A Chili Death: A Classic Diner Mystery

by Jessica Beck

  A waitress in her forties approached me wearing jeans and a checkered blouse as well as sporting a white starched apron. The nametag that hung from it said, “Josephine.”

  I pointed to it and said, “Now, there’s a name you don’t see much these days. I like it.”

  She grinned. “You’re welcome to it, then.”

  “You could always just go by Jo,” I offered.

  “That’s the one name in the world I hate more than Josephine,” she admitted. “What’s yours? I might be willing to swap if I like it.”

  “I’m Victoria,” I said as I extended one hand.

  “On second thought, I believe I’ll keep mine, though you can have my married name for free. I’m done with it, now and forever.”

  “Did you have a bad breakup?” I asked. That was one thing I loved about being from the South. Most anyone will tell you their life story with the slightest bit of provocation, especially folks who worked in the food service industry.

  “The worst. He was bad enough when he was alive, but now the fool has gone and got himself killed, and I don’t know what to do about it.” As she said it, the tears began, and she put down her order pad and hurried out the front door.

  I followed her outside, and found her leaning against a side wall of the building.

  “Can I do anything to help?” I asked as I approached her.

  She was startled to find me beside her, and quickly dabbed at her eyes with a linen handkerchief. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have taken off like that. The funniest thing is that I’m not even sure why I’m mourning him. He was a weasel when we were married, and he just got worse after the divorce. So, you tell me why I’m crying for him now that he’s gone.”

  As she spoke, gears started lining up in my head. “You weren’t married to Howard Lance by any chance, were you?”

  She frowned. “You’re not from around here. I know because I never forget a face. How could you possibly know that?”

  I could have lied to her right then and there, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, no matter how bad the circumstances might look to her. “Your ex was killed in my freezer,” I said.

  Josephine looked at me as though I’d just proclaimed myself the governor of one of the thirteen original colonies. “Lady, if you’re joking, I’ve got to tell you, it’s in pretty bad taste.”

  “My name’s Victoria, and I run The Charming Moose,” I said.

  She looked hard at me, and then said, “I’ve got nothing to say to you.”

  “Hang on a second,” I said, trying to stop her before she could leave. “I didn’t kill him, and neither did anyone else in my family. We’re trying to find out who did, though.”

  “So you decide to set me up, is that it? You knew who I was all along, didn’t you? You must think you’re pretty clever, tricking me like that.”

  I was so shocked by the outrageousness of her claim that it took me a second to figure out what to say. “I had no idea Howard Lance even had an ex-wife when you approached me just now, and that’s the truth.”

  “It’s a shame that I don’t believe you,” Josephine said as she headed for the parking lot instead of back into the restaurant.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be working?” I called out after her as she moved toward an old Honda Civic that had seen better days.

  “Tell Charlie I went home sick,” she said as she got in and drove off.

  Wow, I’d chided Moose for not being good with people, and I’d just managed to run off someone I’d desperately wanted to talk to. He was going to have a field day with that, there was no doubt in my mind.

  When I walked back in, another server, this one a young woman in her twenties with pale blonde bangs and a stick figure, approached me. The name Stacy was embroidered on her apron. “What happened to Jo?” she asked.

  “She had to go home. She told me to tell Charlie that she was sick.”

  “I find that hard to believe,” Stacy said. “Was it about Howard again? She’s been falling apart ever since she heard the news.”

  “It was,” I admitted. “She seems pretty torn up about what happened to him.”

  Stacy clearly didn’t buy that for a second. “Josephine hated the ground that man walked on, and she wasn’t afraid who knew it. She didn’t want him, but when the two of us started going out, you’d have thought that I’d taken a shot at her in the parking lot. She started telling folks around town that they’d just about reconciled when I came into the picture, but believe me, nothing could be further from the truth. It wasn’t until I started going out with him that she even noticed the man was alive again.”

  “You were dating Howard Lance?” I asked. This man had some kind of gall, dating a woman who worked with his ex-wife.

  “Believe me, he could be smooth when he wanted to be,” Stacy said. “It wasn’t anything all that serious, but he still didn’t deserve what he got.”

  “You seem to be taking it rather well,” I said.

  “What do you want me to do, sit at home and cry in my beer? I refuse to shed any crocodile tears for him, but I guarantee you one thing; I’ll miss him more than Jo will.”

  “I thought she liked being called Josephine.”

  “She does,” Stacy answered with a wicked grin. “Can I get you something?”

  “Some sweet tea is all,” I said, as tempted as I was by the aromas of pure goodness wafting all around me.

  “Are you sure? We make a pretty mean sampler plate here, and it’s not really all that much food.”

  How could I say no? “Tell you what, why don’t you just bring me a small side of pulled pork along with that tea?”

  “No baked beans or slaw? You can’t just have the pork.”

  I gave up. “Okay. Small sides of pulled pork, baked beans, and slaw. And don’t bring me anything else, no matter how much I plead with you.”

  “I can do that,” she said.

  While she was in the kitchen getting my order, I had to wonder about the women in Howard Lance’s life. His ex-wife seemed genuinely upset that he was dead, the regret written all over her. But was it unhappiness for losing him before they could reconcile, or angst over killing him? Josephine’s temper had been volatile enough when we’d spoken, and that kind of passion could easily switch into rage. And what about Stacy? She’d seemed nonchalant enough about Howard, but was she simply distancing herself from the man so soon after his murder as a way of deflecting any suspicion that might come her way? I was still trying to figure it all out when Stacy came back with my plate. If these portions were sides, what must the full-sized plates look like? There was no way I was going to be able to eat all of the food in front of me. I promised myself a fair sampling of each of the offerings, and then I’d leave the rest of it alone. First, I took a sip of tea, knowing that this was the make-or-break point for most restaurants in the South. Made properly, it seemed to ooze out of the glass, heavy with sugar and rich tea flavors, and I wasn’t disappointed with this taste. So far, so good. Next, I grabbed a piece of the pulled pork with my fingers and was pleased by the moisture it exuded, though no sauce had been added to it. The piece I’d chosen had a blackened edge with a band of darkness that I knew from experience was a legitimate smoke ring caused by the smoking process infusing the meat. I was expecting something good the second I saw that, but the explosion of flavor in my mouth let me know that this was a treat I wasn’t going to miss again. Taking another bite, I marveled at the taste, and then grabbed a fork to sample the slaw and the beans. Baked beans could go either way, I knew from experience, but this batch had never seen the inside of a can. Along with the perfectly cooked beans, I found diced chunks of pickle and barbeque, bathed in a sauce that made the combination melt in my mouth. One taste of the slaw, rich and crisp as a subtle counter to the barbeque, and I knew that my plan to merely sample the plate was now hopeless. As I devoured the meal, I just hoped that I could find it in my heart to keep from ordering seconds.

  Stacy stopped by and topped off my te
a. “Good, isn’t it?”

  “It’s unbelievable,” I admitted as I looked her in the eye. She’d been crying, that was clear, but she’d wiped away her tears and had put on a happy face, so I wasn’t about to challenge her about it.

  “Are you ready for round two?”

  “I couldn’t eat another bite,” I said, and sadly, it was true.

  “You don’t want to miss the peach cobbler. It’s what we’re known for around here.”

  I almost ordered it, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I had to have at least one shred of self discipline, and this had to be where I made my last stand. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m going to have trouble walking out of here as it is, I ate so much.”

  “Well, don’t fret, there’s always next time.”

  I paid her then and there, told her to keep the change, and asked for my tea to be transferred over to a Styrofoam cup. She brought it back, but there was still no sign of Moose. I figured it might not be a bad idea of taking a run at Stacy, especially since she’d already finished serving me. I knew from experience at the diner with a waitress we’d had to fire long ago that it didn’t pay to pick a fight with your server before you got all of your food and drink.

  “You look upset,” I said. “It’s okay to let it out, you know.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said as she dabbed again at her eyes. “I already told you, Howard and I were just casual.”

  “Is that really true, Stacy? Because I heard differently.” This was a bald-faced lie meant to prod her a little, but it worked far better than I’d expected.

  “You are a liar, then!” she shouted at me. “Get out!”

  “Hold on,” I said, trying to soothe her with my voice. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  “Just go!” she demanded again. It must have been loud enough for the men in back to hear. Charlie burst out of the kitchen, with Moose close on his heels.

  “What’s going on out here?” Charlie asked fiercely.

  “She can’t talk to me that way, Happy!” Stacy said.

  “What did you say to her, Victoria?” Moose asked, clearly concerned about the confrontation I’d started without meaning to. Well, I had meant to get a rise out of the woman, just not one quite so melodramatic.

  “I just asked her about Howard Lance,” I explained.

  Charlie looked at his server. “Is that true?”

  “She kept after me about it and wouldn’t let go,” Stacy said, her voice calmer now.

  “You know you aren’t supposed to yell at our customers. We’ve had this talk one too many times.”

  “What are you going to do, fire me? I can’t see you waiting on customers and running the kitchen, too.”

  “What are you talking about?” he asked as he looked around. “Where’s Josephine?”

  “Don’t ask me. This woman ran her off, too. So, am I fired or what?”

  “Just keep it down,” Charlie said, and then looked at Moose without saying a word.

  “We were just leaving,” he said as he took my arm and led me out of the restaurant.

  “Do you mind explaining to me again what just happened in there?” Moose asked.

  “You’re not going to believe it. Howard used to be married to Josephine, and then he started dating Stacy.”

  “Then it’s true? You ran one server off, and so then you decided to go after the other one?”

  It was clear that my grandfather had already made up his mind. “Moose, I can’t talk to you when you’re like this,” I said as we got into the truck.

  “You don’t have any choice, young lady,” he said as he drove off. I fully expected my grandfather to head back to Jasper Fork, but to my surprise, he went around the corner, found a parking spot, and then pulled his truck into it and shut off the engine.

  “Talk to me,” he said, and I decided that being petulant about it wouldn’t serve either one of us at the moment. As dispassionately as I could, I told Moose all I’d learned, including my impressions of both women. As I finished, I added, “I still don’t think that I did anything wrong.”

  “Neither do I,” Moose answered.

  I was about to protest when I realized that my grandfather had just agreed with me. “What did you just say?”

  “Given the circumstances, I think you did a fine job in there. Sure, I would have liked to be able to take you back there sometime, but you got the information we were looking for, and that’s what matters.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate that. Were you able to learn anything new while you were back there in the kitchen with Charlie?”

  “I’ve got a great idea I want to run past your husband. We can upgrade our smoked pork barbeque without too much time or money, and I for one think we should do it.”

  “I meant about the case,” I said.

  “That was a little bit tougher,” he said. “I did find out a few things, but nothing quite as explosive as you did.”

  “Hey, I’m still eager to hear it.”

  Moose took a deep breath, and then said, “You already got most of it. The only thing that Charlie told me that you don’t already know is that he’s heard around town that Howard left all of his money to one of the two ladies you had confrontations with today. That could be a motive, couldn’t it?”

  “Sure it could. Did he happen to say how much Howard was worth?”

  “No,” Moose said, “but a few thousand dollars could mean quite a bit to somebody who is drowning in debt. Who knows if it’s even true, though?”

  “Agreed, but I’ve got a hunch that this particular rumor is right on the money.”

  “Why do you say that? Do you know something that I don’t?”

  I thought about how hard Monica had pushed me in the direction of the BBQ Pit, and I had to wonder if she weren’t telling me the same thing without actually coming out and saying it directly. “He was probably planning on a big score from his extortion. Who knows, maybe one of the ladies misunderstood and thought he had the money already. It’s not that big a stretch to see either one of them speeding up their inheritance.”

  “That’s a great theory, but do you have any facts to back it up?” Moose asked.

  “No, let’s just call it a hunch.”

  “As long as we don’t call it woman’s intuition,” Moose said.

  I laughed. “Don’t you believe in that, Moose?” I asked him.

  “You’re never going to get a straight answer for that question out of me, so you might as well stop asking,” he replied. “I think we’ve done all of the damage we can here. What say we go back to the diner and see if anyone there has heard anything else that might help us?”

  “Do you think folks are just going to stop by and volunteer clues?” I asked him.

  “Victoria, you know as well as I do that folks love to talk, and the place most of them come to gab is our diner. I’d be amazed if we didn’t do more good by hanging around there than gallivanting all over seven counties hunting down clues for ourselves.”

  “You might be right, but I’m not going to stop trying. The quicker we solve this murder, the better off all of us will be.”

  Moose nodded, and then a few miles farther down the road, he asked, “So, do you have any favorites yet on our list of suspects?”

  “I don’t know. I guess it all depends on who you believe. I’m having trouble with Josephine and Stacy here. One is acting as though she’s going to miss Howard, and the other is putting on a front that she could care less.”

  “Both could be true, though, right?”

  “Sure it could, Moose. The only problem is that I’d think that the ex-wife wouldn’t care as much about the man as the woman he was dating up until he was murdered.”

  We drove a little more, and then my grandfather asked me, “What about the folks we suspect in Jasper Fork?”

  I gave that question a little thought before I said, “I still can’t see any of them as a murderer. Bob and Francie could go either way, Cynthia was even sh
akier, but then again, she always strikes me that way. As for Margie and Hank, I have no idea what their story is. In a lot of ways, I’m more confused than ever.”

  “Give it time, Victoria. I know that you’ll get there.”

  “I just wish I had the same kind of faith in me as you do,” I replied.

  “Girl, I’ve known you your entire life, and if there’s one thing that I’m sure of, it’s that you’ll stick with this until you come up with the right answer. You’ve always had the stubborn streak of ten bulls.”

  “Like grandfather, like granddaughter,” I answered, which was my usual response when Moose said something like that.

  “You can bet your last dollar on that,” he said.

  MOOSE’S ROASTED CHICKEN

  My family loves this meal, and by changing up the veggies every now and then, it can show up more than once on your menu without complaints. Marinating the chicken is optional, and if you’re short on time, feel free to skip it. This one’s also a cleanup favorite, as all the cooking goes on in a Reynolds Oven Bag.

  Ingredients

  1 large Reynolds Oven Bag

  1 Tablespoon flour, bleached or unbleached (to coat the inside of the bag)

  1 teaspoon Italian Seasoning, dried

  1 clove garlic, minced

  The juice from one lemon (about 3 tablespoons)

  2-3 Tablespoons olive oil (I like extra virgin, but plain is fine)

  Chicken, quartered and skinned, or three to four chicken breasts

  2 cups carrots, peeled, and cut up into finger sized pieces

  1 onion, peeled and cut into wedges (I like sweet onions when they’re available)

  Salt and pepper to taste

  3 small new potatoes or equivalent, cut into ½ inch slices

  Optional veggies could include:

  Bell peppers, green or red

  Squash

  Etc.

  Directions

  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.