Crave: Addicted To You

by Ash Harlow

  When they made love it was gentle and slow, and, when Marlo woke in the night, she couldn’t find the point when their lovemaking had ended and her dreams had begun. What she believed now was that each time they’d been together, Adam had given himself rather than taken from her. That flicker of mistrust when the little green monster had come to look at the photos with her had been snuffed out.

  Damn.

  It would have been easier if there had been something rotten to focus on.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  “Look at you, flipping burgers. We’ll make an American out of you yet!”

  “You’re welcome to take over, Butch,” Adam replied.

  “Nah, it’s tradition to make you work at your own farewell party. I’d hate to mess with that.”

  Adam finished the last few burgers and handed the tools over to one of the interns. “Care for these burgers, Jono, as though your life depends on it.”

  He cast around, looking for Marlo, but couldn’t see her. The patio was buzzing with people. Most were staff and volunteers at Dog Haven, and some of the guys from the station had come over with Butch. Mae couldn’t make it, but he’d see her for a final meeting early in the morning before his flight to LA, then on to New Zealand. There was that edginess of something coming to a conclusion and he wasn’t sure how it would end. Much like when a court case that was going your way took an unexpected turn. Where is Marlo?

  Then he spied her. Lulah had just arrived with a couple of people. As he watched, one of the guys reached for Marlo, took her in his arms, and held her. Kissed her. Closed-mouth, but hell, he’d kissed her on the lips. They looked familiar with each other and comfortable in their embrace. Envy wrapped its fingers around his heart and gave it a good twist. His big male ego was begging to come out and flex its muscles and haul that guy off her. Mine.

  They released each other, and both turned to face Adam as if they’d felt the steel of his stare. The guy was Vince. He knew that now because of his tattoos that Marlo had described. Adam acknowledged them with a smile that had the sincerity of Judas, and, as he turned back to the barbecue to save face as much as the burgers, Lulah bounced up to him and took his arm.

  “Come on, Kiwi, mate, Jono’s quite capable of looking after the food.” She led him over to Marlo and Vince to introduce him. He shook hands, suppressing the temptation to turn it into a bone-crushing competition. His ego was still out playing on his shoulder, and the alternative was to walk around and mark his territory like a dog. When he noticed Lulah had set a proprietary hand on Vince’s arm, he felt like a complete idiot.

  They walked off, and he turned to Marlo. She smiled. “Does the alpha wolf want to go and piss everywhere much?”

  “No. Yeah. I’m an idiot. When you take up with a new guy, I don’t want to be around to see it.”

  “As long as you’re around, you won’t.”

  He reached behind her and touched her back lightly. Well that’s a twelve-hour reprieve. He steered her to a quiet area off the patio in the corner of the garden. “Remind me again why all these people are here?”

  “It’s your farewell party.”

  “Uh-huh. Remind me why I’d want to spend it with a whole bunch of people rather than just you?”

  Marlo turned away from him and faced Halo Peak. The sun was dropping and when conditions were right, everything turned gold and red. “Look, we’re going to get a halo.”

  She had deliberately avoided his question as they watched the sun play colors over the mountaintop. He wanted to take hold of her, but something in her stance stopped him, as if she had already moved, emotionally, one step away from him.

  “These people are here to protect me.” She kept her back to him. “I can’t do goodbyes, Adam. When it’s time for you to go, I’d like you to turn and leave. No warning, no words.”

  “I can’t go like that, without saying anything.”

  “You have to. Do it for me.”

  “If you’re certain that’s what you want.”

  She nodded and returned to the party.

  He watched her walk back across the lawn to the patio. The dress she wore had a low-cut back exposing the curve where he loved to trail kisses that made her keep his name on her lips, ready to murmur and make other little requests. Her hair was piled in a loose array of knots and curls, and he wanted to grab a handful and tug it free, hold her head in place and kiss every inch of her.

  God, this couldn’t finish soon enough. He liked all of these people. Some of them, he liked a lot, but he liked one more than the rest combined and really wanted these last hours with her all to himself. He crossed the lawn and followed her to the kitchen. She was at the sink, rinsing some dishes, and he sneaked up behind her and planted a kiss on her exposed neck. “Gotcha!”

  “You don’t scare me. I saw you coming, stealth guy.”

  He pressed himself to her, his chest hard against her back, and moved up to her ear. “Will they notice if we sneak off?”

  She shrugged him away and faced him. “And here I thought I was the antisocial one. Now paint a smile on that face, get back out there, and make small talk with the pretty people.”

  After dinner, Lulah and Sally went through the list of things they’d planned to keep Marlo busy once Adam had gone.

  “Mountain biking, of course. Saturday we’re going to take the bikes up to an area of forest that we figure Justice will have made it to if he’s heading in this direction. We can do a search for him at the same time as I give Marlo some riding pointers so that next time she’s racing out to the lake, she’ll be brave enough to tackle the fast route. She’s so slow, you know.” Lulah nudged Marlo, and Adam enjoyed watching her cheeks color. “You’re coming too, Vince.” She used her other elbow to give him a nudge, too.

  Sally joined in. “Sunday night, we’re having DVDivas here. That way, Marlo can’t make up an excuse not to join us.”

  “DVDivas?” Adam asked.

  “Girls’ movie club. We get together every couple of weeks and watch things our men would never tolerate in the house. And sometimes it involves a drinking game or a chocolate game, and we channel our inner divas and solve the problems of the world. Put it this way, Adam, your ears will burn.”

  An hour on, Adam followed Butch to his car. “Can you watch out for her?”

  “You should be watching out for her, Kiwi.”

  “I have to go. My visa is about to expire and my work is finished. Marlo would never leave the dogs. Her future is here, while mine is thousands of miles away. I can’t find an us in it. Keep an eye on her, will you?”

  “Sure. And if it’s any consolation, Barrett resigned before he was kicked out. I think he’ll go back to Jersey, but I’ll be keeping tabs on him. If only Marlo would—”

  “You know she won’t press charges. Not after the first incident. That just kept him angrier and still on the street. She wants to forget the whole thing and get on with her life.”

  “Well, I’m here to talk to if she changes her mind.”

  “She knows that, Butch. Thanks. I wished we’d been able to find Justice before I left. I guess there’s no such thing as neat-and-tidy in life, huh?”

  When everyone had gone, he led Marlo to the bedroom and lay her on the bed, before stretching out alongside her, his elbow bent, his head resting on his hand. He reached over to stroke her cheek. “You look so beautiful tonight. Did I tell you that?”

  She caught his hand, turned it over, and kissed the cup of his palm. “Yes, several times.”

  “Thank you for doing this for me. For having everybody here.”

  “That was my pleasure.” She smiled.

  He pulled out a couple of hairpins to let her hair down. “I can go now if that’s better for you. The apartment’s paid up ‘til the end of the week. I still have a key.”

  She pushed her head back into the pillow, squeezed her eyes shut, and kept a tight grip on his hand. Then she shook her head. “No, please stay tonight.” One little tear escaped the corner of
her eye, and his thumb caught it, sweeping it toward her temple.

  He continued brushing her temple with his thumb, as if trying to coax the sadness from her. “I never meant it to be like this. I’m sorry, Marlo. If I’d known, I wouldn’t…”

  She squeezed his hand again. “No regrets, remember?”

  “I don’t have regrets. But I do hate that you’re hurting this way.”

  Isn’t he hurting, too? “Oh, you know what they say. Pain is weakness leaving the body. I’ll be stronger tomorrow.”

  “A little mermaid with armor-plated scales. We can phone and email and write…”

  “No.” She needed that sharpness she could hear in her voice to keep her resolve strong. He stayed quiet beside her, the steady fall and rise of his chest not giving a thing away. “Please, no,” she whispered again. “I can’t. It would be…” Won’t it be delaying the inevitable? Why would he want to do that? Doesn’t he know the day will come when he’ll call to say he’s found someone to love and that he won’t be calling again? I’ll be back to feeling like this. Back at the beginning that’s this raw hurt fueled by this perception of being abandoned. “When you leave here, that’s it; no more contact. Promise me.”

  He nodded. His lips were as tight as the muscles under his eyes, and he looked weary. She reached up and touched his chin, rubbing her thumb over the stubble. This time, he didn’t try to catch her hand the way he usually did with that knack he had for always being in control without being controlling.

  She studied him, watched his eyes as they stared at the ceiling, and still stroked the line of his jaw, waiting for the moment when he would take command.

  Finally, it struck her that he was uncertain, and she didn’t know this side of him. Maybe he didn’t want to catch her and kiss her, although he was the one departing. Perhaps he believed that she had already taken one step away?

  Her hand left his chin and touched his shoulder, insinuating he should lie flat on his back. As he rolled she straddled him, and skimmed both hands along his jaw until she cradled his head. When she leaned in, their lips cautiously brushed, and she paused a moment, hovering. She ducked her head again to brush lips, this time adding the tip of her tongue and left a trace of damp across his mouth.

  She pulled up. “Look at me, Adam,” she demanded, and he dragged his gaze from the ceiling, slowly, as if it hurt. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  They watched each other for just a bit, and the turmoil of his stillness told her that inside he was already on his way. Reaching behind her she unzipped her dress and pulled it over her head. Although she was now wearing only her panties, he never moved, never shifted his gaze from her face beyond a small flicker. She reached for the buttons on his shirt, and he grabbed her hands, blocking her way.

  Lowering herself, capturing their hands between the press of their bodies, she placed her mouth at his ear. “This is my goodbye.”

  “You said no goodbyes, remember?”

  “I was wrong. I need this.” She waited and heard a quiet sigh. She sat up again, and he released her hands, dropping his to his side as she undid his shirt buttons, opening the shirt and exposing his chest. She ran her fingers through the smattering of dark hair that was strangely soft, traced the ridges of muscle of his torso, and smiled at his battle not to tense beneath her caress. When she bent and kissed his nipples, she heard his muttered oath in his next exhalation. The sound ignited a slow burn inside her.

  With the tip of her tongue she made a trail to the hollow of his shoulder, continuing along to the base of his neck and with every intake of breath caught the essence of him. She was driven by the need to imprint him in each of her senses. She bit him and tasted him and something low in her stomach quivered with approval when he groaned. She bit him again and whispered small apologies in his ear before sitting up and reaching for the buttons of his jeans. He helped her, lifting his hips, and she grabbed at them, tugging and needing him free.

  “Hop up,” he suggested, and she moved off him, ditching her panties. He stood and freed himself from his clothes, grabbing a condom before climbing back onto the bed.

  She slid back on him, pressing her entire body to him, thighs, hips, stomach, breasts, her feet tucked neatly under his calves, and reached beneath his head to pull him to her.

  “Make it last, babe,” he whispered into her mouth, and she lifted her head slightly to look into his eyes and grab the connection. He was back. She nestled against him and snared him between her thighs.

  “Slow it down, we’ve got the night.”

  “I can’t,” she gasped.

  “Do it.”

  “Please, I want you in me.”

  “Already?”

  “Yes.” She raised her hips, took him in her hand and eased herself over him. His arms snaked around her, pulling her back, imprisoning her so that movement was impossible.

  “Be still now, Marlo.”

  Yes, she nodded, and they lay together, their breathing synchronized, hearts beating in time, feeling.

  He held her head nestled against his shoulder, and his other hand passed up and down her spine, setting up a tingling that raced along her nerves until her entire body became hypersensitive to his touch. Each time she tried to move her hips, he clasped her tight, whispered for her to stay still, to make it last.

  When her eyes closed, she had no control over the thoughts that roared like a bull-run through her head. The small split of impending loss widened to fill the space with an emptiness that threatened to overwhelm her. She opened her eyes and looked to Adam, needing that connection with him once more. He was right there, calmly watching her, sadness in his eyes. He knew what was coming because he’d done this once before.

  She used one finger, like the tip of a wand, to touch the corner of his mouth, to make him smile. He raised a hand, returned the touch. When she smiled, he slid his hand to cup her cheek and draw her mouth down to his. His hand slipped back to fist in her hair, his kiss hungry and bruising.

  When they separated he asked if she was okay, and she shook her head. “No,” she whispered. To be honest, no.

  His eyes closed with a long blink, which made her hold her breath, because she thought when he opened them again he might have made the decision that the time had come to leave. She was frightened that he wasn’t going to hang in with this, that he wouldn’t complete their lovemaking. Maybe if he stopped now, it would mean the memory of the last time they were truly together would be so much happier than this memory they were about to create.

  But the long, slow blink changed the way he watched her, and he was smiling. He dropped his hands back to his side. “Take everything you need, Marlo.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  It was barely dawn when outside her bedroom window, a bird tested its song in a solo prelude to the morning chorus. Before she opened her eyes, she felt Adam’s absence in the cold emptiness of her room.

  Gone.

  With a small cry, she grabbed for his pillow, wrapped herself around it, and stayed that way, inhaling the remnants of him, rubbing her cheek on it, like a cat trying to impart her own scent. Trying to unite them one more time.

  She was hit by the thought that maybe he was right this minute leaving. Perhaps if she hurried to the window she could watch in the half-light, the trail of dust settling along the driveway, see him turn the car out onto the road. Watch him drive away. When she approached the window, she realized that the void in the house was already old. He had been gone for some time.

  And exactly as she’d asked, he hadn’t said goodbye.

  She stayed in the shower too long, just standing there with the water pouring over her, trying to rinse out that little fear she had of facing each day without him.

  She bent to give Fala her breakfast. “Damn, this is hard, old girl.” It was harder still when Fala walked up the hall for the third time in an hour and stood staring into Marlo’s bedroom, waiting for Adam to appear.

  Adam dropped his seat back and braced himself for thirteen
hours on a plane with nothing but movies he didn’t want to watch and food and drink he didn’t want to consume, served up by pretty uniformed women who made him feel cold. He fingered his phone in his pocket, fought the urge to take it out and scroll through the photos of Marlo.

  He’d even taken one last shot from the door of her bedroom before he left. In the dimness, without the camera flash, the image was not much more than a few dark tones, but he could find every part of her in it. He knew this because he’d looked at it so many times throughout the day.

  When he closed his eyes, he had to dip into his busy mind and search for something like the farm or his friends back home to focus on. But Marlo was a persistent and demanding memory, and most of him welcomed her and wanted her to stay.

  Whatever had happened before in his life, this was worse, because somehow he’d missed something that made him overlook some vital clue that would keep them together. He knew the initial attraction of Marlo had been the girl who needed rescuing, but the person who showed through after salvaging was the one he’d fallen in love with. What he’d thought of as strength when he’d first met her had turned out to be the fortress she’d built to protect herself. She had started as a hard shell with a vulnerable soft center. Like his favorite chocolate.

  He smiled.

  The new, quiet strength that emerged after she’d fought off Barrett was charming. That was the strength that made her confront and conquer her fears. And the way she did it, hosting the internal battle as she ripped through the barriers in her head, before standing up to the real-world ones, was magnificent.

  Gone was the stone wall she’d operated behind. Please, God, don’t let her build that up again. His fists tightened. Did she understand how much she’d changed? That she didn’t need barriers, just the willingness to ask for help?