The List

by Alice Ward

  Three months before, that thought would have terrified me. Today it thrilled me. Doing things right with Riley was a challenge to be met. I was excited to prove my capability. I was also scared, but Rochelle’s words rang in my head.

  Just because your parents did things one way doesn’t mean you’re doomed to do the same.

  She was right. And I just had to keep reminding myself of that. With Riley’s sunny presence, it shouldn’t be too hard.

  Thinking about my parents made me remember that I hadn’t talked to my mother in weeks. The last time, like all the others, didn’t go very well. It was probably time I tried again… even if I didn’t want to.

  Rolling out of bed, I grabbed some boxers and tugged them on. I snatched my phone from where it was plugged up to charge and crept into the living room. Settling down on the couch, I started to dial my mother’s number — and stopped.

  Why was I doing this? Really? Why did I call her up once a month and try to convince her to leave my father? That tactic hadn’t work the last fifty times I tried it. Did I really think that this time would be any different?

  I shut my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. What I’d been doing was living the definition of insanity. I’d been performing the same action over and over under the belief that I’d get a different result. Of course, I never did. My mother wasn’t going to change.

  Because I haven’t changed.

  It was a realization that rocketed through me. I opened my eyes back up and shook my head in amazement. It was so obvious… what I needed to do so clear.

  I couldn’t keep pushing my mother, always telling her what to do. Who liked that, anyway? Of course she pushed back. I would too if I were her. But what if I tried a different tactic? What if I tried to be more understanding?

  Suppose I called her just to talk and not to make demands or suggestions. What would happen? The answer was that I couldn’t even imagine how the conversation would go. Which meant it was worth trying.

  I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what to say, but I dialed her number. She picked up on the second ring.

  “Hey, you.”

  “Hey, Mom. How are you doing?”

  “I’m good, babe. Just wondering when you’re coming to see me. Are you going to do that sometime soon?”

  It was something she mentioned a lot. I hadn’t been home in years, and for an obvious reason. I had no interest whatsoever in seeing my father.

  I could almost hear her bracing, waiting for my inevitable no. When I opened my mouth, though, I remembered my promise to myself before I dialed her number.

  “That sounds nice, Mom. Maybe I can come next month.”

  There was a brief pause. “Oh, Xavier, that would be nice.”

  The pleasure spilled from her voice, making me smile in response. “I’ll get a hotel in the city… because I might be bringing someone with me.”

  “A girl?” she excitedly asked.

  “Yeah, a girl.”

  “Xavier Fields, get out of town. You do not have a girl. You’ve never once told me about a girl in your life.”

  I grinned into the phone. “It’s a pretty recent thing.”

  “Is she pretty?”

  “She’s gorgeous,” I said instantly. “And sweet too. She has a really big heart.”

  “That’s good, honey. I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks, Mom. Maybe...” I swallowed and deliberated how best to present my question. Finally, I just went for it. “Maybe after we visit you, you can come here for a bit. Riley and I can show you around the city.”

  “Well, now, I think I could do that.”

  My chest swelled with appreciation. We were having the best conversation we’d had in years. There was one more thing I needed to say before hanging up though. If I didn’t, I would regret it.

  “I love you, Mom.”

  I could hear her bracelets clinking together as she moved her hand. A slight sniffle permeated the line. “I love you too, Xavier.”

  My throat became tight. “I’ll talk to you soon so we can make plans.”

  “All right, hon. I’m looking forward to it.”

  I hung up and smiled to myself. I hadn’t even had a plan going into the conversation, but I’d had a commitment. And that was to be considerate and not push my opinion. Not once had I mentioned my father.

  I was excited to see her, I realized. Going back to the trailer park I grew up in would be hard. At least staying in a hotel would buffer the experience. I still wasn’t sure about bringing Riley with me. My past was an ugly one, and she was too good to be exposed to it. Not all at one time, anyway. I’d still shared very little with her about my years growing up. Getting to the place where I could give her a large amount of information would take some time.

  My phone interrupted my thoughts. I noted my mother’s name on the screen and snatched it up. “Mom?”

  “Xavier, I… I was just thinking. After we hung up… I would like to come and see you in New York and stay for a while, I mean.” She exhaled, causing the line to crackle with the force of her breath. “I’m saying let’s just see. I’d like to take a look at that apartment you have there for me. It sounds awful nice.”

  Tears filled my eyes. I could barely speak, let alone breathe. Somehow, I got the words moving. “It is. It’s really nice.”

  “That’s good. Well, how about tomorrow?”

  I blinked, unable to believe the words I was hearing. “Tomorrow?”

  “I understand if you have things. I know you’re working all the time—”

  I cut her off. “Come tomorrow. I’m sending the jet. And I’ll send a car to pick you up too. What time is good?”

  “I-I reckon about noon.”

  I blinked hard to keep the tears at bay. “Great. I can’t wait to see you, Mom.”

  “You too, baby.”

  I hung up the phone and placed it on the coffee table. The darkness of the living room stretched around me, but instead of it seeming scary and oppressive, it was magnificent and expansive. Something wild and unpredictable had just happened. Because of one simple decision to be accepting, a relationship had begun to heal. I did something I never thought I could do.

  And the result was miraculous.

  “Hey.”

  I turned to see Riley leaning against the doorframe. She wore one of my oversized shirts, the hem almost coming to her knees. She rubbed her eyes and looked at me. “You’re up late.”

  “I was talking to my mother.”

  Riley straightened. “Oh. That’s nice.”

  I stood and reached my arm out to her. “Yeah, it was.”

  Riley came right into my arms, nestling herself into the place she fit so perfectly. “She’s coming to New York,” I told her. “Tomorrow.”

  Riley tilted her face up. Thanks to the curtains open behind us, I could make out her smile. “Really? That’s so cool.”

  I nodded and swallowed hard. “I haven’t seen her in years.”

  “Are you serious? Wow…” Her smile stretched wider. “I bet you’re excited.”

  “I am. And I’m excited for her to meet you.”

  Riley’s smile softened and her eyes danced. “How did I end up here?”

  “I should be asking that question.”

  She ducked her head, looking sheepish. I hooked my finger under her chin and lifted her face so that our eyes could connect. The city lights coming through the window washed over her face, lighting up the best thing in my life. The best thing that had ever happened to me.

  “You’re not going anywhere, are you?” I asked.

  Riley pursed her lips in pleasure. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “Good.” Pulling her closer to me, I pressed my mouth against hers. With her kiss, I tasted vanilla, cinnamon, and lust. I tasted love. I tasted new beginnings. I tasted the unlimited possibilities her love had opened up for me.

  EPILOGUE

  Riley

  My fingers trembled as I held the bouquet in front of me, the s
cent of roses and calla lilies wafting up to me as I took the slow, measured steps I’d been instructed. Music soared throughout the room, compliments of the string quartet in the corner, the cello making my heart melt with its beauty.

  My heart melted even further when I saw Xavier standing on the raised dais, the halo of lights decorating the focus of the room making him appear to be lit from within. Our eyes met, and it was no longer my heart that drew my attention. Something low and deep in my belly twisted at the look on Xavier’s face as he took me in. A slow, sexy grin grew wider the closer I got to him.

  Giving him a saucy wink, I veered to the left and took my place beside the minister, turning just in time to see Ann-Marie’s smiling face midway up the aisle. But she wasn’t looking at me. Her eyes were on Davis, and after a quick peek, I could see that Davis’ eyes were firmly on her. Tears burned my sinuses as I witnessed the growing love blossoming between them.

  So much had changed in the past year. It was as if destroying the list had opened up new possibilities for Xavier and his friends. Well, not Seth. Seth was still a douche we avoided at all costs. Even Davis’ family ties were not strong enough to hold together their relationship, but he didn’t seem to mind. Because the day I’d introduced him to Ann-Marie, Davis had been focused on only one thing… her.

  The music shifted, and I refocused my gaze to the back of the room as the quartet began playing “A Thousand Years,” and Summer appeared in the doorway. She looked like an angel, her veil billowing behind her as if a light wind swirled inside the Cipriani just for her. I glanced over at Julian and tears stung my eyes as I witnessed the pure love shining on his face. My gaze slid from the groom to Xavier, the man who held my heart so tenderly. I smiled. There was pure love on his face too. For me.

  On the day we destroyed the list, Julian had hinted at having found someone he cared about, and a week later, we’d all gone to dinner together. I liked Summer right away, and she seemed to like me too. Like mine and Xavier’s, their relationship evolved quickly, but they had vowed to wait a year to make sure the immediate attraction could stand the test of time.

  It did.

  A year to the day later, they would be man and wife, but Summer wasn’t taking this important walk alone. Beside her, riding in an electric wheelchair, was her mother, a frail-looking woman who was beaming with pride as she rolled up the aisle beside her glorious daughter. They stopped in front of the minister, and tears pricked my eyes as Mrs. Shaw placed Summer’s hand in Julian’s before gliding her chair next to where Xavier’s mother sat.

  That was yet another change that happened in our life. Mrs. Fields’ visit became a permanent relocation once she became brave enough to divorce Xavier’s abusive father. When Mrs. Shaw learned of Summer’s mother’s predicament, she offered the disabled woman a room in her apartment. The two had been thick as thieves ever since.

  “We are here on this magnificent and beautiful evening to celebrate one of life’s greatest moments — to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love — and to publicly witness the creation of an outward marriage bond that Julian and Summer have already created inwardly.”

  I looked past the couple to find Xavier still watching me, the minister’s words floating around us like an embrace.

  “We share with them their delight in finding love with each other, and support their decision to be together from this moment until the end of time. As this lovely couple enters into marriage, they do so with thought and reverence. They give thanks for the past that brought them to this place, and look forward to what the future will bring.”

  I love you, I mouth to Xavier.

  His dimple appeared as his lips curved into the sexy grin that made my toes curl. I love you more, those lips said.

  “Marriage is like a great umbrella that shelters love from the elements and provides a safe environment to share your lives together, standing as one to face life and the world, hand in hand. Marriage will expand you as individuals, define you as a couple, and deepen your love for one another. To be successful, you will need strength, courage, patience, and a really good sense of humor.”

  All two-hundred guests laughed.

  Looking up at the canopy of lights intertwined in the gold branches over our heads, I blinked back my tears. I’d promised Summer I wouldn’t cry and ruin the pictures. And I didn’t completely trust the waterproof makeup to do its job perfectly.

  Composed once again, I witnessed the joining of two beautiful lives, clapping when Julian dipped Summer for a long, lingering kiss. It was a fairytale wedding in a fairytale setting.

  And the reception was just as beautiful.

  “Tired?” Xavier said as we all watched Summer and Julian drive away many hours later, the rose petals we’d tossed still floating through the air. I was holding the bridal bouquet. I had no choice. Instead of delicately tossing the gorgeous arrangement over her head to a gaggle of single women, Summer had grinned and thrown it directly at my face. It was either catch it or have a mouthful of roses.

  I caught it.

  I leaned back into him, surrendering to his embrace, lifting the flowers to my nose. “Beautifully tired,” I murmured and turned in his arms. “Want to take me to bed and wake me up?”

  “Let’s walk first,” he said and pressed his lips to mine before pulling me around the building and to a small garden. It was lovely, strings of lights providing a romantic glow.

  “This is gorgeous.”

  A weeping willow took center stage, its long branches sweeping the ground. Xavier brushed the branches aside and stepped through, pulling me after him. I couldn’t speak. Underneath the canopy was just as lovely. Lights were strung up the trunk, creating an almost magical effect. There was even a blanket spread upon the grass. And a bucket of ice. And champagne.

  I grinned over at Xavier. He grinned back, looking pretty pleased with himself. He’d clearly set this up.

  “There’s something important I want to talk to you about.”

  My heart started beating harder, the force of the blood whooshing in my ears. “Okay.”

  “I’m sorry, but I’m no longer happy with our living arrangement.”

  The beating stopped, and the edges of my vision turned white. Panic and hurt seized my throat. Not trusting myself to speak, or not punch him in the face, I whirled around, intent on not crying until I was way out of his hearing range.

  He pulled me back with a laugh. “Actually, that sounded better in my head. What I’m trying, badly, to say is that I no longer just want us to live together. I want us to be forever together.”

  He sank to one knee, and my own knees became so weak, I almost sank with him. “Oh…” I managed to breathe.

  “Marry me.”

  As if by some magician’s trick, a little black box appeared in his hand. When he opened it, I gasped. The princess cut diamond was as big as a button, surrounded by a halo of smaller diamonds that trailed down the band. It was exquisite. And Xavier was taking it out of the little box. He was holding it out, looking up at me expectantly.

  “Will you marry me, Riley?”

  A thousand emotions clogged my throat, blocking the important little word I wanted to say. Instead, tears started flooding my cheeks.

  Xavier laughed, a nervous-sounding chuckle. “Riley?” He took my left hand and pressed his lips to it, right where the ring would be if I could make my mouth work.

  “Yes.”

  The word burst out of me on a sob that was also a laugh.

  “Yes.”

  My answer was more forceful that time, and we were both laughing as he slid the ring in place.

  Tears fell on his face as I bent to kiss him, then I was being swept off my feet and swirled in circles, the lights around us blurring.

  “I love you, Riley Carson almost Fields.”

  I smiled, holding him tighter. “I love you too. And I really like the sound of my new almost name.”

  As he set me on my feet again, I felt as if I were in a dream, but the lov
e shining in Xavier’s eyes was proof as to how very real it was.

  And I knew I could never ask for anything more.

  THE END

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