Loner

by Rae, Harloe

  And that’s what I do, reclining until my back rests against the windshield. Millie snuggles between us with a noise that can only be described as content.

  Keegan smiles at me over her daughter’s head. “You all good over there?”

  I manage to sink a little further for this woman. How screwed that makes me is still up for debate. “Never better.”

  Healing Hug #23: When good intentions go sour.

  The afternoon sun glints off my aviators as I pull into Keegan’s driveway. Summer is in full swing, testing records in rare bouts of humidity and temperature on a daily basis. With the creek to cool off in, the heat doesn’t bother me. Especially when I have the company of two blondes to lift my spirits in moments of need. Two months ago, I never would’ve thought this could be my normal. Now, I can’t imagine ever returning to my self-imposed isolation.

  I hop up Keegan’s front stairs with a bounce in my gait. Millie’s wrapped gift is clutched under my arm. The thrum of good fortune pings off my sternum with every breath. There’s a zest floating on the breeze that reminds me of coming home after a weekend away. But that’s way off base. All of the fresh air is going to my head.

  I raise my fist to knock, adding a peppy beat that mixes with the jovial rhythm inside of me. Millie’s face appears in the thin crack she creates. When she sees who’s waiting on the other side, the door flings open wide.

  “Hi, Ford!”

  “Hey, Peep.” I hold out my free palm and she gives me a high-five, followed by a pattern of slapping and twisting motions that form our exclusive code. Maybe it’s odd to create a special handshake with a child, but Millie’s giggle is worth any gawking sneers from onlookers.

  “I love doing that so much. We’re so cool.”

  “The coolest.” I nod along with her.

  “Are you here to see my mama?”

  Keegan appears behind her daughter. Skepticism strains her expression. “Well, hello. Should we have been expecting you?”

  “Can’t a guy randomly drop by to visit his…friend?” The labels between us are still a bit fuzzy. Better to be safe than awkward.

  “I guess so…” she trails off.

  Prickles stab at my nape. “I was going to call, but decided to make this a secret visit.”

  Millie bounces in place. “Oh, I love surprises from you.”

  “That’s exactly why I didn’t mention stopping over.”

  “I see.” Keegan squints at me. “All right, what’s up?”

  Millie tugs on her mom’s shirt, pointing at the present I’m carrying. “Look, Mama. He got you something.”

  Such a cutie, this little girl. I wink down at her. “Actually, this is for you. I’m always taking your mom out, right? Your turn is overdue. If that’s okay with the boss lady.”

  Keegan crosses her arms, popping out a hip for good measure. “If you’re planning on walking. There’s no way she’s going anywhere on your bike.”

  I hike a thumb over my shoulder. “Good thing I have alternative transportation.”

  She peers around my shoulder, catching sight of the basic sedan in her driveway. “Whose car is that?”

  “Mine. Just bought it yesterday.” Did I just puff my chest out a bit? Absolutely.

  “Why?”

  “So I can take Millie out without having you worry. The same booster you have for her is already strapped in the backseat.”

  Keegan drops her jaw, a breathy exhale wheezing out of her. “Wow, that’s incredibly thoughtful. You’ve officially crossed over into the very sweet category.”

  I give a little shake to my shoulders and straighten a very imaginary tie. “That’s what I was going for.”

  She purses her glossy lips. “Nicely done, Ford.”

  “Are you beginning to believe me?”

  Her eyes flick over me from ball cap to boots. “Yeah, this definitely helps your case.”

  Millie must reach the end of her patience, hopping onto the porch beside me. “Where are we going?”

  “That’s up to you, Peep. Why don’t you open this first?” I pass over the box with a massive bow on top.

  She rips into the paper, scraps flying in every direction. A squeal bursts from her when she opens the lid. “Oh my gosh, this is amazing!”

  Millie whips the pink leather jacket out of the confetti tissue, pressing it to her chest. The beaming smile she flashes at me could melt all of the snow in Antarctica.

  “Do you like it? The lady at the store told me this should be your size.”

  “I love it!” She slips it on, revealing a perfect fit.

  “Looks great on you, Peep. What do you think, Kee?” When I glance at Keegan for approval, she’s pressing a palm over her mouth. My gut clenches when I catch sight of the moisture glistening in her emerald gaze. “Are you okay?”

  She nods, far too fast. “Mh-hmm.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yep.” She chokes on a swallow. “This adorable display is kicking me straight in the feels.”

  “Uh, okay. Is that good?”

  “Very. You won’t have to put in extra effort to spend the night.”

  Fucking score. I almost pump my fist, except that would defeat the purpose. “That’s not why I’m doing this. I wanna take Millie out.”

  “Oh, I believe you. And that makes me very…agreeable.”

  It’s my turn to sputter down a rough gulp. “Great. That’s really…exciting.”

  A soft sigh has me looking down at Millie. Her gaze is jumping between Keegan and me. “You’re so in love.”

  Now my throat is clogging for real, nearly suffocating me. “Slow down, Peep. That’s serious business you’re talking about. We’re just taking things slow. Building trust and all that.”

  Keegan rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. “He’s right, baby girl. The love we share is for you.”

  I can get on board with that. “Yeah, what your smart mama said.”

  Millie frowns at us. “But I want us to be a family.”

  Pretty sure my eyes bug out. Are we nearing that stage in the game? Shit. I open and close my mouth in rapid succession before getting any words out. “Um, well, I dunno know about all that.”

  Keegan wraps an arm around her daughter, squeezing them together in a hug. “You’re my family, sweetie. Anyone else we gain along the way is a bonus, okay?”

  Millie nods against her mother’s shoulder. “M’kay, Mama.”

  “Go have fun with Ford. I can’t wait to hear all about your adventures.”

  That reminder prompts a flip in her attitude. Millie straightens and returns to my side. “Can we go to your shop?”

  “That’s where you wanna go?”

  “Uh-huh, yep. I never got to go back after you told me I could. My mama kept making excuses.”

  Well, shit. Millie is welcome at my garage any day of the week. “All right, it’s settled. You can bring Elsa. I’m sure Patch would love to play with her.”

  “Yay!” She thrusts a hand up into the air, and I give her another high-five.

  Keegan steps outside with Elsa flanking her. She passes me the leash with a smile. “Thanks for thinking of doing this. You’ll be her hero for life, if you weren’t already.”

  I stroke a thumb along her soft jaw. “Just the first of many.”

  She sighs, leaning into my touch. “Be careful about being too sweet, Ford. I might catch feelings of the romantic variety, and they’re contagious.”

  I bend to whisper in her ear. “Whatever it takes to get you naked faster.”

  Keegan shoves me away with a scoff. “Such a horn ball.”

  “Don’t pretend to be offended. You like it.” I let my voice drop to the low octave that makes her shiver.

  “Okay, get outta here. Have fun and be safe.”

  Millie waves and blows her mom a kiss. “See you soon!”

  “We’ll only be gone a few hours. I’ll have her back for dinner.”

  Keegan bites her lip. “Maybe you’ll eat with us?”


  I wink at her, tugging the brim of my hat down low. “Only a fool would turn down an offer like that.”

  In the next beat, Keegan rises onto her toes and loops her arms around my shoulders. I return her embrace, wrapping her up against me. She hums and erases any sliver of space remaining between us.

  I press my lips to her hair, inhaling a shot of paradise. “What’s this for?”

  She nuzzles against my chest. “Just because.”

  “I’ve never hugged just for the sake of hugging.”

  “It’s nice, right?”

  I think about that for a moment, but not out of uncertainty. There’s no need to consider my answer. My pause is necessary to rein in other impulses, like confessing a slew of feelings I have no right to be feeling. This thing with Keegan, whatever we’re doing, is beginning to burrow under my skin. When we agreed to spend a few hours between the sheets whenever the mood strikes, I didn’t anticipate wanting more. Now, in this moment, that’s all I can imagine. I find that things are once again shifting for me.

  But am I still just a fuck buddy to her? I’m trying to earn trust to prove myself as a worthy…what? Boyfriend? That’s the next logical step. Is that where we’re heading? There’s only one answer to that. I can’t picture myself with anyone besides the woman enveloped in my hold.

  “Take care of my little girl,” she whispers in my ear.

  I press Keegan closer, reveling in the feel of her body aligning with mine. “Always,” I vow.

  We break apart with a sigh, sharing a secret smile. Promises for after dark spark in the air crackling between us. She blows me a kiss, and I send her a wink. Cheesy as fuck, but the bizarre flurry of warmth spreading through my chest approves.

  Millie is already waiting by the car. Even in the heat, she’s wearing her jacket and petting the pink sleeves. A surge of pride launches in my heart. It’s damn good to know I can do a few things right.

  After getting situated and buckled in, we hit the road. The drive takes less than fifteen minutes. Millie fills the miles with entertaining chatter about Elsa and Keegan. I’m content to coast along while listening to her soft voice. It still boggles my mind that this little girl refuses to speak with some people. Around me, she’s nothing but outgoing and spirited. My lips lift on their own accord. Being good with kids, or rather one in particular, isn’t a talent I thought I’d acquire.

  I park alongside the concrete building and hop out. Millie follows suit, letting Elsa run free along the way. Her gaze zips from one corner of my property to another as if witnessing everything for the first time. I guess it’s been over a month since she was here last. Damn, the days have flown.

  “So, what should we do?” I open the main entrance and usher her inside.

  “I get to choose again?”

  “Of course, Peep. This is all about you.”

  She taps her lips. “Do you have any motorcycles that need fixing?”

  “Always. There’s never a shortage of broken bikes at my shop. That’s how I stay in business.”

  Millie giggles. “Good thing you have me to help.”

  “You can say that again.”

  “We’ll make a great team, Ford. I won’t even make you pay me.”

  She earns a loud laugh for that one. Millie joins in, her twinkling tune painting the dingy walls with glitter. Another roll of humor barrels through my chest as I stride over to the row of waiting projects.

  I get a chopper rigged up on a set of blocks and open the engine cap. With a quick crank, I fire up the bike to get the fluids pumping. Then I lay out a few essential tools and grab a drain pan. Millie watches me silently, waiting for instructions. After I kill the pipes, I settle onto the ground beside her.

  “We’re going to start by changing the oil. Sound fun?”

  “Uh-huh. What’s the first thing we do?”

  I explain the process as we go through the stages. This type of routine maintenance usually takes me less than half an hour. With Millie following along, I slow my pace so she can digest the steps. The steady flow of our work distracts me from the storm clouds rolling in.

  Tires spitting up rocks is my only warning. When the red BMW comes into view, my gut plunges to the stained floor. A muted groan billows out of me. Talk about the worst fucking timing.

  The little girl crouching beside me tracks the vehicle’s approaching path. “Who’s that?”

  “My father.” I attempt to keep the bubbling hate out of my tone. The efforts fail as a burning inferno rages up my esophagus.

  “Oh.” Millie visibly shrinks beside me. She’s smart to be wary. He never comes just to chat.

  A boulder the size of Wyoming drops in my gut. This man has a sixth sense for showing up at the most unwelcome moments. Not that I ever enjoy his visits.

  My father steps out of his luxury coupe, and he’s not alone. The passenger door opens and Grant appears. A growl strikes a match in my chest. The weasel brought reinforcements, of course.

  I stand and move in front of Millie to block her from their view. Both men are imposing forces that I prefer not to wrestle with. If they stay out of my business, I’m more than happy to pretend neither of them exist. That’s how we’ve carried on for years, other than these inconvenient visits my father likes to taunt me with.

  They pause before crossing the threshold into my garage. Smart decision, considering I’m ramped higher than a cage fighter facing his opponent. This is my turf to defend, and they’re about to cross the line. I flex my fingers, curling them into wrecking balls. Based on how they’re studying me, narrow eyes and stiff posture, my fuck-off vibe is coming across. But my father has never been one to surrender or accept defeat.

  “Hello, son.” His tone is crisp, sending frost into the dehydrated air cloying at me.

  The fire beneath my skin boils hotter. “What’re you doing here?”

  “Cutting pleasantries? How surprising.”

  I allow a sneer to curl my top lip. “Killing ’em with kindness isn’t my style.”

  “Since my calls continue to go unanswered, I brought Grant along to talk some sense into you.” His snort is clogged with phlegm. I gag on a mouthful of bile. My father seems to take great pleasure in making me nauseous, a cruel smirk cracking his thin lips. “But now I can see that you’ve been preoccupied.”

  “I’m a busy man. Feel free to leave the same way you came.” I jut my chin toward the road.

  He strokes his pointy chin. “Yet you’re playing house. Who’s this little princess? Did you forget to tell me that I’m a grandpa?”

  Millie’s gasp draws my attention down. Her wide gaze flings to mine, endless questions swirling in those green pools. I force a smile for her benefit, but the expression wobbles. Every particle inside of me winding tight, swirling into a tornado set on annihilation. I return my glare to our intruders. “No, you’re most definitely not. I didn’t suddenly become a father, not that you’d be on the list to receive an announcement. This little lady is Millie. I’m friends with her mom.”

  “Ah, that makes more sense. A woman is using you for free babysitting.”

  “Nah, nothing like that. Millie is my friend, too. Right, Peep?”

  A shadow of a grin crosses her lips, and she gives me a slow nod. The glassy glimmer coating her eyes gives me pause. I furrow my brow, ready to address her emotion. A loud hoot of dry laughter interrupts me.

  “Peep? What the hell kind of nickname is that?”

  “None of your business, similar to anything else in my life.” My voice is slicing damn close to bloody. I think Millie is stunned silent, more than usual around strangers. Her eyes are popped open as she stares between Grant and my father.

  “So touchy. These ladies must mean a great deal to you. My loner son has found a soft spot. Isn’t that charming?”

  Putrid sludge laced with iron fills my stomach. The dread is so thick I could chew on a piece until my jaw cramps. “Leave my property or I’ll call the cops.”

  My father tsks. “Ah, turning gu
ard dog for another stray. How fitting.”

  I gnash my teeth at him, barely maintaining restraint. “You know nothing about them and I intend to keep it that way.”

  “So, this is your plan? I’m almost disappointed, Crawford. Choosing some floozy and her bastard child over your own family?” Grant flinches at our father’s tone and words, but he doesn’t say anything. Still the same old ass-kisser.

  Millie whimpers and clutches onto my leg. Her small form trembles against me. The fury triples and grows into a rabid, foaming beast. “You’re scaring her,” I snarl.

  “As I should be. She’s not wise enough to stay away from you on her own.”

  “I’m not the one she needs protecting from.”

  My father cackles, the sharp ruckus slashes into the distance separating us. “Maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but you’re bound to screw up. I mean, look at you. Living in the damn woods like a hermit. You can barely take care of yourself, let alone a single mother and her spawn.”

  His words penetrate too deep, finding a gaping hole in my armor that I’ve left exposed. The sensitive parts of me, where I keep Keegan and Millie hidden, take the brunt of his sucker punch. Those fractures allow my father’s poison to flood in, sabotaging any progress I’ve been foolish enough to attempt.

  A wheezing exhale rasps past my panting lips. “Get the hell out of here. You’ve done enough damage for two lifetimes.”

  He tips an imaginary hat. “Then I’ve done my job. Ruining any semblance of happiness you’re trying to achieve is always my goal, kid. Just returning the favor. Figured you’d know better by now.”

  And I do. I use my mother against him, and in turn, he tampers with the bubble I prefer to live in. This time, his damage is detrimental.

  My father and Grant spin on their loafers without a backward glance. I watch them leave, kicking up clouds of dust. If they ever come back, it’ll be far too soon. My threat about calling the cops isn’t idle. When I turn to face Millie, the fire in my lungs turns to ice.

  Tears are tracking down her cheeks faster than she can wipe the drops away. “I-I wanna g-go home.”

  Clawing my way out of the hole he digs usually takes a day or two. I can find a faster route to haul my mind from the murky chaos. The filth my father spat at me is nothing new. There’s no shocking twist of who I am, and that’s never been an issue. But this instance isn’t about me. Millie’s misery is my undoing. She relied on me to shield her from his toxic influence and I failed.