The Shape of My Heart

by Ann Aguirre

  My wish came true when Michael handed Max a birthday bag as soon as we hopped in the Scion. The truck was crowded with Uncle Lou in front and Max and me huddled on half a backseat, but I didn’t mind snuggling. In fact, you could even say it was a perk. Uncle Lou passed another package back once we got settled. Max’s dark eyes were shining like it was Christmas morning.

  “Don’t just sit there,” his brother ordered. “Open them.”

  He stared at the presents for a few seconds before peering into the gift bag. “Dress socks, sweater, cologne. Thanks, bro. Next time I take Courtney somewhere nice, I’m all set.”

  Nudging him, I grinned at Michael. “I’ll take pictures.”

  “Mine next,” Uncle Lou prompted.

  He unwrapped a really nice set of headphones, amazing quality. I knew for a fact that Max’s earbuds weren’t nearly this nice and they should be more comfortable, too. I read the spec and gave an approving nod.

  “If he doesn’t love these, I’m stealing them.”

  “Hey,” Max protested, pulling the box away from me. But his eyes were smiling. “These are awesome, thanks, Uncle Lou.”

  “Glad I got it right. I had no idea what you like or need these days.” The old man sounded sad about that.

  Before I could decide what to say, Michael turned on the wipers to smear away the light mist that wasn’t quite rain. “Where to first?”

  “Campus. Turn right here.” Max gave directions until Michael made it to the student center. On the Saturday after Thanksgiving the place was virtually deserted, giving us complete freedom to show them around.

  We went to the engineering sciences building first, where Max spent most of his time. He gave a quick tour and I hung back, letting him bond with his family. Michael was full of questions and I remembered he was interested in aeronautics. Since I knew less than nothing about those programs at Mount Albion, I fell into step with Uncle Lou, who was looking a little tired, frankly. Road trips must be tougher at his age.

  “He seems really happy,” he said, glancing at Max.

  “I hope so.”

  “You have a lot to do with that. When you came to Providence, I could tell you cared a lot about the boy. But I wasn’t sure then.”

  “Of what?”

  “If you love him.”

  I swallowed, suddenly worried that this was about to get deep. Somehow I managed a noncommittal reply. “Oh?”

  “But I’m positive now. And grateful, too.”

  “For what?” This was so weird.

  Instead of answering directly, Uncle Lou wore a pensive look. “Did you know Max is like a tree?”

  “Huh?”

  “He looks strong, doesn’t he? All his life, people have leaned on him, even when they probably shouldn’t have. But without strong roots, even the strongest oak dies. Either it happens slow, rotting from within, or it falls at the first wind.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” It seemed disingenuous to pretend I didn’t know he meant Max and me somehow, but I wasn’t getting the analogy.

  Uncle Lou offered me a gentle smile and a warm pat on the shoulder. “You’re his roots now, Courtney. Thank you for saving him.”

  That seemed like an overstatement, but I couldn’t speak for the pleasure washing over me. If his family considered me essential, then maybe I was. Smiling back, I linked arms with the old man and caught up to Max and Michael. It took half an hour to go through the building because Max kept pausing to tell stories, and his brother didn’t seem to mind. The weather was brisk outside, but it didn’t stop us from covering the whole campus. Max had so much to say that my heart tightened. I doubted he even knew how happy he looked, finally able to share something about his life with the people he thought he’d lost.

  Eventually, it was late enough to think about lunch. So I suggested the burger place a few blocks from school. From what I remembered, the sidewalks were good, no access issues. Everyone agreed so we headed that way as fat, wet snowflakes drifted down. One stuck to Max’s cheek, then melted a second later, trickling down to his jaw like a teardrop. As the other two pulled ahead, I stretched on tiptoes to kiss it away.

  “All good?” I asked.

  Wordless, he nodded and threaded our fingers together. Lunch was good, if greasy, and the rest of the day he directed Michael around town. Toward evening, we drove out to the body shop where he worked; the sign out front proclaimed Rutger’s Garage. Max introduced Michael and Uncle Lou to the guys, all of whom were in their thirties and forties. At first I hung back, as I hadn’t visited him here before, but he drew me forward and told everyone I was his girlfriend. Happiness filled my chest like bubbles, each one popping in a shimmer of color that made me feel like I’d found magical rose-colored glasses.

  “That’s pretty much it,” Max said, as we climbed back into the Scion. “From this point, we can do whatever you guys want.”

  We had the keys to Nadia’s apartment if they just wanted to hang out and watch movies. Their furniture was better than ours anyway. Fortunately, as it turned out.

  “I’m pretty beat,” the old man admitted.

  “Back home it is.” Michael turned toward the apartment complex, and I was impressed when he only needed one word from Max to find the place again.

  Better sense of direction than me.

  We watched an old comedy, something Uncle Lou could enjoy, too. Halfway through, I made popcorn in Ty and Nadia’s kitchen, feeling a little weird about it. But they’d said we should feel at home. Around ten, Michael said he needed to get back, and I didn’t argue. Max hugged them both and walked them out while I cleaned up the apartment.

  I was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, elbows on my knees, when he came in on a cold gust of wind. When he spotted me, his expression melted in such pure joy that my breath caught. It was ridiculous the way he made me feel.

  “Good birthday?” I asked.

  “There’s only one way it could be better.” He waggled his brows.

  “That could be arranged.”

  Before he could reply, I raced up the stairs ahead of him. Since his legs were a lot longer, he caught me before I got to our door. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, nibbling the curve between my neck and shoulder as I fought to get the door unlocked. Shivers coursed through me as I struggled to unlock the door.

  “Want me to do that?”

  “Um. Maybe.”

  With a cocky grin, Max took over. He kept his hands to himself as we stepped into the apartment. Since Kia was on the couch watching TV, I silently praised his forethought. She flicked us a half smile, then went back to whatever she was watching. I took a step and decided it looked like Scandal.

  “You should call if you’re gonna be late. Kept me up half the night worrying.” The way her smirk widened into a grin told me she was messing with us.

  “Sorry,” I said, playing along.

  I swapped a glance with Max, silently asking if we should sit with her for a little while, much as I’d rather head straight to his room. She sighed without looking at us.

  “I heard you two in the hall. Just go.”

  Choking back laughter, I murmured, “G’night,” as Max mumbled something, pulling me after him, one hand wrapped around my wrist.

  “We only have an hour,” he said.

  My eyes widened. “I had no idea there was a deadline.”

  “Definitely. Any later and it won’t be birthday sex anymore.”

  “That would be a terrible disappointment, huh?”

  “You have no idea.”

  He backed me into his bedroom door, the one we’d pretended to have sex against last fall by bouncing a basketball while we took turns bitching about our problems. Then he kissed a hot path down my neck. Mmm. Things have changed so much. Closing my eyes, I tilted my head to grant him better access. At this point, Max knew that was the quickest way to drive me crazy.

  “Then we’d better hurry.” My voice came out breathless.

  “Are you readin
g my mind?”

  Max spun me, hands on my hips, and walked me toward the bed, his lips never leaving my shoulder. His thighs grazed mine, back and forth, with each step. Beneath my T-shirt my nipples tightened, and he yanked the fabric over my head. I didn’t let him look long before I pulled his shirt off, too. Relatively speaking, it hadn’t been that long since I could see him this way, anytime I wanted. Gently I trailed my fingertips down the center of his chest, admiring the way his muscles jumped. His abs tightened when I got there, and a little sound escaped him.

  “You’re giving me ideas,” he whispered.

  “Good ones?”

  “I think so.”

  I offered, “We could give them a shot.”

  “Quietly.”

  “That goes without saying.” Leaning in, I kissed his collarbone. God, he had such great shoulders: lean, graceful and strong from working at the garage. Anytime I saw them, I just wanted to bite him. “So you’ll have to try not to moan. Try hard.”

  His throat worked, and his voice came out shaky. “Okay.”

  “Tonight’s for you. So I need you naked.”

  I didn’t have to say it twice. His pants hit the floor, then his boxers, and Max was on the bed, waiting, so hot I could hardly look directly at him. He crossed his arms behind his head, likely to prove he was leaving everything to me.

  What a rush.

  When I went for the lamp, he shook his head. “Leave it on.”

  Biting my lip, I hesitated. Usually I didn’t because while I was confident I could rock somebody’s world, I felt less assured they’d want to watch me do it. But it’s his birthday. So I shrugged and peeled off my clothes, letting Max stare as much as he wanted. If anything, his erection swelled further, sending a jolt of pleasure through me.

  “How do you want me?” I asked, kneeling on the bed beside him.

  “All the ways.”

  I teased, “But we only have an hour.”

  “Then start by kissing me.” An unexpectedly romantic answer, but that was Max.

  Taking the lead, I cupped the back of his head in my hand and took his mouth. For a few seconds, he held still, just letting me, my lips moving on his. His breath misted hot and sweet as he opened for me, his tongue touching mine. Sparks shot through me at once, as I registered his moan. We’re kissing. Just kissing. But it felt like so much more.

  After that, I forgot whatever plan I had. There was only Max and I couldn’t touch him enough; I had to taste him everywhere. Countless minutes later, I didn’t even know what I was doing, when his hand came down roughly on my head. I was between his thighs, licking frantically, and he kept trying to pull me up.

  “Enough.” He sounded dazed. “Or it’ll just be a birthday blow job. I’m pretty close to a happy ending here.”

  My hands shook as I rolled the latex on, then he tugged me on top of him. Usually I hated this position, but for him, I’d do my absolute best. And it was no more than a couple of minutes, focused on his face, his dark eyes and the pure pleasure that made him bite at his lower lip, until I didn’t care how I looked moving on him. He held my butt, working me against him. The finish came hard and fast, him first, me a few seconds later. I came so hard that my thighs locked and I was a little afraid I might be hurting him. His groan reassured me when I toppled over. Max just lay there panting, his face soft with pleasure.

  Right. This is my show.

  After taking care of the condom, I came back to bed. “Were we quiet?”

  “Dammit. I have no idea.”

  “Me, either.” Wearing what had to be a stupid-looking grin, I passed out with him stroking my back.

  * * *

  The next day, we met Michael and Uncle Lou for brunch. I loved seeing Max with his family, but it was hard watching them say goodbye later. He hugged them both so hard that I had to look away, wishing I was this close to my folks. But between my dad’s silent shame over my weakness and my mom’s overprotective clutching, it was so hard to talk to them.

  “Take care of yourself,” Uncle Lou cautioned. “And Courtney, too.”

  “See you soon,” Michael added.

  Max nodded. “I’ll visit, I promise.”

  After that, they got on the road home. I stood with him on the front walk, waving until Michael’s Scion turned out of sight. When Max turned to me, his expression was layered, a complex mingling of pleasure and regret. Without speaking I twined our fingers together and waited for him to speak. It took a couple of minutes and then he surprised me. Tugging on my hand, he led me toward his bike.

  “Let’s go for a ride,” he said.

  No particular objections sprang to mind, so I strapped on my helmet and climbed on behind him. Max didn’t say any more as he started the bike and drove away. His turns didn’t strike any familiar chords, giving me no clue where we were headed. This time I was clueless until he pulled into a rutted parking lot, one we’d visited the day before.

  “You’re taking me to work with you?” I asked.

  “Not exactly.” Gently he pulled off my helmet and took my hand. “This way.”

  The body shop didn’t seem to be open on Sunday, and he circled the building to reveal about ten parked cars in various stages of restoration. A couple had FOR SALE signs in the front windshield, but most had parts missing, flat tires or were coated in primer. I faced Max with a puzzled cock of my head.

  “What’s up?”

  He paused beside a small vehicle that needed a hell of a lot of work, but it was small and adorable, rather like a Corvette, only...cuter, which probably wouldn’t win me any fans with car aficionados. The body had rust spots and the door was crumpled on the passenger side. I walked around it, wondering if my suspicions could possibly be right.

  “This is an Opel GT,” Max said. “And it’s yours.”

  “Oh, my God, are you serious?” Squinting at the car, I could easily imagine how cool it would be, years later.

  “You told me what you wanted. Now I just have to make it happen.”

  I threw my arms around Max’s neck. “It’s amazing, thank you.”

  He leaned down to kiss me, I thought, but instead he rubbed our noses together. The sweetness of it curled my toes. “You didn’t give me any parameters, but when this showed up, I could totally see you driving it.”

  “Me, too. You’re incredible.” It was past time to make this move. “Okay, so...I’ve met your family. You want to come home with me for Christmas?”

  He stared for a few seconds. “Are you sure? I mean, I’m...me. You come from a good family and everything.”

  By which he meant they had some money. But big deal. The Kaufman family honor had never prompted me to change my mind about anything, ever.

  So I nodded. “Absolutely. They need to know I have somebody special. Let’s not do things halfway.”

  Max rested his chin on top of my head. “How bad can it be, right?”

  But in all honesty, neither one of us had any idea.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  The next day, I called my mom as soon as I woke up. “Hey, it’s me.”

  “What’s wrong?” she demanded.

  “Nothing. How’s everyone doing?”

  There was a long pause. “Are you sick?”

  “How does that question even make sense?”

  She thought for a few seconds, then asked, “Do you need money?”

  “Wow. I’m a terrible daughter, huh?”

  “No...but when you deviate from the pattern, there’s usually a reason.”

  Okay, the woman knew me pretty well. “You’re not completely wrong. The reason I’m calling is, I want to know if it’s all right for me to bring someone home during the break.”

  “...Someone?” She sounded cautious.

  “My boyfriend.”

  I caught a relieved puff of breath before she responded. Yeah, she was glad I didn’t say girlfriend. Stifling a sigh, I waited to hear her verdict.

  “Are you coming for all of Hanukkah?” Excitement percolated i
n her tone, and I felt bad about disappointing her, though it wasn’t really a major holiday.

  “Sorry. We have exams until the nineteenth. I was thinking we’d leave on Saturday afterward.”

  “How long do you want to stay? Before you get touchy, understand that I’m only asking so I can buy groceries.”

  I’d talked to Max already, and he’d managed to get some time off from work. Since he’d never asked for any vacation time, regardless of the holiday, his boss didn’t mind. So he had a full seven days from the start of winter break. We’d head back on the twenty-sixth, and he’d probably end up working on New Year’s. As for me, rehearsals were canceled until school started back in January.

  “A week?” I suggested.

  “Understood. Does he have any special food requirements?”

  God, she was easy to read. At this point she was hoping I’d say he was kosher, but I pretended not to get it. “He’s not allergic to anything, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  Mom forced a cheerful tone. “Ah, well, that’s good. I’ll tell Daddy you’ve got a plus one this year. And I’m really looking forward to meeting him.”

  A little shiver went through me, imagining the interrogation that would ensue and what answers Max might give. But it was too late to back out. It’ll be fine. I chatted with her a little more before hanging up and catching a ride to campus with Angus. My professors were all distracted by the twinkle lights or something, so my classes for the next few weeks were mostly review sessions led by the TAs.

  The days melted away in a rush of cramming for exams, band rehearsal and stolen moments with Max. He was spending more time at school, finishing up a project, and when he wasn’t in the engineering department, he was holed up at the garage. I suspected he might be working on my car, but I didn’t want to ask. It seemed...presumptuous.

  The second week in December, I played a dorm party with Racing Sorrow, and afterward, we went out drinking. Max still wasn’t home when I got in, so I texted Miss you. And went to bed.

  Finally I stumbled through my tests and emerged like a zombie on the other side. I doubted I’d be graduating with honors, but I’d done enough to stay on track for graduation. So weird, only one semester left. On Friday, I did my laundry and started packing. Since we were going on Max’s bike, I had to travel light.