Agony (Entangled Hearts Duet Book 1)

by Kaylee Ryan

  This is the coward’s way out, and I’m fully aware of that. I just need to go home, get a few more hours of sleep, shower, and then I’ll be fine. Things will go back to how they used to be, and I have to be okay with that. The alternative is losing Cooper in my life, and that just won’t do.

  Thankfully, my car isn’t blocked. Tossing my bag into the back seat, I hustle to slide behind the wheel and back out of the drive. I keep my eyes on the road, refusing to glance back at the house. No, I can’t do that. I can’t keep hoping and wishing for something that will never be. When I make it to the Stop sign at the end of the street, a single tear rolls across my cheek. Quickly, I swipe it away and roll through the Stop sign. I just need to get home. I need to hold it together until I’m in the confines of my room.

  Fifteen minutes later, I’m unlocking our apartment door. Sliding the lock back into place, I go straight to my room and plop down on the bed. My eyes land on a picture of Cooper and me at our high school graduation. One tear falls, then another, and another. I don’t bother to try and stop them. I know there’s no use. This is my issue, one I need to get past. I changed the game. I’m the one who wants more. I’m the one who went and fell in love with my best friend.

  After years of hoping, it’s time to lay that to rest. I need to move on. There is never going to be more than friendship between us. I just need to mourn the loss of what my heart wished it could have been. Then somehow, I need to pick up the pieces and move on. One thing is for certain, I will always love Cooper Reeves.

  The sound of my phone vibrating pulls me from my slumber. Glancing at the clock, I see it’s two in the afternoon. Tossing the covers off, I scramble to my bag that I dropped on the floor and fish out my phone.

  Cooper.

  “Hello,” I answer, my voice gravelly from sleep.

  “Reese. Where are you?” I can hear the worry in his voice.

  “At home. I was sleeping. What’s wrong?”

  “You left.”

  Shit. I’m not ready to have this conversation. “You were snoring,” I lie. “I came home to sleep.”

  “Oh.” He pauses. “Are you coming back over? We were going to grab something to eat.”

  “Sure. I just need to shower.” Looks like my alone time is busted. If I refuse to go, he’s going to know that him pushing me away killed me. I can’t let him know that, because it’s not his fault that I fell in love with him.

  “Okay. We’ll wait for you.”

  “I can just meet you there. Where are you going?”

  “We’ll wait, Reese. See you soon.” With that, he ends the call. He’s moody today, but I should have known he would be. Cooper worries, and when he woke up alone, I’m sure he thought something had happened. I know he’s worried about last night as well. He thinks things are going to be different. He’s right. He just has no idea that it’s my broken heart that pulled me from his bed during the early morning hours. Our friendship will remain the same. I’ll give it my all to ensure that it does, but my heart, well, my heart needs to move on.

  I can do this. I have to.

  Grabbing my clothes, I head to the shower. The entire time, I’m psyching myself up to act as if things haven’t changed between us. I’m not an actress, but I need to be ready to put on a show. I can do this. I don’t want him to see the pain, or the hurt. I need to be just Reese. His best friend. I’ll pick up the pieces without him knowing. What choice do I have?

  Thirty minutes later, I’m pulling into the driveway of his house. Taking my keys from the ignition, I grab my purse and put on my “everything is fine” face. I walk into the house without knocking, just like I always do.

  “Hey, there she is.” Tessa smiles at me from her seat on the couch.

  “Finally. We’re starving,” Hank grumbles.

  “You look like you just rolled out of bed.” I raise my eyebrows, and he chuckles.

  “Busted, but I’m still starving.”

  “Come on, you big baby.” I walk around the couch and hold my hand out to him, pulling him to his feet.

  “Thanks, Reese.” He hauls me in for a hug, and just like every time before this one, I hug him back.

  “I need my shoes.” Tessa stands and moves to find them.

  “I’m going to run upstairs to get my wallet,” Nixon says, and dashes up the steps.

  “Where are Trey and Dustin?” I ask Cooper. It’s my lame attempt at conversation pretending that everything is normal. Pretending that my heart doesn’t ache.

  “Still sleeping. We tried everything to get them up.” His eyes are locked on mine.

  “I know the feeling. I was exhausted,” I say, averting my gaze to look around the room. “It’s not too bad this time.”

  “Yeah, I cleaned up some when I woke up and found you gone. Gave me something to do since you weren’t answering your phone.”

  “Sorry about that. I was out. But, hey, at least you got a head start on clean up.” I turn back to face him and smile.

  “Reese.” He steps close and grabs my hand. “Are we okay?”

  “Of course, we are. Why would you ask that?” I know why. Like I said, an actress I am not.

  “Reese.” His eyes are soft, his voice pleading.

  With more courage than I ever thought I had, I tell him what he needs to hear. “It’s fine, Coop. We were both drinking, and one thing led to another. We stopped before the point of no return. It’s all good. I promise.” I give him a forced smile, one I hope he can’t tell isn’t real. “Now, you dragged me out of bed for food. Are you planning on feeding me anytime soon?”

  “Come here.” He tugs me into a hug. I close my eyes and fight off tears. I can’t let him see me cry.

  “Come on, you two, time’s a-wasting!” Tessa calls out, dragging Nixon behind her as they pass through the front door.

  “The others are meeting us there,” Nixon announces. I guess he was able to get them up and moving.

  “I’m starving. I might wither away,” I say, putting some distance between us. I grab his hand, just as Tessa had with Nixon and pull him outside. This is us. This is what we do. My heart will just have to get over it. I’ll take Cooper Reeves any way that I can have him. Best friends, that’s what we are, and how we shall remain. As for the pieces of my heart, with time, I’m sure I can mend them back together.

  We end up at a small diner in town. The food is cheap and better than most five-star restaurants. Trey, Dustin, and Hank are on one side of the table. Nixon, Tessa, and Cooper are on the other. I’m sitting on the end between Cooper and Hank. Which is why Hank has free access when he reaches over and steals a fry from my plate.

  “Hey.” I swat playfully at his hand.

  “What? I’m a growing man, Reese.” He snatches another one. Not that I care. They give you huge portions, and I’m never able to finish all of mine. Normally, I could offer them to Cooper.

  “Fine,” I say, pretending to be put out, but I slide my plate with a pile of leftover fries his way.

  “Those are mine.” Cooper reaches over to grab a fry, but Hank is faster, anticipating his move, and slides the plate out of his reach. “Ah ah ah.” Hank holds up his pointer finger and wiggles it back and forth. “Reese’s Cup gave these to me.”

  Cooper glares at him. “I feel like I’m babysitting.” I laugh. I grab a handful of my leftover fries and drop them on Cooper’s plate. His eyes find mine, and the look he gives me tells me that this is about more than just french fries. I thought I was doing okay pretending things are normal between us. I guess maybe I’m not. Damn it, I should have made sure Cooper had all the fucking french fries.

  “Those were mine.” Hank pretends to pout before grinning and popping a fry in his mouth.

  “You have to share,” I tell him in my best mothering voice, and our table of friends break out in laughter.

  “We all know that Hank likes to share,” Trey quips.

  Hank opens his mouth, but I hold up my hand to stop him. “Nope. We’re not going there. What you do be
hind closed doors, needs to stay behind the door.”

  “But what if it’s not behind closed doors?” He gives me a wicked smile and shrugs his shoulders.

  I look over at Cooper and point to Hank. “He’s your friend,” I say, teasing.

  He studies me for several long seconds that seem like hours. When he finally opens his mouth to reply, a leggy brunette walks up to the table and interrupts him.

  “Hi, Cooper.” Her voice is sugary sweet. “I’m still waiting on that date.”

  The food I just consumed sours in my stomach. I turn to look at Hank to find his eyes already watching me. “You better eat up before I steal them back,” I tell him when I want to do anything but. I already feel like I’m going to lose what I just ate, adding more food to that would be a huge mistake, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

  “Reese, we’re long overdue for a girls’ night,” Tessa announces.

  I offer her a grateful look, and her subtle nod tells me she knew she was saving me. “Yes. It’s been too long.”

  “Aw, babe, why’s it have to be girls’ night?” Nixon whines.

  “Because sometimes we just need the girls. You get me all the time,” she tells him.

  “That’s how I like it.”

  “You’ll be fine.” She pats his shoulder as he leans in and kisses her before she turns back to me. “Tonight?”

  “It’s Sunday.”

  “So? You don’t have class tomorrow until ten, right?”

  As my best friend, she knows my schedule just as well as I do. She also knows me well enough to know that I need this even though I haven’t said anything to her about last night. “Yes.”

  “Then, why not tonight? My first class is at ten thirty, so we can go out and have a few drinks, do some dancing, and be home in time to sleep it off and drag our asses to class tomorrow.”

  “I’m in.”

  “Reese.” Cooper’s deep voice pulls me in. I turn to look at him. The look he gives me is pleading.

  “Oh, come on, Cooper. You know we’re not reckless,” Tessa says, saving me once again. “You boys will just have to do without us for one night.”

  “Cooper.” The brunette, who is still standing between us, places her hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you and I can get together tonight.”

  “Not interested,” he says through gritted teeth.

  Looks like it’s not just me who’s not doing it for him.

  “Let’s go back to the house and get our cars, and we can go home and get ready,” Tessa says, taking the final drink of her sweet tea.

  “Wait. Where are you going?” Nixon asks.

  “I’ll text you and let you know we’re safe. I promise to call if we need a ride.” Tessa kisses his cheek.

  “Damnit, Tess. I’m your fiancé. I should know where you’re going to be,” Nixon says, his voice firm.

  “I’m going to be out with my best friend. Are you saying that you don’t trust me?” she challenges.

  “No. Damnit, I worry about you.” Nixon runs his fingers through his hair.

  Grabbing the check, I stand. “Nix, you’re welcome to come with us,” I offer. I don’t want them to be at odds because she’s trying to make me feel better.

  “No. He’s not,” Tessa says adamantly. “Nixon, you know I love you. I’m not sure where this is coming from, but I’m going out with my best friend. We’re going to have a few drinks and then come home. I’ll check in so you know we’re safe.”

  “I don’t understand why you can’t just tell me where you’re going?”

  “For one, I don’t know yet, and two, you and your posse of hulking football player friends will show up, and it’s girls’ night.”

  “It’s fine, Tessa.”

  “No, it’s not fine. You’re single, and with these goofs hulking out their muscles, you’re never going to find you a good man.”

  Cooper makes a strangled sound from deep in his throat. A quick glance at him and his fists are clenched, and his eyes are closed.

  “They’re not going to stop me,” I tell her, with less bravado than I was feeling a few seconds earlier after seeing Cooper. I don’t know what’s going on. He can’t have his cake and eat it too. He doesn’t want me. We’ve established that. I need to move on. He doesn’t know he broke my heart—I have to remind myself of that—but I know that going out and meeting new people is what I need to do. Cooper and his friends, who have become mine, are leaving, that includes Tessa. She’s following Nixon wherever he gets drafted. I’m about to be flying solo. I need to put myself out there.

  “You and I both know that no guy is going to come near you if he’s there.” Tessa points across the table at Cooper. Then she turns her attention to Nixon. “I’ll text you where we’re going, and I’ll check-in. However, you are not to show up unless I tell you that I need you to. Do we have a deal?” She holds her hand out for him to shake it.

  He nods, and bypasses her hand, opting to lean in and kiss her. “Love you,” he whispers.

  My eyes water. I want what they have. I want someone to call my own. Someone that will be there for me in good times and in bad. Someone I can share that intimacy with. I bite down on my bottom lip to keep the tears at bay when I think about that person not being Cooper.

  It’s time for me to gather the broken pieces and glue them back together. It’s time to move on.

  A few hours later, Tessa and I are walking into Bob’s. It’s a local bar that has a designated dance floor. There’s a jukebox in the corner, and on Friday and Saturday nights, they have live bands. We come here a lot, mostly with the guys in tow, but tonight, it’s girls’ night.

  “Thank you for this,” I say once we’re seated at the bar.

  “You ready to tell me what happened?” she asks.

  “Not really, but I know you’re going to keep giving me that look, the one that says that you and I both know I’ll tell you eventually.” Tessa is the only person I’ve ever told my true feelings about Cooper. “We kissed. There was some… touching, and then he reminded me we’re just friends and that he didn’t want to go too far and not be able to come back to that.” Sure, I’m leaving out some details, but that’s the gist of the story. Besides, it’s still too raw, too painful to relive the entire night all over again. I’m just not there yet.

  “This is the PG-condensed version, but I can work with this. How are you feeling?” she asks me.

  “Broken,” I say as I blink back tears. “He has no idea, so I need to hide it. He would feel guilty, and I don’t want him with me out of guilt. I’m a big girl. I can handle this. I just need to pick up the pieces and move forward.”

  “I’m so sorry, Reese. I could have sworn that he was in love with you.”

  “He loves me.” I nod. “He’s protective like a big brother. As close as we are, and since we’re not really related, I could see how it would appear that way.” I had hoped that his love for me was more too.

  “Well, you know what they say.” She grins. “The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.”

  I can’t help but laugh at her. “I’m pretty sure I’m not ready for that. Casual has never been my thing.”

  “Of course it’s not. You’ve been in a one-sided relationship for years. Your heart doesn’t know anything else.”

  Her words sting, but they’re true. “One step at a time. I know I need to put myself out there. You’re all leaving. All of you are moving on to bigger and better things. I’ll just be me, sitting on the couch on Sundays, hoping to catch a glimpse of my best friends.”

  “Your ass is going to visit, and I promise I’ll come visit too. Have you decided if you’re moving back home or staying here?”

  “Not yet. I guess it all depends on if I get that job with the county that I applied for.”

  “How does your mom and dad feel about that?”

  I shrug. “I’m sure they wished I moved closer to home, but this is a really good opportunity, and would afford me the luxury of taking over o
ur apartment. I wouldn’t have to move, which is a plus.”

  “Well, regardless, you better tell them that you are best friends with several pro-football players and their wives and that you’re going to be taking lots of long weekends.”

  “I don’t think that’s how it works. And wives?” I raise my eyebrows in question.

  “Sure, eventually those knuckleheads are going to get married. Levi is getting pretty serious with his girl.”

  “I guess you’re right.” The thought of Cooper moving on and getting married has my stomach twisting. My heart is so entangled with his, I don’t know how I’ll ever make it through that. I’m sure with time I’ll be okay. I just need to get past the hurt of his initial rejection of… more.

  “What can I get you ladies to drink?” the bartender asks.

  “Two vodka cranberries,” Tessa orders for us.

  “Reese?” a male voice asks. I feel a warm hand settle on the small of my back. Turning, I see Hunter smiling at me. “Hey. It’s good to see you. Hi, Tessa,” he greets. His eyes dart around. “Where are the guys?” he asks.

  “Girls’ night,” Tessa speaks before I can.

  “Nice.” He bobs his head and grins. “What are you drinking?”

  “Oh, we just ordered.” Again, Tessa answers.

  He slides into the seat next to me, and the three of us begin to chat about what comes next. Hunter is an accounting major and has a job here in town at a local firm.

  “Where’s home?” Tessa asks, keeping the conversation going.

  “Florida. My parents aren’t too happy that I’m not moving back, but this town has grown on me, and the position is a good one. The pay too.” He grins. “What about you?” he asks Tessa.

  “I’m going with Nix, wherever that leads us.”

  “You?” he asks me.

  “I’m not sure yet. I’ve applied and had the first round of interviews for the county as a social worker. It just depends on that.”