Believing in Tomorrow

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Sammi let out a long sigh. “I’m not sure that I know yet.”

  “And how does Levi feel?”

  She thought back to their conversation. “I actually don’t know. I couldn’t really tell how he felt about it all.”

  The openness she recalled—albeit rather hazily—from Levi the night at the bar had not been apparent when she’d shown up at his home. Maybe it had been the alcohol that had made him appear more relaxed and at ease the night at the bar because ‘relaxed and at ease’ were not the words she would use to describe him after their second meeting. Of course, she had shown up at his house unannounced and out of the blue told him he was going to be a father. The shock alone might have rendered him speechless.

  “Do you think he’ll want to be involved with doctor’s appointments and such?”

  Sammi shifted, pulling a pillow into her lap and wrapping her arms around it. For a moment she had a flash of jealousy towards Makayla. There was no question that Ethan would be going to appointments with her. There was no question that he would be in the delivery room with her. Instead, Sammi would be dealing with a stranger who might not care enough to want to be involved with either of those things.

  But she had no one to blame but herself for that. It was her actions, her decision to go against everything she’d been raised to believe, that had brought her to this point. Whether she liked it or not, she had to accept her situation.

  “We didn’t really talk about those things.”

  “Guess that’s something the two of you will have to discuss,” Makayla said rather matter of factly. “Communication is going to be even more important for both of you. Since you don’t know each other, you won’t be able to have an idea of how each of you will react to things. I mean, Ethan has a pretty good idea now of what I’ll think about certain situations, but it’s taken a bit of time to get to that point.”

  “I’m not sure I want him at doctor’s appointments, but I’ll see about things like ultrasounds.”

  “Just know that you’re not alone now. Even if you don’t want Levi there, I’ll go with you. And maybe Amy can go with you too?”

  At the mention of her best friend, Sammi winced. Just one more person she hadn’t confided in yet. Her friend, a fellow nurse, was on a six-month contract with a clinic in Northern Manitoba. Since she’d been away for four months already, Sammi hadn’t told her what had happened. “She won’t be home for a couple of months, but I suppose I’d better tell her, so she doesn’t arrive back to see me with a baby bump.”

  “It’s time to stop hiding it, Sammi,” Makayla said. “I know it will be difficult at times, but since you can’t hide a pregnancy unless you actually go into seclusion, you might as well embrace it.”

  Sammi knew that would be easier said than done, but her opportunity to make a choice had been three months ago. She had no choice now, but still, embracing the pregnancy felt like a bit more than she could handle just yet.

  A few weeks later, Sammi stared at the alert on her phone. When she’d received the letter with the ultrasound appointment, she’d recorded the date in her phone. She hadn’t talked to Levi yet, but she needed to soon. She would at least make the offer for him to accompany her to the appointment. If he wasn’t interested, she wasn’t going to get upset about it.

  After a hesitation, she opened up the chat screen. The last text between them had been a few days earlier. Every once in a while, Levi would text her to see how she was doing. The conversations were never very long, more of just a checking in with each other sort of thing. If he accepted her invitation to the ultrasound, Sammi felt that maybe things would change a bit.

  Hearing the baby’s heartbeat had made it very real for her, and she had a feeling that seeing the baby on the screen would make it real for Levi. Not that she thought he was in denial.

  Hi, Levi! I have an ultrasound appointment on Thursday at 2:30. Would you want to come with me?

  Levi: Is there something wrong with the baby?

  No. This is just the standard ultrasound that they do around eighteen weeks.

  Levi: Okay. I’ll go with you. Do you want me to pick you up?

  Sammi thought about it for a minute before replying. Sure. That would be great. Could you come around 1:30?

  Levi: Yep. I’ll see you then.

  With that settled, Sammi finished getting ready for work. Her shift started at ten, and she needed to head out the door in a few minutes in order to be on time. Thankfully, the exhaustion of the first trimester had eased, so work wasn’t the challenge it once had been. She hadn’t announced her pregnancy at work yet, but it wouldn’t be long before she’d need new scrubs. The weight she’d lost in the first trimester had come back with a vengeance, and now she needed to think about finding some maternity clothes. Unfortunately, there would be no hand-me-downs from Makayla since they were pregnant at the same time.

  After getting her things together, Sammi headed downstairs. She found her mom in the living room, curled up in one of the recliners with a book. She looked up as Sammi came into the room.

  “Off to work, sweetheart?” she asked as she closed the book, keeping one finger between the pages.

  “Yep. Last shift for the week.” Sammi went over and pressed a kiss to her mom’s cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Have a good night.”

  Things between her and her Mom had gotten better since that night when she’d told her parents about her pregnancy, but still, their relationship wasn’t where it had once been. It was hard for Sammi, but she didn’t know what she needed to do to bridge that final bit of awkwardness that still existed between them.

  She glanced at the horizon as she headed for her car, appreciating the fading colors of the sunset. The days were getting shorter now. When she’d been going to work a month earlier, the sun had still been up in the sky, but not anymore.

  When she got to work a short time later, Sammi was glad to see that it looked like it was going to be a quiet night. That was the one thing she enjoyed about the night shift. It was usually pretty calm and quiet. There were no visitors showing up, and all the residents were settled for the night. She loved her job and wasn’t sure what she was going to do when the baby was born, but she would cross that bridge when she got to it. In the meantime, she was going to just work as much as she could and save up money for the items she was going to need for the baby.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Sammi used her foot to keep the front porch swing moving gently as she waited for Levi. Neither of her parents were home—for which she was thankful. She didn’t really want to have to introduce everyone just yet. Until she knew for certain that Levi was going to be involved in the baby’s life, she wasn’t going to inflict the craziness that was her family on him.

  When his truck pulled up, she grabbed her purse and headed down the porch steps. As she neared the truck, Levi got out and came around to meet her.

  “Hello,” he said as he opened the passenger door.

  She smiled up at him and tried not to notice how handsome he looked in a pair of dark blue jeans and a white button-up shirt. The white of the shirt accentuated his dark hair and tanned skin. She couldn’t see his eyes past the dark sunglasses he wore, but he gave her a smile in return as she pulled herself up into the cab of the truck.

  After shutting the door, he walked around to the driver’s side and slid behind the wheel. “Where are we going?”

  “The ultrasound is at Women’s Hospital.”

  “On Notre Dame?”

  “Yep. You can park in the parkade right next to the hospital.”

  Levi steered down the driveway to the highway and then turned the truck toward the city. “How have you been doing?”

  “I’m doing good. Feeling better now.” She hesitated. “How have you been?”

  “Busy, but I won’t complain. I’ve been wanting to expand the business, so all the work is a good thing.”

  “You must do a good job if you’re this busy.” She shifted in her sea
t so she could see him better.

  He gave a shrug. “I’d like to think we do. I’m particular about the people that work for me.” He paused and grimaced but then continued. “I’m fortunate to have a good core team who know what they’re doing. It makes it easier knowing that I can trust them if I can’t be with them.”

  “Like today?”

  Levi glanced over and gave her a quick smile. “Yes. Like today, but also if there is more than one active job site. I would hate to have to spend all my days running between job sites babysitting my employees.”

  “So if you don’t travel from site to site, what do you do?” Sammi hoped that he wasn’t offended by the question because she really was curious about what he did.

  “Well, lately we’ve had some landscaping jobs that I’ve been working on. So I’m focused on that while some of the others are handling the regular mowing and lawn maintenance jobs. I’d much rather work on landscaping than mowing, but I did mowing for a lot of years, so I do help out when needed.”

  “What happens in winter?” Sammi found that she had an insatiable curiosity about her baby’s father.

  “Business is definitely slower, but we keep up the workload by doing a lot of snow removal.”

  As she listened to him talk about his work, Sammi realized that her dad would likely appreciate Levi’s work ethic. Having been someone who’d started and built up a business, he would probably admire what Levi had done with his business. Hard work was a trait her dad had tried to instill in all of them.

  “How are you managing at your job with being pregnant?” Levi asked as he slowed the truck to a stop at a red light.

  “It’s going pretty good. Since I work nights, it’s not too busy. When I worked days, I was run off my feet a lot of the time. At first, I wasn’t happy when they wanted me on full-time nights since I enjoyed interacting with the residents, but now I’m grateful for the less-busy work shift. And since I don’t start work until ten, I’m able to be at family dinners.” At one time she’d had a social life. One that included going out for “breakfast” with other night staff before they started their shifts. But like so many other social aspects of her life, that had all stopped with the positive pregnancy test.

  “Did you work last night?”

  Sammi sighed. “Yeah. I got off at six and went right to sleep for a few hours before getting ready for this appointment. I’ll have to nap again later.” She pointed to an upcoming street. “You can turn there and then left at the stop sign. The parkade is right there.”

  A short time later, Sammi led the way down the wide hall to the ultrasound waiting room. After she checked in, they found seats and settled in to wait. Levi focused on his phone, appearing to be trying to do a little bit of work while they waited for their turn. Sammi shifted in her seat when a large man sat down beside her. Her arm pressed up against Levi’s, and he glanced over at her. His sunglasses had been pushed to the top of his head, so his blue eyes were visible as he looked her over.

  “Everything okay?”

  She gave him a smile and a nod, but before she could say anything, her name was called. Sammi found that she was a bit nervous as they followed the nurse to the ultrasound room. She glanced up at Levi as they walked, but his face revealed nothing of what he was thinking or feeling. How she wished she could read his mind.

  When they came to an open doorway, the woman disappeared inside, and Levi waited until Samantha walked into the room before following her. What had started out as a drive to pick up Samantha and bring her to the ultrasound appointment had suddenly complicated things for him. He’d been a bit surprised at the size of Samantha’s house, but then he’d seen the logo of the truck that was sitting in the parking area.

  C&M Builders

  He had no idea how that truck related to Samantha and the house. Was someone from C&M Builders visiting there? Or did the truck actually belong to someone who lived at the large country-style home?

  C&M Builders… That was the company he’d hoped to submit landscaping bids to for houses they were building. But unfortunately, after the mess with Davy, he wouldn’t have the equipment and staff he would need to take on the bigger jobs for a while longer. It was a not-so-great reminder of how his plans had been derailed.

  While sitting in the waiting room, Levi had googled C&M Builders to find out a bit more about them. He hadn’t done a ton of previous research on the company—they had just been his goal—but now, realizing that Samantha had a connection to them, he was curious.

  He knew Samantha’s last name was McFadden, so it wasn’t a big surprise—although maybe it should have been—to see that the M in C&M stood for McFadden. Someone named Bennett McFadden was the CEO at the moment and from the look of him, he was Samantha’s brother. There was an Ethan Collins, but after reading the About Us page, he knew that the C stood for Callaghan—as in Steve Callaghan, who had started the company. According to the bio stating it was a family business, he figured out that the man was Samantha’s father.

  “There’s a chair there for you,” the technician said with a smile as she gestured to Levi. “Sammi, let’s get you up on the table.”

  It was odd how she’d introduced herself as Sammi to the receptionist, but all this time, he’d thought of her as Samantha. Even now, knowing Sammi was the name she used, he couldn’t think of her as anything but Samantha.

  He settled onto the wheeled chair and watched as the technician helped her lay back on the table. It was only when the woman lifted Samantha’s shirt that he noticed the slight bump that her outfit had hidden. She tucked a towel into the waistband of Samantha’s pants and moved them down a bit, so her whole stomach was bared. It was strangely intimate even though he’d seen her in far less—although he didn’t really have a clear memory of that—and he would see even more of a stranger in a swimsuit on the beach.

  “I’m just going to take some measurements first, then I’ll show you some pictures of your little one.”

  Even though the woman spent the next several minutes working silently, Levi stared at the screen, trying to figure out exactly what they were seeing. The technician would move the scanner part of the machine around and then tap some on the console in front of her.

  As he watched, Levi began to wonder what would happen if the scan revealed something was wrong. Samantha had said that it was just a regular scan, but what if it started out like that but ended with scary news? He tried to push those thoughts aside, but he couldn’t just ignore that possibility.

  When Samantha had texted him to see if he wanted to come with her to this appointment, his first reaction had been to say no. If she was still considering giving the baby up for adoption, Levi wasn’t sure that getting attached to the baby was a good idea. And seeing the baby at an ultrasound would open him up to that possibility. The first message he’d typed out had been declining her invitation, but he hadn’t sent it. He’d had the thought that if she had to face the possibility of getting attached to a baby they would ultimately give away, then he should take that risk too. So, he’d deleted the message and typed out another one agreeing to come with her.

  Levi glanced at Samantha, wondering what she was thinking as the appointment progressed. Her gaze was glued to the screen, and her brows were drawn tightly together. Did she see something on the monitor? He’d forgotten she was a nurse…did she recognize something? He looked down and saw her hand was fisted on the bed beside her hip.

  Worried, Levi reached out and covered her hand with his. She looked at him right away for a moment before turning back to the monitor. However, Levi couldn’t help but notice that her hand relaxed, then she laced her fingers with his.

  “So…are you wanting to know what the sex is?” the technician asked as she turned to look at them.

  Samantha glanced at him for a moment before nodding. “Yes. I’d like to know.”

  Levi hadn’t even thought about that, but he also nodded when the technician looked at him. The woman’s expression was curious as her gaze moved b
etween them, and it made him wonder what she thought of them. Clearly, they didn’t share the closeness that would be apparent in most parents in that situation.

  The woman shifted the scanner around a bit before settling at one point. She reached out to touch the monitor. “That little flutter there is the baby’s heartbeat.” She touched a knob on the console, and suddenly a whooshing sound filled the room. “And that’s the heartbeat.”

  Levi swallowed hard, taken off guard by the rush of emotion that overcame him at the sound. That was the heartbeat of a child that was part of him. Samantha’s hand tightened around his, and he glanced over to see that her eyes were wide, and they looked wet.

  “This is the baby’s head, and that there is the arm.” She pointed to another part of the screen. “There’s the leg and foot. And it appears that you have a fairly cooperative little one as more than once they gave me the shot I needed to confirm its gender.” She glanced over at them. “You’re sure you want to know?”

  “Yes,” they said in unison with no hesitation.

  She grinned and said, “Well, Mommy and Daddy, meet your little girl.”

  “A girl?” Samantha laughed. “Oh wow. That’s three for three.”

  “Three for three?” Levi looked down at Samantha, and the joy on her face made him think that maybe adoption wasn’t going to be part of this baby’s future.

  “My sister is also pregnant with a girl, and my brother’s girlfriend already has a baby girl.” She laughed again. “It’s about time we added a few more females to the family. We’ve been outnumbered for a long time now.”

  No doubt the technician was wondering why Levi didn’t know those things about Samantha’s family. For a moment, he envied Samantha the excitement she was experiencing over discovering that she was going to have a daughter. His own emotions at the news were mixed. He was glad that the baby would have a large family with cousins to play with, but it left him to wonder what his own role would be in her life.