Lost Star

by Rebecca Royce

  Anders patted him on the back. “That’s quite a speech there. But yes, I agree with him. We have no choice but to try to fix as we need to. No one told Kellan to do it, he just did. And he’s not dead. You won, Trenton. Let’s not make a bigger deal of this than it has to be.”

  A muscle twitched it Trenton’s jaw, but he nodded. Whatever he was going to say, he kept to himself.

  “Guys, I…” I took a long breath. “This is my fault. My people shouldn’t have done this, shouldn’t have made me anyone’s problem. I won’t have anyone killed for me. Or injured.” I stared at the med machine. “Please get me as fast as you can to wherever we’re going. Mars Station, right? I won’t be responsible for this. You all have lives to lead that don’t include almost dying for me. Please, Blaze. I have no right to ask, but as fast as you can. Get me where I can’t hurt any of you anymore. And thank you, guys, thank you for everything.”

  I rushed from the room. Kellan had nearly been killed. They were in a constant battle, and for what? Evander wanted my abilities. They’d never get them. Not even all the women on our planet got one. I didn’t know why or how they came. It was some genetic fluke that had been created when they terraformed our planet. Too close to the fake sun, too far? How the heck would I know?

  I made it to my room before I burst into tears. This crying thing was becoming a habit for me, and not one I loved. Still, I let the tears fall because that is what they had to do, and fighting them was only going to make the whole situation that much worse. There was a time and a place for crying. This one was mine.

  All of this was beyond my control. I’d asked for none of it, unless I counted the silent please for a different life I’d made. Surely the universe couldn’t have thought I meant this. These men could all be killed because of me.

  Eventually, and without even realizing it was going to happen, I drifted off to sleep, tears still traveling down my face as I did.

  A knock sounded followed by a beep that was the sound of someone wanting to come in the room. I rubbed my eyes. Trying to talk didn’t work right away. I cleared my throat. “Come in.”

  Anders leaned in the doorway, holding a plate. “You missed dinner. Or at least, you missed when we ate it. Didn’t exactly give you a time.”

  I rubbed my eyes, letting the sheet that covered my clothed body fall away. “Thank you. Sorry to be trouble. I guess I…”

  “Fell asleep,” he finished. Anders walked toward me. “I think you needed it. You’re healing. Or at the very least, you’re staving off getting sicker. The meds Wade has in you help your own body fight off the virus and infection. That takes a lot of energy. You need to eat and sleep, a lot. More than you used to. Plus, the whole trauma thing and we got attacked, which is new for you.”

  He said those things like he was reading off a list. “Anders, did you come up with those responses yourself?”

  His smile was huge. “No, Wade gave us a lesson after you left. We’re not used to crying. I can only speak for myself, but I wasn’t certain what to do with it.”

  I almost apologized, but changed my mind. I did have reason to cry, and it wasn’t the kind of thing I should feel sorry about, I didn’t think. “Thank you for the food.”

  He handed it to me. “Wade is going to come by and check on you, soon. I may have jumped bringing this to you so that I could get some alone time with you.”

  I caught my breath. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No.” Anders sat on the edge of my bed. “I just liked talking to you so far. I feel like the others have gotten more time. Maybe the word is…jealous. I must be jealous.”

  He might be the calmest, most contained person to ever express that emotion. I took a bite. It was better than what I’d eaten at lunch. What was this? Some kind of poultry? “Why are you jealous?”

  His smile was big. “Because Blaze and Corbin slept in your bed. You talk in Wade’s head. And Kellan kissed you. I listened to all of it. I’m losing the race.”

  I blinked. Yes, all of those things had happened. I hadn’t focused on them individually, but yes, when put like that, quite a lot had taken place. In a short period of time.

  “Is it a competition?” Were they doing things to get my attention to…what…win something? I stopped eating to look right at him.

  “Only in as much as I decided the second I met you that you were mine.”

  I opened my mouth. I had no idea what I’d say, but something had to be uttered. He’d decided I was his? How did that work? He was incredibly handsome, but I didn’t think it worked like that. People had to take time to decide these things. Didn’t they?

  Anders cut me off before I could speak again. “I know things, fast. That’s part of my skill set. Fast decision making. If most people’s neurotransmitters take 0.5 ms per synapse, mine take 0.4. That’s a significant difference.”

  I raised an eyebrow. These Super Soldiers and their impressive brainpower. They did like to talk about it quite a lot, didn’t they? Still, they clocked brain speed? How did they even do that?

  It was like he expected me to understand what he meant based on that alone. “I’m sorry, what does your brain speed have to do with deciding I was, ah, yours?”

  He took my hand. “I make correct decisions instantly. I can decide something fast and know it to be correct. I saw you, and I knew. You were mine.”

  I set aside my plate to get up on my knees. “You may not even like me when you get to know me better. You may regret saying this and feeling this way.”

  He shook his head slowly. “Let me take care of you, Sienna. I know there may be things started with the others. I get that. This galaxy or world or life, I don’t know, we don’t do one to one. It makes no sense to. So you like the others, that’s fine. I like them, too.”

  Wow. I reached out and took his hand. “I lived in a temple. I can’t have relationships like that, not really. And…I’m sick. Plus, you’re leaving me. I’m not staying with you.”

  He furrowed his brow. “He can’t possibly still be thinking that. Is he?”

  “I think…I think I can’t put you all in any more danger.”

  He squeezed my hands. “We’ve lived our whole lives in danger. Keeping you safe at least feels worthwhile. We’re built for this. Even Wade and Trenton. We’re not made for gentle times. What we’re made for is war, pillage, and destruction. This time, I get to do that for a very good reason. I love that idea.”

  He grabbed his head, and I moved to kneel by him. “You okay?”

  “I get headaches. It’s a flaw. But not one they wanted to put me down for, because I was still such a good killer that I paid for myself. It’ll pass.”

  Acting on instinct, I reached out and rubbed the back of his head. His hair felt silky. “How long do they usually last?”

  “A while.” His answer was fast. Was this how he dealt? There were slight lines around his eyes, but otherwise, no other indication that he’d just spoken about being put down.

  “Have you talked to Wade?”

  He nodded. “Yes, and he’s given me a thorough exam. He offered some pain meds, but truth is, I’d rather ride it out most times and then be done with it. Plus, the heavy dose he has to give us to get any pain meds to work have so many side effects, they’re basically worse than the pain.”

  I continued to rub, slowly. “Does this help, hurt, or have no effect whatsoever.”

  He side-eyed me. “It helps. Thank you. I just want to take care of you, Sienna. I want to continue to do so.”

  That might have been the sweetest thing anyone had ever said. “How about we take care of each other until I have to leave you guys?”

  He closed his eyes. “Come here to tell you I want to take care of you and end up with this headache, and you have to take care of me. Not really great on my part.”

  “Stop it.” I shook my head. “I’m just sorry about your headache.”

  A ping sounded, and I called out that someone could come in. Anders leaned back a little bit. “It’s
Wade.”

  Sure enough, he walked in. “Oh, Anders. I didn’t realize you’d come.” Like Anders, Wade carried a plate of food. “Looks like we had the same thought. How are you doing, Sienna?” He set down the plate on the dresser. “I’ve been worried about you, but Anders said he could hear you were asleep, so I left you alone since sometimes that just makes all the difference.” I hadn’t stopped rubbing Anders’ head and Wade noticed. “Headache?”

  Next to me, Anders nodded.

  “Bad one?” Wade took a step toward us. “Need some help? Want something?”

  Anders shrugged. “Just badly made.”

  “Stop that. All of you talk about yourselves like you’re pieces that were strung together for some use, and if you’re not perfect, then you’re somehow less than deserving. You get headaches. So do a lot of people.” Wade sat down next to me. “Not a big deal. I wish I could solve it for you.”

  Anders smiled. “Wade reminds us that we’re humans all the time.”

  “That’s good. I’m going to remind you, too.” I smiled at Wade. “I feel less desolate since I took my nap. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m right. All of this time, you could have all been killed and that’s entirely on me.”

  Wade shook his head. “Make no mistake, Sienna, we are doing this for you. However, it was never entirely about you for these guys. We were at war with Evander. The enemy wanted you. It became their job to stop that, in the same way it would have been if Evander wanted a weapon’s supply or some hidden plans or…”

  Anders held up his hand. “I think that’s simplifying it. We were fully aware that we were taking on a human. And we might be cold feeling some of the time, but I can tell the difference between a box of weapons and Sienna.”

  Wade raised his eyebrows. “When you took Sienna onto the first ship, you were thinking of her as a human or as something to keep from Evander?”

  Sighing, Anders smiled. “Maybe it took a day or two, but I got there. We all did.”

  This was ridiculous. Whatever the reason that they’d done what they had didn’t matter anymore. “I don’t care about the why of it, just that you all helped me, and it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want anyone killed.”

  Wade nodded. “Well, that’s why they keep me along. I keep everyone alive.”

  “Who keeps you alive?” I smiled at Wade. It was easy with him, comfortable. All of those months we’d spent together when I wasn’t conscious must be in there somewhere if I could feel like I knew him already.

  Anders raised his hand. “I do. I pulled him out of the way of an explosion once when we stopped for supplies. So I guess I keep Wade alive.”

  Wade nodded. “Thanks again for that, Anders.”

  He smiled. “Yep.”

  “I can’t have anyone die for me. Or be hurt for me. I can’t. I won’t.” I shook my head.

  Anders leaned his head on my shoulder. “When it comes down to it, Sienna, we can’t let Evander get you. What if they can figure out how to recreate what you do? Then a new army of Super Soldiers who can hurt people just with their minds emerges. We won’t allow that. Some things are worth dying for.” He paused. “Some people, too.”

  10 Mars Station

  I ended up watching a movie on Wade’s tablet with Wade and Anders. I lay on my stomach between the two of them watching the funny film. Wade and I laughed at the hijinks the poor farmer had to go through on his planet that wasn’t quite a Dark Planet, not quite in the Earth Zone either. As far as I knew, there wasn’t a planet like that in existence.

  But it was funny just the same.

  I wasn’t sure if Anders found the whole thing too ridiculous to laugh at or if he was studying it as some sort of commentary on humanity. In any case, he never cracked a smile. Maybe his head still hurt and he just didn’t want to tell me.

  As I scanned through to find another film—Anders having shown me how to do so—I noticed that Wade was out cold. He slept on his stomach, his breathing low and even. I nodded toward Anders who smiled. He’d probably been aware a lot earlier than I was.

  “He never sleeps.” Anders whispered. “Or at least, not enough for him. Wade stresses about a lot of things. Doesn’t get a good night’s sleep because of the worry that comes with it.” He reached over me to pull the blanket over all of us. “You slept with Corbin and Blaze last night. Okay if we stay tonight, or want us to leave?”

  I almost laughed about the fact that he’d pulled up the blanket before he asked me. If I said no, it was going to be a lot harder to disconnect. “You’re welcome to stay, but you might be disappointed. I don’t know if sleeping with me is actually all that exciting.”

  “I guess I’ll be the judge of that.”

  I settled down, rolling onto my side. We were on the opposite side of the bed from the night before, but I didn’t want to wake Wade to move him. “How would Wade know if Kellan needed him?”

  He pointed to the tablet. “It would sound an alarm. Kellan isn’t due to wake up until the morning. Right around the time we get to Mars Station. Blaze listened to you, he sped up the engines.”

  That was good. Wasn’t it? My heart panged. The sleepovers would stop tomorrow. I had more than liked the two nights of this. But I’d been right to tell him we needed to hurry up so that they wouldn’t get hurt.

  I was sure of that.

  We didn’t have pillows. I reached over and grabbed three of them from the top of the bed. Handing one to Anders, I kept one for myself and put the third over by Wade so if he rolled over, he’d be on top of it.

  Anders hit a button on Wade’s tablet before he set it on the floor. The lights shut off in the room. I’d been asleep earlier, and I wasn’t at all certain that I was going to now.

  Which way should I face? Currently, I looked at Anders, but it might be weird for him to go to sleep with someone staring at him. Or maybe it was odder to watch Wade sleep when I couldn’t.

  Anders touched the side of my head, stroking a hand through my hair. “Thanks for petting my head earlier. It was really nice.”

  “Oh.” I nodded. He could probably even see me do it, since they were able to view things in the dark. “You’re welcome. Headaches suck.”

  “They do.” He sounded amused. “You’re wide awake. It’s late.”

  “You should go to sleep. I’ll roll that way to let you.” I made to turn, but he shot out his hand to stop me.

  He leaned up on his arm. “I’d rather talk, in low voices, so we don’t wake him.”

  I wasn’t sure we could wake him. He seemed really out cold. “Okay. But if you’re tired…”

  “I need almost no sleep.”

  I furrowed my brow. “When was the last time you slept?”

  “Couple of days. I’ve been doing the night flying so Trenton could.” He sounded so blasé about the way he simply announced that it had been a couple of days since he slept, as though that was the most normal thing in the world. I might never get used to them and the ways they did or didn’t do things.

  But he had to be tired. I took his hand in mine. “I never had this, that I can remember, but I’m told that people tell stories when they want to go to sleep. They get read to. So let’s tell each other stories.” Next to me, Wade shifted, making a small sound in the back of his throat. “In a whisper.”

  Anders was quiet for a second. “I don’t think you’ll like my stories. Tell me one of yours. What is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?”

  I had to think about that. I hadn’t seen that many things in my life. I’d lived in a three-square mile radius, occasionally going to a town. And then I’d woken up on this ship. But still, there had to be something I could think of that would qualify as beautiful.

  “Oh, there had been this terrible storm. We got them sometimes, but it’s okay because we like the wind. On my planet. We harvest it and use it. Anyway, terrible storm. Loud. A real show that night. I watched the night sky, and that was beautiful. Terrifying and beautiful. Somehow, both. It was
breathtaking in how frightening it was.”

  I was afraid I’d put him off with what I said when he didn’t initially respond. “I love that. Things can be more than one thing. Beautiful because of the fact that it was also scary.” He sighed. “I guess I have to answer my own question. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen was an Evander ship exploding after we blew it up, saving Earth. I know people died. I shouldn’t think it was beautiful, but it was us versus them. We weren’t on Artemis but a big ship ourselves. It could have been them, could have been us. And when it just burst into nothing…it was beautiful.”

  I squeezed his hand. “I’m incredibly glad it didn’t get you instead.” A thought dawned on me. “Why are you all on Artemis if you had a ship the same size as that one?”

  He squeezed our linked hands back. “Because they knew our ship. The big modern one Tommy Sandler gave to us, and we needed to be on one they didn’t know to run around with you. The idea was to disguise us. Then we sort of took to her.”

  “Even though she blows up when you try to modernize her?” I yawned. Okay, maybe I was more tired than I realized I was.

  “Even then. There’s something about being on this ship we’ve all liked. When she breaks, it just gives us reason to try again. Honestly, I think we might all have lost our minds all of these months if we hadn’t had Artemis to look after, and then…it just works when we need her to. Just now, somehow, Trenton got us away. I…I don’t really get it, and I feel all right about it. I think it’s worked out.”

  I smiled at him. “You almost sound like you believe in there being some…rhyme and order to the universe that placed us on this ship.”

  “Don’t you?”

  I shook my head slowly. “I think that everything is a muddled, chaotic mess that makes no sense whatsoever. No rhyme. No reason. I’ve never seen any evidence to the contrary. Or if there is some order to it, something driving things forward, then it’s a sick entity who just wants to cause people harm.”