by Elise Jae
“I’ll ask, but I don’t know if he’s into that sort of thing.” I would assume, if he was, he would have by now, but….
There are bonded couples who have a second man in their relationship. There are men who exclusively see women here with a specific other man. And I am the last person on this planet or any other who’d begrudge anyone for wanting Hazard….
“I have to know, beforehand, do you want him to join you in taking me? Or do you want him to see to you while you see to me.”
There’s a flare of something in his eyes and I know the answer.
“I’d say I’d settle for him joining in pleasuring you. But we both know that being with you is never settling.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere.” I laugh and trace my nails along his jaw. “Are you sure you don’t want to play tonight, I look toward the thoroughly disheveled bed. “I can tell you what we did and we can work on that tolerance. I run my hand down his hip. After all, if he says yes, you’re going to want to enjoy it for as long as possible, aren’t you?”
It doesn’t help me take my mind off Hazard, but it does pass the next thirty minutes and work to fill a little of the void Hazard left me with.
But I can’t stay in the club after that.
Margot wishes me a good night. She’s gotten used to this.
Because Hazard wrecks me, even if he doesn’t mean to.
Noa’s house is dark again, as usual, but I slip quietly into the kitchen, past the glowing doors of his office, and pull out a container with my name scrawled across it.
I’ve been looking forward to this egg salad all week. Chickens are impossible to find here—even though I’ve been told they’ve been imported—and when I saw that there were eggs on the delivery options, I’d put in the request immediately. Noa hadn’t even balked at the price. It would have felt like a gift, but I’ve learned that he’ll get me whatever I want, as long as he doesn’t have to deal with me.
The new car in the driveway is proof of that. I’d asked for it in a petulant mood, expecting him to look at me askance and finally tell me no. But it had shown up the next day.
Bitterness seeps into my thoughts and I shove it back as I spread the creamy goodness onto bread.
But that first bite—
I spit it onto the plate and rush to the sink, washing my mouth out and trying not to vomit.
In the end, I can’t stop it and not even cup after cup can remove the metallic taste from my mouth.
The sound draws Noa from his office.
“Are you alright?” He looks down at me like he’d like to poke me with a stick.
I spit the last mouthful of water out and look back at the sink, not certain I’m actually done. “I think so.”
“I thought you liked eggs.”
“I do… they must have gone off. And really bad eggs….” I shrug because I can’t possibly describe the deathly taste in my mouth.
I had a scramble for breakfast. They shouldn’t have gone bad that quickly.
He picks up the container, sniffs it and pulls a face that makes me wonder what he smells that I couldn’t.
Before I can ask, he hands me a bottle of a sparkling mineral water and drags the trashcan from its place hidden away under the counter.
“Drink that.”
The command is so sharp, I do, not moving as I watch him pull everything of mine from the fridge that wasn’t sealed and dump it in the trash.
“That’s a lot to waste.”
He looks at me like I should never have learned to speak. “It will be replaced by mid-morning. If you have any other food in this house that is not sealed—even within your room. You will throw it out. Do you understand?”
This is the first time Noa has shown any emotion other than apathy or vague irritation. I nod, because speaking seems like the wrong thing to do right now.
“Good. Now go to your room. And do not come out. I don’t care what you hear.”
I stare at him for two seconds, a million questions whizzing through my mind… but I know he won’t answer any of them.
So I do as I’m told.
I go to my room and shut and lock the door.
It doesn’t take long enough to brush my teeth and I’m left feeling the need to do… something. To talk to someone.
There are dozens of people I could call. There’s only one I want.
HAZARD
I still feel nauseous, even after eating something plain and drinking what feels like a gallon of water.
Leaving Hannah always makes me feel like I’ve torn a part of myself off and left it behind, but today is different. Something feels… wrong.
I’m alone in an outpost that’s too large. An outpost meant for a bondmate and the eventual children that come along with it. But there is no Agency message icon waiting for me when I pull my wallscreen up and check for the bright indicator.
Just the usual map of the Zone and its sensor array.
Everything is as it should be. There’s no movement on the dark horizon out my windows….
A sharp ping pulls me back to the screen. But it’s not Drift calling me, or any of the other brothers.
I don’t recognize the comm code, or the name attached to it.
And a lump sinks in the pit of my stomach.
The algorithm could have popped out a match at this time of night…. I have no idea what time it is anywhere on Earth.
But the Agency doesn’t call to tell you you’ve been matched.
I answer and have to blink at the screen for a moment before my brain catches up, because Hannah has never called me before.
It’s not technically against the rules, but I’ve never heard of women from Margot’s contacting anyone outside before.
“What’s wrong?”
Her smile is lopsided. “I just needed to not be alone right now, and you were the only one I wanted to talk to.”
I don’t believe her, and I have a feeling she knows it, but I’m not going to question her. Not when she wears that sad smile.
The room behind her is a riot of colors. Everything looks soft, like it’s an oasis of comfort, and I can’t help but compare it to my home. I’ve never had any desire to decorate, but the space around her makes me long for something… and I’ll continue to lie to myself and pretend it’s not just her.
It takes a moment to realize what my mind has snagged on… but it’s the size of her bed.
Hannah sleeps alone.
I hate the relief that mixes with the anger inside me. How her bondmate could neglect her….
“You always wear black.”
Her head tips to the side and a smile pulls at the corner of her lips. “What?”
“Your bedroom is so vibrant, but… at the club, you only ever wear black.”
She looks around her and it almost feels like she’s seeing the space for the first time herself.
“I guess you’re right.” She shrugs. “It’s just easier to mix and match what I’ve got when it’s all one color.”
“I like you in color….” the pink she wears now is bright and the shirt that covers more of her skin than I’ve ever seen hidden from me flows around her as she moves to sit on her bed.
She smiles and I want it to never leave her face.
“Riann stopped me after you left,” she says glancing at her hands in her lap.
I don’t remember the man she’s talking about, other than to know that I have brought him in to the room with us once before. “Which one is he?”
“He joined us with Carn and Dathan about five months ago, I think? He came too soon and then had to rush out on a call.”
“Right, the one you said I made nervous.” He’d been young, and pretty in the way most of the ones the Agency pulled for their advertisements were.
“I didn’t say he was nervous.” She raises a brow and her smile twists before it pinches to the side and she glances away again. “He asked to join us next time… both of us.”
“I don’t see why that would
be a problem.” The man certainly hadn’t gotten his fair share of her last time.
She looks at me for a long moment before she says, “Riann wants you to fuck him.”
It sounds like she expects me to be shocked.
“Does he?” That makes more sense as to why she’s bringing the matter to my attention instead of him.
“I was right.”
From someone else, the smug smile on her face might have annoyed me. But with Hannah, it’s too well deserved to be irritating.
“Well, I’m sorry that I’ll have to disappoint him.”
Her head drops to the side. “Will you?”
“Much in the same way I don’t need another woman on my cock, I don’t need a man on it either. Just you.”
There are a handful of men at the club who see Hannah exclusively. Each has their own reason. I can’t imagine anyone satisfying this need the way she does.
But Riann’s not a bad guy. “You’ll let him down easily, won’t you?”
“I’ll see if I can’t find him someone else as sexy as you.”
“Well, that’s not going to happen.”
“No, no it won’t.” Her lips twitch, and she almost looks… sad.
I’ve never been with her and someone else before.
“Is that what you want?” because I’ll give you anything you want.
She shrugs. “He’s a sweet kid with a crush on you. He’ll take no for an answer, but we both know I hate disappointing people.”
For a while, I thought she was fundamentally incapable of it...
“Alright, set it up.”
She looks up, and I can see the surprise in the rise of her brows. “Yeah?”
“It won’t be everything he wants, but….” I glance at the calendar beside the map of the Shadow Zone. “Tell him I’ll be there in four days.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a concrete date from you before.”
“If you want them, I can tell you.”
“Maybe.” She twists her fingers together. “I’ll let Riannn know.”
“Just make sure he understands that I’ll want to know exactly what he wants from us beforehand.”
“Of course.”
There’s yelling in the background of the call and I see her flinch, but she only shoots a brief look to the side before ignoring it.
My skin prickles with an anxiety I’d like to burn away and it takes me a moment to realize I’ve stood. As if I could jump through that screen to her.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
She nods, but her smile feels fake. “Noa is overreacting to something from earlier. A business thing.”
She waves her hand, and I know she’s lying.
“Hannah. If something is wrong, I don’t want you to stay somewhere you’re not safe.”
“I’m fine here, Hazard. Of the two of us, I’m not the one who should get a scolding for putting myself in danger.” Her smile is a little strained.
“Promise me you’d tell me if you weren’t okay.”
That smile fades and the muffled sound of the argument filters through again. “This was a bad idea. I’ll… see you soon, Hazard.”
“Hannah,” she stops with her hand over the end button. “You can call me any time. I just… care that you’re safe.”
Her tongue darts out to lick her lips, and then, I’d swear she bites it. “Thank you. I… if I ever need help, and you’re the one who can give it, I’ll let you know.”
She kills the call before I can say anything else, but not before I hear a crash somewhere in her house.
I have a name. I could find her address easily. But I won’t go there. I can’t be that person.
I have to trust—for the moment, that she wouldn’t lie to me about her safety.
Five
TWO WEEKS AGO
HAZARD
Hannah is waiting at the bar when I get there. She’s surrounded by a small circle of men, and… she’s not wearing black.
She’s replaced her normal lingerie with something hot pink beneath a robe that is a riot of flowers. And as soon as I step into view, her eyes lock with mine, and she doesn’t look away.
Of the men who surround her, I know the names of all the ones I recognize. Riann isn’t here.
As usual, the crowd disperses as soon as they realize I’m here, but most of them give me meaningful looks, putting in their silent bid for a chance to be with Hannah tonight.
“You look amazing,” I say as I step beside her, sliding my hand around the silk at her waist.
I don’t dare ask if she wore it for me… or if I simply made her realize she could be wearing something else.
“I had incentive to change things up.”
The words send warmth fluttering in my stomach, and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep my smile from crossing my face and spoiling the reputation that keeps others from thinking they can approach me.
“And our appointment?” I ask, low against her ear.
“He had to reschedule, so you can have me however you want me tonight.” She turns my face toward the men who have backed off—just a little—and motions toward two that are speaking quietly to each other at the bar. “They’ve only been in once before each, if you’d like to give them a shot.”
“Why not?” If she approves of them, it doesn’t matter who they are.
I catch their attention and jerk my head toward the door, letting them follow me as Hannah leads the way through to the back.
It takes a mere moment to give them the rules when we’re inside the room.Hannah goes to pour the liquor and slips the robe from her shoulders.
I leave them to themselves. After all, I’m not here for them. They’re just a means to an end.
“I like the pink,” I say, brushing my fingers over her shoulder.
“Someone pointed out that I’d started looking a little depressed.” Her smile twitches, and she glances over her shoulder at the other two men and for a moment… it feels like she’s going to tell me to send them away, but she doesn’t.
Finger dipped in my drink, she brushes it across my lips. “Enjoy the show, loverboy.”
I settle in to wait my turn, but there’s nothing enjoyable about the way the men move around her.
They are clumsy with her and I have to remember they’ve only been in once before.
Even as she guides them and shows them what to do… it feels like work. Her laughter—the way she encourages them—I can hear the falseness in her voice. I know they don’t.
I take a long drink from my glass, hoping their lack of experience will get them out of the room faster than originally planned.
And she skips over some of the usual preliminaries, winding up on her back, with the larger of the two above her.
She cajoles him, directing him and….
Something doesn’t feel… right.
Her hand grabs his wrist, the sound of skin on skin slapping too hard, and the glass in front of my face isn’t enough to make me miss the way her grip tightens.
She doesn’t make a sound. That’s my real first clue.
It’s what gets me off my feet and I don’t remember moving from the chair before I’m suddenly at the opposite wall, the man’s neck crushed beneath my hand, a crack in the mirror where his head has broken it.
He chokes, fist beating against my hand, and I only grip tighter.
The other guy—wisely—has struggled into his clothes and run out the door like he’s the next one up against the wall… and maybe he would have been. Right now, all I know is that the one who tried to hurt her is not going to make it out of this room—
“Hazard.” Hannah’s voice is hoarse.
In the mirror, I see her hand gently gripping the place where he’d choked her. I squeeze him a little harder as my eyes meet hers in the reflection.
“Don’t kill him.”
I finally look back to his face. It’s a shade of bluish green that shouldn’t be familiar to me.
But I’ve been forced
to kill our kind before. I know it would take a single twist of my hand.
I don’t let go of him as I pull him off that mirror and drag him to the door.
I don’t say a word.
I can’t.
Because none of the oaths pressing at the back of my teeth are things I will say in front of her.
Tearing the door open, I throw him away.
He hits the wall opposite and I kick his clothes out at him.
Slamming the door is one of the smallest measures of catharsis I can manage.
Without looking at Hannah, I go to my jacket and wrench the comm clip from it. Even enraged as I am, I know Margot’s direct line and she answers it almost immediately.
“Is there a problem?”
“Yes. There’s a half naked man in your hallway right now. If you do not get him out of the building, you’re going to have to shut down while someone processes your club as a murder scene.”
“What happened?”
“Watch your Saints-damned tapes.” Killing the connection and throwing the comm at the chair, I drain the last of the liquor in the glass and ignore the fact that my hand shakes as I pour a second.
We’re alone in the room and all I can hear is my heartbeat pounding in my ears, louder than the muted bass outside these walls.
Every inch of me is so tense… I’m honestly waiting for a tendon to snap.
“Hazard?” There’s a familiar slide of skin on silk. Movement in the mirror tells me she’s slid from that bed and come to me.
I’m so afraid to look at her. Afraid I didn’t react in time, that she’s going to have marks from that man’s hands on her…
“Please look at me.”
Three deep breaths and I do as she asks.
She looks… exactly the same.
If I hadn’t been here—if I didn’t know the tightness around her eyes isn’t normal—I might not know anything had happened at all.
“I’m alright.” Her hands smooth up over my chest and she steps into me as I pick her up. I’d say it was simple habit, but I need to hold her. I need to feel her pulse through our skin. Need to feel her breath flutter against my neck as she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight.
