Believing in Tomorrow

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Sammi slipped through the front door, closing it softly, hoping that no one would hear her. Unfortunately, the security alarm in the house beeped whenever the doors opened or closed, so if anyone was paying attention, they’d know someone had come in. All she could hope was that it would be someone she could bluster her way past. Someone like Gabe or maybe Dalton. If it were Maya or Makayla, she wouldn’t be so lucky. But it seemed that her bad luck for that year was going to continue since Makayla came out from the kitchen as Sammi headed toward the stairs leading to the second floor and the sanctuary of her room.

  “Sammi,” Makayla called.

  Letting out a sigh, Sammi turned to face her sister, her hand gripping the railing. “What are you doing here?”

  “Ethan and I went out to eat after the service then spent a little time up at the hospital with Mom. Dad said you’d been there earlier. Where have you been since then?” She came closer and frowned. “Are you okay?”

  “Levi took me to the hospital after the service and then we went for lunch. We just finished eating a bit ago, so he brought me home.”

  Makayla’s gaze went to the front door. “He didn’t want to come in?”

  “Not this time,” Sammi said, although she really had no idea. In truth, he probably would have come in with her, but there was no way she wanted to have the conversation they needed to have with a potential audience.

  “Did you want to talk?” Makayla asked.

  “Not really.” Sammi braced herself for an inquisition, but instead, Makayla just gave her a soft smile.

  “Well, you know where to find me if you do.”

  Sammi nodded then continued to climb the stairs. Once she reached her room, she changed out of her church clothes into a pair of stretchy leggings and a baggy T-shirt. Her phone chirped as she was pulling her hair up into a ponytail. Her stomach clenched, thinking it was likely to be Levi, following up on the abrupt end of their conversation.

  Wary, she tightened her ponytail then crawled onto the bed, grabbing her phone from where she’d dropped it on the mattress beside her purse. It wasn’t until she was propped against her pillow that she looked at the screen.

  Amy: I’m coming to the city on Friday. You have some time for me?

  Relief flooded Sammi when she realized it wasn’t Levi, even though underneath that relief was a thread of disappointment. But for now, she’d happily make plans with Amy. Maybe a visit from her best friend would bring her the distraction she needed from the mess her situation with Levi had become.

  Of course. All the time you want.

  Her phone rang then and, after making sure it was Amy, Sammi answered it. For the next half hour, they made some plans, but their conversation didn’t get too deep as Amy had to go to work. Sammi was grateful for yet another reprieve. Until she’d had some time to think through her conversation with Levi, she wasn’t really interested in talking with anyone about it.

  As she lay on the bed once her call with Amy was over, Sammi finally thought back over her time with Levi. She wanted to focus on the good parts of it, the time they’d spent talking at Tims before his ex-fiancée had shown up. But over and over, her thoughts kept going to the downward spiral things had taken…and Levi’s words just before their conversation had ended.

  …we can get married.

  I just want you to be happy.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  By the time Sammi arrived for her shift on Thursday night, she was glad that Yvette had insisted she just do the three shifts her first week back, after her two weeks off. It wasn’t that she was still feeling the effects of her concussion, it was more that the week had been stressful enough already with her mom’s arrival back at the house and Sammi’s own turmoil over things with Levi, whom she hadn’t heard anything from all week.

  As she slipped behind the desk at the care home, one of the nurses handed some charts to Sammi. Knowing they would be the residents that she was responsible for that night, she paused when she saw Levi’s mom’s chart among them. With all the other stuff she’d been dealing with, she had completely forgotten to inform Yvette of her connection to Donna Weston, but now she wished she would have. The last thing she wanted—or needed—was a confrontation with Levi’s mom.

  Deciding that she’d let Yvette know before her next shift, Sammi sat down on a chair and began to read through the latest updates on the various charts to see if there was anything she needed to be aware of through the night. Once she was up to speed, the nurses who were just coming on shift met with those going off for a final exchange of information.

  After the shift change was completed, Sammi began to visit the rooms of each of her assigned residents to make sure they were settled for the night. She was surprised to see that Donna, Levi’s mom, was still awake when she went into her room.

  “Are you feeling okay?” Sammi asked as she went to her bedside.

  “I’m fine. I wanted to talk to you,” the older woman said. “Can you turn the light up?”

  Sammi hesitated to stop to chat since Donna wasn’t her only responsibility for the night. “I still need to check on a few other people, then I’ll come back.”

  At the woman’s nod, Sammi left the room. She took her time checking on the other residents, hoping that Donna might fall asleep before she returned to her room. Sadly, that was not the case.

  “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back,” the woman said when Sammi stepped into her room once again.

  Hearing the irritation in Donna’s voice, Sammi went ahead and slid the switch of the light up a bit. Not enough to light up the whole room, but just enough to give a bit more illumination. She really didn’t want to have contact with Levi’s mom—she felt ill-equipped to deal with her.

  “I just had to make sure the other residents didn’t need me,” Sammi said, wishing she’d passed Donna’s chart off to one of the other nurses when she’d realized it was part of her batch of charts for the evening. She’d had responsibility for Donna before she’d realized who she was, but for those times, the woman had usually been asleep by the time Sammi had come on shift, so she hadn’t had to actually deal with her.

  “How’s the baby?” Donna asked, her gaze going to where Sammi’s belly pushed out the shapeless scrubs she wore.

  “She’s fine.” She smoothed a hand over the bump. “Active.”

  “Do you have a name for her?”

  “No. We haven’t settled on one yet.” And even if they had, she wouldn’t have told Donna. That was information the woman would have to get from Levi. “We’re still talking about it.”

  “Is Levi being difficult?”

  Sammi frowned. “Difficult?”

  “Levi can be…set in his ways. He thinks things have to be done his way. Doesn’t cut others much slack.”

  A protective anger surged through Sammi. “Levi isn’t difficult.”

  Donna scoffed. “Has he told you what he did to his brother?”

  “Yes. He also told me what his brother did to him.” Sammi didn’t want to talk to Donna anymore, but she did want to defend Levi. Something told her that he rarely had anyone stand up for him the way he stood up for others. She was reminded of what he’d done for her with Jayden, and that gave her the courage to stand up to his mother’s insults.

  “It was just money. What’s a little money between brothers?”

  Sammi tried to keep her tone gentle as she responded. She didn’t want to make things worse between Levi and his mother. “It was more than a little money from what Levi has said. Plus, it’s that money that pays for you to live here. Was Davy prepared to help cover the cost of you being in here the way Levi has? Because that’s what would have been required of him if Levi hadn’t been able to pay his employees and had lost his business.”

  She’d taken a gamble in her guess that Levi was paying for Donna to be a resident in the care home, and when the woman didn’t deny it, Sammi knew she’d been right.

  Donna stared at Sammi, a hard look on her face. “I s
uppose it’s only natural you’d take Levi’s side.”

  “He’s your son. Just like Davy. I would have thought that you’d be on his side too. Davy shouldn’t have taken what wasn’t his.”

  Donna’s eyes narrowed as her frown deepened. “I think I liked Caren better.”

  Sammi hated that she had already alienated her daughter’s grandmother, but she just couldn’t stand to let Donna think that Levi wasn’t a good man. “It seems that perhaps Caren was better suited to Davy.” She wasn’t going to mention that she’d met the woman, but she was going to try and smooth things over. “Levi does love you, and he’s doing his best to take care of you. What Davy did threatened Levi’s ability to do that. Maybe you need to look a little harder at Davy’s actions.”

  Donna looked away. “He’s my baby.”

  Sammi tried to keep her tone soft. “I know he’s your son, but so is Levi. They both deserve your love. Sometimes you need gentle love, sometimes you need tough love.” She paused, weighing the words she wanted to say to the woman. “I think Levi needs a bit of your gentle love right now, while perhaps Davy needs a little tough love.”

  “How do you know about stuff like that?” Donna asked, still not looking at Sammi.

  “I’m one of ten children. We’ve all received both gentle and tough love from our parents.” Sammi knew she couldn’t spend much more time with Donna, but she was going to at least try to give the woman something to consider before she moved on to the other things she was required to do during her shift. “I need to get back to work. At least think about what I’ve said, okay?”

  Donna nodded but didn’t say anything more. Sammi made sure she was comfortable then turned down the light before leaving the room. The next time she checked in on the woman, she was sound asleep. Their conversation played through her mind as she finished off her shift, and she hoped she’d done more good than harm in what she’d said to Donna. In some ways, it seemed that the relationship between the mother and son couldn’t be much worse, but if there was any chance she could help make things better, she wanted to do that for Levi.

  When her shift ended, Sammi headed home to get a few hours sleep before she met up with Amy later that day. It had been almost six months since they’d been together, and Sammi was excited to see her best friend again. So much had changed for her since the last time they’d hung out. With almost a week having passed since her difficult conversation with Levi—and with no communication from him—Sammi needed someone to talk to. Although she wasn’t sure if she was ready to give Amy all the details of that last conversation with Levi just yet.

  Levi left the care home on Saturday afternoon confused. Grateful, but still confused. For the first time in months, his mom had appeared happy to see him. Okay, happy might be a stretch, but at least she had greeted him civilly, and there had been no snide remarks from her during his visit.

  She’d thanked him for the flowers and told him that she thought they were pretty. As he’d walked her around the garden, she’d asked about the baby. He hadn’t taken the time to try to figure out the change while he’d been with her, but now that he was on his way home, the wonderment of it wouldn’t leave him alone.

  After a week spent distracted by what had happened with Samantha, he was ready for something else to occupy his thoughts. Thankfully, he’d have even more to distract him once he got home. Henry was in town, and they were going to the Bomber game. Keenan had come to the Bible study group on Monday night with a pair of tickets for him. Though Levi held season tickets, they weren’t anywhere near as good as the ones Keenan gave him, so he’d passed those on to Jeff and Spencer. It had just worked out that Henry was in town so that they could attend the game together.

  He’d felt a bit guilty taking the tickets after what had happened with Sammi, but Levi found that he was reluctant to end his contact with any of the new people in his life. He had precious few friends, and now that he had a few new ones, he didn’t want to lose them. The last study had taken place at the home Keenan shared with a couple of other guys on the team, and none of the Callaghan or McFadden guys had been there. Since he knew it had been their first day with their mom at home, Levi hadn’t been surprised.

  Following the study, which had ended earlier than the previous ones, Keenan had invited Levi to stay for a little bit longer. The man seemed to have an uncanny ability to read minds—or at least discern when something was troubling someone. With no one else to confide in—Henry certainly wouldn’t understand the shame and guilt Sammi felt since it wasn’t a big deal in their world—Levi had shared everything that had happened with Keenan. He didn’t even spare the parts that didn’t reflect well on him.

  Keenan’s ultimate advice had been to give Samantha a bit of space, especially since there had been a lot going on with her and her family that week. Levi wasn’t sure if Keenan’s bit of space meant to have gone the entire week without contacting her, but now he wasn’t sure how to bridge the distance. He planned to attend church the next day, so he hoped that he could see her and maybe re-establish contact between them.

  Once the game was over—the team having pulled out a win—Henry came back to the house with him to spend the night. Levi had warned him that he’d be going to church the next day, but that hadn’t deterred his friend from staying, so Henry was now sound asleep on the pull-out couch in Levi’s basement.

  As had become his habit once he was in bed, Levi checked Samantha’s Facebook page. He wasn’t sure what he was hoping to see. A sudden pregnancy announcement? A wedding invitation? A proclamation of love? But so far that week there had been nothing. Not even a post about her mom.

  That night, however, there was something new. Not a post by Samantha, but a tag for her in a selection of photos by Amy Wallace. Levi immediately recognized the name as the person Samantha had mentioned was her best friend. It looked like both he and Samantha had had their best friends come into town the same weekend. Given everything she’d been dealing with, Levi was glad that Samantha would be able to spend time with Amy.

  He couldn’t keep himself from scrolling through the pictures. Her best friend was pretty much Samantha’s opposite in appearance with her blonde hair and light blue eyes. Amy had a wide smile while Samantha’s was more reserved. Had it always been that way?

  Levi had never known her without the stress of the break-up with Jayden or the pregnancy weighing heavily upon her. What had she been like when she’d been with Jayden? When her hopes and dreams had still been in full bloom? Had her joy with life been more radiant? Had her smiles been infectious the way Amy’s were in the pictures she’d posted?

  Levi moved his finger to rest over the like option for one particularly beautiful picture of Samantha. He hesitated to click the button though. As he looked at the picture, he read some of the comments underneath. Clearly, he wasn’t the only one who thought the picture was a good one of Samantha, but then he saw a comment that made his blood boil.

  Jayden Murray: Surprised you have anything to smile about, Sammi. Pregnant with a stranger’s child and no sign of a wedding ring? What kind of example are you to your younger sister and other girls in the church? So glad I broke up with you.

  A dozen different responses ran through Levi’s head. He wanted to lash out at the man for hurting Samantha. For saying things that were meant to inflict pain on someone who was already wounded. He clicked on the screen to reply but got an error message. Frowning, he refreshed the page and saw that the comment was gone. Apparently, Amy had deleted it. Hopefully, she had blocked Jayden as well. And he hoped that Samantha had already blocked him too.

  The man was clearly on a mission to inflict maximum pain. Like Samantha was to blame for the recent turn his life had taken. Jayden needed to take responsibility for his decisions like a man instead of trying to blame everyone else. It just reinforced in Levi’s mind that Jayden was not a decent person.

  After having seen that nasty comment, Levi wanted to leave a nice one for Samantha but didn’t know what to say. In th
e end, he settled for liking the picture. After a moment’s hesitation, he downloaded it to his phone. He felt a bit like a creeper, but that still didn’t stop him from saving the photo. Maybe he’d get it printed and put in a frame for the nursery, so even when the baby was with him, she could still see a picture of her mommy.

  Trying to ignore the sadness that filled him at the thought of parenting on his own, he laid his phone on the nightstand and snapped off the light. As he lay there, he wondered what he was going to say to Samantha the next day. Would she want to talk to him at all? He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. He’d crossed at least one line in his comments to her.

  As that thought circled in his head, Levi had a slow realization that his comments might have been as hurtful to Samantha as Jayden’s had been. Was he any better than the man he was determined to hate? He didn’t like the thought, and he knew that he had to make things right with Samantha. An apology was definitely in order. At the very least.

  Somehow, he had to find a way to get along with Samantha without hurting her again. Though he wanted her to be happy with the baby and the way her life was, he couldn’t force that happiness on her. And if he wanted to be a part of the baby’s life, he needed to pull back and just accept that Samantha had to make her own choices.

  He thought of the stories he’d heard from the men at the first Bible study he’d gone to, and the things they had accepted as God’s will in their lives. As he recalled the men praying, Levi wondered if God would hear his prayer. If he prayed for Samantha, would God hear him?

  Deciding he had nothing to lose, for the first time in his life, Levi prayed, with the belief that there was a God out there who could hear him.

  Dear God…please help Samantha find happiness with her life and the baby. Help me to know what to do to make things right with her. Amen.

  His prayer hadn’t had the confident fluidity of the men who had prayed that night in Bennett’s apartment, but he hoped his simple but heartfelt words were enough. And next time he had a chance to talk to Keenan, Levi wanted to find out how to make sure that God would hear his prayers.