An Irresistible Man

by Kylie Brant

  The words hit her with another meaning. Did she know anything about taking a risk? She’d had intimate experience with it in the past several days. “Yes, believe it or not, Cruz, I know exactly what you mean.”

  He glanced at her. “May as well head out. One thing we’re sure of is that nothing more will be going on here tonight.”

  “We can be fairly certain that nothing will happen until the next shipment comes in.”

  “Which will be any day now. We’ll be back tomorrow to watch. Want to go home for a while?”

  Home. The word hit her and a sense of yearning she’d never before felt mushroomed in her stomach. Yes, she’d very much like to go home with him. She wanted to take the time to store up a few more memories, against the time when memories might be the only thing left to her.

  “What do you say, Maddy?” His voice interrupted her thoughts.

  “It’s a very attractive offer,” she said, trying to respond normally.

  “Is that all that’s attractive to you?” His voice was wheedling.

  Madeline couldn’t prevent a smile. “Well, you didn’t shoot me back there. I’ve always found that an attractive quality in a man.”

  “Stick with me, kid,” he joked. “I’m full of great qualities.”

  Just a few more days, she promised herself as they drove down the dark streets of the city. Surely the case would be over then. And then she would be able to tell him the whole story. And somehow she’d make him understand.

  In the meantime, she had one more night to cherish.

  The next morning Cruz dropped her off at her apartment so she could get her car, and then they headed to district headquarters for a while. They needed to check out the license number of the truck Valdez was driving. They also needed to take the precaution of picking up some bulletproof vests.

  When Madeline entered the building she made her way to Cruz’s desk. He was nowhere in sight, but Connor McLain was leaning against the edge of the desk, sipping from a mug of coffee.

  She slowed at the sight of him. She knew how close Cruz and Connor were, but she’d never felt totally comfortable in the other man’s presence. Those light green eyes were too piercing, and when they were trained on her, as they were now, she felt stripped to the soul.

  “Lieutenant McLain.” She acknowledged him carefully. “I don’t see Cruz. Is he around?”

  He indicated the closed door of his office. “He had a visitor. I let them use my office for a few minutes.”

  “Oh.” She looked pensively at the closed door he was indicating, then shrugged and turned back to him. “Did Cruz tell you what we found out last night?”

  “A little.” He paused to drink some more coffee. “Sounds like it’ll all be going down in the next couple of days.”

  “We think so.”

  “I took a phone call for him yesterday from Lieutenant Niles,” he informed her. “He left a message that they didn’t match Cantoney’s prints to any found in Stover’s apartment.”

  “Well, if things pan out the way we think they will,” she answered optimistically, “we should have the supplier anyway. And hopefully soon.”

  Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of Connor’s office door being opened. When her father stepped out, Madeline couldn’t have been more shocked.

  “Madeline, dear, I don’t have time to talk right now, but I have taken care of the matter we discussed the other day. I’ll be calling you very soon.” Her father gave a slight wave and headed toward the exit.

  It took long moments for the seemingly incongruous sight of her father at the headquarters to congeal into some sort of sense. And then, when comprehension dawned, it was accompanied by a feeling of impending doom. Without another word she walked away from Connor and toward his office. She had to literally force herself to step over the threshold.

  The expression on Cruz’s face told her exactly what the two men had been talking about.

  “Is it true?” His words, tight and direct, seemed to slice the air between them.

  “Cruz…” she began helplessly.

  “No.” His hand came up to stem whatever words she had been about to say. “Just answer me. Is… it… true?”

  The waves of guilt threatened to completely engulf her. This was what she’d feared all along. That she would someday see this look on his face, see this coldness in his eyes, hear the distrust in his voice. Would it have been different if she’d told him herself when she’d been able? She would most certainly have explained it better than her father had. He’d undoubtedly come here for the sole purpose of wreaking havoc.

  She’d never know the answer to her question now. And the knowledge that she’d most likely brought about this scene with her unwise outburst to her father didn’t make it any easier. For Geoffrey Casey had come here today only because she’d convinced him that the threat of Cruz in her life was a reality.

  Madeline made herself face his implacable visage, steeling herself not to flinch at the look of betrayal in his eyes. “Yes,” she whispered hopelessly.

  That one soft word seemed to rock him for an instant. That was the sum total of his reaction. He tossed her one of the vests he was holding, turned and started walking out the door.

  She caught his arm as he went by her. “Cruz, wait.”

  That dark gaze-the one that she could remember hot with passion, sharp with intent, soft with tenderness-now looked as though it could cut through ice. He looked at her, then pointedly at his arm. Reading his message as clearly as if it had been etched in stone, she dropped her hand. “Please, wait,” she said again, aware of the pleading note in her voice. “I can imagine what my father told you, but knowing him, I’m sure he got a twisted pleasure in breaking this news in the most hurtful way possible.”

  “Well, I don’t know about that.” She flinched at the caustic note in his tone. “There’s something about truth that, no matter how painful, is easier to take than a lie.”

  “I never lied to you,” she said in a low tone.

  His eyebrows arched. “No? Maybe you didn’t, in your mind. Somehow it seems a bit devious to me to sleep with a man you’re working to convict, but then, that’s semantics for you. It’s not actually a lie, no, it’s more… hmm. What would you call it? A complete lack of morals, perhaps?”

  “I didn’t choose this assignment. And you weren’t the only detective being investigated.”

  His smile held a hint of cruelty, and absolutely no amusement. “Then you’ve been busier than I thought.”

  Desperation tinged her tone. “Internal Affairs had reason to believe that one of the detectives assigned to the gun investigations was involved in the supply side. Each of them was assigned a partner from I.A.”

  “How many of us?” he snapped.

  “Five. All from different districts.”

  “Well? Don’t keep me in suspense.” He laughed shortly. “Which one of us was it?”

  She hesitated. “We don’t know,” she finally answered. “There hasn’t been any luck so far linking any of the detectives to the gun supply.”

  “Great,” he said, giving her a hard stare. “That means I haven’t been cleared, either, have I?” When she didn’t answer, he repeated sharply, “Have I?”

  Her eyes were clear when she looked into his. “It’s not you.”

  He held her gaze. “How do you know?”

  “I just do. I didn’t have anything that cleared you to my captain, but when he asked me, I told him what I thought. You’re not the one.” Encouraged by his silence, she continued tentatively, “It all got twisted up, Cruz. Trying to do my job, trying to keep my feelings for you separate from the investigation…”

  “And we know just how deep those feelings ran,” he interjected sarcastically. “You’re a remarkable woman, you really are. Sleep with a man and dig up all the dirt you can on him at the same time. I’ll say one thing for you, lady, you blindsided me. I never suspected your little plan for a moment.”

  “There was no plan.
I fell in love with you!” she blurted out desperately. The words hung in the air, shocking both of them. She’d never admitted their truth, not even to herself. But she couldn’t deny the feeling. Nor could she have chosen a worse time to voice it.

  His jaw clenched. “Cheap shot, Maddy. Do the words `too little, too late’ mean anything to you?”

  “Don’t say that,” she whispered. “Let me explain. You don’t know how it was.”

  “I think I can guess.” His twisted smile held no amusement. “Don’t forget, I’ve been screwed by Internal Affairs before. Although your methods were a bit more literal, the end result is the same.”

  Chapter 16

  Madeline didn’t know how long she remained in Connor’s office after Cruz slammed the door. His words hammered at her insides, and there was enough truth in them to make her whole body ache. How could she have let things go so far wrong? If she’d been able to tell him in her own time, in her own way, would things have been different? Or was it inevitable from the very beginning? She wearily acknowledged that it really didn’t matter now. To use Cruz’s words, the end result was the same. He’d walked out, and she’d lost him, just as she’d feared she would.

  She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, to stem the tears she could feel pooling there. She didn’t know how she was going to get through this. The knowledge that she’d hurt Cruz was the worst kind of pain of all. Ordinarily she could push all unpleasantness aside and throw herself into her work. She gave a choked laugh. Since she worked with Cruz, that wouldn’t be a possibility.

  A rap on the doorjamb and a voice startled her. “Madeline? Are you done in there?”

  She whirled around in dismay. While her whole world had fallen apart, Connor McLain had been waiting outside, no doubt wondering when he was going to get his office back. She crossed to his desk and snatched up some tissues from the box there and hurriedly blew her nose. “Yes,” she called out, her voice husky. She crossed to the door and opened it, not meeting his eyes as she apologized, “I’m sorry. That was rude. I… forgot where I was.” She meant to duck by him, not willing to be pinned in place by his assessing gaze. But before she was able, he spoke again.

  “Mind staying for a minute?” Connor leaned against the door, an effective means of blocking this woman’s escape, should she be so inclined. Studying her, he realized that she would have made no such move. She looked as though she’d been leveled by a bulldozer.

  “Care to tell me what that was all about?” he asked bluntly. “Cruz will tell me anyway, in time. I don’t remember when I last saw him looking the way he did when he walked out of here, and, lady, I think you’ve got some explaining to do.”

  She let out a choked breath at his words. “Well, I’m afraid that will have to wait. I don’t have the authority to discuss this with you.” She walked to the door, and after staring at her intently for a moment he slowly moved aside.

  “When the time comes, you will give me that explanation, Detective,” he said, sotto voce.

  Her voice was weary when she answered. “I’m afraid that when the time comes for explanations, Lieutenant, you’re going to have to wait in line.”

  Madeline made a trip to the rest room to restore a semblance of order to her makeup. Then she used a stall for privacy while she put the vest on. When she could delay it no longer, she headed back toward Cruz’s desk. She met him in the aisle, walking toward the door.

  “C’mon,” he said brusquely, passing by and not turning to see whether she obeyed. “It’s time to head back to the warehouse.”

  Madeline followed him silently. She’d never seen his face look like this before. Rarely was it without some remnant of humor, a crooked smile, a quirked eyebrow. Now it was as impassive as a statue’s, and she despaired of ever reaching him on any level again.

  She waited awhile, but when it became obvious that he had no intention of speaking, she broke the silence. “I know you’re hurt and angry. But, Cruz, sometime we’re going to have to talk about this.”

  His eyes never left the street in front of him. His voice, when he answered, was devoid of inflection. “Madeline, we have to work together. Maybe for a day more, a few days, tops. The only things we have to say to each other in that time have to do with the case. Do you understand me?”

  “You can’t wish this situation away!” she exclaimed. “And you can’t pretend that we never happened.”

  “No, I sure can’t, much as I’d like to.” His voice turned grim. “I’ve got a job to do, and we both know how good you are at your job, so let’s make an agreement right now. We both see this case through, and when it ends, it’s over. And, lady, let me tell you, the sight of you walking away for the last time will be the most welcome sight in the world.”

  # # # #

  Those words proved prophetic to Madeline in the next few days. It was tortuous to be so close to Cruz, yet to have this emotional chasm between them. He was as professional as he’d promised to be. Every word he uttered had to do with the case. Otherwise there was only deafening silence.

  And she was helpless to bridge that silence. He had been agonizingly clear about his feelings regarding her actions. What else was there to say to him? She wanted to beg with him again to hear her out, but she wasn’t sure how to after he’d been so precise about his wishes. She wasn’t up to dealing with another verbal slap, however justified it might be.

  She hadn’t spoken to her father since he’d gone to the headquarters, and she couldn’t imagine a time when she would willingly speak to him again. She’d known he was a snob, and that was what had motivated him to ensure that she and Cruz would not continue a relationship. Casey could barely stand the idea that his daughter was a cop. He’d never given up the hope that she would come to her senses and make her living in a more “acceptable” fashion. The idea of her with Cruz on a personal level was a threat to the control he attempted to maintain over her life. The fact that he would also be smashing any feelings that she would have toward him would not have occurred to Geoffrey Casey. He regarded emotion as a frivolity best cast aside in any case.

  In all the time she’d spent agonizing over how she was going to tell Cruz, never had she come close to predicting the mind-shattering pain of Cruz’s rejection. It was torment to see his attitude toward her turn into the same courteous manner with which he would treat a stranger. Stiffer than that, really, because Cruz Martinez had never met a stranger. His charm had always been in evidence, no matter whom he was speaking to. But now, toward her, his face was blank. His tone was carefully even, and not by one flicker of an eyelash did he exhibit any emotion toward her. When he did address her, he called her Madeline, and that, more than anything else, told her how far he’d really withdrawn from her. She’d been Maddy to him since the night they first made love. The once-hated nickname had taken a different flavor on his lips. She realized with bitter certainty that she wasn’t likely to hear it again.

  Even as the time seemed to crawl, part of her wished it would slow even more. If these last few days were all she had left with Cruz, part of her wanted them to last forever. Madeline felt torn in two by the constant tug-of-war within her. When she made mistakes, she went all out.

  But somehow she still felt that if she’d been able to be the one to tell him, things might not have gone so badly awry.

  Cruz shifted in the passenger seat. Despite the darkness that had fallen outside, despite his usual ability to relax anyplace, anytime, the news that Geoffrey Casey had given him two days before had taken its toll. It had been strange, meeting Madeline’s father for the first time. Never had he suspected that Madeline was the daughter of Councilman Casey. Certainly she’d never mentioned it. At first he’d been struck by the resemblance between the two, obvious in the bone structure of their faces, the same straight noses. He’d been so sidetracked by the similarities that it had taken him a moment to catch the gist of what the man was saying to him.

  Councilman Casey was a cold bastard. First he dropped the bombshell
that Madeline worked for Internal Affairs. Then he’d laid the news of the investigation right at Cruz’s feet, and he’d smiled charmingly as he’d twisted the knife. Apparently telling of his daughter’s duplicity hadn’t bothered him a bit. Hell, he’d probably been proud of her. A chip off the old block, and all that. Obviously they had more than bone structure in common.

  There had been times, especially in the year since Connor had met and married Michele, that Cruz had felt what came close to envy for his friend. Maybe it was his age, but there had been occasions when he’d wondered what it would feel like to find someone he wanted to spend his life with. To marry that someone, plan to spend every day with her, plan to have a family with her.

  Now he not only knew what it was like to experience those feelings, he knew what it was like to have them blow up in his face. He hadn’t reckoned with the flip side of it. Letting a person get that close meant they had the ability to inflict excruciating emotional pain. And he was sure feeling his share of that, thanks to Madeline Casey.

  It shouldn’t have been difficult to shove her out of his mind, and his system. There had been plenty of women over the years who-for one reason or another- no longer had a place in his life. He’d always managed to extricate them with grace, and he was still on friendly terms with most of them. Why didn’t that seem possible with the woman keeping silent watch next to him?

  Because she’d gotten to him, he acknowledged dourly. He’d let her matter to him, too much. And he’d gotten burned big time. It was a bit difficult to get her out of his mind when all he had to do was look across the car to see her. It was hard to forget her voice when it was the only one he heard all day, albeit not often.

  His hands clenched on his lap. Who was he kidding? It was damn hard to forget Maddy even when he had a few hours at home, before they were due back on watch again. His apartment was full of her. She was in front of his patio doors, her hair afire with light. She was in the kitchen, fiddling with her sandwich or, even more erotic, sprawling across the counter beneath him. She was in his bedroom, lying across his bed in wanton splendor.