Crave: Addicted To You

by Ash Harlow

  Oh, God. Heart kicking in all crazy again. “Yes. Perfect. I’d love that.”

  His voice sounded like a smile. “Can you be ready in an hour? It might be a good idea to bring Fala if you think she’s up to it. And if you’ve got something carrying Justice’s scent, bring that, too.”

  “Fala will definitely be up for that, and I’ll grab his bedding. See you soon.” She replaced the receiver and did a happy dance all over the mess on the floor.

  True to his word, Adam rolled up the driveway an hour later. As Marlo settled Fala in the car, fastening a seatbelt to the dog’s harness, she caught Adam grinning at her in the rear-view mirror.

  “What?” She squeezed her lips together, suppressing her own smile.

  “I’m imagining putting seat harnesses on the farm dogs. Motorized transport for them is normally a gap on the back of a quad bike. And some days they have to fight even for that.”

  “Well, if you brake suddenly, Fala becomes a missile, and I’d hate her to hurt her head as she wallops into the back of yours. Just sayin’.” She gave him a wink in the mirror before closing the back door and hurrying around to the passenger’s seat in the front.

  He started the engine. “We’ll head over to Highway 107 and out toward Placerville. I have a number for the guy who thinks he spotted Justice, so we can meet and have a chat with him. I’ve also arranged for a SAR guy to meet us there with his tracker dog, hence Justice’s blanket.”

  Right at that moment she wanted to hug him. Really damned tight. “So, all the other news? Ready to share?”

  “Oh, the other news. Sure. Tell me what you know about Jarrod Carter.”

  “Total pain in the ass. Every so often you get someone who doesn’t fit, and Carter was our square peg. Lulah thought that he didn’t actually like dogs. He was certainly odd. None of the others got along with him. What a relief when he decided to pull out. Why the interest?”

  “Some people know Jarrod Carter as Simon Weller, our rogue CRAR driver. He’s also known as Michael Forge and under that name calls himself a private investigator.”

  Marlo exhaled. “Phew, busy guy. But what was his interest in us?”

  “A man with a cause. He has friends in the anti-pit bull lobby and they hired him to try to find the Richmond Thirty-Two. Turns out he was hanging around when the original thirty-one dogs were euthanized. We’re still trying to get a handle on whether he had any part in the shambles that caused that disaster. With thirty-one down and one to go, his nose led him to Dog Haven Sanctuary. He was the one who copied the DVDs to make the video.”

  “Huh. And I thought it was the journalist and her creepy photographer.”

  “No, turns out they’re legit and that article should be published soon. They were simply a genuinely obnoxious pair, and they’re actually on your side. The article has been held over until the outcome of the trial.”

  “Oh, but I still don’t like them. Bad me, huh?” She laughed.

  She’d laughed. Hell, he’d missed that sound. That little exhale rippled right through him, giving his heart a good hard thump as it passed by. It was Marlo dropping some anxiety and being the person she really was. He stole a glance her way and could see little bits of happiness seeping through. He would love to make it even better. So sure that he could. But she’d clearly said that wasn’t his place. Haul yourself back, mate.

  He cleared his throat. “So, Jarrod leaves Dog Haven and becomes Simon and gets a job with CRAR. He realized he wasn’t going to get a finger on Justice with you around, so he was trying to work something else. He could either nab Justice if there was a situation where he’d be transported, or grab a dog from the next seizure.”

  “And it all played right into his hands.”

  “Yeah, he must have thought he’d jackpotted when the call went out for Justice to be picked up from Animal Control. But like many before him, he got greedy. The small-time crook wanted his payday, so he decided to take Justice and try to sell him back to the dogmen. He figured Justice had a suitably large price on his head, and that would normally be the case. What he hadn’t figured into the equation was that Justice had been neutered. Suddenly the dogmen weren’t quite so interested.”

  “Like I always said, neutering saves lives.” She flicked a quick look at his crotch and grinned.

  “Jesus, Marlo, you’ve got me sweating now.”

  “Chicken. So how did they end up in Placerville?”

  “I think the idiot was driving about, aimlessly trying to do deals. He stopped to let Justice out to drink and walk and,—bless that dog—as Weller tried to get a leash onto the collar, Justice bit him. A couple of times. Weller decided his wounds needed professional help. The doctor he saw reported the dog bite and the rest, as they say, is history.”

  An hour into the trip, they stopped to give Fala a break. They had parked beside a lake, and Marlo sat on an old log at the edge, watching her dog amble along the shore while she waited for Adam to get coffee from a nearby shop.

  “Here, I got you the special unbreakable mug.” He passed her coffee in a take-out cup. The sun was on them, the day so calm the lake mirrored the landscape in a way that made you look once, and look deeper again. The surface beckoned as though you could walk right out over it without spoiling a thing.

  Without getting your feet wet.

  Adam nudged her gently. “So how are you doing?”

  She looked up at him, into those eyes with reflections as deep and as precious as the lake, and was filled with his warmth. “I’m doing well.” She ran her foot over a small pebble. “I’m excited about looking for Justice. It feels so good to be able to get out and physically do something about finding him. Thanks. I mean that.”

  She smiled and nudged him back. When he shifted slightly, his arm stayed rested against hers and, oh, heck, that set up a little flutter that settled right between her legs. The pleasure overwhelmed her common sense so that she no longer cared about the good advice it was dishing up. She was about to abandon caution.

  “Good, let’s get going.”

  The save filled her sensible self with relief.

  After another half hour of driving, Adam started to slow the car. “The entrance to the park where Justice was spotted should be right along here.” They’d already seen posters with his photo, and, when they swung into the parking lot of Buffalo Point State Park, they were presented at the gate with a smaller flyer with Justice’s photo and details.

  “Wow, CRAR can really hustle up a land army when they need to.”

  The area was popular with mountain bikers and hikers, and the Justice sighting had been made by a biker. Unfortunately, there had been no further sightings, so it was difficult to tell if he was on the move.

  Adam checked his phone messages while Marlo introduced herself to the CRAR volunteers. She saw him frown, and, when he noticed her watching, he indicated with his head that she should follow. Out of earshot, he stopped. “Looks like I’m the take-you-to-Promise-Land guy again.”

  Marlo’s breath cut out.

  “We can’t have the tracker dog. They’ve been called out to search for an autistic lad who’s prone to taking himself on solo excursions.”

  Breathing kicked back in. “Oh, Adam, that’s fine. His poor parents must be distraught. I can’t begin to imagine how they feel. Actually, that’s wrong. I can sort of imagine what they’re going through. Maybe a little.”

  She noticed Adam exhale. He had held his breath, too. Probably waiting for her to go ballistic. Was that what she’d done to him? Her fingers twitched, wanting to reach out with a friendly touch to tell him she was sorry.

  He squeezed her arm. “Seems I can’t catch a break for you.”

  “It’s okay. I know you’re doing everything you can.”

  They spent the day walking and calling and watching for tracks, but by late afternoon they had to admit Justice was unlikely to still be in the area. If he was, he didn’t want to be found.

  They regrouped with the other volunteers and d
iscussed a few more ideas before heading home.

  Marlo slid low in her seat and watched out the window as they passed acres of National Park, wondering in which area Justice was. Was he confused, uncertain about the direction to head, because he may not recognize Dog Haven Sanctuary as his home? Was he even trying to get to Dog Haven?

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The traffic lights on the approach to Halo Peak township signaled red. Adam stopped the car, and reached over to gently touch Marlo’s shoulder to awaken her. She’d been asleep for most of the return trip, and he watched her blink and rub her eyes.

  “Hey, sleepy.”

  Marlo stretched and pushed the hair back from her face. “We’re here already! How long have I been asleep?”

  “Most of the way. You must’ve been exhausted.”

  “You should’ve woken me. What a lousy car companion I turned out to be.”

  “Make up for it by having dinner with me. Let’s grab some takeout and a bottle of wine and go down to the harbor entrance.”

  She looked to the backseat to check on Fala. “I’d love to, but Fala needs her dinner soon. I should get her home…”

  He held back a sigh. No change there; Marlo still came second to the dogs. “We can stop at the market and get her some meat or a bone to see her through, and you can top her off with whatever she normally has when you get home.”

  He didn’t have to look. He could sense her watching, feel that surge across the little space between them right there in the car. It meant he had to concentrate on keeping the car moving on the right side of the road because all he wanted to do was pull over, and pull her up against him, and—

  “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  He sure as hell didn’t mind. He’d welcome every creature from Dog Haven, and the staff, if that meant having a few more hours with her.

  On the way to pick up dinner, Adam stopped by his apartment to grab a rug and pillows. When leaving that morning, he’d thought of putting them in the car in the hope that she’d agree to stay on for a bit, but he hadn’t wanted to jinx his plans. So much had gone wrong that he would grasp at anything to make it go right, including a little irrational behavior. That meant not tempting fate, not bowing to Murphy’s Law, and not flipping the bird at superstition.

  They lay side-by-side, resting back on their forearms. They’d fed the remains of their dinner to the seabirds, giving the gulls names and occupations as the birds squabbled for the food. Fala had made good work of a brisket bone and was now sprawled asleep at the bottom of the rug, chasing squirrels on Planet Dog if her twitching feet were any indication. Marlo seemed transfixed by the slow and very deep fall and rise of the dog’s chest.

  The sun was starting to set, and the air had become damp and more briny, so that if he breathed deep through his mouth, he could taste the salt. A seabird called and was answered, and Adam watched Marlo give a small shiver. He could pass her his jacket or warm her himself.

  Warm her? Who was he kidding? He wanted to haul her into him, completely envelop her, keep her safe. Keep her forever.

  Not yours.

  She doesn’t want you to touch her.

  You’re leaving.

  She’s chilly. He reached for his jacket. “Here, you’re getting cold.” He placed it around her shoulders.

  “You’ll get cold, too.” She shuffled closer to him. “We can share it.”

  He adjusted it around them, and their body heat mingled and hung, trapped within the coat like a warm fog.

  “We should talk, shouldn’t we?” Her question was gentle and hesitant.

  “Yeah, we should.” This was one chance, and the havoc that thought created rattled through him. There may be another chance at another time, but she’d just gifted him a moment.

  “I don’t really know where to start, Adam. I’m hopeless at this sort of thing, but I’d like to start with Justice, because when it comes to talking about you and me, well, I’m sure I’ll mess that up. I want you to know that despite how it may appear, I don’t blame you for Justice going missing. That would be ridiculous.” She picked a leaf from the blanket and folded it in half, folded it again, and pressed the edges tight.

  She studied the tiny parcel in her hand. “I was so horrible to you, and I’m truly sorry about that. When I found out about Justice—when I thought they’d put him down—it hurt so much. I’d survived Barrett, and I felt bulletproof. Suddenly I was sideswiped by this. I was still trying to make sense of what had happened when you walked into the kitchen, and right at that moment, I wanted you to hurt, too. Not to punish you. Not for any sort of revenge, but to try to make you understand how I was feeling.”

  You’d taken a little piece of my heart before it had become so hurt. That piece needed to suffer, too. It was the only chance I had of getting it back.

  “Marlo, seeing your distress is painful for me. I know about loss, about losing your heart. But the most important thing I know now—and it’s because you showed me—is that the heart has the capacity to repair and grow and do it all again. You will love again. Other dogs, other people, and just as sure as that, you’ll hurt again, too. It’s called living. Let yourself keep doing it.”

  He was pushing her away. Fear ran a red light, tearing right through her, and she had to fight an urge to get up and pace.

  As if sensing this he took her hand, tethering her.

  She looked to their clasped hands, her voice shaky. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

  “I was always leaving, Marlo.” She heard the warning in the gentle, deep tone of his voice.

  “But you’re leaving soon?”

  “Yes.”

  “When?”

  He hesitated. “Thursday.”

  “Jesus,” it was scarcely a word, more an exhalation.

  In the distance, a seabird cried, and she stayed on that sound, waiting for its mate to reply. She waited, and there was silence. She worked on the lump in her throat, wondering how big it would get and if it would render her mute and finally choke her. His hand gripped so hard that she almost cried on the outside, too.

  “I can’t do this, Adam. Will you take me home?”

  “Not yet.” He shook his head and kept his grip firm when she tried to shift. He asked her to look at him, but she didn’t. So he reached for her chin and tilted her face up, and the tears so carefully balanced in her eyes tipped over and spilled down her cheeks.

  “Damn.” She swiped at the tears with the back of her hand. “Please, Adam, I want to go.”

  “No. No running, Marlo. Stay here. We’ll keep at this. There’s stuff we have to talk about and dissect and get comfortable with so that this becomes something we can live with.” He waited a moment, then took a little piece of her hair and tugged it gently. Hey.”

  She faced him, faced the eyes that seemed fathomless and the mouth that set her alight when it smiled, when it kissed her, and as she studied him that lump in her throat began to dissolve. “Hey, yourself,” she whispered.

  “I’m not going to leave you with anything that will haunt you, haunt both of us, so stay put and keep talking.” He put his mouth close to her ear. “I need this, too,” he said.

  She started to grab some self-control. “I’m okay now.” Maybe a little spoken affirmation would make that the truth.

  “Liar.” Adam smiled. “I know what your ‘okay’ means.”

  “What?”

  “It means you’ve found yourself a strongbox with a big lock so that you can shut all this away, because you’re afraid of hurting if you deal with it.”

  “Oh, now you’re flattering yourself,” she teased, because that made it a whole lot easier. Marlo leaned into him, and he shifted her a bit so she could use his chest as a pillow. He pulled his jacket up tight around her, and that little bit of caring was so good. Don’t get used to this. It’s temporary.

  “I want you to know that I wasn’t angry with you when you asked me to leave. Sure, in the moment it hurt, because I wanted to help you. My in
stinct was to ease your pain. But I completely understood the reason why you reacted like that toward me. After Emma died, I was pretty evil to a lot of people. Not acquaintances, just the people I really loved. They were the only ones who I felt safe enough to be a jerk around. I knew they’d continue to love me—but like me? Possibly not.”

  She lifted her head. “Are you saying I’m hard to like?” Or love?

  His hand wrapped around her head as he brought it back down to his chest, gently brushing his lips across the top. “No, I’m saying I’m honored that you felt safe enough with me to behave like that.”

  The combination of his touch and words were like the promise of absolution. She still had so much to learn. “Confession.”

  “I’m listening.”

  His arm was across her waist, and she covered it with her own. “Right now I feel like acting like a jerk. I want to tell you to go and stay out of my life, from this very minute, because the next two days are going to be agony, waiting for you to leave.”

  “I’d ignore you.”

  “Ah, I get it. This is one of those moments you told me about. One of those times when you think you know what’s best for me. One of those times when your ego goes all man-crazy, and you want to take control. One day I’m going to prove you wrong.” Except she wouldn’t, because there was no ‘one day’ in our future.

  “I hope so.”

  I hope so, too. “So remind me again why you’re leaving.” She tried to keep her voice light, but it had a burr that caught in the back of her throat, so that it came out unpolished.

  “Ah, hell.” He tipped his head back. “I took this contract because it’s an issue I care deeply for. But my time away was also to be an interlude that would help me make some decisions about my future. Would I go back to being a cop, return to farming, or venture off to do something new? My visa is about to expire, so I have to leave the U.S. Plus, I have to get home because there are people waiting for me to make that decision.” He tucked her hair back behind her ear. “I never counted on you coming along and meddling with the equation.”