulmate.

  While Sophie was busy grabbing her black sweater dress from the closet, I washed my face and reapplied my makeup, keeping it simple. My eyes were puffy and red but there was nothing I could do about that at the moment. I left my hair down, pulled on the dress, and slipped back into my black patent leather boots.

  Checking myself one last time in the full-length mirror, I said, “How do I look?”

  “Stunning.”

  “Liar but it will do.”

  I spun around giving her one more hug. “Thank you again.”

  With a slight head tilt, Sophie’s dark eyebrows rose as she gave an exaggerated eye roll. “I’m such a romantic. I love you.”

  “I love you too.” I gave her a quick peck on the cheek and headed out the door.

  With each turn I made my stomach twisted in knots. Part of me was confident that Hart’s feelings were the same as mine. So much so that I could feel the glow radiate off my cheeks. The other part of me feared he would be too scared to take a chance on us.

  I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. Even though it was still early in the evening the sun had already set. As I turned onto his street my heart pounded so violently against my chest, it felt like it was on the verge of shattering. Approaching Hart’s I saw the house was lit up and his was the only car in the driveway. I blew out an audible sigh of relief.

  I pulled in behind Hart’s car and killed the engine. As I stared at the house, I had a hard time catching a deep breath. My hands felt as if they were being stabbed by a million tiny sharp pins. I clenched and unclenched my fist several times and then shook out my hands, hoping they’d go back to normal. Every hair on my body was standing at attention. I’d never been this scared or felt this alive in my life. Attempting to take in one final deep breath, I squared my shoulders and got out of the car.

  The second my boot hit the ground it was like everything went into super fast-forward mode. In a flash, I was up on the porch and ringing the bell. The sound of excited barking hit my ears before the click of the lock. And then the door opened.

  The second my green eyes met his blue-gray ones my lungs filled with all the oxygen necessary. We stared at each other for several seconds not saying a word. I didn’t need to hear him say how much he’d missed me, it was written all over his face. Hart angled his chair, making enough room for me to walk past.

  Before Hart made it into the living room, I shook my hands out one more time trying to get some feeling back. Butter did her usual five circles around me and then sat. I was patting her head as Hart moved in front of me. He was even more handsome than just a few days ago. The heather gray sweater that stretched across his solid chest had his eyes looking smoky today.

  He glanced at Butter. “Someone around here has missed you.” His deep rasp filled the air, causing my knees to weaken and my stomach to clench.

  The worst part of having a serious conversation was starting it. On the drive over I’d been too consumed by adrenaline and nerves to give words a second thought. I was flying solo without a net.

  I gave him a fragile smile as I scratched behind Butter’s floppy ear.

  Before I could open my mouth, Hart said, “And my dog’s missed you too.”

  Like a fireball, my heart exploded, filling my body with heat. It was my turn to say all the things I came here to say. But for the life of me I had lost the ability to speak. Holding his gaze, I slowly walked to him. Hart shifted his chair, moving closer to me. Bringing my hand up, I cupped the side of his face. My skin prickled at the feel of his scruff. Hart’s eyes closed as he lean
ed into my touch.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” I whispered.

  Hart grabbed my hips and nuzzled into my stomach. My fingers melted into his blond hair, holding him to me. His head tilted back and his gaze seared into mine as he guided me onto his lap. His grip tightened, pulling me flush against his chest. My hands fell from his hair, sliding down and over his shoulders to his biceps. Our breathing increased and synced.

  Hart brought his hand to my forehead and with the tip of his fingers followed the length of my hair. His touch was gentle and careful like I was a rare work of art. His gaze mimicked the trail of his fingertips. As his thumb glided over my bottom lip, there was no denying the love in his eyes. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to mine and the world disappeared.

  His tongue wasted no time slipping between my lips. It was firm and frantic, exploring every inch of my mouth. Resting my elbows on his shoulders, I wrapped my arms around his head, holding it steady while I pushed closer to him. It was as if we were both desperately trying to crawl inside the other. Heavy breathing, growls and moans echoed around the room.

  Hart slowed the kiss. He’d pull his lips away then lean back in three times, taking my bottom lip between his teeth each time.

  “Stand up,” he whispered. His warm minty breath drifted over my cheeks.

  I did.

  He looked up and our gaze locked. There was something about this position that caused my insides to melt every single time we were in it. It made me feel protected, worshiped, empowered, and hot all at the same time. I didn’t know if I pushed my knees together or they collapsed in on each other. Either way, I gripped Hart’s shoulders to steady myself. Starting just above where my boots hit the back of my knees, he pressed his large hands flat against my sensitive skin, sliding them underneath the hem of my dress. His hands continued traveling up until they reached my ass. Never once did his gaze drop from mine as he massaged me, his fingers dipping underneath my panties occasionally. My core tightened in anticipation of his fingers inside of me.

  “Turn around.”

  I hesitated. I’d come here wanting and needing some definitive clarity and as soon as I was near him my brain went fuzzy and my body took over. I didn’t want to look away but I did because I’d do anything for him.

  His hands stayed glued to my skin as I turned, facing away. My dress was lifted up to my hips. Thank god I had on my cute black and white polka-dotted bikini panties. My body jerked forward at the feel of Hart’s lips on the small of my back. With a firm grip on my hips, he concentrated his licks and hot kisses in that one area, at times dipping down and nipping at the top of my ass.

  “Fuck, Bryson, your ass is a work of art.” His voice was low and husky.

  “Hart,” I moaned as he pushed my dress high and placed feather-light kisses up my spine.

  “I’ve seen a lot of asses over the years. None of them come close to yours. You’re perfect.”

  With every look, every kiss, and every touch I knew Hart loved me. I also knew my heart wasn’t able to continue our arrangement as it stood.

  Tearing myself from his grasp, I stepped away and spun around to face him. Shock and disappointment covered his entire face.

  I looked him straight in the eye. “Have you seen any other asses lately?”

  In real time Hart’s silence probably lasted only a few seconds but it was long enough for it to wrap around my throat and choke me. Just as his mouth opened to speak, his phone rang on the coffee table. My gaze landed as the screen lit up. I went numb. My eyes stayed glued to the name filling the screen. The ring kept getting louder, echoing in my ears as I watched Hart grab the phone. His gaze remained zeroed in on mine as he placed the phone to his ear.

  He cleared his throat. “Yeah? No. I’m sure.” His words were clipped and angry.

  Hart clicked off the phone and put it back on the table. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it, lying lifeless on the dark wood.

  “Bryson . . .”

  I told myself not to look at him. If I did, I’d fall apart. And I couldn’t fall apart.

  “You’re still seeing her?” My words sounded weak and robotic.

  He took in a sharp breath and blew it out. “I don’t see anyone. You know that.”

  I whipped my head in his direction and forced my voice not to crack. “I’m sorry. Let me rephrase. “Are you still fucking her?” I bit down on my trembling bottom lip. “Please, tell me you’re not, even if it’s a lie.”

  Hart’s knuckles turned white from the vice grip he had on the hand rim of the large side wheels. His neck muscles pressed hard against his skin as he clenched his jaw. Love and detachment struggled to gain control in his eyes.

  “I haven’t been with anyone since you and I started . . . Bryson, you knew what this was from the very beginning.”

  My relief was short-lived as a tremor rumbled through my body while I pushed down another sob. “I knew what we said but . . .”

  He abruptly spun his chair away from me and growled. “Fuck! I knew this was a bad idea.”

  “Us is not a bad idea.”

  Hart circled back to face me. “There is no us.” His teeth clenched. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle this arrangement.”

  “Neither can you!”

  With each deep breath his nostrils flared. “What do you want from me, Bryson?”

  “The truth!”

  “The only reason I started fucking you was because you said that’s all you wanted.”

  I cringed at his crudeness. “What’s happened between us is more than that and you know it.”

  Hart glanced away for a brief moment searching for his next words. The tip of his tongue darted out and slid over his bottom lip. When he turned back to me his eyes were ice cold.

  “Don’t mistake a great fuck for feelings,” he said flatly.

  The words cut right through me. I wasn’t sure at this point if I was the dumbest person in the world or the most pathetic. My brain screamed to get the hell out of there but my heart wouldn’t let my legs move.

  “You’re full of shit. You come off as this confident, self-assured man who’s in control of every aspect of his life. But you can’t control who you fall in love with, Hart. From day one there was a spark. I felt it. You felt it. Hell, even Sophie felt it when she saw us dancing ten years ago and again at the basketball game. You don’t think I notice whenever I’m around, your eyes light up, your shoulders push back, your chest puffs out, and you sit up taller? When you look into my eyes, kiss my lips, or touch my body you reach my soul. And you can deny it all you want but I know with every fiber of my being that I’ve reached your soul too. You may be too much of a pussy to admit your true feelings for me but don’t you dare reduce our time together to just a great fuck.”

  It took every ounce of strength I had not to collapse to the floor. I was shocked and impressed that I stood my ground and that those words came out of me instead of tears. I was not going to let another man demean me or my feelings ever again.

  “Are you done?”

  I nodded. “For the moment.”

  My eyes could have been playing tricks on me but I thought the right corner of his mouth twitched with the hint of a grin.

  “You want the truth? If I could go back to that fucking prom with a different life, I would have never stopped dancing with you.” He blew out several shallow breaths. “That first day I saw you at the pool it was as if someone cracked open my chest and I could finally breathe. I hoped you had turned into a bitch since school. But then you opened your mouth and rattled on and on. I knew right then I was fucked and needed to stay away from you. When I found out you were married I relaxed because you were officially off limits. So I figured it was safe. But each time I laid eyes on you I wanted more. Then I found out about the divorce and my safety net completely unraveled.” Pausing, his unblinking eyes turned dark gray. “Between my mom’s illness and school, I couldn’t . . . . You didn’t fit into my life back then, Bryson.”

  I swallowed t
he lump in my throat and pushed out the words. “I know and it’s okay. I understand.”

  The rise and fall of Hart’s chest was steady and deep as he stared at me. His eyes still had the same conflict as earlier along with something I’d never seen before in him . . . regret.

  His grip tightened around the wheel as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down several times. “And I don’t fit into your life now.”

  “How can you say that? Everything about us fits together perfectly.”

  “Why does everyone else see this fucking chair except you?” There was the hint of a quiver in his voice.

  Taking a deep breath, I swallowed another sob. “Because I’ve been too busy falling in love with the man sitting in it.”

  “Spinal cord injuries take ten years off of life expectancy.”

  My gaze locked with his as I took one step toward him.

  “I have a specific time each day when I go to the bathroom to manually empty my bowel and bladder.”

  I took another step toward him.

  “I’m at a higher risk for blood clots.”

  Another step.

  “The chances of me fathering a child are slim.”

  Standing directly in front of him, I said, “I know what you’re trying to do. But none of that stuff scares me. I still see the strong, intelligent, virile, confident, kind man I love.”

  I couldn’t stand not touching him any longer. Before Hart could respond, I quickly climbed into his lap, wrapped my arms around his neck, and rested my forehead against his. Keeping his hands to the side, his body stiffened.

  “You are so lovely, Bryson. You deserved better than Will . . . you deserve better than me.” The last few words came out as a whisper.”

  “You don’t get to decide that for me.” Linking my fingers together behind his neck, I pulled Hart’s lips to mine and placed a soft kiss. “I know you don’t love Yodels because you hate chocolate.” Another soft kiss. “I’m going to stay in your way and drive you crazy until you let me love you.” Another soft kiss, only this time our lips remained together. “You’re not getting rid of me, Hart. Deal with it.”

  His eyes closed for . . .

  One Mississippi.