The Heart of a Soiled Dove

by Sarah Jae Foster

  Reverend John asked, “Would you mind if I got you some help for your, ah, fence? I might be a preacher, but I know what a fence ought to look like.”

  She eyed him a moment. He was sincere and wanting nothing in return. “I can pay. Whoever you bring back with you, tell them I need to hire them.”

  They reached the barn where he dismounted. “Normally folks would help out a neighbor for free.”

  Aurora followed suit and her booted feet hit the ground. She walked her horse to its stall. “I could see that, but I haven’t exactly made many neighborly friends here yet so let’s just treat it like a hire.” She spread her hands out to stress her surroundings. “As you can see, we’ve a lot of work to be done and Emmy and Carrie Anne both would prefer not to do that kind of labor.”

  A sad feeling settled into the pit of Aurora’s stomach when she knew it was time for him to go. It had been a long while since she had been around someone who could offer something spiritually. And he’d shared there were no church services in Pine City. For the Reverend, he could offer her church learning. She was hungry to know more about Christianity and the Bible. Leona had passed away much too soon, leaving Aurora unfulfilled and still searching. She did what she could, but didn’t want the void in her knowledge to remain empty forever. Finally, she had another Leona in her life.

  He reached into the saddlebag on his horse and presented her with a worn Bible. “I want you to have this.”

  “I, I couldn’t.”

  “It belonged to a woman I used to know. She was very giving and selfless. Trust me, she would have wanted you to have it.”

  Speechless for once, Aurora accepted it.

  “I have to make my way back into town. Been gone much longer than I anticipated.” He smiled wide. “However, I doubt much that anyone has missed me.”

  “Could I offer you anything before you go?” she asked, not liking the dreaded feeling his absence would bring.

  “Much obliged but no, I need to be on my way. I will send you some good men for hire straight away.”

  She stood in place long after he was gone. Holding the good book against her chest in a hug, she proceeded back to the house where she felt highly unequipped to be of service to the two women inside. They counted on her, much as she would like to have counted on Reverend Jonathan Palmer. But he was gone and she was all they had.

  True to his word, the Reverend sent workers to Aurora’s home. The next morning five riders came through the trees and into full view. Emmy’s face broke into delight and Aurora directed, “Carrie Anne, you best get to slicing up some bacon and check the hens for their eggs, see how many we have.” She peered out the window. “We’re not used to feeding grown men.”

  Aurora exited onto the porch and awaited their arrival. Emmy followed her out. When they got within hearing distance Aurora said, “Pump’s just there. Feel free to wash up and join us in the kitchen after you get your horses settled.”

  Soon enough, the girls had their very first guests – each a fine, fit and experienced cowboy, squished into Aurora’s kitchen. It appeared that Reverend Johnny, as the men referred to him, managed to catch them in between cattle drives and they were looking for work. Without much vetting on her end, Aurora had to trust that Reverend John had sent only reliable men. She looked into each ones’ eyes, waiting to feel her keen sense of men-discernment, and when no flares of warning went off, she invited them to eat. She hid a smile. Their eyes were feasting as much on the home cooked meal as on the women themselves.

  “I’m afraid there’s no formal place to sit down quite yet, but grab a plate and a crate.”

  A unified response echoed in the tiny room. “Yes, Ma’am.”

  Variously, they were all hunkered down onto crates. Aurora thought of the staunch meals served what seemed like an eternity ago at Madam Hazel’s. Remembering the traditional ways of it all, the lustful stares of longing, the mock visiting, and it was all under the pretense of the unspoken business dealing. It was where Aurora had been admired, bought and paid for.

  She surveyed those around her table, the shyness, awkwardness – it was as it should be.

  Emmy’s untimely and blatant question caught her off guard. “Where are these fine gentlemen sleeping tonight?”

  Luke Rigby coughed and Victor Mills stopped his fork midway.

  Roman Brennan, the man they all seemed to answer to spoke. “We’re used to under the stars. Ain’t that right, boys?”

  Luke agreed with Roman, then put forth a question of his own. “It isn’t none of my business, but what in tarnation are you girls doing all alone out here?”

  Aurora began to scoop up their empty plates. “We’re going to ranch.”

  “Does Donovan Ramsey know this?” The question came from Roman.

  “Why should he care what I plan to do on my very own land?”

  The men all shared a look and Aurora thought, not this again! She answered to God alone, not to any man.

  “I used to raise chickens on my farm in Missouri, milked cows.” Carrie Anne wrinkled her freckled nose. “Fed the hawgs.”

  Aurora loved how Carrie Anne’s words were drawn out.

  Victor made her blush. “A pretty gal like you raisin’ hogs? I just can’t believe it.”

  Shyness seemed to have overtaken Carrie Anne. She abruptly began to clear the table and Roman stood to help. He removed a tin plate from her hands with a gentle brush against her palm. Instantly Aurora’s inbred instinct came on guard, but it was easily let down – this group did not fit the bill in terms of the brutes she’d known.

  Carrie Anne seemed to struggle under his nearness. Aurora was going to replace Roman until she heard him say, “I am not so proud to think this is just women’s work.”

  “Amen to that!” Emmy agreed.

  Four days later Aurora emerged from mending bridles and working with leather – which Roman had earlier schooled her to do. She shielded the sun from her eyes by throwing on a floppy hat. Her stance exuded pride as she observed the small community working before her – impressed was an understatement for how she felt at that moment. Victor and Luke were double sawing a tree for the fence, after giving the girls much good-natured grief about their carpentry work. Her gaze shifted towards Roman and Christopher, putting up a newly built and sturdy looking barn door, and to Emmy, who was painting fence posts around Carrie Anne’s fresh dug garden. Jed had come towards Carrie Anne and arranged a few stumps for them to sit on in the shade. Since the two looked to be insinuating that it was time for a break, Aurora set down her project and joined them. Today was a peaceful day – what a difference it made when men expect nothing from you, when you are the one a man came to for orders. When you are in charge of all that is around you, including your very own self.

  Aurora poured glasses of lemon water and focused on the sweaty and constant hard-working men, handing them each a drink. “We could not have done this without you. So much has been accomplished in your short time here. We’ll be sorry to see you go.”

  Victor drank his down in one big gulp. “We got a week left. I think we’ll get it all done.”

  Roman agreed. “It’ll get done. And don’t think we are looking forward to eating trail dust and beans when we go back to the ranch!”

  Carrie Anne left them and walked about her dirt garden.

  “She’s sensitive isn’t she?” Roman asked.

  Emmy “hmmphed” and Aurora darted her with a look, which was supposed to read be kind.

  “I like her that way, it suits her,” Aurora said and watched Roman as his eyes followed Carrie Anne’s movements. He’d have a challenge of a lifetime if he thought anything about courting Carrie Anne – she was skittish of men, even pleasant and non-threatening ones like Roman.

  A lone rider came into the field and Jed swore, then amended his err quickly. “I apologize, ladies.”

  Aurora ignored his blunder and stood to see who was arriving. “Who’s the rider?” When Jed didn’t answer she asked him again, “Who is
it?”

  Victor answered for him. “It’s Donovan Ramsey.”

  Aurora looked at him with inquiry, wondering what he had to do with these men, and vice versa. “And?”

  “He’s our trail boss and owner of the Double R Ranch. Adjacent to yours.”

  Aurora stepped out to greet him. Then dawning revelation hit her. She’d not only taken his coveted, neighboring land away but unknowingly hired his very own men. This was no fault of her own – she couldn’t help it if no one communicated these things to her – and she would seek to right this misunderstanding. “Carrie Anne, please fetch Mr. Ramsey of the Double R Ranch some lemonade.”

  Aurora watched his precise movements. The way he sat astride confidently and with great intimidation. The closer he came upon them she noticed how his eyes darkened and narrowed upon the scene before him. How it must look, his men sitting idle, doing nothing but gawking at young girls, drinking dainty lemon water of all things. Aurora approached him. He did not even have the grace to get down in greeting.

  “Pleased to see you again, Mr. Ramsey.”

  He barely glanced at her. Instead he marked them all with a raking gaze. “This is what you all took leave for? To sit on your arses and drink tea all day?”

  Roman took on a tone meant to placate. “You know that ain’t true Donovan. We were taking five minutes of cooling off. It’s blazing hot out here.”

  Aurora snapped, wondering why they should defend anything. It was she who was paying them. “It’s lemonade, and here’s some for you if you’ve a care to get down off of your high… horse.”

  Victor smirked. Roman cast an amused sideways glance her way and Emmy – ever faithful to keep her in check – stepped nearer to her.

  “I don’t drink lemonade. And I am not dismounting.” Donovan spoke with heavy condemnation. He pinned his men with another hard stare. “How much longer am I to live without your presence?”

  “We’ll be finished in a week. I reckon we’ll be along when that time comes unless you need us sooner, Boss,” Luke answered.

  “I could’ve used you last week, you well know.”

  Roman interjected, “You gave us leave. You’ve plenty other hands until the drive starts. Besides, we couldn’t very well tell the Reverend no.”

  Donovan took a second and perused the length of Aurora, finally coming up to meet her eyes. She was miffed, and refused to cower as he expected her to. “I can see why you’d all prefer to stay here.”

  The icy tone of his voice cut her. He’d made her feel cheap, and it hit her where it hurt. Aurora was crushed. She’d wanted things to be different. Why did men have to assume the worst in women?

  She felt the comfort of Emmy’s hand gently resting on her shoulder. She inhaled a calming breath and said as evenly as possible, “These men are working here and I’m paying them to. Look around at what they’ve --”

  He turned the bridle of his horse and began to ride away from her. A fuming sensation took over until she boiled with indignation. She turned to the others, appalled. “Why did he even bother to come here? What an arrogant… mean….”

  “Shhh, now settle down,” Emmy said, her voice smooth and silky. “Don’t let the man rile you.”

  “He’ll always have the last word,” Roman said matter of fact.

  “He isn’t the consortin’ kind. Prefers hard work to play,” echoed Victor.

  Jed pushed himself from the fencepost. “Let’s get back to work. We’ve had enough idle time.”

  Aurora was shaking, not from Donovan’s powerful presence, but from his words. They still stung. What would it take to be free from her oppressive past? She couldn’t live without dealing with men – although after today, it seemed a most appealing thing to do. She wanted the safe company of someone like Reverend John. Five more weeks couldn’t get there any faster.

  She turned to see Emmy and Christopher teasing each other. They’d acted like children all day long. She sighed, wondering how Donovan would react had he ridden up to the scene before her – although she’d no clue what started their play this time. Emmy had filled a wooden bucket from the water trough and chased Christopher down, drenching him. He wiped his face off with his bandana and challenged her with a hot look.

  “No! I apologize… I didn’t mean to….” She screamed in laughter and ran fast away. Catching her, Christopher spun her around and she became locked in his arms.

  “Everyone – get back to work!” Aurora suddenly blurted.

  Everyone moved back to the chores but a fear settled and trickled all throughout her. She couldn’t block out human nature. It was not following them, it was here. Always was and always will be. What could they do aside from isolating themselves like nuns? It sounded good to her, but one look at Emmy and the passion in her eyes for Christopher, made her realize it could not be tamped down for long. That girl had a wild streak in her and Aurora prayed with all of her heart that He would protect her. She eyed Carrie Anne and the way Roman helped her with things she didn’t need help with at all. Maybe if she just got the girls off and married she’d not have to worry. She would, of course, and could live here all by herself and would count it lucky to be an old maid. With her mind made up, Aurora got back to working the leather before the sun set in the clear blue and beautiful Montana sky.

  Each day after for the next week had been the same – hard work, play, hard work and play. So it was with a heavy heart that Aurora, Emmy and Carrie Anne bid their company good-bye. Each man accepted generous pay and loaded up their saddlebags. If Aurora was not mistaken, Roman and Luke seemed as disappointed as she.

  Jed, Victor and Christopher looked ready to be on the trail – true cowboys they were. Aurora – clearly standing as chaperone – watched unabashedly as Roman took Carrie Anne’s hand. She shied away from his intense scrutiny. But the poor man kept on. “I think I’ve come to like you, Carrie Anne. Maybe you’ll think of me while I’m gone?”

  She blushed ten shades before looking at him. Aurora was hoping she didn’t bolt like a deer. Two words left her lips barely above a whisper. “I might.”

  He released her then. “Good enough for me. I’ll be back before long. We’ll see how much you’ve been thinking of me then.”

  She looked terrified that he was going to kiss her and squeezed shut her eyes.

  Aurora tapped her. “It’s safe. You can open your eyes.”

  She released her eyes open and saw that Roman was mounting his horse. He said his goodbye and winked at her.

  He tipped his dusty hat to Aurora. “It’s been our pleasure working for you.”

  “I can’t thank you enough for the transformation of this place. Take care of yourselves now.”

  Before Aurora addressed the interaction between Roman and Carrie Anne, the girl had gone into the house.

  “She’s a peculiar little thing,” Emmy said.

  “Roman seems to like peculiar.” They giggled and went into the coolness of the finished house.

  “How long does it take for a cattle drive?” Emmy asked.

  Aurora shrugged her shoulders. Carrie Anne joined them and said dreamily, “I hope not long.”

  “Aurora?”

  “Yes, Emmy?”

  “When am I going to begin to earn my keep?”

  “What do you mean? We’re all working our hands to the bone to build this home. No one’s earning her keep, it’s just living.”

  “I can’t live off you the rest of my days.”

  “I don’t understand. There’s no need for us to do anything else. We’re family. We don’t live off of each other,” Aurora answered, wondering where this was going. Emmy became unreasonably agitated.

  “We can’t do nothing forever.”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  Carrie Anne raised her brows with curiosity, and if Aurora saw correctly, she looked like she was going to cry. Aurora needed to calm Emmy down. She was upsetting Carrie Anne.

  Emmy continued, “I would like to make some money for myself. I wa
s hoping that we could start our business pretty soon.”

  “Our business?”

  “This house, Aurora. It’s finished. Now we can open up our brothel.”

  Aurora felt like she had been slapped, stinging cheeks and all.

  “A boardinghouse? You thought we were here to build a boardinghouse? Oh, Emmy, I thought you knew. I have money left from my benefactor.” How could she have been so blindsided? “We’re on our way to being self-sustaining. It’s for all of us and not one of you better think you need to pay me back.”

  “You mean you’re not going to use us or this place for a brothel?” Emmy rounded on Aurora emphatically, swinging her arms wide. “Why the big house for the three of us if you weren’t planning on adding more boarders?” she flung a look at Carrie Anne who’d turned even paler than normal. “Why did you buy her?”

  “Emmy!” A pinching nausea gripped her middle and Aurora looked at Carrie Anne. “Because I didn’t want her to become a prostitute. I didn’t want her to know what it was like to turn tricks, to sell yourself, to pretend you feel nothing and don’t care if a man covers your body with his.” Her breathing became erratic with passion and pleading. “I can’t believe you thought otherwise, Emmy. How could you think I would live like that ever again? How could you consider living like that?”

  Aurora bounded up the stairs to her room where the air was hot and found it difficult to breathe in her distress. She went to the window and threw it open. It smelled of fresh paint. She took in the air and began to sob uncontrollably. Even though her mother had given her away to prostitution at fourteen, it had not been her choice. She couldn’t escape the condemnation that plagued her every day the sun came up. What little she knew about God is that – with the help of Leona – she’d asked Him to be in her life. She’d felt better when that happened and knew she needed to make some changes, but sometimes she wished He would come in and swoop away her memory, that He would come in and make her feel whole and pure. But after Emmy’s extremely wrong way of thinking, her past had been thrown in her face. “Oh, God, I just want to move on. Please, I need your help.”